NotreDame Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 More poor word choices (I can see it coming)...by "significant chunk," I only meant that I've mentioned one, or possibly two, issues that I think could be MOST likely to cause concern. If a community is still willing to talk to me after that (a few are), then I mention other stuff. I don't just vomit out my life story in my first letter to a Vocations Directress. Without knowing the details on what issues these might be let me offer some general advice. I would treat it like a relationship. People should get to know each other to form the basis of a friendly relationship and, assuming both parties are interested, more personal items can be shared relative to the trust that has been established. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentJoy Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 Without knowing the details on what issues these might be... The issue *might* be that I'm very Melancholic (for whatever the "personality humors" are worth). Melancholics tend more towards introversion, including excessive introspection, which sometimes results in psychological hypochondria. Add 1 cup homeschooling, a tablespoon of emotional abuse, and a liberal sprinkling of social anxiety. Ferment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabriela Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 The issue *might* be that I'm very Melancholic (for whatever the "personality humors" are worth). Melancholics tend more towards introversion, including excessive introspection, which sometimes results in psychological hypochondria. Add 1 cup homeschooling, a tablespoon of emotional abuse, and a liberal sprinkling of social anxiety. Ferment. I hope you're discerning with contemplatives. ;-) Seriously, SJ: I wish you much luck and even more blessings! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotreDame Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 The issue *might* be that I'm very Melancholic (for whatever the "personality humors" are worth). Melancholics tend more towards introversion, including excessive introspection, which sometimes results in psychological hypochondria. Add 1 cup homeschooling, a tablespoon of emotional abuse, and a liberal sprinkling of social anxiety. Ferment. So basically you're normal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I think certain things should come out early on but certain things like your personality will just naturally come out over time. Especially when you make visits, something you may think of as an issue may not actually be an issue for them at all. From my own experience of living a communal life (not in a religious community though) you change and grow in community. Also everyone brings their own strengths and weaknesses and things they have to work through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentJoy Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 I hope you're discerning with contemplatives. ;-) Seriously, SJ: I wish you much luck and even more blessings! Thanks! Yes, I am interested in a Contemplative vocation. I visited some contemplative/active communities a couple years ago, and I really liked the Sisters but had no desire to do what they did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentJoy Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 So basically you're normal? Ah ha. Ah ha ha ha ha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) Since I've already started the thread, I have another question... How much is appropriate to tell a community, especially in initial communication? I believe that a community needs to know what kind of a person they might end up dealing with, and it seems like a significant chunk of this needs to be out in the open from the beginning (so we don't waste each other's time). Is this the right approach or are we supposed to be more familiar with one another first? Maybe the initial communication is supposed to go like "I'm interested in your community, let's talk!" rather than "I like you and here's a general idea of why you might want to be cautious about me!" The most safe, trouble-free way that I see to go about it is to just write and introduce yourself (name, location, and possibly age). Say that you are thinking about becoming a nun/sister/brother/priest and that you would like to come and visit to learn more about their community because they look so interesting/have a good reputation/are the community closest to home. It is possible to word this so that it doesn't sound like you are ready to jump when they say jump, and I think it's good to err on this side in initial communication. As far as wasting someone's time, I think it's reasonable to expect that they will consider you unless you are obviously ineligible, e.g. a man writing to a women's community. Then, say they write back and invite you to tell some more about yourself and/or arrange a visit - at that point I would tell them my age, what I do for a living, which parish I go to, and why I'm thinking about a lifestyle like theirs. I would not tell them about my prayer life, my experience of romantic relationships (except that I'm unmarried, although that should be obvious...), or anything more than basic information about my family, in these first contacts. Good vocations people will be able to tell so much by your tone, whether you're polite, how much thought you put into answers, not to mention body language, manner, interest level, when they meet you, that there shouldn't be any worry about 'what kind of person they're dealing with'. If they really can't tell after being in touch for a while, I don't know... that would be the time to stand back and ask whether it's the right place. Things like health, including mental health, in my opinion should wait until 'the right moment' after initial contact, for example if you have a private conversation while visiting, or get into an in-depth email correspondence. But I would be cautious of a community that answered a first contact with, 'Have you ever been hospitalised for mental health problems?' Other than that, I think communities will quite often steer the conversation, especially if they have a lot of enquirers. There are certain things they want to know. Some will be more cautious, some will prefer to wait and see you in person before talking at depth - others will be happy to email back and forth quite a bit. The golden rule of dealing with communities: *it depends.* EDIT: Do you straight-away tell them about being in a community previously? I don't know... I can see myself going either way. Maybe the point at which you talk about health and family is the safe time to talk about previous experience. Edited March 23, 2014 by marigold Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMariaPurissima Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 The issue *might* be that I'm very Melancholic (for whatever the "personality humors" are worth). Melancholics tend more towards introversion, including excessive introspection, which sometimes results in psychological hypochondria. Add 1 cup homeschooling, a tablespoon of emotional abuse, and a liberal sprinkling of social anxiety. Ferment. You sound like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentJoy Posted March 24, 2014 Author Share Posted March 24, 2014 You sound like me. You poor thing. Insurance probably doesn't cover it, either. :rotfl2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Marigold put it perfectly! (Also it is good to see you back around here Marigold!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marigold Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 Marigold put it perfectly! (Also it is good to see you back around here Marigold!) Thanks! Just couldn't stay away :saint: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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