Feeling Like A Community Doesn't Want Me?

[Hemma]

Yeah, that's very true, and that's why I had almost prayed for a refusal. But I hadn't realized that so much before I had written to the novice mistress. Yeah, you're very right altogether. It's so helpful to read your comments for me :)

[Egeria]

In addition to all of the above - and I suspect that this was more about what was going on in the community than it was about you - I would be very wary of a community without cats  :unsure:

[maximillion]

Will a dog do? We had a dog.

 

 

I almost forgot three cows, 15 chickens.

Edited April 12, 2014 by maximillion

[SilentJoy]

In addition to all of the above - and I suspect that this was more about what was going on in the community than it was about you - I would be very wary of a community without cats  :unsure:

 

:hehe2:

[Blue.Rose]

I think it's okay for you to feel these things - not just the hurt at how the situation was handled, but also the relief. It does hurt to be treated badly, especially by more "unlikely sources".

You are right that being called by the Lord to religious life does mean a person needs to offer certain things, but I have been told that one should not enter religious life in order to make a sacrifice of themselves, their needs and desires, because this will more often than not lead to unhappiness.

Now, I'm no expert, but I don't believe that a true call is ever one of misery, unhappiness or discontent. A call can certainly bring challenges, anxiety and apprehension, but if it is genuine, it will not bring unhappiness. If you are recognising now that entering that particular monastery would have made you unhappy, then it seems a good idea that you look to other monasteries that will suit your particular desires. Consecrated men and women still have needs, desires and things that make them happy, just like everyone else, and it's okay to guide your discernment to fit with those things.

Thanks for this post - it's helpful to me in my situation too.

[Spem in alium]

Thanks for this post - it's helpful to me in my situation too.

You're very welcome. I'm glad. :)

[bmb144]

Blue Rose,

 

If you need an ear, let me know.  I am Aussie, discerning and have been in contact with a decent amount of the communities here. I'm on the older side at almost 38 and caring for an ill parent, so I understand. The order I am discerning with and hopefully will visit in July has no problems like that. No age limit and are very welcoming.  PM me if you want  :)

[MithLuin]

Blue Rose,

 

Many orders are hesitant to too strongly encourage very young vocations.  So, I don't know when you first contacted this community, but it you were, say, 16 at the time, they might have tried for the 'polite but distant' vibe because of age, nothing else.  I take it you are around 20 now, so that shouldn't be an issue any longer, but something to keep in mind.  

 

More significant is the cultural differences.  You mentioned that the religious order you are looking at consists entirely of foreigners, and depending on what country they are from, they might be rather different from Australians in how they approach community.  Living with people from another culture as the only member of your minority is a real challenge, and certainly something that should be carefully considered.  For some people, it would be great!  And for others...well, you don't want to be completely miserable in religious life, either.  I once worked with a woman who was the only white sister in an African American order.  She seemed very much to be a part of the community and happy with who she was and what she was doing.  I doubt there was any 'mistake' when she was accepted into the order.  My sister speaks Spanish fluently and loves doing mission work in Latin America, but was very hesitant to consider joining a Latina religious community - parts of the culture she loves, but parts would drive her crazy if she were the odd one out for the rest of her life.  For example, she loves their celebrations and joyfulness (and praying in Spanish), but she absolutely can't stand the disorganized approach to getting things done - a little too laid back for her OCD/ German background.  

 

Many religious communities have roots in another country, so even if all the sisters were Australian, you'd still have to consider the founding culture of the community when you were getting to know them.  But I agree that if you are the first/only Australian woman to join, then that is another issue and one that you will have to 'feel out' over time.  IF you determine that you would not be comfortable there enough to be yourself, then....well, it wouldn't make much sense to join, would it?  If they seem very comfortable with each other but distant towards you, you may want to give it some time for you to warm up to each other, and then, if nothing changes...ask directly and move on if the answer is "we're not interested."  

 

Your concern about your parent is another thing you will have to work out, regardless of the order you are interested in.  I think that, if your parent knows you are considering religious life, it would be a good idea to sit down and have a conversation about what the options are moving forward.  While it is admirable that you want to live with and care for your parent, is that really the only option?  

 

I wish you all the best in your discernment!

 

 

[MithLuin]

I just saw on the other thread that you mentioned you were a recent convert.  I think that might gain you a similar reaction to the 'too young' thing I was talking about above.  Meaning, they don't want to send you packing, but want to give you time to discern without being too pushy.  

[AveMariaPurissima]

Well said, Mithluin, especially about cultural differences.

[Blue.Rose]

I just saw on the other thread that you mentioned you were a recent convert. I think that might gain you a similar reaction to the 'too young' thing I was talking about above. Meaning, they don't want to send you packing, but want to give you time to discern without being too pushy.

Yes I agree because I was told by the Sister in the order how converts often consider religious life but then the desire fades, so I think they are cautious.
I'm 22 by the way and the other sisters told me they joined at about the age of 18 so age is not the problem.
I haven't seen the sisters for 2 months now I've tried to be in contact via email though.
I'm going to see how it goes, see how I feel and when I meet with them again I'm going to discuss my concerns.

[Indwelling Trinity]

I hope it won't sound rude if I suggest that a community of women in their 30s isn't really 'older'...

 

LMAO !!!! Then I am a mummy and just don't know it ! :dead:

[visitor]

Try a community that is not of older nuns and so uninterested in new vocations and the 21st century.

There are a few, hard to find. Have you contacted the Order of St. Paul of the Cross (also referred to as order of preachers of the cross), beautiful history, deeply religious and charitable to all and open to accepting vocations of our day regardless of age as long as the aspirant truly has a vocation and is serious about persevering in her espousal to the Beloved Lord.

[TheresaThoma]

(IT Good to see you back!!)

[cmaD2006]

Try a community that is not of older nuns and so uninterested in new vocations and the 21st century.

There are a few, hard to find. Have you contacted the Order of St. Paul of the Cross (also referred to as order of preachers of the cross), beautiful history, deeply religious and charitable to all and open to accepting vocations of our day regardless of age as long as the aspirant truly has a vocation and is serious about persevering in her espousal to the Beloved Lord.

 

A reminder -- on Vocation Station there is a rule that new orders without approval of the Bishop cannot be promoted.  See link below -- no sisters are listed as living in Abingdon, VA on the diocesan website.

 

http://www.richmondd...gious-men-women

 

Please refrain from discussing this community until they are a bit more official.