How To Take Family Oral History

[Lil Red]

I'd like to talk to my family members about a certain part of our family history. But I don't know where to start, or the questions to ask to get a conversation going. 

 

If you have experience with this sort of thing, I'd love to hear your experiences, tips, etc. Thank you. :) 

[Luigi]

My family has never had any trouble getting started! If we got paid by the word, we'd all be rich! 

 

We did something like a family oral history collection project a while back. My sister died leaving two small children. When they got to be about 12 and 10, we all wrote down our stories about/experiences with their mom. My mom printed enough copies to go around and gave them out as Christmas presents that year.

 

So I think collecting and writing down the family history is a great idea.

 

Suggestions?....

 

Do you have a family reunion annually? That's a good time to get together with the old timers and ask them what they remember, which is often quite a lot and quite detailed. If you don't have a family reunion, maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas.

 

Write down for yourself what you want to know.

 

I'd start with what's called "a prompt."  It might be something like, "Grandpa used to talk about..." or "I think I remember hearing that when..." or I've seen pictures of..." In fact, if you have old pictures, they often work well as prompts - "Where was this taken? When was it taken? Who's that? Can you tell me about her/him/the event?" It's better to ask open-ended questions, with specific follow-up questions at the ready - taken from the above list of what you want to know.

 

You might want to record your conversations, which you can do with a cell phone these days. That way, you have something to refer back to for exact phrases, specific dates, unfamiliar names, etc.

 

If you write anything up, promise to share it with your sources.

 

My grandma's second cousin does a lot of family history stuff, based on his own memories, library research, conversations with others in the family, etc. He keeps a web page. It might give you some ideas.

http://mcananyfamily.net/

[dUSt]

My father in law never knew the name of his dad (my wife's real grandfather). Everyone was afraid to ask his mother. Apparently it was a taboo subject. Nobody dared.

 

That is, until I came into the family. The second day I met her I fixed her doorknob for her, and then I asked who my wife's real grandfather was. She told me. Name, date of birth, and where he last lived. Haha.

 

The moral of the story is... just ask.

[Winchester]

I asked my dad what the deal was with the surveillance equipment in the basement and the high-tech weaponry. Next thing I knew, the house was on fire and we were on the road to a new home in Houston.

[CatherineM]

Try to record it. That way you won't miss anything. Start by asking them what they did as a family, Christmas, vacations, reunions. Found out they used to have large reunions 50 years ago, and it made the paper. A reporter took a picture of dozens of them with everyone identified in the picture.

Watch for nicknames. My mom's family never went by their real names.

[Lil Red]

Thank you all. I'd like to talk about a specific and painful part of my family's history, when my brother died at the age of three. (Born and died before I was born) So this isn't just regular family history.

I'm not sure how to broach the subject to some family members who may not want to open up.

I will be recording it, and then transcribing it. Again, thanks for the tips, I really appreciate it.

Edited February 28, 2014 by Lil Red

[Anastasia13]

I asked my dad what the deal was with the surveillance equipment in the basement and the high-tech weaponry. Next thing I knew, the house was on fire and we were on the road to a new home in Houston.

Happens to me all the time.

[dUSt]

My uncle Danny died when he was three (way before my time). My family talks about him without any hesitation--usually after looking at old black & white family photos with him in them.

 

My wife's family is completely different. They don't talk about anything regarding past family history. Very secretive.

 

My family shows love through humor, sarcasm, insults even. My wife's family would view the same interactions as extremely rude and offensive.

 

So, I think it depends on your family--who you know best!

[CatholicsAreKewl]

See if any family members had some sort of diary around that time. Ask multiple people about the same event, especially if it was very emotional/long ago. Memories go in and out of existence like quantum particles. It's surprisingly common for people to forget huge details and remember events that never took place.

[Lil Red]

See if any family members had some sort of diary around that time. Ask multiple people about the same event, especially if it was very emotional/long ago. Memories go in and out of existence like quantum particles. It's surprisingly common for people to forget huge details and remember events that never took place.

 

Thank you, that's a great tip! :) 

[AnneLine]

Another suggestion.... does anyone in the family enjoy cooking, or music, or taking photos?   It can really be a lot easier to just start with the memories around a meal or a particular song or event, or with some of the photos and let people share stories.  Or ask if anyone remembers when ______ used to cook her special pasta, or whatever.

 

You can also do it by starting to work on a family tree (but tread a little gingerly with this if you think there might be some scary memories out there...)

 

People ENJOY telling stories (most of the time).... and you will be able to see if there are some people whose stories are NOT told, or if one or two of them look a little uncomfortable.

 

You might want to pray for all who will  be there before you do something like a 

 

IF you sense there is a tension, don't make a big deal of it, but note it.  Then talk to someone who might know what the 'secret' is at a different time... see if you can piece it together a bit.  You want people to have a good experience with sharing the memories.... realizing that every family has difficult moments and memories.

 

I remember one mother's day we got some photos out and got my husband's grandmother to share some stories... No  one had planned to open any family secrets, but by the end of the evening, the story no one had been able to talk about was out... and a lot of healing had taken place... because it was now out and no one was afraid of it lurking in the shadows.  

 

Mostly, though... you'll just get lots of great stories and enough to piece together a good starter outline!