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Being Married & Alone With Opposite Sex


MissyP89

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IgnatiusofLoyola

My responses regarding When Harry Met Sally were mostly tongue-in-cheek.

 

Gotcha. Sometimes on Phatmass I can't tell. Ignore me. :paperbag:

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Oh totally. I am absolutely against having one-on-ones with NEW friends of the opposite-sex.

So it has to at least involve three people if you don't know someone well.

 

I generally find that rule to be the opposite, for most people.

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Let me save us all a lot of time: When Harry Met Sally.

 

wait....which scene are we talking about? :unsure: is it....you know...... that scene? :unsure: 

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Marie-Therese

I have a few male friends who I am extremely close to. My fiance knows he has absolutely zero reason to suspect me of anything untoward; however, my personal position is that now that I am engaged, and particularly after I am married, I will not place myself in a position to be alone with anyone of the opposite gender in a place which is unsupervised or unobserved.  However, if I wanted to grab a lunch or coffee and catch up with some of them, I'd make sure to let Nick of my plans in advance so that if he had any qualms he would have a chance to express them, and to meet only in public.  If it comes down to it, my husband's feelings will come first.  I would expect the same courtesy from him in return.  That said, I'd have no issues with him catching up with a female friend, and I know he'd feel the same in regard to my friends.  It's more a matter that I know that I ultimately place my spouse's needs in first place.

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Just being real if there is an attraction the threat something could happen is real....My girl would not be chilling alone with a close guy friend...And if he's good looking she won't even be talking to him... I will never be one of those dummies who finds out his girl was sleeping with her "friend"...Sure it's possible to be just friends and nothing happen if there is no attraction there....But if there is a physical attraction things could happen...To say otherwise is not keeping it 100... Heck an attraction isn't even necessary once an emotional bond gets formed...

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franciscanheart

wait....which scene are we talking about? :unsure: is it....you know...... that scene? :unsure:

You mean the only scene worth watching and re-watching in the whole movie? Yes. That one. (I love that scene. [gigglesnort])
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Just being real if there is an attraction the threat something could happen is real....My girl would not be chilling alone with a close guy friend...And if he's good looking she won't even be talking to him... I will never be one of those dummies who finds out his girl was sleeping with her "friend"...Sure it's possible to be just friends and nothing happen if there is no attraction there....But if there is a physical attraction things could happen...To say otherwise is not keeping it 100... Heck an attraction isn't even necessary once an emotional bond gets formed...

 

An emotional bond causes people to have sex with someone he/she is not attracted to?

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An emotional bond causes people to have sex with someone he/she is not attracted to?

not necessarily but I know for a lot of females an emotional bond is stronger then physical attraction... And I didn't mean to imply every female would go and sleep with a friend who they have an emotional bond with...obviously not all women are ratchet...
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What if one of the people is homosexual or asexual or several decades older/younger?

ya each of those things can change scenarios...I guess I was just getting at the whole were just friends thing seems like bs a lot of the time...obviously not in every instance but alot...
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Sadly, there are scenarios where a spouse will spend a great deal of time with someone of the opposite sex and feel that this friend of theirs understands them better than their spouse. This can lead to what is known as an emotional affair.--They're closer to their friend than their spouse.

That's why spending TOO MUCH time with a friend or acquaintance of the opposite sex and talking about some things that should be reserved for your spouse, therapist, or priest is unhealthy.

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Amen...I was this guy for a girl who was going through a tough time with her husband and I learned the hard way... She worked things out with him in the end and I was the one left with the broken heart...Learned a very tough life lesson and when it was all said n done lost a friend...

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Basilisa Marie

Look, I'm all for setting personal boundaries. You have to know yourself.  Maybe there are some people that you know you can't be around them alone - not because you're going to snog them at a moment's notice, but that maybe being alone would open the door to tension, or stir up tension that's already there, or you know that if you start making it a habit eventually you'll fail to resist temptation. I firmly believe men and women can be "just friends" - I don't know where I'd be without my male friends! They and my female friends are important to me. 

But I also believe in the "video tape rule" and being willing to communicate to your spouse/fiance/significant other/person every detail you can remember about your outings with the opposite sex at the drop of a hat. It's not that your "person" has a right to grill you every time you're in contact with a friend, it's about not letting any doubts or various sins even start to fester.  My boyfriend and I are doing the long distance thing, and when I was living in Ohio I'd always tell him when I hung out with a guy friend, even in a group setting, even if he just stopped by for a couple minutes. It just leaves no room for any doubt, and it worked for me. 

I can see how it could go terribly wrong. You have to set boundaries and be transparent in order for it to work. But I think it can certainly work. 

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