Priests And Pedestals

[Pliny]

I had a falling out with a couple of people at church and I think it's because I dared to criticize a priest who I thought was excessively and hurtfully playing favorites to the exclusion of others, including me.

 

Hopefully this can be resolved, and I'll be meeting with this priest, but meanwhile I've been trying to put into perspective what respect is due a priest and how we are to relate to them.

 

One of the above people, who also happens to be one of the favorites, told me once that the priest is "above the people."  She now is not speaking with me and I think it's because I criticized a priest and perhaps in her mind that is some kind of sacrilege.

 

Anyway, I found an interesting and relevant article.  I don't usually like long copy and paste posts, and rarely post them myself, but this is such a good and interesting article, I've posted it in its entirety below.

[Pliny]

Priests and Pedestals 
Patheos ^ | March 23, 2011 | Fr. Dwight Longenecker 

 

The accusations against Fr. John Corapi have unleashed a firestorm of comments from his devoted followers and those who are not impressed by him. Elizabeth Scalia sums it up here with common sense and compassion.

 

I have nothing much to say about Fr. Corapi himself, except that these things are complicated. Right now everyone should step back, take a deep breath, withhold judgment, and wait to see what happens.

 

I have no opinions at all about Fr. Corapi. All I know is that he is a Catholic media star, is supposed to be a holy man, a great preacher and evangelist. If he has fallen I'm sorry, but we should give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

I never met the man, but I do—in a roundabout way—have something to thank him for. It happened like this. I was visiting EWTN to do a show with Marcus Grodi and a couple rushed up in the airport and started saying how much they loved my preaching and my work. I was, of course, flattered to be 'recognized' and treated them with gracious condescension as I knew a 'media celebrity' should do to his adoring fans. I asked them politely which of my books they most enjoyed, and they looked confused, "What books? Aren't you Father Corapi?"

 

"No. I'm Fr. Longenecker."

 

"Oh, we never heard of you. We thought you were Fr. Corapi." And off they stalked, much disappointed.

 

So I must thank Fr. Corapi for indirectly giving me a salutary insight into my own overwhelming vanity and pride, and for giving me much to think about afterward. The job of being a priest is hard enough without the minefield of psychological tricks the devil has in store for us.

 

Think about it. Most priests have an awful lot of power. No one really tells us what to do. We can make up our own schedule. Many of us hold the checkbook for the parish and with a bit of ingenuity can spend money as we like. On top of all this we are surrounded by a group of people who really want to love us. They want to invest in us and want us to be the role model for them and their children. They are longing for someone to look up to, and we, poor souls that we are and longing to be loved, fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

 

Add to that any kind of a reputation as a writer, speaker, or 'Catholic celebrity' and the minefield is suddenly doubled. They thought you were wonderful to start with, and now thousands hang on your every word. You start to attract all sorts of vulnerable and needy people. If your celebrity status grows, you start enjoying 'success'. Media people want to jump on your bandwagon. Offers come your way. More money flows in. You can't help it. That goes with success.

 

Meanwhile, you're probably getting lonely because, while thousands love the person they think you are, very few people really know you and love you for who you really are. If you are a celibate priest (unless you've developed for yourself a good support system) you're stuck in that false world of celebrity with no one to turn to. If you don't have the inner strength, you may start believing in your false image yourself. It's hard not to.

 

Why do some priests start believing the false image of themselves? I'm afraid to say that too many men who are drawn to the priesthood already have a poor self-image. Often they lack real personal identity or they dislike the person they are. It's very attractive, therefore, to have a job where you put on a uniform and assume a different persona—the persona of a hero, a good guy, a knight in shining armor. Priests aren't the only ones who fall into this trap. Policemen and soldiers and nurses and others in the helping professions do the same.

 

So for the priest: every morning we put on the uniform. We're God's guys. We dress the part. We parade up and down in our long robes and we try our hardest to be saints. Much of it is a part we have to play. The church even teaches us that we're Christ personified. It's a part we have to play, and also a part we have to grow into, but until we grow into it fully we have to act the part.

 

It is, very often, a useful fiction, but if we fall into the trap of believing the fiction ourselves we're really in trouble. The bubble gets bigger and bigger. We feed the adulation and those who adore us grow more fervent in their worship. Meanwhile the real friends—those who would criticize us and bring us down to earth—often simply walk away, or worse, in our egomania, we drive them away, refusing to take criticism; we see them as 'naysayers' and we are glad to see the back of them.

 

Then too often the bubble bursts. The secret sins come out. The priest or pastor is disgraced. Why does this happen so often? I think it is almost like one of those 'accidents' that the shrinks tell us were somehow 'deeply intended'. The priest can't live with the lie he's living and some deep and dark part of him makes it become public. It's as if he has to have a public confession. I've seen it happen so often, and it's always the ideal priest, the 'perfect' monk, the 'most fantastic' bishop or pastor with the most to lose.

 

What's to learn from it? Simple lessons really. First of all, don't believe what you see. Even the best holy man has got a shadow side. The good ones admit it. Secondly, just because of this don't drift into cynicism. You weren't supposed to put your trust in those guys anyway. You were supposed to look through them to see Jesus. Thirdly, while you don't believe what you see, still strive to think the best. Don't idolize that priest, but don't cast him away either. He's a real man. He has faults and foibles and sins and secrets . . . just like you. Try to love him for that and not for how good you think he is at his job. Most of all, look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.

 

Putting your trust in a priest—no matter how wonderful he is—will always be a let-down. Furthermore, it's an immature thing to do. Too often instead of doing the hard work of becoming saints ourselves we idolize someone who has become a saint or whom we think is a saint. That's shallow and too easy. It's like a religious form of those teenage girls who scream and cry and faint when they see their boy pop idol. They mistake their own immature high-octane emotions for real love. Likewise, when religious people idolize their parish priest or some Catholic media star, they often mistake their love and admiration for that person for real religious emotion and fervor.

 

It's bubble gum religion, and if God takes away your idol, well then you might just turn your eyes to the one true God instead. And that would do you, and your priest, a favor.

 

What should we priests learn from it all? To make it our first priority to be real. To do the hard work of becoming who we really are. To be ruthlessly honest with ourselves. Not to let ourselves off the hook. To have a good confessor and director.

 

The task of really becoming ourselves is also the path to sanctity. That's why, in a paradoxical way, I actually have more time for the priests who are not 'shining stars'. Maybe we should all look again at Fr. Grumpy and Fr. Sarcastic and Fr. Drinkalot and Fr. Hissyfit and Fr. Layabout. Maybe the ones whose problems are 'out there' are actually more real—even if the reality hurts.

 

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/2695880/posts

 

Edited February 22, 2014 by Pliny

[Lilllabettt]

i think some folks just like drama.

[NotreDame]

I had a falling out with a couple of people at church and I think it's because I dared to criticize a priest who I thought was excessively and hurtfully playing favorites to the exclusion of others, including me.

 

Hopefully this can be resolved, and I'll be meeting with this priest, but meanwhile I've been trying to put into perspective what respect is due a priest and how we are to relate to them.

 

One of the above people, who also happens to be one of the favorites, told me once that the priest is "above the people."  She now is not speaking with me and I think it's because I criticized a priest and perhaps in her mind that is some kind of sacrilege.

 

 

you are about 30 years too young to be getting involved with this soap opera stuff at a parish.  This is the kind of thing old blue hairs at my parishes used to get riled up about. 

[Nihil Obstat]

I agree with reservations, some major and some minor. I am trying to sort out and articulate precisely what those objections are, but it may take some time.

 

I do think that the celebrity priest is a dangerous phenomenon. A couple years ago I wrote about how celebrity priests worry me, and in giving that a quick skim just now I think it still represents my thought process fairly well.

But at the same time, I have been blessed to meet and interact with two phenomenal priests from the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter, and I would not/do not hesitate to put my trust in them. They are, both of them, very holy, articulate, and intelligent. I think I do have an issue with Fr. Longenecker saying that we should not put our trust in priests. Certainly, do not put your trust in unworthy priests, but when you are lucky enough to find a good and holy priest, who is faithful to the Church, who is orthodox, who does not try to exploit his position of power, then latch on to them. Keep them close. Because they will help you be holy.

 

The priest is obligated to be the holiest person in his parish, so that he can lead his congregation to heaven. In a homily our previous priest gave, he said that "if a priest is mediocre, the people will be bad. If the priest is good, the people will be mediocre. If the priest is holy, the people will be good. If the priest is a saint, the people will be holy." I paraphrase poorly, but that is close enough that you get the idea. We can, and I think must, trust in holy priests. What we should not do is trust in priests who are worldly, even if they are good at putting on that facade. We have seen it happen often enough, and it is never easy to see through the facade when it is there, but I think that is the crux of the issue.

 

Many bad priests imitate holy priests. We must be sure not to fall for the act. God does not want us to put our trust in bad priests, but Satan does not want us to put our trust in the holy ones.

[Pliny]

you are about 30 years too young to be getting involved with this soap opera stuff at a parish.  This is the kind of thing old blue hairs at my parishes used to get riled up about. 

 

I'm older than you think.

 

But you make a good point.

 

Still, the priest is doing something wrong and he's causing divisions and I think I should talk to him about it.

 

But that was not the purpose of this thread.  I'm more interested in discussing the bigger picture as per the article.

[Pliny]

I think I do have an issue with Fr. Longenecker saying that we should not put our trust in priests. Certainly, do not put your trust in unworthy priests, but when you are lucky enough to find a good and holy priest, who is faithful to the Church, who is orthodox, who does not try to exploit his position of power, then latch on to them. Keep them close. Because they will help you be holy.

 

 

I've never met a holy priest and don't think I would want to latch onto one if I did.

 

First I could never be 100% certain that he is what he appears to be, and second I think it could end up being idolatry or hero worship and prevent me from doing my own work.

 

I think Fr. Longenecker is spot on when he says we should have a greater appreciation for "Fr. Hissyfit."

 

 

[Nihil Obstat]

I've never met a holy priest and don't think I would want to latch onto one if I did.

First I could never be 100% certain that he is what he appears to be, and second I think it could end up being idolatry or hero worship and prevent me from doing my own work.

I think Fr. Longenecker is spot on when he says we should have a greater appreciation for "Fr. Hissyfit."

Well, if it turns into idolatry or hero worship, that is a failing on your part.
I guess one never can be truly certain. But, be prudent, use proper discernment, pray for priests, trust in God.

[Basilisa Marie]

For me, it wasn't until I became friendly with some seminarians in school that I truly "got" the idea that priests really are normal people like you and me. A lot of Catholic culture goes into propping up the local priest as this great person of spiritual goodness, and for good reason! A priest is supposed to be a spiritual father, a community leader. 

 

It seems an awful lot like police officers. When kids are little, we'll tell them that you can always trust a policeman to help you if you're in trouble, to call 911 and the police will come and help in an emergency, and that they're good people fighting evil and helping to keep you safe.  When we grow up, we still know the police are certainly the ones you call in an emergency, that you go to them if someone hurts you, and that they'll often give their lives in the line of duty. But we also know that there are corrupt police officers, some that use their power and authority to hurt people, some who don't live up to the high standard put on them.  Some people are taught from very young to never trust the police, because of the systematic problems in their ranks. 

If we never grow beyond a childlike understanding of who priests are, like the kid who idolizes the police officer, it's going to cause a lot of damage. I think what the article is talking about is a kind of childlike trust that is blind to reality - that kind of total trust only belongs to God. And we shouldn't trust a priest like that.  We should be able to trust him to do his job. 

[Pliny]

I will and should give every priest the benefit of the doubt that he is a reasonably decent person.  (Though if I still had young children would never trust a priest or anyone I didn't know extremely well to be alone with them).

 

But I will not presume he is holy, regardless of the appearance.  I'm going to presume he's a regular guy with flaws, problems, weaknesses, and sins.   How can we know someone is "holy" anyway?  I go to Mass every day, pray my rosary every day, and because of my extra devotions some with less devotions might think I'm "holy" but I know I am not even close to that and am pretty screwed up. Likewise with the church ladies who do all the holy stuff and appear to be pious, yet if you cross them, anything they might say about love, forgiveness, patience, anger, etc. goes out the window, and they'll scratch your eyes out.

 

We're all bozos on the bus, including the priests and bishops.  Putting on the uniform doesn't put them above the rest of us.

[Nihil Obstat]

How do you know someone is holy? Good question. What do you think?

[Luigi]

I think we expect too much of our priests. And I blame American culture for that more than I blame the Church. Something in American culture expects perfection - in movie dramas, television comedies, politicians, business leaders, and in priests.

 

If you had to write a job description for a parish priest, advertise it, and then interview the applicants, there would be very few priests in any parishes. Think about it. You'd be looking for an excellent:

 

Required skills

1. Liturgist - equally good at first communions, weddings, funerals, daily Mass, Sunday mass, children's Masses, and high holy days

2. Homilist - ditto

3. Singer - ditto

4. Administrator

5. Teacher - especially good with young children

6. Spiritual director - especially good with troubled marriages

7. Bible scholar / exegete 

8. Church historian

9. Organizer, especially good at running meetings

10. Money manager

11. Maintenance supervisor

12. Judge - strict with others but flexible with me

13. Confessor

14. Interpersonal and communication skills - no word of his should ever offend anyone

15. On call 24/7/365 for the rest of their lives

16. Strong prayer life - as if there were any time left for prayer after doing all of the above.

 

Preferred skills

1. Sense of humor, preferably Catholic jokes based on his ethnic background

2. Cooks well

3. Give sound investment advice

4. Dances a mean jitterbug

5. Can predict the future

 

And they are, after all, only human. They've been called by God to minister in a particular way in the Church. And they've responded to that call. They do need friends, inside and outside the priesthood. They will struggle not to show favoritism, but they will have favorites - just as teachers do, and retail clerks do, and on and on. They will say things that offend some people - but then, so did Jesus Christ. They will make mistakes in money management and buildling maintenance. They will have strengths and weaknesses in their educations and knowledge base and liturgical skills. They will be excellent at some things, very good at other things, pretty good at some other things, and lousy at some things - just like all the people in the parish.

 

I knew an old priest who was considered pretty crusty and cantankerous by some folks. I overheard him tell Dear Old Dad once, "All a priest can do is baptize the babies, marry the young people, and bury the dead. We can't really control other people's lives." That's a too-brief job description - it doesn't include confession and stuff. But I knew what he meant, and I think it's true. And I've never forgotten it.

 

[havok579257]

I had a falling out with a couple of people at church and I think it's because I dared to criticize a priest who I thought was excessively and hurtfully playing favorites to the exclusion of others, including me.

 

Hopefully this can be resolved, and I'll be meeting with this priest, but meanwhile I've been trying to put into perspective what respect is due a priest and how we are to relate to them.

 

One of the above people, who also happens to be one of the favorites, told me once that the priest is "above the people."  She now is not speaking with me and I think it's because I criticized a priest and perhaps in her mind that is some kind of sacrilege.

 

Anyway, I found an interesting and relevant article.  I don't usually like long copy and paste posts, and rarely post them myself, but this is such a good and interesting article, I've posted it in its entirety below.

 

 

i think it was unfair to criticize the priest to others before talking to him personally.  Maybe that's why they are upset with you.  Cause you talked about the priest to others behind him before you confronted him about your issues.

[freedomreigns]

I'm older than you think.

 

But you make a good point.

 

Still, the priest is doing something wrong and he's causing divisions and I think I should talk to him about it.

 

But that was not the purpose of this thread.  I'm more interested in discussing the bigger picture as per the article.

 

 

You think the priest is causing divisions yet you seem to not realize how divisive it is to talk negatively about him to other people?  I really don't get this...Even if you don't have an innate respect for the priesthood-- for their ordination and the sacrifices they make to bring us the Word and Sacraments-- you should at very least respect this priest as a person and not go chit-chatting with other people about his faults when you have not even talked to him about.  This is gossip and it is wrong.

 

Maybe you don't realize that hurting someone's reputation is a sin?  I would think that following the 8th commandment would be a bigger deal than when to kneel or stand during the liturgy. 

 

 

 

 

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church in the section on the 8th Commandment:

 

 

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.²⁷⁸ He becomes guilty:

- of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;

- of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another's faults and failings to persons who did not know them;²⁷⁹

- of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor's thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

 

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another's statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.²⁸⁰

2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one's neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

[Seven77]

Pliny, I think that you were right to feel hurt. And i don't necessarily think you are being overly sensitive. Is it too much to ask for priests of Jesus Christ to be kind/say hello to everybody--not just the important folks? I think of the admonition in the Letter of James, chapter 2: "show no partially."

 

That said, we need to pray for priests.

Edited February 23, 2014 by Seven77