Decline Of Marriage And Possible Solutions To Reverse The Trend

[NotreDame]

It was perfectly acceptable tactic when I was growing up. 

 

My purpose was to try to get her to pull back and stop saying hurtful things (this is not the only thread she has been hurtful to people in).  Obviously she chose to be obstinate and ignore it, so I simply wash my hands of her.  She's on her own, but now she cannot plead ignorance on judgment day.

It's not an acceptable tactic nowadays.  you'd be better off skipping that step and simply asking her not to make personal attacks.  personal attacks are not ok.

[blazeingstar]

The purpose is to try to get you to stop making hurtful comments, but obviously you are too obstinate to change, so I'm not going to waste any more effort on you.  You're going on ignore. 

 

And I'll say a prayer for your fiancee.  Poor guy.  He's going to need them.    

 

Do so if you must.  Silencing opposition really dosn't do much for you in the long run.  What it will do, hopefully for others is to see that using the Bible to defend your hurt isn't ok.

 

God DOES have a plan for us, but it's not often our plan for us.  Sin gets in the way, but that's ok because God knows how to deal with that, too.  I have never found a person who is unhappy with their state in life who hasn't found peace with "taking it up with God" and working on that relationship.  The Bible isn't your personal handbook for showing how you are wronged.  (Im not sure if it's God you're trying to prove broke His promises, or that society has messed up God's promise, either way, it's not healthy or spiritually right).

 

God can call us to sacrifice when it's not fair.  It's not fair that my friend's daughter must suffer because her dad is a jerk.  We talk about redemptive suffering and how God can change your heart and ask you to do something hard so you are filled with grace and when that good thing comes you are surprised and thankful beyond your wildest dreams.  Her vision of this is living on a horse farm with her mother, healthy father, and a half dozen siblings who listen to her every word.    Her father will likely never be healthy mentally or physically. Siblings don't listen to you.  Horses need to be cleaned up after.  God has another plan and she is learning to wait.    For me, I needed to wait 30 years before God gave me my spouse, but I would be a fool to say that He was negligent until then as he sent me many wonderful people to be my family.

 

It is sad that you can ignore those graces that God is so freely giving when you are such a solid Catholic.  It really does baffle me.  You can hide behind the wall of your childhood suffering but it doesn't change the fact that God gives family, love, and friendship to everyone.  I'm convinced, and even more so by Catherine's life, that one must sometimes be willing to "get messy" to do that.  It can be hard to be friends with some of my friend-family becuase of decisions they make, but God has them in my life for a reason.  When I, God willing, have children they won't be perfect, either but will have to learn the teachings of God, they will learn how to rely on Him, too, which is far more important that relying on me or my future spouse.  

 

 

But perhaps an apology is in order if you are simply too broken from your childhood to see that.  So in that regards I am sorry.  However, in the scheme of things I would ask you recognize that and stop using the Bible as a bully pulpit for your own desires.

 

Speaking of which, I am sure my future spouse would than you for your prayers.  However, I'm pretty sure if he saw someone condemning me to hell or indicating that they felt sorry for him he'd have some rather choice words.   Considering random people in church stop him after Mass to tell him he's a lucky guy, he'd probably just take the high road and ignore you.

[Winchester]

With all due respect, you can disagree with someone, but to declare they're going to Hell like that is just plain wrong.

You're only complaining because you're going to Hell.

[the171]

Hell sounds pretty fun now.

[Lil Red]

If our salvation hinges on internet posts, we're all right fooked.

 

"You have reached your quota of positive votes for the day"

 

I ran out of props by giving them all to The Bus Station. No regrets. 

 

[blazeingstar]

It's not an acceptable tactic nowadays.  you'd be better off skipping that step and simply asking her not to make personal attacks.  personal attacks are not ok.

 

None of what I said was a peronal attack.  If it was, I beg you to flag it so a moderator can speak to me about it.  What I've said and what others have noticed is that that particular poster is very bitter, has been for MANY years and has been unwilling to overcome it.  It is confusing to understand....as, honestly, by now if I felt that way I'd of given up on the church's teachings....and painful to watch.  I can contest to Arf's bitterness...in fact in a previous life I remember a particularly grizzly encounter...and I think he would of sided with Norse then.  (I have a friend who IS called to the single vocation, which Norse and others don't believe in)  However before he met his spouse he made a mental change and became a different person.  THEN God allowed his spouse to come to him.  Catherine tried to have children and lost several, yet she did not get bitter and rigorous that God said "be fruitful and multiply"  she got serious with her prayer and found children who needed love.  It is easier said than done, but it is not impossible and certinally easier when we have people who are good examples.

 

 

You're only complaining because you're going to Hell.

 

Seriously, I know you're Winchester and go to your own rules, but I am not condemning anyone to hell.

 

Hell sounds pretty fun now.

 

No, Hell is not fun.  I don't really appreciate being told I'm going with the goats on judgment day because I'm concerned that a poster is throwing grace aside and that other people who also feel bitter over the lack of spouse would do the same by his example.  I think it's folly for him to condemn me, but that's his choice.

 

And I know you all are being sarcastic to prove a point, but really, we should try to be helping eachother go to heaven.  I want nothing more than for my friend to find a good husband and for her daughter to have a good man.  Yet I know there are men who desire family but refuse to accept that might be God's will for him because of my friend's daughter or even because she's not a virgin. I can appreciate that someone dosn't want that complication in their lives, on the other hand, I think that many can do well to grow more inline with God's Will.

[Ice_nine]

lil red is the gif QUEEN. That's all I have to say.

[NotreDame]

None of what I said was a peronal attack.

I didn't intend to imply that, but afterwards I realized that I did.  Sorry.  It was too late to hit the "edit" button and didn't know if it was worth another post.  

 

I hadn't and still haven't read the whole back and forth between you two so I'm not sure what went on, but I just wanted to mention that, were there personal attacks, it would be more effective to skip the goat/sheep step and go straight to "don't make personal attacks".

[the171]

Phatmass will be avenged, and I will be its avenger.

Edited February 24, 2014 by the171

[blazeingstar]

I didn't intend to imply that, but afterwards I realized that I did.  Sorry.  It was too late to hit the "edit" button and didn't know if it was worth another post.  

 

I hadn't and still haven't read the whole back and forth between you two so I'm not sure what went on, but I just wanted to mention that, were there personal attacks, it would be more effective to skip the goat/sheep step and go straight to "don't make personal attacks".

 

Got it.  No hard feelings.  I honestly was hoping to reach Norse on some level as well as make sure that other's don't fall into the same trap.  I don't remember when Norse joined but I've been on phatmass (and other message boards that I suspect he's on) for 10+ years and I can say that his attitude has remained the same and been very painful to see for many years now.  I certinally don't want him to be hurting and I would hate to think that his use of the Bible would enable someone else to follow the path.

 

I am admittedly a "hard-ask"  I like fiction so long as it's sold as fiction, but dislike anything Santa or lying to children, I do not like when religion is blamed for deep psychological issues when it's really culture and not religion, I believe the word of my close MD friend about the harms of hand sanitizer.   I believe strongly in psychology and that there are a few members who'd greatly benefit by going to a psychologist.  (NOTE to MOD- I am NOT indicating any one poster should go to a psycologist).  These are some of the debates people have raked me over for.  But I'm not changing any of that.

[Aloysius]

I view personal attacks like I view pass interference... ad argumentum is the ball and ad hominem is the receiver.  there's going to be some contact, obviously, but you have to be focused on the ball to avoid getting called for pass interference.  if you don't get that reference you must be a European or something, I'm sorry but I have no applicable soccer analogies.  it can sometimes be a bit of a subjective line.  so there may have been some bluntness that contacted norseman, but it was done insofar as he's connected to his arguments, whereas he stepped over the line at one point in the thread.

 

the ball will be placed at the spot of the foul.  first down.

[havok579257]

 

-Domestic violence?  Just cry in front of the judge and the guy is guilty (I know of a case personally where lying was involved to get custody of a child)

-Didn't contribute much to the family's assets?  Don't worry, you are still guaranteed at least 50% even if you contributed little/nothing to the common assets

 

 

you preferred it when women knew their place and you could beat your wife and no one would question it and it would be swept under the rug.  I find it very revealing that now you take issues with women who are abused.  HOw dare they complain and question their abusive husband.

 

Your young and naive if you think the only thing anyone can contribute to marriage is money.  you can not serve God and mammon.

[havok579257]

The purpose is to try to get you to stop making hurtful comments, but obviously you are too obstinate to change, so I'm not going to waste any more effort on you.  You're going on ignore. 

 

[mod]Personal Attack -Aloysius[/mod]

 

 

pot meet kettle and the color black.

[the171]

Holy shibe