Pliny Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 So I have been discussing with a woman in the choir about working together on a duet. She wanted to meet at her house to practice. I'm smart enough to know that it would not be appropriate for me, a married man, to be meeting with a woman alone at her house, but she is married and has two children ages 4 and 5, and I thought the presence of the children would make things "safe." I don't have any attraction for this woman, though my wife thinks she has one for me, but at any rate, what's gonna happen if there are children of this age around? I think it's appropriate to meet with her in this "day care" environment, but my wife "disagrees." I'm not going to push this as far as my wife is concerned and will forget the idea if she persists in threatening to kill me if I go ahead and practice at her house, but I'm curious what others think about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) I agree with your wife. If it were other adults then that is one thing, but come on, kids are dumb as rocks. They are certainly not chaperones, even by accident. If her husband were there, that would be cool. IMO. Edited February 18, 2014 by Nihil Obstat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pliny Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) To be totally honest, being the weak man that I am, I could imagine myself being tempted and making a pass at someone in certain situations (and this is only in my imagination--maybe I would be stronger than that, but I'm not going test myself), but not in front of children that age. To me they seemed to be a perfect barrier to any thoughts about naughty behavior. Who is going to fool around in front of their own children? And even if they don't understand what's going on, they will be sure to let daddy know about the funny ways that the "music" was being practiced. But I appreciate your input Comments like that will make it easier to tell my friend we're going to have to find a different place to practice. Edited February 18, 2014 by Pliny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicCid Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Bring your wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pliny Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 Not a bad idea but not practical for many reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicCid Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) Then, have the practice at your house when your wife is present. Invite the woman and her husband for dinner, practice after. Etc... Edited February 18, 2014 by CatholicCid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 The fact that your wife isn't supportive of it is a clear sign that you shouldn't do it in this particular scenario. Under other circumstances, potentially it would be OK, but I would be leery of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pliny Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 The point is whether my wife is being reasonable or not. I would be interested in how some married women here would feel in a similar situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I would feel uncomfortable if my husband presented this scenario to me. Especially if I already had misgivings about this woman's intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slappo Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 The point is whether my wife is being reasonable or not. I would be interested in how some married women here would feel in a similar situation. It's not at all unreasonable of her. Also... honestly if I were your wife, I'd be pretty upset that you're taking this situation to a public forum to question my reasonableness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 The fact that the woman wants to meet at her house to practice is not an issue. There may not be a secondary intention in the idea. HOWEVER... since you are married, your wife needs to be ok with it. If your wife is not ok with it, I would go with the flow and not do it. Why? Your wife may be picking up something that you are not. Call it intuition. Call it jealousy. Call it whatever, but trust her on this one. I love the idea of you having the other person and the family come over for dinner, and practice afterwards. It really puts both of you in a good situation, and if there is any secondary intention you should be able to tell (even with just asking about the two families coming over for dinner). Besides ... maybe a new friendship will evolve between the families? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papist Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 So I have been discussing with a woman in the choir about working together on a duet. She wanted to meet at her house to practice. I'm smart enough to know that it would not be appropriate for me, a married man, to be meeting with a woman alone at her house, but she is married and has two children ages 4 and 5, and I thought the presence of the children would make things "safe." I don't have any attraction for this woman, though my wife thinks she has one for me, but at any rate, what's gonna happen if there are children of this age around? I think it's appropriate to meet with her in this "day care" environment, but my wife "disagrees." I'm not going to push this as far as my wife is concerned and will forget the idea if she persists in threatening to kill me if I go ahead and practice at her house, but I'm curious what others think about this. Do you love your wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightofChrist Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 To be totally honest, being the weak man that I am, I could imagine myself being tempted and making a pass at someone in certain situations (and this is only in my imagination--maybe I would be stronger than that, but I'm not going test myself), but not in front of children that age. To me they seemed to be a perfect barrier to any thoughts about naughty behavior. Who is going to fool around in front of their own children? And even if they don't understand what's going on, they will be sure to let daddy know about the funny ways that the "music" was being practiced. But I appreciate your input Comments like that will make it easier to tell my friend we're going to have to find a different place to practice. Your wife not wanting you to go, and because she thinks this woman may be attracted to you is alone reason enough not to go, but the red flag you raise by being concerned about temptation is even more of a reason to decline. I don't think the company of children makes it safe enough. What if the kids have nap time, outside play time, tv in another room time, next door neighbor time, or surprise for whatever reason the kids aren't here time? Practicing would probably take more than one session, how do you know the kids will always be there in the room with you? You should practice in a safe place, public, where there are other adults. I would also advise you to be concerned about how the husband feels about you practicing at his home, with his wife, without the company of other adults. Especially if he gets the same vibe from his wife about an attraction to you that your wife picks up. You should also put yourself in your wife's shoes, what if your wife wanted to practice at the home of a man, a man you thought she was attracted to, would you find it appropriate or not? If you thought your wife was attracted to this man would you even want her to be singing a duet together with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightofChrist Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 And God forbid, but what if she did try to come on to you, and you reject her, but she tells everyone a different story, do you think her children would back up you up or their own mother? Would the kids have even known what really happened, and would they be able to say clearly what or what did not happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherie Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Totally, totally agree with everyone's responses here. And I love CMAD2006's suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now