Is This Controversial? Do You Agree/disagree?

[Semper Catholic]

I'm female.

And I am a bit jaded. I work with people her age every day. I see her not as a victim of somewhat questionable religious teachings, but as another whiny young adult who is blaming something in her life on someone else.

Mind you I've just had to deal with a student who blamed his hating class on the fact that everyone else in class knew more than he did. I see it every day. Not only that, I went to a lukewarm Catholic college and stuck close to the other practicing Catholics and Christians. There were girls like this, and they were mean and nasty towards other girls, especially those who had/were having sex. Some even believed that you needed to ask for Gods' forgiveness in any "part" you had in an assault.

I think I may have gone a bit softer if she had taken some responsibility, ANY responsibility for her actions.

Truth is, all I got from this was, "I let my young idealism turn me into a self-rigorous prick, i don't acknowledge that my attitude could of hurt anyone in any way, I have an issue and now I need someone to blame"

You sound like the "mean" teacher every kid try to avoid.

[Basilisa Marie]

I think the takeaway here is to keep your promises (unless you have to sin to do it), or else don't make the promise in the first place if you never intended to fulfill it.

 

No, I think the point she was making was that she didn't know what she was getting into, and wishes she either knew about her fear of sex beforehand so she could have done something about it or that she would have been taught about it differently so that she wouldn't have the fear in the first place. She's mad because she did everything exactly right by what everyone told her, and it ended up giving her some kind of complex. It's a problem with the methods, not the core message. 

 

And yeah, her parents totally dropped the ball on this. 

[Basilisa Marie]

 

What do I, a woman, want from you, the church?

I want the church to be gentle with the hearts and minds of the young girls and recognize that many of these same young girls will soon be young, married women.

I want the church to stop equating virginity with purity so that girls, like me, aren’t put on a purity pedestal.

I want the church to stop taking the easy, lazy way out by teaching a fear-based, shame-based view of sexuality and to stop shying away from a healthy and honest conversation about sexuality.

I want the church to give me, and those like me, a chance to be vulnerable without judgment, without correction, without shame.

 

The woman wants better sex education, an understanding that purity isn't just about strict virginity, and to have people she can talk to openly about her fears about it. I think Maggie hit the nail on the head. 

[IgnatiusofLoyola]

No, I think the point she was making was that she didn't know what she was getting into, and wishes she either knew about her fear of sex beforehand so she could have done something about it or that she would have been taught about it differently so that she wouldn't have the fear in the first place. She's mad because she did everything exactly right by what everyone told her, and it ended up giving her some kind of complex. It's a problem with the methods, not the core message. 

 

And yeah, her parents totally dropped the ball on this. 

 

A big "yes" to this! (I've run out of props for now, but I'll try to come back and prop your post when I get some props.)

[PhuturePriest]

My sex ed teachers and my parents were pretty good about all this croutons. It's different for guys anyway, but I don't think anyone could have come out of Darrell Lockridge's "Sex is great, fun, and I have the kids to prove it" class with an internalized prudishness about sex. The other side of this is that there are people who either avoid teaching about sex or only talk about it in a way so as to make the outlook something puritans would be proud of.

 

Excruciating pain during sexual intercourse is an issue for a doctor of medicine. It shouldn't be excruciating, even for normal sex. Unless the guy is[mod]not taking into account his partner's needs in a reasonable manner during intercourse.-BG[/mod], it shouldn't be "excruciating". This could probably be solved by taking the advice of Stereo Palma, but if that doesn't work, it's time for the doctor.

 

Also: Her parents were apparently complete idiots.

 

If I hadn't just finished my drink, I most certainly would have involuntarily shot it across the room through my nose. I commend you, fine sir.

[the171]

I think the takeaway here is to keep your promises (unless you have to sin to do it), or else don't make the promise in the first place if you never intended to fulfill it.

do you sit and wait for threads about chastity?

[blazeingstar]

You sound like the "mean" teacher every kid try to avoid.

 

While I do tutor my friends kids (who hang off of my every word) I don't tend to work with children.

 

I work with adults like the OP, and am often sent the "hard cases" to get them to graduation because they WILL throw ever excuse in the book out.  Including sexual issues...believe me, I hear it all.

 

My graduation rate is better than most of my co-workers with "easier" caseloads.  I probably have some students who don't like me, but I get results for them and for myself.

[Semper Catholic]

While I do tutor my friends kids (who hang off of my every word) I don't tend to work with children.

I work with adults like the OP, and am often sent the "hard cases" to get them to graduation because they WILL throw ever excuse in the book out. Including sexual issues...believe me, I hear it all.

My graduation rate is better than most of my co-workers with "easier" caseloads. I probably have some students who don't like me, but I get results for them and for myself.

So yes you are the mean teacher everyone try to avoid.

[blazeingstar]

So yes you are the mean teacher everyone try to avoid.

 

But if they get to me, they have a better chance of succeeding and not ruining their lives.   So I guess, my co-workers who have more "compassion" end up not being able to have the sucess rates I do.

 

Perhaps they are morally superior.  Or perhaps actually getting results, actually changing people's lives, actually making sure that these sniviling men (and women) children don't work part time at McDonalds for the rest of their lives means something.

Edited February 16, 2014 by blazeingstar

[LouisvilleFan]

Curious what you think.

 

Thanks for sharing this. I posted a response on the original site. It sounds exactly like vaginismus. There's a good treatment plan offered at www.vaginismus.com which is worth considering, along with consulting with a good doctor.

 

It's great that John Paul II started the conversation with Theology of the Body, unfortunately it's not a conversation that's continued in most dioceses and parishes. The writer is spot on about how easy it is to take pride in one's own chastity -- and nobody will bring you back to earth when most of the school is filled with easy targets in promiscuous teenagers. Doing everything right does not make us righteous. There is a lot of fakeness going around. We need places outside of the confessional where we can be brutally honest. That's one gift the Interent offers us, but it only goes so far. This kind of openness needs to spill over into our parishes and other church communities so we can be healed through personal friendships.

[Norseman82]

do you sit and wait for threads about chastity?

 

And just what brought on this outbreak of snarkiness? 

[the171]

And just what brought on this outbreak of snarkiness?

ohhhh, I don't know. Your constant misogyny and "entitlement"? Yup.

[Norseman82]

? Don't get it. The girl is breaking her promise? Or the church? Or the chastity speakers?

 

 

No, I think the point she was making was that she didn't know what she was getting into, and wishes she either knew about her fear of sex beforehand so she could have done something about it or that she would have been taught about it differently so that she wouldn't have the fear in the first place. She's mad because she did everything exactly right by what everyone told her, and it ended up giving her some kind of complex. It's a problem with the methods, not the core message. 

 

And yeah, her parents totally dropped the ball on this. 

 

 

Call it methods, call it messages, nobody - the chastity speakers, church representatives, etc. -  should be making such promises that if you do everything right, everything will be perfect (yeah, right!).  We must remember that when one makes a promise, one is obligated to keep it (unless the promise is of a sinful or illegal nature).  Your word is your bond.  It doesn't matter what subject it is.  People take promises at face value, and when people find that the promises don't come true, it can negatively affect their faith and after a while they begin to lose trust and then wonder what else they're being lied to about. 

 

And the reason I posted my original remark was in response to some of the previous snarky remarks, such as the one calling her "whiny".   Granted, I did not like the tone that sounded like she was approving of encouraging premarital sex (I'm hoping this was just her pain that was getting the best of her, like Christ crying out "Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?", that will subside one she gets the situation under control).

[Norseman82]

ohhhh, I don't know. Your constant misogyny and "entitlement"? Yup.

 

Excuse me, but just what in my original post, which is a general statement, suggested misogyny or entitlement?

 

 

Edited February 17, 2014 by Norseman82

[ImageTrinity]

Cherie nailed it. I'm willing to bet most couples who "save themselves" for marriage are unprepared for the amount of time and effort necessary to develop a mutually satisfying sex life. I don't think this girl is whiny for venting her disappointment. I do think she needs to make a trip to the doctors if they haven't been able to consummate 5 months into their marriage.

 

I don't think Catholics are particularly guilty of promising mind-blowing sex as a reward for waiting (seems to be more of an evangelical thing), but Catholic marriage prep is abysmal. If sexual intimacy is addressed at all, it's usually a talk about NFP (and usually there is some statement about NFP enhancing your sex life which may or may not be true!).