Is This Controversial? Do You Agree/disagree?

[SilentJoy]

The blog this was posted on is run by someone who works for an Anglican diocese, so we can assume that the writer is a Protestant.

 

I have seen some of this from Protestants before. They have a tendency of setting virginity up on a pedestal to a point where it's unhealthy. But I'm not going to comment any further because i don't want to get caught up in this particular thread. I just wanted to add that fact (about the blog owner being a Protestant) so it wasn't just conjecture.

That seems like more of a Baptist thing (not JUST Baptists, of course) than an Anglican thing, though.

[blazeingstar]

You misunderstand me. My statement was in no way a threat to leave. (I'm sure that is a disappointment to some.)

(...)

 

Bottom line: Unless dUST decides otherwise, you (plural) aren't going to get rid of me that easily. :smile2:

 

Sorry for the OT post. Back to the scheduled program.......

 

Not disappointed.  I'm neutral, and you're somewhat entertianing.

 

Didn't realize you were a prot.  Don't pay attention to that sort of stuff.  Except for Hassan who makes it known her beef with the Church everyone else kind of blends in.

 

 You do know that if someone got tired of seeing another poster they could always block them, right?  We don't need DuST to ban anyone to not have to deal with them.

[ChristinaTherese]

Not disappointed.  I'm neutral, and you're somewhat entertianing.

 

Didn't realize you were a prot.  Don't pay attention to that sort of stuff.  Except for Hassan who makes it known her beef with the Church everyone else kind of blends in.

 

 You do know that if someone got tired of seeing another poster they could always block them, right?  We don't need DuST to ban anyone to not have to deal with them.

Just FYI, Hasan is a guy.

[blazeingstar]

The blog this was posted on is run by someone who works for an Anglican diocese, so we can assume that the writer is a Protestant.

 

I have seen some of this from Protestants before. They have a tendency of setting virginity up on a pedestal to a point where it's unhealthy. But I'm not going to comment any further because i don't want to get caught up in this particular thread. I just wanted to add that fact (about the blog owner being a Protestant) so it wasn't just conjecture.

 

I didn't look at the source, sorry about that.  Yes this seemed to be an issue more with my protestant friends at college....but there was a huge divide.  I think that more of the damage was done to the girls who'd suffered assaults and had to deal with that, than those who were all prideful. 

[blazeingstar]

Just FYI, Hasan is a guy.

 

Meh, I can't keep up with his/her SN's.  Reminds me of a Budge light and fluffy.  

[NotreDame]

I did look at the source... Didn't realize it was anglican, but noticed it was a guy's blog and the post was by a girl, but without an intro like "look what my friend wrote." 

 

Can the OP explain how she ran across this blog?  And ditto whoever said this seemed like less of an anglican thing than a baptist or evangelical issue.

[cruciatacara]

I don't think this is a Prot vs Catholic thing at all. As Catholics we stress virginity before marriage, we even have a form of consecrated life dedicated to virginity (CVs). But I think that the whole purity thing 'can' become a problem for some people - of any faith, especially those who are scrupulous or perhaps a little obsessive/compulsive.

 

This woman is in a lot of pain. She does mention her husband and talks about how good he is, but she can't seem to let go of her need for 'purity' so her focus is on her needs and not his. I think the problem here is in not understanding the sacrament of marriage and how this sanctifies the physical act of intimacy between a husband and wife but I think it is also about fearing the loss of something that she won't be able to get back (a control issue).

 

So personally I don't think this is a faith issue completely, but also a psychological one. She needs help from her pastor/priest to understand the holiness of sex within marriage, but she needs some therapy to deal with her psychological block about it as well. Her husband needs support too, to help him help his wife deal with this. Otherwise... if they can't work this issue out, maybe they need an annulment?? That way she could stay a virgin and he could find a wife that wants to be a wife. Just saying.

 

 

[blazeingstar]

 

 

So personally I don't think this is a faith issue completely, but also a psychological one. She needs help from her pastor/priest to understand the holiness of sex within marriage, but she needs some therapy to deal with her psychological block about it as well. Her husband needs support too, to help him help his wife deal with this. Otherwise... if they can't work this issue out, maybe they need an annulment?? That way she could stay a virgin and he could find a wife that wants to be a wife. Just saying.

 

It's not a faith issue at all.  It's wholly psychological.  It's a form of body dysmorphia.

 

This is like someone writing an article about how Lent made them anorexic.  I wouldn't really care how much pain they were in, they don't have the right to blame the church.    A priest abused you, yes, then you can blame the church, but not becuase your brain can't handle our teachings.

[Basilisa Marie]

Okay, wow, there's a lot here already in this thread, and I'll add my full comments when I have more time. 

 

I don't think anyone's pointed out the idea that maybe when she's talking about the Church, she's not thinking the big theological institution guided by the Holy Spirit.  Maybe she's picturing the people in the Church.  

[Maggyie]

Okay, story time!

 

I had a lot of anxiety about sex too.

 

There is a condition called vaginismus where penetration of any kind can be extremely painful for a woman. It's based on psychological problems and usually associated with being erroneously taught that sex is bad/scary/will hurt. For some women it's literally impossible to have sex because of how excruciating/scary it is. Trying to be vague because this is not Raising Small Humans, but basically when fear and anxiety causes muscles to clench involuntarily it can be very very painful. It's not just a mental thing, there is real, terrible pain that results from this. It's not a matter of just pushing through - that can actually compound the problem as the muscles and brain continue to make the connection that intercourse = torture.

 

I was probably a good candidate to have this condition - I wasn't even able to successfully have a pap smear, at first - but with the help of a good obgyn and some resources to control my anxiety, I "pre-beat" it and my wedding night was fine. Was my probably idolizing purity? Not really, it was more ignorance and fear of that part of the body as an unknown zone.

 

I feel so terrible for this girl and how scared she must have been leading up to her wedding day. How unhappy the honeymoon must have been, etc. Nobody deserves that kind of horrible experience.

 

The good thing is that the cure rate is close to 100% with a few months of physical therapy and cbt.

[cruciatacara]

It's not a faith issue at all.  It's wholly psychological.  It's a form of body dysmorphia.

 

This is like someone writing an article about how Lent made them anorexic.  I wouldn't really care how much pain they were in, they don't have the right to blame the church.    A priest abused you, yes, then you can blame the church, but not becuase your brain can't handle our teachings.

 

You don't really understand psychology very well if you don't think that faith (and the practices involved) have any influence on a person psychologically, just as family or origin and other early childhood issues do as well.

 

I also think that anyone who is suffering, for whatever reason, deserves our compassion and at least a minimal attempt to understand in a way that allows us to offer help to them. 'Hard hearted Hannah' are the words that came to mind when I read your post. Sad.

[blazeingstar]

You don't really understand psychology very well if you don't think that faith (and the practices involved) have any influence on a person psychologically, just as family or origin and other early childhood issues do as well.

 

I also think that anyone who is suffering, for whatever reason, deserves our compassion and at least a minimal attempt to understand in a way that allows us to offer help to them. 'Hard hearted Hannah' are the words that came to mind when I read your post. Sad.

 

I can do and say whatever I very well please, this is a free message board after all.

 

So what if you think I'm "sad"  I've managed to live 30 years perfectly well, have a family, a cadre of freinds and their children who adore me, and a doting fiancee.

 

I have no compassion for her.  She did this to herself and is blaming the church.  This is my opionon and others can go kick a rock if they don't like it.  There are far too many whiny, blame other people right now, and so much of it is directed at the church/Church/God.  I'm so done with it.  She created her own problem by being pompous and now she has to live with it.  Too bad.  So sad.

 

Yes, religion can have an influence, but there's a difference between influence and having a mental health issue in which it didn't mattter WHAT she became obsessed with that caused an issue.  If she wasn't involved in religion she'd be whining about barbie dolls or some other thing.

Edited February 13, 2014 by blazeingstar

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I think her sexual purity did not fuel her pride. Pride is Pride, sexual purity is a gift of God, sounds like she may have been proud of herself for staying pure or the gift itself, instead of just being grateful for the gift and God the giver of all good things, instead of proud. Gratitude iz tha highest sacrifice, unsure if we should be proud of anything though, although there is a holy pride talked of in the old testament and that is pride of God, not of the self or what God has given but pride of God the giver of all true good. Just my opinion. I could be way off the mark.

Edited February 13, 2014 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[cruciatacara]

I can do and say whatever I very well please, this is a free message board after all.

 

So what if you think I'm "sad"  I've managed to live 30 years perfectly well, have a family, a cadre of freinds and their children who adore me, and a doting fiancee.

 

I have no compassion for her.  She did this to herself and is blaming the church.  This is my opionon and others can go kick a rock if they don't like it.  There are far too many whiny, blame other people right now, and so much of it is directed at the church/Church/God.  I'm so done with it.  She created her own problem by being pompous and now she has to live with it.  Too bad.  So sad.

 

Yes, religion can have an influence, but there's a difference between influence and having a mental health issue in which it didn't mattter WHAT she became obsessed with that caused an issue.  If she wasn't involved in religion she'd be whining about barbie dolls or some other thing.

 

I didn't say I think that you are sad. I meant that it is sad that you can't feel compassion for the suffering of another human being. After all, it is the Christian thing to do. But obviously you disagree.

[blazeingstar]

I didn't say I think that you are sad. I meant that it is sad that you can't feel compassion for the suffering of another human being. After all, it is the Christian thing to do. But obviously you disagree.

 

I give compassion where I feel it is merited.  If my "nephew" is told not to stand on the back of the couch, then does so and falls I make sure he's ok, but I do not give him any compassion for being hurt, as I would do if he was trying to "help" wash dishes and fell off the stool.