Can (or Would) An Order Refuse You If...

[Kylie Spinelli]

I emailed an order that I've been looking at for a while, and they sent back an email with some questions regarding their requirements (debt, etc.). One of the questions asked if I was over weight. 

Can (or would) an order refuse you if you're over weight? I understand if one is morbidly obese, and that there is a risk of complications such as Type II Diabetes, but just over weight? 

 

Just curious!!
 

Thanks!

 

~Kylie

[SilentJoy]

You could mention it to them. I have a slightly different problem in my background; one community tentatively accepted me "as is" although they were concerned, another one looked at the same problem and shrugged it off and said "You're just fine!"

[maximillion]

This is the second time this has come up recently.......

 

I think it seems to very much vary from community to community.

 

Many communities accept people as they are, many figure out that the diet, fasting, lifestyle etc will sort out any weight problems as you continue.

 

Having said that, there are lots of pics of Sisters who are not exactly svelte.....who look very joyful and it seems not to be an issue for the community.

[oremus1]

No, i doubt it. look at this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2518262/Extroverts-make-best-nuns-A-rare-insight-cloistered-lives-silent-sisters-Londons-Tyburn-Convent.html

[Lilllabettt]

For most communities its not a deal breaker. Some communities, especially the more popular ones, are rather selective about what kinds of physical weaknesses they will accept in candidates. I doubt a small amount of extra weight would be an issue, even for the choosier ones. I think obesity, whether morbid or not, would be more of a concern.

 

 

[AnneLine]

Actually it has been an issue for at least one person recently... there was a thread about it.

 

I suspect it will depend on the community.   

 

It would make me a little concerned if a community was interested in how someone looked, vs. whether the candidate was healthy.

 

Ironically, there really is an increasing understanding that it is possible to be healthy and overweight.... it's not ideal, but it is possible.   I suspect many communities might suggest a heavy (or underweight) sister should try to get her weight stabilized by eating in a more healthy way... but would be most interested in what a doctor might say about whether the sister was healthy enough to live the life.  In my opinion, that is what the question really should be... but communities are filled with fallible human beings just like the rest of us... and sometimes they are swayed by the same things that attract or repel us.  If some of us have strong feelings about people who are heavier or thinner than the norm, then some of them may as well.

 

As far as the Mother in the photo in the article, as Sr. Marie noted on the other thread, there can be a huge difference between what the community thinks about a sister or brother who is in formation versus one who has already made final profession.

[cmaD2006]

No, i doubt it. look at this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2518262/Extroverts-make-best-nuns-A-rare-insight-cloistered-lives-silent-sisters-Londons-Tyburn-Convent.html

 

Actually it really, really depends on the order.  For some orders, weight is more of an issue than for others.

[AuthorOfMyLife]

Others seem to have spoken well about this, so I won't say much about the original question (also, I don't know anything).

 

However, I will say that I am very health conscious, and I am concerned that any community I (humbly!) approach does CARE about health. I strongly believe that priests and religious need to be healthy--even cloistered nuns, who might seem to have less need for good health, which includes being appropriately fit. Obviously, you can't spend heaps of money of health foods, vitamins, and so forth--but I think exercise should be encouraged and there should be time for exercise, even if it is just walking around the monastery garden!)

 

I feel sad when religious communities do not seem to be concerned about being fit. People do judge communities when they see pictures, and they ask, "How can they be heavy when they are supposed to fast?"

 

I would never judge anyone's spirituality by their appearance, but if I was a member of a community, how could I not worry about the health of my sisters?

 

I know many factors are involved in weight loss/gain, including genetic issues. No one has a perfect body and it seems wrong to require a perfect body from young women interested in entering. To me, the key is that the community CARES about health and strives (with love and good humor) for the good health of all members.

 

:idontknow: Thanks for bearing with my opinion!

 

 

[Sister Marie]

I emailed an order that I've been looking at for a while, and they sent back an email with some questions regarding their requirements (debt, etc.). One of the questions asked if I was over weight. 

Can (or would) an order refuse you if you're over weight? I understand if one is morbidly obese, and that there is a risk of complications such as Type II Diabetes, but just over weight? 

 

Just curious!!
 

Thanks!

 

~Kylie

 

Hi Kylie,

 

In healthy communities, there are often two reasons why they care about a candidates weight.  One is physical health.  The other is mental health.  

 

First, physical health is important in religious life.  Hopefully communities require physicals so that weight can be discussed between the woman and her doctor and things like diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol...etc.  In a healthy community this information is shared between the community, the woman, and the doctors who evaluate her with the focus being that she have a happy and healthy beginning to her life in community.  It takes a lot of physical stamina to be in religious life.  At one point in my religious life I gained weight due to a health issue... it made a huge impact in my energy level and my ability to minister... and it was just 30 pounds.  I wasn't obese, just a little overweight.  Once I lost it though I realized how much more energy and stamina I had for the mission.  I feel better and that does affect my work, my life in community, and even my prayer.  One of my favorite times of prayer now is when I go for my run and I stop on the bridge and watch the water and the sun... its perfect!  

 

Second, mental health is a huge concern for communities.  I am NOT saying that someone who is overweight has a mental health issue.  However, I think many communities are concerned about whether someone has an issue with food.  The reason is that in convents where you aren't expected to eat what you are given no matter what, food is often one of the only things a young woman can control.  Entering religious life is a huge life change.  It is really hard... graced... but still hard!  So if someone in the world uses food as a comfort, that will be magnified when they enter and they might rely on it even more.  Conversely, if food is the way someone feels in control, they might stop eating because they need to control something in their life (In formation, you control very little!).  

 

The above two examples, in my opinion, are understandable and in keeping with the Gospel.  We are called to be our sisters keeper.

 

 I don't deny though that sometimes there could be some snobbery about young women looking the part of the "pretty young sister."   That is something I would label as wrong and as something a community needs to look at.  After all, sisters are human too and we make mistakes and sometimes place priority on things that we shouldn't.  All of us have an area in which to grow.

 

I hope this helps.  Prayers for you!

[SNJM]

Honestly, it depends upon the order or congregation. Personally, I wouldn't answer that question before meeting the community. I would like to know why that is important. I can think of one community in particular that has an unusually large amount of beautiful (and slim) Sisters and yet, they have a very low rate of Sisters who make final/solemn vows. So in closing, their brochures and website looks fantastic with gorgeous Sisters but the key word - which Sister Marie used - healthy - is not present. As many of you know, I do Spiritual Direction with an emphasis on vocational discernment. I would be happy to answer any questions regarding this or any other personal questions. Some people are genetically predisposed to a less than ideal weight; some have big bone structure, and yes, some eat (or not) for psychological reasons. We do not deserve to be judged based upon our looks and an issue like weight deserves a conversation.

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

That seems really sad that communities would decide on that. What if a woman honestly desired to enter but was refused just for being overweight, and that spurred on an eating disorder? I'm still trying to heal from the way someone treats me because I'm seriously like, maybe 10 pounds overweight. When I try to talk about how they treat me, I cry. If it were a practical, health/capability concern, however, it is understandible.

 

By the way, Kylie, I think you're beautiful and you have a lovely personality :)

Edited February 9, 2014 by Mary+Immaculate<3

[Sister Marie]

That seems really sad that communities would decide on that. What if a woman honestly desired to enter but was refused just for being overweight, and that spurred on an eating disorder? I'm still trying to heal from the way someone treats me because I'm seriously like, maybe 10 pounds overweight. When I try to talk about how they treat me, I cry. If it were a practical, health/capability concern, however, it is understandible.

 

By the way, Kylie, I think you're beautiful and you have a lovely personality :)

 

Asking the question of whether someone is overweight is very different from rejecting them because they are.  The question is not a bad question when asked in a healthy way.  The reason it would be asked would be for both a physical and mental health stance because physical and mental problems, if someone has them, will be more defined in formation in a religious congregation and can be very traumatic for a new sister to handle.  Healthy communities want to do their best to prepare both themselves and the woman who is entering from any major problems that could be addressed or talked about before entrance.  

 

Communication before something happens helps both the young woman and the community try to best address her needs and be aware of any concerns she would have during formation.  The same thing is true when a community asks about your family.  They aren't asking because they want to reject you if your family is dysfunctional.  They are asking so that a conversation can happen and concerns and feelings surrounding that part of your life can be discussed and prepared for.  

 

I'm sorry that you have been hurt in this way.  I will pray for your healing.

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

Asking the question of whether someone is overweight is very different from rejecting them because they are. The question is not a bad question when asked in a healthy way. The reason it would be asked would be for both a physical and mental health stance because physical and mental problems, if someone has them, will be more defined in formation in a religious congregation and can be very traumatic for a new sister to handle. Healthy communities want to do their best to prepare both themselves and the woman who is entering from any major problems that could be addressed or talked about before entrance.

Communication before something happens helps both the young woman and the community try to best address her needs and be aware of any concerns she would have during formation. The same thing is true when a community asks about your family. They aren't asking because they want to reject you if your family is dysfunctional. They are asking so that a conversation can happen and concerns and feelings surrounding that part of your life can be discussed and prepared for.

I'm sorry that you have been hurt in this way. I will pray for your healing.

That's a great explanation and analogy, thank you.
God bless.