Private Vows in The Laity/Spirituality

[Guest]

Excellent reflection on Catholic Culture:

"CALLED AND GIFTED FOR GLORY:

AN UNLIKELY LESSON FROM EXODUS?"

HERE

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Excerpts only.............."...............But not so last night. Last night I was struck by the sheer universalism implicit in this account. God has not called only Bezalel the son of Hur and Oholiab the son of Ahisamach. He has called each one of us into existence by name and has filled each of us with His Spirit, gifting us with our own special characteristics and abilities to use for His glory. We must include in this even those who appear to others to be deficient in some way. For Our Lord’s disciples asked about this: “‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be made manifest in him.’” (Jn 9:2-3)..................

................I find it both disturbing and refreshing that I had never grasped this lesson from Bezalel and Oholiab, so close to the beginning of Divine Revelation, way back in the Book of Exodus: Each one of us is called by name and gifted for a purpose—not to follow after a multitude in sin, but to participate uniquely in the glory of God."

 

 

Edited June 7, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

 

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It is not what WE do for God, but what God does through us.  

- Judy Sexton

Shalom Place - Dominican Sisters of Peace

 

 

 

John Chapter 15: "Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me.  I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.

[Guest]

CHATTING ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS

Heidi Everett is a songwriter, singer and musician of some renown.  She hails from Melbourne Victoria in Australia.  She is an advocate on mental health issues and suffers with Bipolar Disorder.  On the medication "Seroquel" (same medication as I take) her weight blossomed from 60kg to 120kg (mine too).  There are serious doubts about Seroquel being published - the problem seems to be that psychiatry has had excellent results with it re mental health - but the side effects literally can kill.

I did try, with my doctor's assistance, to wean off the Seroquel, but the side effects were cruel, to put it extremely mildly.  And the stress that the weaning process induced might well have triggered an episode.  I decided to go back on the Seroquel.  For whatever years might be ahead, God Willing, I would like to travel them sane, not battling bipolar episodes......God Willing again.

Extracts only "(Heidi Everett)...I was in a chemical straitjacket. I was a zombie for 24 hours a day, sleeping incredibly long. When I did finally get out of bed, it was a struggle to get to the kitchen,"

Heidi Everett : "The biggest side-effect is explosive weight gain and diabetes.

"I was about 60 kilos before I was diagnosed and I went up to about 120 kilos afterwards," Ms Everett said."...........................

..................."And then what happens on Seroquel is that it freezes your muscles and shuts your muscle system down. So, it's really hard to walk. And when I did walk I had no control over my ability to stop walking, so I walked into walls."

Ms Everett also developed a heart condition, known as tachycardia.

"It's where your heart starts beating extremely fast and out of control. And I don't mean just a little flurry, I mean for two or three hours of extreme ... heart rate," she said.

'There have been recorded deaths'

Matthew Frei, the clinical director at Melbourne's Turning Point Drug and Alcohol Centre, says he has seen some worrying developments with the drug over the past few years.

"We were seeing people getting toxicity from the drug. So that's things like over-sedation, collapse, and even over-dosage where people required admission to hospital," he said.

"There have been recorded deaths as well."

Listen to Heidi's song "The Angel Song" :

HERE

 

......... and what follows is a transcript of Andrew Denton's documentary "Angels and Demons" - interviews with sufferers of mental illness and featured on his TV program "Enough Rope":

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s2209854.htm

[Guest]

 

Not in the best of places just now.  I need to have a hip replacement my doctor says - and along with psychiatric medication, there is added three different types of pain killers meaning I am tired all the time - and still have a house and garden to care for and finding it a trudge one step, one day at a time.  Knowing I am going to have to give up visiting clients with St Vinnies is giving me a dose of depression.  It should be, however, only a temporary situation until I have recovered from hip surgery (whenever that will be since I am a public patient) and I can still continue as the St Vinnies minute secretary and other little duties.  Nonetheless, it is patience I need - because I really do feel like punching someone or something!   And anger repressed can very often result in depression..........that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

 While the medications I am on help the initial problem, the side effects are not the best. 

There are so many in our world who are suffering far more and terribly. 

Also, the Good Lord never asks anything of us we cannot overcome is our Faith and our trust.  His Grace is always with us.  When I sight little refugee children in poverty stricken camps in the middle east on TV, I am raised up by their smiling faces hoping and praying I might be even one little bit like them.
 

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Catholic Catechism No. 313 (in part) HERE : We know that in everything God works for good for those who love him."¹⁸⁰ The constant witness of the saints confirms this truth:

St. Catherine of Siena said to "those who are scandalized and rebel against what happens to them": "Everything comes from love, all is ordained for the salvation of man, God does nothing without this goal in mind."¹⁸¹

 

Nothing whatsoever like Scripture and The Catholic Catechism to inform what it is REALLY all about - over and above the human weaknesses at times of self pity, depression, anger etc. etc., which I am called and Graced to rise above.  But as I often say, outside of a miracle it is not an overnight event (for me that is), but a journey undertaken.  I need to be self forgiving when I fail, thankful with a step forward, unfazed with two steps back.  The Dance - with The Lord of The Dance.

I do find posting on Phatmass cathartic in difficult times.

And thank you again especially to Phatmass Administration

 

Edited June 11, 2017 by BarbaraTherese

[Pax17]

OK, Barb, you made me smile...I've just recovered from my second dental surgery in six months, and I was not a happy camper...also had to deal with my antidepressant and pain meds, not fun. 

Whatever work you're able to do with St. Vincent de Paul is an important contribution.  Back in NYC, I worked briefly at St. John's University which is run by the Vincentians.  They also run the city's largest soup kitchen in Brooklyn.  I could bring almost any kind of used item to the Campus Ministry Office and they would find a use for it...they were so welcoming of the smallest bit of assistance.

Take it easy. 

:hug:

 

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Pax17 said:

OK, Barb, you made me smile...I've just recovered from my second dental surgery in six months, and I was not a happy camper...also had to deal with my antidepressant and pain meds, not fun. 

Whatever work you're able to do with St. Vincent de Paul is an important contribution.  Back in NYC, I worked briefly at St. John's University which is run by the Vincentians.  They also run the city's largest soup kitchen in Brooklyn.  I could bring almost any kind of used item to the Campus Ministry Office and they would find a use for it...they were so welcoming of the smallest bit of assistance.

Take it easy. 

:hug:

 

 

What more could I ask than to have triggered a smile 

Dental surgery! Oh ouchh, now that IS scary!  Thank you heaps for the hug - they do help.

The members of St Vincent de Paul laity are very special people, I have found - and I have worked both in Head Office and in the parish for probably 6 years now.  The Vincentian priests to me are very special people too although I have only known one.  He directed me both before and after the onset of bipolar disorder until his death of cancer.   He was a good friend and the holiest person I have ever known....but did not suffer fools gladly ............  I was surely his penance.   It was he who guided me into private vows in the laity, by these few words "Of course you can, Girl!"  It was back in the day when they were unheard of and never spoken about that I knew - although, the potential has existed since the dawning of The Church. 

His dream was to be a missionary - but spent his whole Vincentian life training and teaching theology in our seminaries.  It was a Dominican nun in my college years and later a Vincentian priest in my adult years who fostered my love of theology.

I really hope your dental surgery recovery is fully complete.  

Thank you very much for giving me the gift of empathy, affirmation and encouragement- lifting my flagging spirits off the ground.........Barb  ...............oh woe is me!

[Guest]

 

"In the name of Jesus Christ, who was never in a hurry, we pray, O God, that You will slow us down, for we know that we live too fast. With all of eternity before us, make us take time to live—time to get acquainted with You, time to enjoy Your blessings, and time to each other."

- Peter Marshall

Shalom Place

Dominican Sisters of Peace

[Guest]

[Guest]

All rationalising aside for a bit:

I rang my psychiatrist last Friday leaving a message - and she rang me last night.  I would be telling fibs if I said I am doing it easy.  I am not......decidedly not.  I am struggling with depression and lack of motivation - I am fighting the temptation to scream and yell at The Lord to be honest.  For the past two years, I have had one problem after another - I had just thought a few weeks ago that all the problems were over and thinking too that my GP would give me a cortisone injection and the pain difficulty would be dealt with too.   My GP says cortisone would be useless as my hip is too far gone.......and now I find out that the pain killers have a stated side effect of depression, fatigue and tiredness, nausea, but I need them.   Not only that, but hip replacement surgery will certainly be not this year for sure - and how far into next year is unknown.  Our Royal Adelaide Hospital is moving into a brand new mightily expensive building this coming September and to date there has been nothing but problems with the building and more are expected once patients start to arrive in September.  That will probably delay surgery for me too.

It was good to be able to talk with my psychiatrist last night.  She had me laughing.   I have a special appointment with her on 4th July - Independence Day in the USA and I am taking that as a sort of good omen while I am not in the least superstitious but grateful indeed for a psychiatrist with a sense of humour and I have a sort of good omen even if I am not superstitious.  My only source of transport other than cabs is my brother and he and his wife leave for the USA on 13th July until end August.  Their married son is an engineer working in the USA.  My problem is that my psychiatrist is a long way from me and a cab there and back would cost between $35 and $45 one way i.e. maximum $90 or so there and back.  I really did not need all this just now and yet Faith tells me that I did or it would not be happening.  That is what Faith tells me while the quite human part of me just wants to scream and yell, jump up and down, break something and hit someone..........I have had enough and enough is enough.  It is not as if I have not yelled at The Lord it in the past - but then I had the excuse of being quite mentally ill.  But I am a creative person............I am sure I could find a good excuse this time too.

I went to our St Vinnies Meeting last night and let them know I can no longer go out on visitations and why.  But I can still continue secretarial type duties - and hopefully once the surgery is over and recovery too I can pick up visitations again.

I am resisting the urge to yell and scream at The Lord - the funny part is that I am very much aware that the other side of me does not want to hold back.  Throughout Bethany here I have holy images and statues (without overdoing it - to my taste anyway) and every time I sight one, I have to have a bit of a giggle to myself as I know that The Lord well knows that I know very well too that that human part of me wants to do anything BUT resist the urge.  That is keeping my head above water - i.e. those little giggles here and there as I move about Bethany.

And now you know why I am a very unlikely for a monastic vocation!  The Lord may not

"call the qualified, he qualifies the called".  Gosh, would He have

had to  add quite some rare and outstanding qualities to any superior and community of mine!!!

[darcy15]

http://www.redcross.org.au/transport.aspx

Barb, might this be of help? 

[Pax17]

A psychiatrist that makes you laugh--how wonderful!  It's good to know you have such support.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, darcy15 said:

http://www.redcross.org.au/transport.aspx

Barb, might this be of help? 

Thank you very much for thinking of me, darcy.  I have government 50% discount vouchers for taxis.  I did enquire of the Red Cross Transport line, but there is a fee and I am better off with the 50% voucher and catching a taxi after using the taxi fare calculator.  The dollars I quoted for a taxi to my psychiatrist has already taken off the 50% discount.  Also, Red Cross told me that they could take me to the appointment, but I would have to find my own way home each time.  But I do thank you very sincerely for a potential solution.  I do have an assessor (Govt. "My Age Care" for the elderly) coming out at some time and my needs will be discussed with her again - they are more now since my fall and the need for hip replacement than when I initially was assessed.  I am hoping something might come out of that in a few areas of (now) need.

4 hours ago, Pax17 said:

A psychiatrist that makes you laugh--how wonderful!  It's good to know you have such support.

Yes, I have excellent support in my psychiatrist, she is more like a good friend than a psychiatrist and while we might chat and laugh about quite everyday matters and some not so ordinary, I always know she has her professional eye on me - and that is very comforting.  She was quite concerned about me and a likely bipolar episode when I was mandatorily shifted from my residence of 28 years by government housing, but I did not even look anywhere close to a bipolar episode.  It is now when I really miss my friends of some 28 years because of unrelenting pain and isolation -  and in September 8 years since I shifted here - and now definitely at risk of an episode due to stress.  I try very hard to recall those who suffer far more - and to be very grateful for times when clouds part and the sun shines again........very grateful indeed.

I have been almost 8 years in this parish and have not made one friend despite the fact I am known in the parish by name by fellow parishioners and some I have never met I don't think.  Some say hello to me using my name and I have no idea of theirs, nor memory of every actually meeting them.   I think being known by name is due to the fact that I am often extra helping hands at parish functions and other usually St Vinnies related matters.  The problem in this parish seems to me to be that most all the parishioners have their own group of long standing friendships as they have been in the parish so long.  This is a very well established parish and I have found not too welcoming at all of newbies other than at a 'safe distance'.  But then too, generally speaking and from my limited experience (necessarily due to being my personal experience being mine only), fellowship in Catholic parishes is not a strong point at all.  Even our pp who arrived shortly after me has made his own group of friends.  In my previous parish, I did take at times non Catholics along to Mass with me.  Each one made the decision not to go again with comments similar to "No one speaks to you".  My niece has a few major health problems including psychiatric - she has found such wonderful support and friendships in a small local non Catholic Faith profession.  It is just all very sad to me.

I am really starting to question that it is something about me - and not others.  I will be speaking with my psychiatrist about this at my appointment early July.  I know the fact that I am hiding the fact I have a mental illness affects me psychologically - and I have hid it from this parish because my parish of 28 years generally could not come to terms with it.  There were five of us in that parish who suffered a mental illness, four left The Church altogether due to treatment they had received and remained entirely bitter about their Catholic Faith - when I was shifted to this parish, I lost contact with them.  I really am afraid of that type of (what was really) total rejection for myself in this parish too.  Too many times I have come out the closet that I suffer MI thinking it would have good results, only to fall flat on my face and suffer the more for it.

 This is a journey for me and it is not as if I have never suffered far worse.  When depression starts to 'get at you' everything is seen through dark coloured glasses and seem far worse than they actually are - and now with depression starting to get at me, I cannot even really believe  that that is so: this seems the very worst time of my entire life.  Not so!

A sense of humour is a gift and a by product of-Joy in The Lord.  Unable to find Joy in The Lord, I have a saying for myself born many years ago now: "Keep at it, kid, until you start to laugh" and so I think of the absurd and ridiculous in my situation until I start to laugh............sometimes I can't even find that.

The above is not only a gripe, it is the truth..............as I experience it in the now.

Phatmass and posting here is a great support and help to me.  Without it, I would have no real contact with fellow Catholics on a meaningful level at all.

[Guest]

Saw my GP this afternoon.  I have mild cognitive impairment which is more than the normal problems of age and not quite yet dementia and Alzheimer's.  Some never suffer the latter, some even get over the impairment - others not so happily blest and can go on to dementia etc.   It could be caused by the psychiatric medication: Seroquel.  I have been on it for over 15yrs perhaps more.  It has also caused my weight to double and weight problems are notorious with Seroquel.  Also my doctor is not happy with my heart and I have to have an ECG - as well as urine and blood tests.

Advice almost everywhere I turn is to loose weight.  I find it impossible on Seroquel and I have really tried.  I tried with my psychiatrist's help too to come off the Seroquel, but the withdrawals were so severe, I decided to forget it.  The risk I was running, both my psychiatrist and I were aware, is that with the severe withdrawals it could trigger a bipolar episode.

My choice seems to be between physical health and mental health and I am stressing out and know it.  My problem too is isolation in this crazy parish and suburb in which I now live. As I see it, they are almost incestuous in relationships and wary and unwelcoming of a newbie other than conversations after Mass and at occasional parish gatherings, conversations which very carefully do keep the other at a distance.   With the stress I am depressed and increasingly so - adding to the stress is the fact that I don't know if my depression is due to the situation, or it is just me and bipolar is having a say.  I have an emergency type appointment with my psychiatrist on 4th July.

Thank you for a prayer.  I know that The Lord knows what He is about on one level, on the other it just feels as if He doesn't.  Every so often, anxiety attacks settle in.   Sometimes people are told if they pray more or complete this or that spiritual exercise, their situation will improve.  In such instances, I do feel that those giving advice have never experienced Faith strong on one level and negative emotional content demanding and pulling on another level.   Or perhaps I am just angry, born of frustration, and depressed.  Anger not expressed can very easily turn inwards and become depression.

I am trying to keep my anger out in the open - problem is I am expressing it where I feel it is safe, not where it belongs.  I dread speaking up in my parish as my resolve to do so in my previous parish of 28years backfired on me and worsened the situation.  It is not that bad results are liable to continually repeat.  Rather it means that twice burnt one really is shy ever after........or I am.

The Lord would not permit evil nor forms of evil (which suffering is) to exist in His creation unless He can draw good out of it.  CCC #311 in part : "For almighty God..., because he is supremely good, would never allow any evil whatsoever to exist in his works if he were not so all-powerful and good as to cause good to emerge from evil itself. [St. Augustine, Enchiridion II, 3: PL 40, 236]

Hope and trust is all I have just now somewhere deep down............and another anxiety attack is settling in because I am starting to write too close to the bone, to the heart.

As I said, thank you for a prayer and too for reading to this point.  God bless you.

 

[Guest]

 

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Message of the Day

 

 

Every moment is crammed with infinite riches which are given us according to the extent of our faith and love.    

 

- Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Shalom Place "Message of The Day" (Dominican Sisters of Peace)

 

 

By sharing one's difficulties and problems quite honestly and as one embarks on the journey and struggle, one can be a help and assistance to some others - I am convinced of this and it is my hope and trust too.  I don't think we should necessarily keep our light under a bushel in order to be humble, self effacing and stoic, while that does have very real good and purpose.  Sometimes letting the light of suffering (for example) shine as brightly and honestly as one can has real good and purpose too. How to know when I should follow the former or the latter.  For me, it is to make a prayerful decision, carry through and then rest as much as possible in hope and trust, and Peace.  Even as I wrote that, I became aware of anxiety abating and Peace returning - and it just might be due to an early kick in of the emergency anxiety mediation I always have on hand & just taken.  No matter, I thank God for the gift of medications which are amazing in the struggle against suffering used as prescribed........

 

.............and now I have even the motivation to move away from this computer and straighten up my kitchen family area, which is an absolute disaster due to my neglect.  Thank You, Lord, for Your Grace, or the gift of Your medications - perhaps both for Grace is forever on our side......

 

....whichever, whatever, however, whenever.

 

[Guest]