Private Vows in The Laity/Spirituality

[Guest]

    

                                       

                                                                     DISABILITY

                                                   PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

                                                                    HARD LOVE

 

I know two people severely disabled (I am too of course).  One has hearing disability, with the other it is speech.  Both feel it is up to the other to understand them in communications, not up to them to make themselves understood with reasonably available means, which might facilitate the other to understand them better, making communication easier.

With the profound hearing impairment, there is a refusal to have a cochlea implant not due to any surgery involved nor due to the cost, nor to carry around pen and paper.  With the speech impairment, a refusal to use any sort of voice prosthesis or carry around pen and paper in a bag or similar. 

The underlying attitude with both the above is "I have a disability and understanding me is not my problem.  Understanding me is the other's responsibility."   Rather I think that it is the problem of the disabled in hearing or speech, in this example, to use whatever reasonable means available to make communicating easier for both parties.  The same, of course, could apply to other disabilities.

My problem in suffering bipolar disorder has been a different sort of experience, in that during an episode of the illness, my profound disability becomes in the mind itself, and therefore communicating what is in my mind.  I had the dreadful experience a few months ago of the most severe and longest lasting bipolar episode I have ever had in my total history of 47 years (bipolar onset at 28 years of age).  During that episode I was trying to communicate what I was experiencing, but was cut off by "Oh I understand all about bipolar".  No one can, because there are differences on a spectrum between one sufferer's experience and another, from sufferer to sufferer.  That might apply with all types of mental illness.

I did get quite angry back then, because a person who was supposedly helping me, was coming from presuppositions or concepts in her mind, rather than listening - and hearing - the problems I was experiencing.  That was a rational reason.  What was irrational was the level of my anger and argumentativeness in the context of the problem.  Nor had I expressed my anger in a normal way for me.  I was downright furious!  It just was not me normally (normal for me anyway meaning "the most common" way I express anger) - the tone, the level of anger was overly emotive.

Since that severe episode a few months ago, I have been really struggling to find my feet again without much success at all - just pockets of success only here and there.  Two days ago, I had a person visit who does have a disability, but refuses to use her own resources, rather was coming to me for my help.  I was readily giving her that help in the past.  However, with me having a real struggle with my own mental health, I thought it was time to set her straight.  I told her I could not help her any more because I too was struggling.  She had told me months ago that she could not operate her new air conditioner.  I advised her then to contact her coordinator with her age care package provider, who had organized purchase and installation, as I knew nothing at all about split system air conditioners.  Yesterday was 40 degrees.  She came over the day before because she could not operate her air conditioner to cool.  I asked her if she had spoken with her coordinator re her AC operation and she had not.  I refused to help her out and she had to use her own resources, she has a few which override her own disability.  However, because the next day would be 40 degrees, I made the necessary phone call so she could get help hopefully next day on the Friday of 40C and before the weekend of more heat.  But I reiterated to her that in future she had to use her own resources and not rely on me.

Did I feel good about it?  No, I did not feel good about it but reasoned that my negative type guilty feeling was irrational guilt.  I call feelings windmills, because feelings really will shift in the slightest breeze.  Not only that, there really is justified guilt and also irrational guilt.  Knowing one has irrational guilt may or may not alter the guilty feeling.   If irrational guilt persists, it becomes a feeling one has to work with - not against so much in my experience, rather work with it until one is feeling a more rational type of feeling.  How do we work with unjustified negative feelings, I could not offer advice to anyone.  My particular way is to keep reasoning with myself why my guilt is just not rational.  Sometimes it is only a short time - at other times it is a much longer time before my feeling level changes to the rational.  I had a dreadful day yesterday with my own mind added to it irrational guilt.

This morning, when I woke, the dark black cloud descended again.  I decided to have a coffee and a cigarette and see how I was in a couple of hours when I was fully awake and fully functional.  I have nasty hangovers from last nights pain and psychiatric medications.  A couple of hours later the blackness had dissipated and I was heaps better.  Heaps better - and to be truthful, thankful to The Lord I would not be upset by her visits again for help.

Where one has a real or imagined disability, it really is up to oneself to do whatever one might be reasonably able, rather than lean totally on another person.

In another thread here on Phatmass, someone brought up the subject that love is not a wishy washy, try to be kind, type of action.  It isn't of course, and there is such a thing as hard love.  My experience with the lady and her air conditioner is an example of hard love i.e. forcing her to use her own resources, which she certainly does have but will not utilize.  Not because she can't, but because she won't.

In reflecting on the relationship between Jesus and the Pharisees - and the nasty names he called them, I think Jesus was trying to wake them up to themselves using hard love.  I don't think he was expressing any sort of dislike for them and so called them nasty names.  He may not have liked them, of course, because He calls us to love of very real necessity, not to like necessarily.  And Jesus has not walked any road at any time to which He has not called us all if necessary.  He walks with us  "I am The Way, The Truth and The Life."   Is there anything wrong in meditating on what Jesus might have done in a situation and try to apply it to one's own situation.  No, there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it - in fact it is a very wise move indeed.  "Take up your cross and follow Me."

That brings me to Love and like, which are two other subjects.

It also brings me to following Jesus in the face of criticism - even severe criticism.

Also hard love.

I can only hope I will not leave the above subjects hanging.  But hope and achievement can be two different matters  ..................with me, that is.   I am so very very very hesitant about hitting "Submit Reply" because we loose our edit facility so quickly.  But "he who hesitates is lost" - I know that from hard experience.  I can write a post and then loose it altogether due to procrastination.  Once I loose a post, that is it for me.  I wont attempt it again. I mutter to myself "not meant to be" and move on peacefully and without hesitation.  Gift of a bipolar mind, I think, which can jump from subject to subject in complete ease.

 

                                   

[cruciatacara]

I think you might be misunderstanding some reasons that people with a disability make their choices, something you should relate to because, as you said, people often tell you they know all about bipolar when they can't possibly know it from your perspective. I have worked with the Deaf community and although I might disagree with some of their choices, it is fully within their rights to make them. One of these choices is not to have a cochlear implant. They sometimes make this choice for their children as well, which does seem to be harsh to me, but which is something they sometimes feel very strongly about. Deafness to them is not just a disability, in fact to some of them it is not a disability at all. They say that there is a 'Deaf culture and language' and that this needs to be respected. At the same time, many of them receive disability payments or other advantages from the government. So I used to wonder, disability or not? But that doesn't mean that they don't have a right to make the choice to refuse treatments that they think will take away from their identity as part of the Deaf Community. We don't always have to agree with people to allow them choices that affect their own lives. The children is a contentious issue I agree, but as long as they are living in a Deaf family and part of a Deaf Community, then the parents need to be the ones to call the shots.

Not everyone with a disability is the same or has the same level of coping that another might. You appear to be very strong and to be able to work with your MI in a positive way, relying on your faith to do so. That doesn't mean that everyone is as capable of taking care of themselves and accepting responsibility as you are, even if they appear to be strong. Jesus was harsh with the Pharisees and Scribes but not with the disabled.

My sister is disabled with a condition that cause chronic pain. She has a disability sticker for her car, but she says sometimes she wonders if people look at her and think 'she's not disabled, she can walk'. But she knows that the pain can hit her at any moment, and for hours or days, and that she needs to park close to the shops. I sometimes get impatient with her too because I think 'why can't she just cope with it and do such and such' but then I remember that she is the one in chronic pain, not me. So while I might be able to cope with it, for her, it can be impossible at times.

I would say about your neighbour that she probably needs a higher level of care than she is getting, but unfortunately she has chosen you as her helper, someone who also struggles with problems. Perhaps don't judge her so harshly but feel compassion for her inability to be responsible for her own disability. Calling for help for her was good thing to do. Hopefully she will get more help in the future from agencies or others that can provide it. Guilt isn't really appropriate in this situation because you did what you could do. That's all that is really required of a person, that they do what they can to help others. Your own limitations have to be taken into consideration. So yes, let her find other help if she can, but perhaps just keep a phone number near by to let someone else know that she needs help and you can't provide it. We are our brother's (and sister's) keeper but it isn't specified how that has to be done. 

Until we walk in the moccasins of another person, we can't really know anything about how much personal responsibility they are able to bear. So we should probably err on the side of compassion if at all possible, at least in our thoughts. 

 

 

Edited November 28, 2020 by cruciatacara
*Edited to replace word that was changed automatically.

[Guest]

unday                                                      

1 hour ago, cruciatacara said:

I think you might be misunderstanding some reasons that people with a disability make their choices, something you should relate to because, as you said, people often tell you they know all about bipolar when they can't possibly know it from your perspective. I have worked with the Deaf community and although I might disagree with some of their choices, it is fully within their rights to make them. One of these choices is not to have a cochlear implant. They sometimes make this choice for their children as well, which does seem to be harsh to me, but which is something they sometimes feel very strongly about. Deafness to them is not just a disability, in fact to some of them it is not a disability at all. They say that there is a 'Deaf culture and language' and that this needs to be respected. At the same time, many of them receive disability payments or other advantages from the government. So I used to wonder, disability or not? But that doesn't mean that they don't have a right to make the choice to refuse treatments that they think will take away from their identity as part of the Deaf Community. We don't always have to agree with people to allow them choices that affect their own lives. The children is a contentious issue I agree, but as long as they are living in a Deaf family and part of a Deaf Community, then the parents need to be the ones to call the shots.

Not everyone with a disability is the same or has the same level of coping that another might. You appear to be very strong and to be able to work with your MI in a positive way, relying on your faith to do so. That doesn't mean that everyone is as capable of taking care of themselves and accepting responsibility as you are, even if they appear to be strong. Jesus was harsh with the Pharisees and Scribes but not with the disabled.

My sister is disabled with a condition that cause chronic pain. She has a disability sticker for her car, but she says sometimes she wonders if people look at her and think 'she's not disabled, she can walk'. But she knows that the pain can hit her at any moment, and for hours or days, and that she needs to park close to the shops. I sometimes get impatient with her too because I think 'why can't she just smell of elderberries it up and do such and such' but then I remember that she is the one in chronic pain, not me. So while I might be able to smell of elderberries it up, for her, it can be impossible at times.

I would say about your neighbour that she probably needs a higher level of care than she is getting, but unfortunately she has chosen you as her helper, someone who also struggles with problems. Perhaps don't judge her so harshly but feel compassion for her inability to be responsible for her own disability. Calling for help for her was good thing to do. Hopefully she will get more help in the future from agencies or others that can provide it. Guilt isn't really appropriate in this situation because you did what you could do. That's all that is really required of a person, that they do what they can to help others. Your own limitations have to be taken into consideration. So yes, let her find other help if she can, but perhaps just keep a phone number near by to let someone else know that she needs help and you can't provide it. We are our brother's (and sister's) keeper but it isn't specified how that has to be done. 

Until we walk in the moccasins of another person, we can't really know anything about how much personal responsibility they are able to bear. So we should probably err on the side of compassion if at all possible, at least in our thoughts. 

 

Good to hear another person's opinion and think about it...... with a prayer, which of course is not necessarily to adopt that other's thinking. 

I was not going to say any more, but here I go, after a bit of thought and prayer :  I have known the two people I have mentioned for many years now.    Compassion is a big word.  To ask for help from someone who is struggling too and the person who came for help re the AC knew it, might mean that the time has come when compassion means to point out to them where they can adopt responsibility and action for their own difficulties and that they cannot rely on me all the time to be a helper.  Of course, I feel for them in their own problems.  I have her phone number and went to visit her when the extremely hard lockdown due to Covid in South Australia was first brought down only a few days ago, just to check she was ok and knew about the lockdown.  

They are more than welcome (and I have said this to them) to visit for coffee.  But they cannot rely on me all the time to be able to help in an active sort of way.  It is not that I do not feel for their suffering at all, but to structure their lives around my help because I do indeed feel for them, when they have other avenues available, is not the way to go with me in my position now, not the best way for sure for them!  This position has not been evident previously after more than 12 years without a bipolar episode.  Now I am aware that bipolar can strike suddenly, but with fierce severity I never even remotely imagined.  I visually hallucinated in a very frightening way - I was terrified by what I saw of social consequences.  I have never ever had that experience in my 47 years with bipolar disorder.  Those images will not leave me to date.  I was almost 6 weeks or even more in hospital.  I am still trying to find my feet and only finding them now and then.

I am hoping that utilizing her own abilities will give her a sense of self esteem and confidence.  But will it, I can only hope....with a prayer.

In my book, I would not be fair to them in any other way.  Compassion is a function of loving the other, and yes there is such a thing as hard love.  Look at the harsh things Jesus had to say to others at times.  And He Was and Is Perfect Love.  Not that that is any reason nor excuse to say harsh things to others and such was not my reason. One might need to do something seemingly harsh in order to be truly helpful.  There is a vast difference between being disabled and thinking that a disability is another person's problem, not their own responsibility, when they could utilize their own abilities; alternatively, having some other rationale.  I have given both of them all the details they need to make contact with professional help.  Of course, I stay in contact with them and will do so in the future.

I do not feel guilty nor in the wrong about the decision I made and carried through.  Not in the least.  It is not as if my advice was out of her reach in any unreasonable manner, not in the least.  If I begin to feel I was somehow in the wrong, then with Grace, I would hope I would repent and try to discern where I went wrong, how my wrong decision came about; make a resolution for the future.

Insofar as I am concerned now, a person with a disability, if able, should utilize their own ability or abilities - in my book it is a kindness to facilitate this.  I worked in the past voluntary with sufferers of Down Syndrome (in the office) and it was amazing to see where they started and the independence many, in fact, did achieve with activating their abilities.  We even had one young lady sufferer helping out very successfully in the office.  With the woman and the AC, it is not as if I had not advised her previously on how to utilize her abilities in her own case and yes, in a very gentle manner and tone.  It is not as if she did not know I was not long out of hospital myself.  It is not can't with her for some reason, it is won't. I have had long experience, years, of it.  I had been carrying her and due to my long years with no bipolar episode, I thought I was in a position to do so if she needed me.   Am I unfeeling? Well if the other person judges me that way "Man sees outward appearances, but The Lord knows the heart" (Book of Samuel Chapter 16)  He alone knows my thoughts and feelings and where I am coming from always.  That is more than sufficient for me both in anything that might be good and in anything to the contrary.  That is far more than enough for me.  In fact, I have long said "I rejoice that The Lord will be my Judge and not my fellow human beings".

Right now, the asking is that I concentrate on my own needs to spare others the need, and inconvenience, of carrying me to some degree or other.  I am in contact with my GP, psychiatrist, my Age Care Package Provider as well as Elderly Mental Health.  Utilizing my supports, as best I might be able, through a difficult stage just now.  The problem for them is that with Covid and increasing related mental health problems in the general community, they are rushed off their feet almost with demands.  I do try to stay cognizant of that too.  In our general community, not only is mental illness on the increase, violent crime is also.  Are they related?  I don't know for a fact.

I have been told by the professionals that I have good insight into my own brand of bipolar disorder.  After 47 years journeying, without human support of any kind for 20 years, I would rather hope it might be so.  Mental health professionals back then were no support either since they regarded my Faith as a pathology they had to cure. They did cure themselves of that, but it took years.

As my serious episodes were winding down, becoming less frequent.  Public mental health professionals in a mental health ward where I was usually hospitalized would allow me to walk the kilometre or so walk to weekday and Sunday Mass if they thought I was well enough.  The mental health professionals had become aware of the human pressures around me in my general community environment with false concepts about mental illness and stereotypes i.e. no support at all nor encouragement to me, rather the opposite.  It was not my Faith.

Quote

 

 "Separated from love, light, generosity, hope, patience, courage, and determination, compassion becomes nothing more than a code word whose real name is expediency."

"Expediency in disguise - Whereas chastity is the contemporary worlds most unpopular virtue, compassion is clearly its favorite. It has become a cultural imperative that we have compassion for others. Compassions popularity, unfortunately, is so great that it tends to isolate this virtue from all those other factors it needs in order to remain truly a virtue." https://www.catholiceducation.org/en/culture/catholic-contributions/the-virtue-of-compassion.html

 

 

Incidentally, that young lady that helped out in the office of Down Syndrome, eventually secured a position in the general community.  She also began to be able to live independently with minimum support.  Down Syndrome had established individual units with a live in helper.   Back yards were connected by a gate.  They were incredibly beautiful, courageous, loving people.  Some had major problems indeed.  Again, on a spectrum.

[Guest]

_____________________

Just in case somebody gets it wrong.  The lady with the AC problem neither lacks confidence nor esteem.  She certainly can be assertive and has been so at times with me and with confidence and sense of her own esteem and value as a person and ability to assert herself.  I have seen her with other close friends.  For some reason, she refuses to exercise those qualities re her problems and the help she does have around her, professional type help.  Perhaps she has some deep seated fear I am unaware of.  Possibly, but I cannot make decisions based on what my imagination tells me I might not be aware of at the time.  I need to act on what I do know, not due to an habitual state of mind or similar - rather due to the situation I found myself having to deal with personally at this time.   The overall situation, the context.  If she does not visit me again, in due course I will go to see her and try to talk out the situation from my perspective, keeping an open mind to hers and not be defensive in hope.  First, I will feel out what the situation with her might now be.  I need to have confidence too, however, that I am dealing successfully with my own current problems.  I need to juggle two sets of problems and mine just now can go in either direction.  I might be ok, or I could trigger another episode.  She has had her provider's workers call on her a few times today - and most every day in fact. 

I am grateful, I have been triggered to consider potentials and/or necessary action beyond today - a way forward.

[Guest]

                                                             

I think we just might be in for a storm here.  The sky has gone very grey and the wind has flared up.  Nothing new in South Aussie for the forecasters to get it wrong - it is a bit of standing joke with us.  It does remind me of what Jesus said "You know how to analyze the appearance of the earth and the sky, but how is it that you do not know how to analyze this present time?" (Luke Chapter 12).  That reminds me of something I wrote in a poem "and $3.70 Oxazepam can keep on keeping me from their crypt".  I haven't needed even a half today, all day - Deo Gratius. Although weather here in South Australia especially during spring can change very quickly.   Not the only thing that can change very quickly.

No idea how this posted!

I better bring in the washing I think!

At last, and thankfully, I have finally stumbled over how to paste images.   

Edited November 28, 2020 by BarbaraTherese

[Guest]

 

Last few lines of my poem written in 2006:

Quote

 

living inside these maddening chosen polarities and barriers . . . I guess one's not supposed to care . . . not really . . . breaking rules creating discomfort . . . too long epitaphs . . . messy breakdown . . . come some straw . . . . . . Daniel's vision by the water . . . weighted by the numbers a vision and a holocaust and all those quite distasteful things – hallucinations? Perhaps Or not - and $3.70 Oxazepam keeps on keeping me from their crypt . . . I wish I could rest and see the end but I fear that it will just begin again cast the millstone then, and let it be!

 

The above has a bit of a history as all things do.  My contact in the ACBC (Australian Catholic Bishops Conference) rang and asked me to write a good news story re mental illness for the newsletter they were going to publish.  I pointed out that not all stories among the mentally ill were good news.  The reply was that they only wanted good news stories as bad news stories might discourage the parishes.  I really flinched at that! They also asked for a bit of a biography.  My son was here and said that a biography has to have a picture.  He was a photographer with public media back then.  He took a picture and I attached it to the biography sending it and the story I had written to the ACBC.  I had not written a good news story.

Quite a long time after, I received an invitation to a book launch in Canberra "Good News Stories".  I wrote back that since they had forgotten to include my return air fare, prepaid accommodation with expenses money, I would not be able to attend.  I didn't receive a reply and did not expect one.

What I have copied from my poem in the quotation box above at the beginning of this post is the ending to the story I had sent.  The last part of that story lapses into poetry.  I had not written the story about my own history, rather combining a number of sufferers I knew and their stories into the one character.  It was a fictional story rooted in facts. It is what I call as genre: fictional fact.

What really took me right aback was when my contact rang me and gave me the link to my biography and story.  I nearly fainted.  I had thought their newsletter would arrive as all did back then i.e. in the surface mail.  I had included in my biography my personal details!  I had taken no steps whatsoever to keep my personal details private, since they were known anyway.  But published on the internet is another matter entirely.  they did send me a copy of the book - FOC!  I had a flick through it, but my story was not in the book.  It was definitely not good news re sufferers of mental illness sufferers and The Church.  But the ACBC had published it on the net with their title in the link.

At the same time as I was asked by the ACBC for the story, my creative writing teacher had included in my final assignment that I had to have something I had written published.  I decided to kill two birds with the one stone.

 

 

Wanting to include my own story somehow into the overall, I decided that the last part would be poetry, where I knew how to write part of my own story (and more of other's stories) disguised.

 

[Guest]

A poem I wrote in 2005.  I thought I had it somewhere.  A lot of what I have written is on stored previous computers. Sorry for the spacing in what follows.  I have copied and pasted it from Word.

It is an incredibly beautiful Sunday here.  I am torn between doing what really needs to be done and writing.  Another poem: "merely a creative urge that none can still ... and passion would have its fill as passion often will".

WHO AM I?

But for fortune

some twists of fate? Not so

but for the past

            unasked

            and unperturbed

 

I am the sum of my experience

            of calm, of sun

some rough high seas

            perhaps some certain unasked gifts

                        earned elsewhere

 

I am but a windmill

shifting in the slightest breeze

South or east

            then north or west

 

words, thoughts, not here nor of fixed abode

            who spoke yesterday from thought

            then thought travels elsewhere

 

I am but a tapestry, once ended

            put aside

Soon enough forgotten

When the earth takes care of me

            Perhaps today

                        Or then tomorrow

 

I am a charity of constant donations

And ever in need

To some catharsis

To some disease

 

To some a flower

To some but a weed

I am your friend

Or else your chosen enemy

 

I am the windmill

            Constantly turning

            in life’s breeze

            Soon asleep

            And then will die

            Perhaps life is but a dream

            And death awakens me

 

Who am I?

I am dirty and drunk in your gutter

I am unshaven and begging butts

I live one road over

I am adulteress and picking up every deadly stone

            Just to pass the time

I am drugged to create any sort of justly needed heaven

Or justly mad to escape the croutons and endless hell

I am lowered into any grave at all in time and space

            accused, earthquake, flood, war, famine or disease –

Convict me anyway and I will justify it

My only gift or non-possessing

I am sneered and judged useless

I sit next to you on any bus

            And in every journey

A creature of The Creator

Of Life’s endless dance

The vast variety

 

Perhaps I am just a victim and yet I am

            source of all than I can

            And will ever be

 

I am just another human being

And I am only me

But who are all the others

mercenary

            Meretricious

                        mellifluous

Or untarnished and inculpable

All mendicants just like me

Produce of some conceivably disparate paradigm

Called to flower where planted

Called to holiness ever elusive

I am only me planted everywhere

Just pictures in my mind

Formed by words

 

 

                                                BarbTh

                                                Parawest Adult Campus – Elizabeth

                                                South Australia

                                                Copyright protected

                                                16.6.05

_______________

Edit:  "croutons" in the above should read "c rap"

[Guest]

 

"I SAID THE DONKEY"

 

I have just read Sr. Christina's post "I Said The Donkey" - here: https://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/140361-thoughts-from-a-franciscan-sister/?do=findComment&comment=2819893  it was a very funny post.

 

It reminded me of the time I had taken my two sons to a televised participation play in the Adelaide Children's Festival of Arts, which I think sadly no longer exists.  

We all got ready and I made sure my hair and makeup were OK.  I wore a long hostess skirt with a nice top.  When we got to the TV studio, the children were all given parts and to my dismay, I was given a part too.  My part was to play a lion crawling around the stage roaring - in long hostess skirt............and it was televised.

In religious life with a vow of obedience, one could be assigned a task or tasks one would rather not have to do.  In religious life, the aim is to not only complete such tasks, but to do so lovingly and all that entails - that often means change and radical type change, to work on a level deeper than one's exterior .  Read Sister's post and she illustrates that change (or metanoia***) of attitude.

In marriage with children especially but not only, or even the single state, one could also be called upon to do some task or tasks which is distasteful and one would rather not.  Religious life can show us the way or path to perfection (religious life is the state of perfection).  Very often that way or path is highlighted in Sr Christina's regular post in to Phatmass.  It is never a long post, quite short, and it links to the Franciscan blog and a short entry.

Check it out.

Sr. Christina cares for the elderly and has asked prayer

_________________________________

***Metanoia (literal and religious meaning) : http://wordsmith.org/words/metanoia.html

[Guest]

30th November

FEAST OF ST ANDREW THE APOSTLE

I have most always had something of a devotion to the apostles.  In our day especially with the emphasis on evangelisation, I think that devotion to the apostles can be particularly important and I am trying to work on my devotion to them.  They must be excellent intercessors for us in our own evangelisation efforts.  I have long regarded The Holy Spirit and Our Lady as the most powerful of all intercessors - and all the saints and apostles would gladly sort of stand aside for them - of which I am totally confident. 

They would gladly pray for us with them.

[Guest]

Just did a bit more reading on St Andrew.

Andrew was sentenced to death by crucifixion in the city of Patras. Andrew was to be crucified on a cross, but he requested an X-shaped one as he felt unworthy to die on an upright one like Jesus did. ... Saint Andrew was crucified on November 30, 60AD

Here is a particularly informative page: How and where did St Andrew die? Scotland’s patron saint suffered a grim end   Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/30/how-and-where-did-st-andrew-die-scotlands-patron-saint-suffered-a-grim-end-819471

Mass Readings (First Reading and The Gospel) for today: https://universalis.com/mass.htm

I never get to the Office of Readings nowadays, but I do try to read the Second Reading in the Office of Readings - I most always do find the Second Reading particularly rewarding: 

Second Reading - A sermon of St John Chrysostom on St John's gospel

We have found the Messiah https://universalis.com/readings.htm (scroll down to the Second Reading)

 

[Guest]

 

Feast of St Charles de Foucauld - December 1, 2020

 

What is agape? Catholic Education website."Agape, The Key to God's Presence"  Excerpt: "Jesus said that the greatest of all the Old Testament prophets was John the Baptist (Luke 7:28). Therefore John must have prophesied with agape, yet his style was harsh rather than kind. Agape calls for kindness on some occasions, harshness on others. It was Jesus' agape for the Pharisees that made Him harsh to them. It was shock therapy, which they needed."

 

[Guest]

 

 

 

Feast of St Charles de Foucauld - December 1, 2020

 

What is agape? Catholic Education website."Agape, The Key to God's Presence"  Excerpt: "Jesus said that the greatest of all the Old Testament prophets was John the Baptist (Luke 7:28). Therefore John must have prophesied with agape, yet his style was harsh rather than kind. Agape calls for kindness on some occasions, harshness on others. It was Jesus' agape for the Pharisees that made Him harsh to them. It was shock therapy, which they needed."

[Guest]

[Guest]

                                              

 

"St. Pio of Pietrelcina and Five Tips for Making Suffering Redemptive"     HERE

“The life and mission of Padre Pio prove that difficulties and sorrows, if accepted out of love, are transformed into a privileged way of holiness, which opens onto the horizons of a greater good, known only to the Lord.”

–St. John Paul II, Homily at the canonization of St. Pio of Pietrelcina

[Guest]

                                

                                  Faith is an interior act, not an interior feeling

 

“The most beautiful act of faith

is the one made in darkness, in sacrifice,

and with extreme effort.”

(St Padre Pio)

 

We all know this. It is also true we do not really know this. We are like the man in the Gospel who says, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). Uniting ourselves to Jesus’ sufferings will not usually bring about warm feelings. In times of real suffering, we must choose to believe—by making acts of faith through prayer, service, and sacrifice.

Our struggles and dark periods should not be a source of guilt.

The witness of countless saints reminds us

that times of spiritual darkness

are a universal part of the spiritual journey.

 

From: Ascension Podcast & Transcript (all above formatting is mine)

 

 

Seek God with the eyes of faith

https://catholicexchange.com/rely-on-faith-not-on-feelings

Excerpt: ..............."............To sum up: The first secret in finding our Lord is faith. He does not hide Himself from the gaze of faith, nor can He elude it. Faith never has obstacles; it penetrates all recesses; it pierces all veils. If only we would understand the secret of living by faith, of going to God by the way of obscure faith!

We approach the tabernacle, and we feel nothing, just as though we were drawing near an empty tabernacle. We say, “Jesus is here,” but it is as though we were pronouncing words in an unknown language, for they move not a single fiber of our heart. But faith assures us that God is there, and if we would comport ourselves in harmony with what faith tells us, how different our prayer would be! We speak to Jesus, but we do not feel that He is listening to us, nor that He is answering us; and our colloquy languishes, and soon we do not know what to say. But faith tells us that Jesus listens to us and that He speaks to us, and that He needs neither external sounds nor extraordinary means in order to speak with us. He is the divine Master, who speaks and instructs without the noise of words. And if faith assures me that Jesus hears me, speaks to me, and loves me, then delights and consolations are not necessary — no, not anything at all."