polskieserce Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 For single people, the dating phase is an important time when they get to know each other. For serious catholics, it can be more difficult since a majority of people aren't serious about their faith. I have noticed that a decent number of people who go to the catholic church think abortion is an acceptable practice, even though it is completely contrary to what Jesus taught. I have taken the stance that abortion is never ok under any circumstances, and I refuse to be in a relationship with anyone who says otherwise. I wanted to see how other Catholics deal/dealt with this issue. Do/Did you bring it up early on in the dating process? Or wait until later to talk about it? Are/were you open to dating people who were ok with abortion under certain circumstances? Or not at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhuturePriest Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 It depends on the particular beliefs. Abortion is a big enough hot-button issue that I see how it might make two people incompatible if they believe opposite things about it. It's easier to handle if the pro-life person is the woman, as it doesn't matter what the husband thinks about having a baby, he can't literally force you to have an abortion. However, I wouldn't be able to marry a woman who is pro-choice, because I couldn't risk her aborting a child. However, it would depend on if she was one of the people that doesn't agree with it personally but doesn't think she should impose her beliefs on others, or if she literally would have no problem having an abortion herself. In the former, if I loved her and was truly serious about her, I would make it work. In the latter, I wouldn't be able to risk it. Just my opinion on the matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatherineM Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Didn't have to bring it up. We met on Ave Maria Singles, and you have to answer that question on your profile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) Greetings polskie, may the love of Christ teach you all truth. Me personally would bring such a thing up asap. No use addressing such an important thing 12 months down the track. Find out asap who and what the person truly believes in all manner of things and if there beliefs are contrary to the truth are they willing to change, or at least listen to you and take into consideration your views and be willing to change theres to be compatible with your understanding of the truth. The truth is very important polskie, no use settling for half truths and lies when our immortal soul is at stake and there's also, even if that means waiting for the right person, i struggle with the waiting thing but am getting better, and whatever God wills, perhaps he want's me to be single for now or even for my whole life in these trying times even if i am not to be a priest or a nun. :) And this is all just my opinion. I hope you find the right answer to your question in Jesus name.Amen. :) God bless you, great post. Jesus iz LORD. Edited January 20, 2014 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotreDame Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 (edited) I wanted to see how other Catholics deal/dealt with this issue. Do/Did you bring it up early on in the dating process? Or wait until later to talk about it? Are/were you open to dating people who were ok with abortion under certain circumstances? Or not at all? Your profile says you are a male in your early 20's, right? To CatherineM's point, where/how you meet the girl says more about your values than how you answer any questions over a dinner date, so that should be a big focus of yours. I don't know your situation or locale, so can't give any specific suggestions, but I wouldn't limit yourself to religious groups - there are tons of meetups that involve daytime activities where you'll meet cool women that have their act together (assuming you are a cool guy with his act together and can therefore share in some cool activities.) If it's a deal-breaker to you, then you should obviously bring this stuff up before it gets serious. It's ok to say something like "My faith is important to me, it's something I can't compromise. I need you to know how I feel and be ok with it before either of us commits to anything or gets emotionally invested." Personally, I can think of a corner-case hypothetical, where I would be open to dating someone who might hold slightly different political beliefs, if I felt sure she would never envision that for herself. But gosh, it's a lot of work. Once I get a job I'll probably be dating again and I really wanna find somebody that can share in my faith pretty quickly. Edited January 20, 2014 by NotreDame Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 For single people, the dating phase is an important time when they get to know each other. For serious catholics, it can be more difficult since a majority of people aren't serious about their faith. I have noticed that a decent number of people who go to the catholic church think abortion is an acceptable practice, even though it is completely contrary to what Jesus taught. I have taken the stance that abortion is never ok under any circumstances, and I refuse to be in a relationship with anyone who says otherwise. I wanted to see how other Catholics deal/dealt with this issue. Do/Did you bring it up early on in the dating process? Or wait until later to talk about it? Are/were you open to dating people who were ok with abortion under certain circumstances? Or not at all? I might also point out that a large number of people going to church think that the Eucharist is just a symbol. My short TL;DR answer to this question is, communicate. You need to be able to talk to your date/fiance/spouse openly and compassionately anyway, so if it's a question you have, just ask. It can't hurt any more than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to talk about stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Avoid turning a date into an interview, or worse, an interrogation. Be open and clear about where you stand when it is important to you, and when it comes up, then let them assess and respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihil Obstat Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 Then if you hit an impasse, you say "sorry, I do not think this will work out", cut your date short if necessary, and peace out. No hard feelings, and you acted respectfully and prudently. Better still, there is no lingering ambiguity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aloysius Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 I think it's important that you're on the same page about personal sexuality/sexual morality from the beginning... that's crucial, and inherent to that would be a pretty solid confirmation that the person you're dating would not consider getting an abortion, and pretty likely that they'd counsel any friends or relatives not to do so either. most people, even politically pro-choice people excepting the extreme wacko radicals, still don't prefer people to choose abortions as long as they feel it can be avoided. dealing with it at the abstract theoretical or political level I think is far less relevant to your relationship prospects, though I won't presume to tell you what your standards for the kinds of values you hope to share with a partner should be. but I think it's important to begin from the personal level so that you and your partner are both committed to personally living up to certain values, and at the level of abstract theoretical questions and their political connections, it's okay to be open to a relationship with someone you can disagree with and debate with.... it'd be boring if you agreed on everything. but if you absolutely think you can only be with someone who agrees with this point, that's fine too... really you should pick your partner based upon what you're comfortable with and can be happy with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Avoid turning a date into an interview, or worse, an interrogation. Be open and clear about where you stand when it is important to you, and when it comes up, then let them assess and respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polskieserce Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 I'm seeing a lot of good input here. The issue is very important to me and I'm not going to settle for a girl who thinks it is ok under any circumstances. I agree that it's not a good idea to turn a first date into an interview. But I'm definitely not going to wait long to find out if the girl is a serious catholic or just a CINO. I am looking in more conservative places, so that I am more likely to end up with the type of person I am looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Whats a CINO? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polskieserce Posted January 21, 2014 Author Share Posted January 21, 2014 Whats a CINO? Catholic in Name Only Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Ahhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) Catholic in Name Only Be careful in using this term loosely. Edited January 21, 2014 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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