Fellow Discerner Reports

[miserere55]

"By His Grace Alone" thank you for your thoughts and for sharing them!!!  It is true that there. will always be prejudice for older and overweight vocations.  I think this is because we are at the mercy of human beings.  However, like" Pia Jesu" said, there are communities that overlook the appearance and give these people a chance.  What someone does with that chance makes all the difference.  The older vocations and the phat vocations need to show the communities that they can become saints too.  I also think that the tides are changing for older vocations.  When I entered a strict monastery, I was the youngest of 5 postulants by 18 years, and I wasn't in my 20's.  Then as a novice, the monastery accepted a 60+ year old, brittle diabetic..  Most of those women are still in the monastery.  Yes, these women had to overcome prejudice about their age (and a few their weight), but they did it and persevered.  Now they are beloved members of their monastery. 

 

This is just a funny story and I don't want to hurt anyone by telling it:  I was 28 when my hair was 100% white (and I mean "white").  So, when I was 31. in the monastery, and being clothed I had white hair.  Several postulants before me, who were in their 50's and 60's had varying shades of the same color hair and none of it bothered the Abbess - until my clothing.  Three days prior to the event, the Abbess gave me hair color and told me to dye my hair.  She said I was too young to have that color hair.  So, I had to color my hair before my clothing just for the sake of the wedding dress pictures - after the ceremony my hair was completely covered.  I was not in any way offended.  My white hair bothered the Abbess but it never bothered me.

 

So for all the women out there, who are not perfect and who are not in their twenties, rise above the discrimination and enter the convent anyway!!  And remember, St. Thomas Aquinas was VERY BIG. 

Edited January 18, 2014 by miserere55

[Sister Marie]

I think that this is an issue that needs to be discussed by the discerner with the community for a number of reasons.  I don't think that it is necessarily wrong to have this conversation as long as its done as part of discernment both on the part of the woman and the community.  First, the health concern is a valid one.  Physically, we know that being overweight can be a contributing factor to a variety of illnesses that a community might not be able to support.  While not everyone is meant to be a size 0, there is a point where excessive weight is not healthy.  That point is a highly individual one which is another reason why this needs to be a conversation that happens with respect and care in the process of discernment.  Only the candidate can answer some of these questions.  Second, I think there might be a valid question from the community about why the person is overweight.  Could there be an underlying medical issue?  Is it a sedentary lifestyle with poor eating habits?

 

Personally, I think the idea that it reflects on poverty is a far-stretch.  I don't think that anyone would say "Look at that overweight sister, she must not follow poverty."  It's just too big of a jump for most people to make.  I think it is much more possible to view weight issues in the lens of healthy living - emotionally, physically, and mentally.  In formation, often candidates have to find new ways of dealing with a variety of new emotions and its imperative for them to find healthy outlets to deal with the many emotions they will experience.  Often what we did when we were in the world doesn't work in the convent anymore.  All of us have mechanisms we use to deal with unpleasant emotions like anxiety, sadness, or anger.  Maybe when we were in the world we had a drink after a bad day at work.  That doesn't work in the convent.  Maybe when we were in the world we watched a movie when we were sad about something.  That doesn't work in the convent.  Maybe when we were in the world we called a friend when we were feeling anxious.  Again, that doesn't work in the convent.  For some people, maybe eating was one of those mechanisms.  If it was, its worthwhile to talk about before entrance so that the person can find some other outlet that will be compatible with religious life and that will save them a lot of distress throughout formation.  

 

Now I know it sounds like I'm defending the community, but I have something to say about that too.  I also want to say that this seems to be a practice that is across the board so please take my comments as generally as possible.  I am not speaking about one particular community but about a trend.  I absolutely do believe that some vocational materials purposely feature only young, beautiful, thin sisters.  I do believe that this is absolutely wrong but I think there are both external and internal factors that contribute to this.  Internally, and I have no idea why, there is a focus on looks in religious life.  In my community, many sisters remember the "old days" when the sister sacristans were always the tall, thin sisters because they looked beautiful lighting the candles and fixing the sanctuary.  That isn't the case anymore and I don't know where it came from but I still see vestiges of it today.  I do think that it is mostly subconscious but again, different communities can be in different places on the spectrum of caring about looks.  

 

Externally, what is the response to these vocation promotion items that only show young, beautiful, thin religious women?  "Beautiful!" "Radiant!"  And they are and there is nothing wrong with rejoicing in the beauty of a life given to God.  However, I think we encourage some of this with all the talk of externals - habits, veils, rings, wedding dresses...  A lot of the talk of discerners is also about "looks."  There's nothing wrong with talking about those things but sometimes it is over the top and it can encourage the focus on externals that mean little in comparison with the greatness of life.  

 

So maybe we both have something to work on; communities on acceptance of imperfections and us on a renewed focus on the internal life instead of the external look.

 

I know this is long but, just two more things and then I promise I'm going to stop typing!

 

I feel very uncomfortable when people come up to me and tell me what a beautiful young sister I am for a few reasons.  First, I'm really pretty ordinary looking.  No one would notice me but for the habit I wear which is quite "poor, simple, and becoming."  I could be a rotten mean nun but people would still like me because of this "pretty young sister" thing.  Secondly, when you enter religious life, your world becomes so much bigger.  You become bigger.  Beautiful or pretty doesn't really make sense in that bigger worldview.  It's too small.  I want to be holy.  I'm not yet but there is a desire in me that has caused me to make radical decisions and take risks that are so much more a part of who I am of my life than this snapshot of the pretty little nun.  

 

The last but most important thing is that I think vocation promoters should be showing the goal.  The most beautiful sisters I've met are my sisters who are at the end of their lives. I want to see what the end of the desire I feel now is and I've seen it in their faces - peace, love, gentleness, joy, sacrifice, selflessness, full lives, rich lives, wisdom, grace.  None of those words do justice to the beauty of a life already spent for God and nice skin, a thin body, or colored hair can't come close to it either.  I owe my vocation to the women at the end of their lives who showed me what my life could be.  

[Eowyn]

I think that this is an issue that needs to be discussed by the discerner with the community for a number of reasons.  I don't think that it is necessarily wrong to have this conversation as long as its done as part of discernment both on the part of the woman and the community.  First, the health concern is a valid one.  Physically, we know that being overweight can be a contributing factor to a variety of illnesses that a community might not be able to support.  While not everyone is meant to be a size 0, there is a point where excessive weight is not healthy.  That point is a highly individual one which is another reason why this needs to be a conversation that happens with respect and care in the process of discernment.  Only the candidate can answer some of these questions.  Second, I think there might be a valid question from the community about why the person is overweight.  Could there be an underlying medical issue?  Is it a sedentary lifestyle with poor eating habits?

 

 

 

Sister Marie, thank you for this.  I have a lot of weight to lose myself.  Not to get ready to join a community, but to be healthy.  I would hope that it wouldn't interfere with my discerning, but I would want a community to know that it's something I'm working on. 

[DameAgnes]

Great post, Sister Marie!

 

It's funny but until the subject came up I have never noticed it but yes, there are some communities who very clearly never seem to have a chubby postulant. Seems to me that unless she's morbidly obese, which could affect her ability even to physically pursue her vocation, you give a girl a chance.

 

Our humanness fixates on appearances. How many of us have said, "Oh, I like that order" simply on the basis of a beautiful habit? Nuns are human beings, too, and they can't help noticing how we look. The weight issue is interesting. I've known women who have entered and lost weight, and others who have entered and gained, and it's always for a variety of reasons -- usually (but not always) the sisters who have lost have done so b/c of the more regulated eating plan (the end of snacking between meals, for instance) and a more active life (let's face it, nuns are busy people; they don't spend hours online or laying on a couch reading). Sometimes the sisters gain because they're eating more starches and there are always desserts, which they were not used to.

 

I knew a nun who was quite chunky when she entered the cloister and she dropped weight like crazy in her postulant year -- she lost, like 75 pounds, and became almost alarmingly thin. Seems the loss of weight actually brought out an issue of anxiety that she had medicated through food, and once she lost that "medication" and lost the "shield" that the fat provided her with, she had to deal with what was really at her core. It proved very disruptive to her spiritual life and to the community so she decided to leave and work on her issues. She didn't feel it was fair to be half-minded to the community throughout her novitiate. The cloister, more than anything I've ever seen, seems to make a woman have to really face who she is. That's not always easy.

[ChristinaTherese]

I feel very uncomfortable when people come up to me and tell me what a beautiful young sister I am for a few reasons.  First, I'm really pretty ordinary looking.  No one would notice me but for the habit I wear which is quite "poor, simple, and becoming."  I could be a rotten mean nun but people would still like me because of this "pretty young sister" thing.  Secondly, when you enter religious life, your world becomes so much bigger.  You become bigger.  Beautiful or pretty doesn't really make sense in that bigger worldview.  It's too small.  I want to be holy.  I'm not yet but there is a desire in me that has caused me to make radical decisions and take risks that are so much more a part of who I am of my life than this snapshot of the pretty little nun.  

 

The last but most important thing is that I think vocation promoters should be showing the goal.  The most beautiful sisters I've met are my sisters who are at the end of their lives. I want to see what the end of the desire I feel now is and I've seen it in their faces - peace, love, gentleness, joy, sacrifice, selflessness, full lives, rich lives, wisdom, grace.  None of those words do justice to the beauty of a life already spent for God and nice skin, a thin body, or colored hair can't come close to it either.  I owe my vocation to the women at the end of their lives who showed me what my life could be.  

Just as a quick comment, whenever I say that a Sister is beautiful (and I do, relatively often, although it pretty much stays inside my head) I'm thinking more about internal things like you listed in the second bolded section. I might also be thinking about physical things, but I'm mostly thinking about internal ones. But then again, I've always been weird and thought that modern conceptions of beauty were stupid, and I'd pretty much never tell a Sister that I thought she was beautiful to her face.

[nikita92]

Which leads me to the question- how is the weight aspect handled with the sisters/nuns that experiance gaining of weight due to aging and hormones and menopausal within less active communities?? Example- have noticed that some of the Olam nuns have become heavier. That is not just my observation, it can be seen in photos by comparing their newsletters from the past to current. Our metabolism slows down, as our body ages. Religious are not exempt from that. I never heard of a community that has a exercise room..,

[Lilllabettt]

Well, from what I understand many communities do make use of exercise equipment that is donated to them, and most horariums allow time for physical exercise.

Edited January 19, 2014 by Lilllabettt

[emma8201986]

Update: Nothing I do can diminish the hurt my new friend felt when she was told she was too obese to enter either of the 2 orders she was seriously considering. As I wrote my original post and pondered the thoughtful and kind responses you all wrote I suddenly realized that maybe the issue was my new friend but also me - that God was giving me an opportunity to do one of the things I want to do in religious - help others. As I have said several times, I don't know this woman well - I'm going to call her Mary since I plan to post about her from time to time - and yes, it's ok with her. I told her that I would help her. I spent the day with her yesterday - we started the day with Mass - then we went through her kitchen then shopping for food. She didn't have enough money for a gym membership but we found a Living Social certificate for 30 days at a really nice gym - it even has a pool - for $34. I joined with her for the 30 days - she got extra off for bringing me. We worked on an exercise program and changing eating habits (no diets - I don't think people can stick to diets) and we walked - and walked and walked and walked. We had lunch at McDonalds - a salad - so Mary won't feel like she can't go out with friends and stick to her healthy eating plan. We also talked about looking at some different communities. Mary is having a hard time letting go of the 2 communities that wouldn't take her last year because of her weight (and, of course, when they gave her that news, it had the predictable effect of sending her to the fridge). So we are working on a new beginning - starting Mary's discernment anew and starting the new year with better eating and exercise. When I left her last night (with a fridge full of carrots sticks, Greek yog*urt, almonds, celery and other healthy snacks) she seemed motivated and happy. And I promised her I would be there for her. If she thinks she has to eat something unhealthy, I told her to say a rosary and it would pass. I'm not sure that's how Our Lady intended the rosary, but I don't think she'd mind!! Mary feels better and so do I. Lastly, I showed Mary also the nice things you had written and she was much comforted.

Edited January 19, 2014 by emma8201986

[AnneLine]

I had some thoughts I was going to post about this today... and then came to find your most recent update, Emma.   I will post those thoughts later, but wanted to respond to your most recent update first... and then I have to get to Mass, where I will pray for both of you... and all of us.

 

Sometimes God works through things like this... certainly have had my share of odd things happening in the name of the Church during my nearly 60 years!   I am saddened by the way 'Mary' was treated, but I've seen it before.  I was also refused for a pretty arbitrary reason, and at the time, it seemed just... impossible to overcome.  But... Nothing is impossible for God, and He uses all the things that look like broken dreams and heartaches to turn them into beautiful art and even more beautiful dreams fulfilled.  If we can trust and move forward in His providence, rather than trying to find a way around it.

 

I only have a few seconds right now, but this might be a useful resource for her and for you:  www.sparkpeople.com

 

I am finding it is a very helpful resource to help me lose weight (she is not alone... far from it....) and it has a lot of stuff including diet, exercise, motivational elements AND social networking aspects.  AND there is a pretty well-developed prayer network on there, btw.   IF there is interest for you, Mary, or any of the rest of us Phatmassers who are, uh, interested in being slightly smaller (or much smaller) Temples of the Holy Spirit... perhaps we could set up a 'group' over there.   If any of you are on Sparkpeople, you can find me at LEgretta333.   

 

And/Or... if there is interest, we could set up an 'accountability thread' on open mic (or in VS if you prefer) for those of us working on weight issues.... I have found the two that Josh started in Open Mic, one for attending Sunday Mass and one for going to AA meetings, to be a very impressive chronicle of God's graces to him... and perhaps it could be a space for all of us to also be respectfully helpful for each other.   Just a thought....   No one would have to post and/or say more than they wanted to... but it might be a good way to support each other... and all the silent lurkers who may depend on us more than we ever realize.  :welcome:  we pray for you, too!!!!

Edited January 19, 2014 by AnneLine

[Sister Marie]

When I entered the convent, I was overweight.  Shortly after entering, I was told that I needed to lose weight.  Between work, exercise (the situation of our monastery required lots of walking), and dieting (sort of -- I tried to avoid bread as much as possible, as well as limiting portion size,) I did lose a significant amount of weight.  (To be honest, I still need to lose more, but that's beside the point.)  Being told that I needed to lose weight, and the frequent emphasis on weight in general (I found out that there were a number of other Sisters who were "on a diet," as well as Sisters who were deemed too skinny and encouraged to eat more), made me embarrassed, self-conscious, and uncomfortable.  There were occasions when I felt like those of us who were overweight (which, btw, was considered to be "over 150 lbs.") were made fun of a bit.  I know that no one was trying to be mean or uncharitable, but it still hurt.

Sorry.  I guess this was just me venting.  I guess I can see both sides of the issue, though, and other posters have made good points.

 

I think it would be much more difficult to enter and then to be told that you need to lose weight rather than it be an upfront conversation before entering.  That being said a lot of sisters do lose weight in formation because it is a different lifestyle and there is a lot of adjustment that can be experienced as stress - not good or bad - just the normal process of adjustment.  I would be upset if sisters made comments to me about my weight or the way I looked in any way and I think there is a big difference between genuine concern for a sister's health and obsession with weight.  What you describe above is not genuine concern but a really psychologically unhealthy environment.  The only person who should be discussing a sister's weight with her should be her superior if she is concerned with her health and maybe another sister who is a friend for support.  

 

I don't usually post anymore for reasons which I would rather not go into. That said, I could no longer hang back in this instance. It is quite clear to me that there are prejudices within religious life that just go on and on. It seems to be all about not only how you look but your age, and heaven forbid you are not physically perfect. The state of your health, no matter how excellent it may be, absolutely doesn't matter. It is all about numbers....be they weight or age. My experience whilst discerning is that there is little to no kindness and compassion within female religious orders for the most part. For these reasons, unlike you friend, I decided that enough is enough and am done with it. Who and what I am apparently mean nothing at all. Capability and ability mean nothing. It is all looks and numbers, period. Unfortunately, she will always be up against that wall of prejudice and preconceived notions. Well, I hope you all forgive me but I simply had to put my two cents in!

 

I'm so sorry that this has been your experience.  It is true that we are sinners and we absolutely have faults that mirror society in caring more for appearance than substance.  We also lack compassion and kindness at times.  Again, we are sinners.  It makes me so sad to read that you felt like you didn't matter and that only how you looked or your age mattered.  God certainly doesn't desire that and it certainly isn't the right attitude in religious life.  I hope for you that someday that experience can be healed in some way.  While I know it probably isn't much consolation, it is not that way everywhere.  I don't mean that to negate your experience either... please know I will pray for you, especially that these wounds inflicted by religious are healed by God.

 

Sister Marie, thank you for this.  I have a lot of weight to lose myself.  Not to get ready to join a community, but to be healthy.  I would hope that it wouldn't interfere with my discerning, but I would want a community to know that it's something I'm working on. 

 

I think its great you want to be honest with them and I think they would appreciate knowing that you want to work on something about yourself that you see you could improve on.  Healthy is part of holy and its good to be working toward that.  None of us are perfect and we need one another on the journey so its great that you feel open to sharing with them.  I hope it goes well for you!

 

Just as a quick comment, whenever I say that a Sister is beautiful (and I do, relatively often, although it pretty much stays inside my head) I'm thinking more about internal things like you listed in the second bolded section. I might also be thinking about physical things, but I'm mostly thinking about internal ones. But then again, I've always been weird and thought that modern conceptions of beauty were stupid, and I'd pretty much never tell a Sister that I thought she was beautiful to her face.

 

Christina, please don't think that I judge anyone who compliments me or other sisters.  I know they mean it from a place of goodness even though it makes me personally uncomfortable.  I just wanted to share from my perspective how it feels to have so much attention placed on looks as a young sister.  I think it is especially difficult when you are in an active ministry and people make assumptions based on looks quite often that negate professional ability or capability of ministry.  Sometimes it is more difficult to minister when you are viewed primarily by the physical aspects.  Again, it depends on the situation and I just wanted to share how it sometimes makes me feel.

 

Which leads me to the question- how is the weight aspect handled with the sisters/nuns that experiance gaining of weight due to aging and hormones and menopausal within less active communities?? Example- have noticed that some of the Olam nuns have become heavier. That is not just my observation, it can be seen in photos by comparing their newsletters from the past to current. Our metabolism slows down, as our body ages. Religious are not exempt from that. I never heard of a community that has a exercise room..,

 

Usually when you are older in community sisters have less to say to you as far as criticism in all areas of life so I doubt that there would be much pressure to lose weight in the older years (this is true for active and contemplative communities).  You don't need an exercise room to stay in shape.  A long walk, some physical work, a run, all require little equipment.  Personally, I run in the neighborhood which I enjoy very much.  It is just as much, if not more, of a spiritual activity as a physical one.     

 

Update: Nothing I do can diminish the hurt my new friend felt when she was told she was too obese to enter either of the 2 orders she was seriously considering. As I wrote my original post and pondered the thoughtful and kind responses you all wrote I suddenly realized that maybe the issue was my new friend but also me - that God was giving me an opportunity to do one of the things I want to do in religious - help others. As I have said several times, I don't know this woman well - I'm going to call her Mary since I plan to post about her from time to time - and yes, it's ok with her. I told her that I would help her. I spent the day with her yesterday - we started the day with Mass - then we went through her kitchen then shopping for food. She didn't have enough money for a gym membership but we found a Living Social certificate for 30 days at a really nice gym - it even has a pool - for $34. I joined with her for the 30 days - she got extra off for bringing me. We worked on an exercise program and changing eating habits (no diets - I don't think people can stick to diets) and we walked - and walked and walked and walked. We had lunch at McDonalds - a salad - so Mary won't feel like she can't go out with friends and stick to her healthy eating plan. We also talked about looking at some different communities. Mary is having a hard time letting go of the 2 communities that wouldn't take her last year because of her weight (and, of course, when they gave her that news, it had the predictable effect of sending her to the fridge). So we are working on a new beginning - starting Mary's discernment anew and starting the new year with better eating and exercise. When I left her last night (with a fridge full of carrots sticks, Greek yog*urt, almonds, celery and other healthy snacks) she seemed motivated and happy. And I promised her I would be there for her. If she thinks she has to eat something unhealthy, I told her to say a rosary and it would pass. I'm not sure that's how Our Lady intended the rosary, but I don't think she'd mind!! Mary feels better and so do I. Lastly, I showed Mary also the nice things you had written and she was much comforted.

 

You are a very good friend and that will be like an ointment for your friend in these days ahead.  I would hope that the communities with whom she was in contact did not completely reject her.  I know I don't know the whole situation, but it would seem more appropriate for them to ask her to get to a healthy weight according to her doctor and then to continue discernment from there.  I'll be praying Mary continues to be comforted by her good friend and can move forward in God's love.

[NotreDame]

Maybe this should go on the new thread that Anne Linn mentioned, but....

 

How to lose weight:

 

First, you should cheat once or twice a week (within reason), but otherwise...

 

- Eliminate bread, rice, pasta, white potatoes, etc

- Obviously eliminate sweets or anything with sugar added

 

Now from here you can choose two ways to go:

 

#1 - go loooow fat and still eat "slow" carbs like lentils, black beans, sweet potatoes

 

#2 - eliminate all the carbs, but be more generous with fats

 

Obviously there are some details on how to implement this and I can recommend some reading, but these are the two main ways people take off weight and keep it off.  You follow these and you'll find you can eat a ton and still lose weight.  Eating out does complicate things, however.  You need to be in your kitchen a lot.  Most other gimmicky diets are just arriving at a caloric deficit using one of these methods.

 

Exercise really doesn't matter much.  If anything, it can be counterproductive.  Light weight training and walking/bike riding is the most you should do.  Cardio increases hunger, making you more likely to cheat and it messes with your hormones if you are actually dieting, making fat loss harder.  

[Sister Marie]

Maybe this should go on the new thread that Anne Linn mentioned, but....

 

How to lose weight:

 

First, you should cheat once or twice a week (within reason), but otherwise...

 

- Eliminate bread, rice, pasta, white potatoes, etc

- Obviously eliminate sweets or anything with sugar added

 

Now from here you can choose two ways to go:

 

#1 - go loooow fat and still eat "slow" carbs like lentils, black beans, sweet potatoes

 

#2 - eliminate all the carbs, but be more generous with fats

 

Obviously there are some details on how to implement this and I can recommend some reading, but these are the two main ways people take off weight and keep it off.  You follow these and you'll find you can eat a ton and still lose weight.  Eating out does complicate things, however.  You need to be in your kitchen a lot.  Most other gimmicky diets are just arriving at a caloric deficit using one of these methods.

 

Exercise really doesn't matter much.  If anything, it can be counterproductive.  Light weight training and walking/bike riding is the most you should do.  Cardio increases hunger, making you more likely to cheat and it messes with your hormones if you are actually dieting, making fat loss harder.  

Do you have some source for this?  I wouldn't agree with everything here... Losing weight is basic math of calories in and calories out. All diets basically follow this rule but in different ways which different people find helpful.  I run, which is cardio, and I have never found it to do what you say it does and I've lost 30 pounds from my highest weight.

 

I would just be careful to promote information that follows only one path to weight loss.  Everyone enjoys different types of food and diffferent types of exercise and they have to find the right mix to create a healthy lifestyle for themselves.  Diets are really not what you want anyway... a lifestyle that supports healthful living is what the goal should be.

 

It's hard to lose weight but the difference one feels once they do is priceless.  I second the suggestion to use spark people.   

[nikita92]

Thank you ND for your information!! Isn't bread pretty much a staple in most communities?? My mother is German and she lived off of practically nothing but potatoes all through the war. Germans are also known for their yummy breads!! Both were staples in my childhood, thanks to mom! When I went on my "come and see" (with a German based community) .. Both those items were served at meal times and I love both those no-no's!! I am over weight as well (seeing how others have admitted it) and never really gave it a thought (concerning wether or not a community would give this a concern so to speak) until this topic was brought up! AnneLine, I'm with you!! Also praying for your friend!! Emma, please tell her she is not alone!! ;)

[Lilllabettt]

Yeah... for me all the rules and dos and donts of diets don't work. For some reason no matter how hard I try I always put on weight at Christmas. When that happens I get 1200 calories a day. I eat whatever or whenever, as long as I don't go over 1200 calories. Exercise can be counterproductive I guess ... although if a person is eating emotionally or out of boredom, exercise can help either of those situations. Once upon a time I was obese, but I got that wasting disease and that was the end of that. (I don't recommend that method of weight loss.)

 

AL I think the weight loss thread would be awesome.

 

Maybe when we were in the world we watched a movie when we were sad about something.  That doesn't work in the convent.  Maybe when we were in the world we called a friend when we were feeling anxious.  Again, that doesn't work in the convent.

 

 

AHHHHHHH!!! These are my 2 favorite crutches. My first year teaching I burnt down the telephone wires calling my family. And I went to the movies almost every weekend. I still talk to my folks almost every day; I still go to A LOT of movies. Reflecting on this I see that the reason these crutches work for me is they allow me to feel "connected" to the wider world. Mixing with people -- not necessarily talking to them, just being "with" them -- soothes my anxiety and improves my mood. I guess the next thing would be to think about what ways a person could appropriately experience that connectivity in religious life.

[Sister Marie]

Yeah... for me all the rules and dos and donts of diets don't work. For some reason no matter how hard I try I always put on weight at Christmas. When that happens I get 1200 calories a day. I eat whatever or whenever, as long as I don't go over 1200 calories. Exercise can be counterproductive I guess ... although if a person is eating emotionally or out of boredom, exercise can help either of those situations. Once upon a time I was obese, but I got that wasting disease and that was the end of that. (I don't recommend that method of weight loss.)

 

AL I think the weight loss thread would be amesome.

 

 

 

AHHHHHHH!!! These are my 2 favorite crutches. My first year teaching I burnt down the telephone wires calling my family. And I went to the movies almost every weekend. I still talk to my folks almost every day; I still go to A LOT of movies. Reflecting on this I see that the reason these crutches work for me is they allow me to feel "connected" to the wider world. Mixing with people -- not necessarily talking to them, just being "with" them -- soothes my anxiety and improves my mood. I guess the next thing would be to think about what ways a person could appropriately experience that connectivity in religious life.

Haha!  Teaching is such a difficult but AMAZING thing!  I am so grateful for all my friends who helped me when I began.  I hope I can help others as they begin!  

 

I think it depends on the community how much connectivity one can find with other teachers or family or friends who can help one feel secure and at peace.  In my community, we are encouraged to have friends who are sisters who can help us but I know in other communities particular friendships are looked down on.  

 

It isn't wrong to have a mechanism to deal with stress.  It just has to be healthy and in keeping with one's profession and vocation.  i run and I have wonderful friends with whom I can talk and problem solve.  God has been very good to me!