About Small Communities

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

Because I haven't visited very many religious communities, at least not for a discernment type of experience, I have a few questions for y'all. I've been thinking lately about communities which are smaller, whether they be newer and therefore are less known, or are older and simply don't have very many members left. What is it like when you are the only one entering, and you have to discern alone, and get to know the community alone? I know of course that communities are supposed to treat all of their members equally and not "pick favorites," but when one first enters and the other members already are familiar with one another, is it hard to know how to "become one of them" while still remaining true to your personality? Is expressing yourself to the members more or less difficult, or does it depend on the community?
Sorry if this is vague, I am just kinda like...intimidated, you could say. I hope that any of the religious and former religious on here are willing to share their experiences. God bless :)

Edited January 13, 2014 by Mary+Immaculate<3

[maximillion]

I entered on my own, but there were other Sisters in formation and I think that makes a big difference. I think it might be a daunting experience to be the only one in the noviciate.

However, having said that, I also entered in France from the UK and didn't speak much beyond schoolgirl French so that also made it harder to get to know people. All the same, I did get to know them and they got to know me, recreation, work periods, these are all times when it is possible to express oneself - with charity and humility.

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

I entered this monastery and there was no one in the novitiate and the next oldest was 17 years older than I. There was 1 postulant who entered after me but left after 6 weeks and then another entered 2 years later and she is still here. I entered at a time when the community as a whole pretty much viewed sisters in the novitiate as they did in the 40's-50's although they were trying to get out of this mindset. (It doesn't happen overnight!) 

I can't say being the youngest at 22 was anything I felt too much. It seems to be a big deal today, though. I just felt that I was joining THIS community and not looking for a "peer experience." I can't say if it would have made a difference or not.
It's going to take time to feel "one of the community" just simply because you are new and well, you could leave tomorrow. You are getting to know each other and as you progress and became part of the community taking on the customs, responsibilities, etc. than you do become more one of the Sisters. It's really not healthy for it to happen immediately. There needs to be a fine balance. This is also gives you the freedom to either stay and make a commitment or to leave.

 

BTW, there is nothing written anywhere that all members of a community are to be treated "equally". A mother does not treat her children equally, either. A postulant will be given much more room to grow, make mistakes and adjust. A finally professed sister will in some ways be allowed more "room" because it is usually assumed that she is formed and responsible and perhaps her responsibilities require a certain flexibility. Of course, this also depends on the community. Novitiate is not just a time of formation but a time of testing.

The bottom line is that if God is calling you to a particular community he will give you the grace and you will find joy even through a lot of hardships and misunderstandings! Religious life isn't heaven...it's the road to heaven!  

[Aya Sophia]

Especially this:

 

The bottom line is that if God is calling you to a particular community he will give you the grace and you will find joy even through a lot of hardships and misunderstandings! Religious life isn't heaven...it's the road to heaven!

 

Although I think there can be positive elements in being in a Novitiate with multiple members, I also think that, in our doing God's will, He places us where we need to be both for ourselves and in order to fulfill the mission He has for us. If we proceed on the conviction (or intimation or supposition) of His will then the various elements of the life, both positive and negative, don't present themselves as deciding factors in the decision to persevere. God's will becomes the deciding factor.

 

Whatever the size of the community or the Novitiate, I think those entering young (as opposed to entering at a more "mature" age) may feel a particularly painful insecurity in the first months or even years of their integration into community. This would seem a normal part of personal maturation and being "founded" in oneself (which can still happening in one's early twenties) and also of being founded in the commmunity. I think it's not something to be feared or avoided but to be passed through - one of those fruitful sufferings that seem to be strewn along our path to glory - "God's glory - man fully alive!".

 

For anyone in any community, integration into community takes many, many years. It can only ultimately happen, however, if the person lives in community from within a deep, personal intimacy with God. This intimacy is at the core of the life. If it's lacking, then our foundations in community will be weak, easily damaged, even destroyed. We won't be able to persevere or, persevering, we'll be putting ourselves and perhaps the community as a whole (in a smaller commmunity one person can make a huge difference, for good for for ill) at peril.

 

Eventually we will find our way into the heart of God's will for us. In the meantime, we can proceed without fear because love is leading us, love awaits us, love impels us. It really is all about love.

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

BTW, there is nothing written anywhere that all members of a community are to be treated "equally". A mother does not treat her children equally, either. A postulant will be given much more room to grow, make mistakes and adjust. A finally professed sister will in some ways be allowed more "room" because it is usually assumed that she is formed and responsible and perhaps her responsibilities require a certain flexibility. Of course, this also depends on the community. Novitiate is not just a time of formation but a time of testing.

The bottom line is that if God is calling you to a particular community he will give you the grace and you will find joy even through a lot of hardships and misunderstandings! Religious life isn't heaven...it's the road to heaven!  

 

Oh, I guess I didn't put that clearly enough. What I meant by "equally" is that, for example, my blood sister was to enter and I entered after her. She and I should treat the other sisters just the same as we would treat each other. In other words, no cliques. Sorry if I was unclear! :)

 

And thank you for your words of encouragement, they are greatly appreciated.
 

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

Thank you all for your imput :)

[Nunsuch]

One of my friends,who belongs to a medium-sized community, entered with 13 others, and she is the only member of her band who was still in the community at the time of her silver jubilee. When I asked her if that was difficult, she said: "I miss my friends, of course. But I didn't enter because of the others, and I don't stay for human reasons, either."