What Are The Pros And Cons Of Becoming A Sister?

[Carson]

What do you think?

 

[Nunsuch]

I don't think this is a question that can be answered generically. If one is CALLED to be a sister, then the "con" would be ignoring God's invitation (the "pro" would be doing God's will).  If one is NOT called, then the "pro" would be to listen, even if one's personal preference would be to enter religious life, and the "con" would be deception and selfishness.

 

 

[maximillion]

I agree with the above poster, but also, do you mean Sister or Nun?  There is a difference, just as there is a difference between each and every community.

I know it is early stages in your discernment Carson so it may be inexperience that leads you to think like this......

 

If it helps, I, being a terribly analytic type, did a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis of the various communities I was considering. It helped me.

 

(You have to do one SWOT for each community).

[ClemensBruno]

Wow, I've never thought of a vocation in terms of pros and cons. Actually, I'm not even sure I understand the question. One's vocation is discovered through prayer and reflection.

I guess one could clarify one's calling through spreadsheets, but this presupposes that you already think you have a calling. Maybe you're overthinking things. Ask God through prayer and reflection.

...I suspect I'm not being helpful here... Sorry.

[TheresaThoma]

I apologize in advance if this sounds harsh or if I have misunderstood your question. Please correct me if I have misunderstood your question

One should not think of the pros and cons of being a Sister (or nun) for discernment. It is a relationship not a career. I would suggest reading "And you are Christ's" Fr Dubay has a wonderful section on vocation and how it differs from a career.

 

[krissylou]

I'm not sure that's exactly right TT.

 

I think one of Ignatius' tools of discernment is basically making pro-con lists.

 

(ONE of the tools.  Far from the only one.)

 

That having been said, it does seem that "becoming a sister" is too varied and abstract to be developing lists of positives and negatives.

 

What would I see as the positives and negatives of entering this particular concrete community?  That could be a fruitful line of inquiry.

[TheresaThoma]

Thank you Krissy!

:blush: I should have mentioned that a pro/con list can be helpful later in discernment, when it comes to concrete decisions such as I am called to this community, or spirituality etc.

However early on in discernment it can be a distraction.

[Lilllabettt]

Pro: Receiving the grace that comes with obedience, post-vows having every act of yours be a religious act, the benefit of religious formation, spiritual support of community life, living under the same roof as Jesus in the Eucharist.

Con: Separation from family, giving up the good of marriage and children, living with those you do not choose, a big one: never being "preferred" or "chosen" by another creature. 

Edited January 8, 2014 by Lilllabettt

[Carson]

I totally understand. I now realize that it's not that simple. Thanks for all of your replies! It is appreciated!

[domenica_therese]

I think one of Ignatius' tools of discernment is basically making pro-con lists.

 

(ONE of the tools.  Far from the only one.)

 

Ignatian discernment has been extremely instrumental for me in my own journey. You make a good point about his inclusion of them in the process, and I think it's important to clarify here the exact nature of how he sees envisions their proper usage.

 

In order for someone to do a pro-con, Ignatius says they have to be in a state of equilibrium -- like a scale in perfect balance -- where they have no inclination either way. The advantage of a pro-con is that it helps you put things on paper so you see how the state of your options really is; because at times, until we put things out in the open like that, the devil uses the murkiness of the shadows to make some things seem like excellent arguments for or against, when they are really insubstantial. [One of] the decisive moment[s] in my discernment was when I saw my cons for what they were and realized they had no weight.

 

It's also important to realize that religious life does have some really significant cons -- Lilllabettt mentioned some really important ones to consider. If you go into religious life totally incognizant of these cons, you're going to be in for a really rude awakening. So it's important to have all of these in your scale and weigh them -- in a state of complete openness and equilibrium -- against your heart. As someone in the later stages of discernment, it's been an interesting experience seeing just how desperate the Devil can get to try to dissuade people who have chosen this path. All sorts of things which never even factored into my consideration as cons pop up randomly; "Oh, but if I join religious life, I won't be able to _____!" (Normally it's something super ridiculous like "buy nice bras that fit really well," but sometimes its those Tylenol commercials and their really adorable babies, or a note my Mom wrote in The Four Loves as an engagement present for my dad) But then I realize what has been given to me, and what will be given, and I realize how foolish it would be to change it for anything else. 

 

It's also important to note that although I used this to discern into religious life, it goes both ways. Sometimes we may think we have a call to religious life, but the cons against it really do have weight, and the pros, when seen for what they are, are selfishness, pride, misconception, etc. Equilibrium is key though, because if you go looking for the answer to be "x," the evidence for "y" is going to have to be disproportionately compelling to make you change your mind.

 

But the pros and cons for each person are very individual, so the first step is largely to know yourself and what you truly need to be satisfied and holy.

Edited January 9, 2014 by domenica_therese

[cmaD2006]

 

In order for someone to do a pro-con, Ignatius says they have to be in a state of equilibrium -- like a scale in perfect balance -- where they have no inclination either way.

 

What you said is spot on.  I think it can be quite difficult to use the "pro/con" if you are very attached in one direction or another.  If you have an inclination in one way or another, then the pro/con doesn't make as much sense.  It would make more sense to start testing out the inclination ... i.e. consulting others, thinking about the particular inclination, live in (or dating if you feel called to marriage).

 

I found this online and thought it reads quite well:

 

http://www.marquette.edu/faith/ignatian-principles-for-making-decisions.php

 

See the 2nd half of the article, which discusses Spiritual Exercises #175, #178-187

[Swami Mommy]

This thread made me think of the different personality types and how one's own personal tendencies can work for or against their discernment process for religious life.  In enneagram personality theory there are nine types:  the perfectionist, the caregiver, the performer (achiever), the romantic individualist, the analyst, the epicure, the reformer and the peacemaker.  Each of these ego types have preferences of behavior based on what they were taught will garner them love.  The parts of oneself that one really likes about themself are typically defense mechanisms disguised as positive qualities for our unique ego construct type. So, when we look at the pros and cons for choosing religious life, it's important to know WHY certain items are placed into which category.  For example, a caregiver ego type learned early in life through modelling or as a reaction formation to the opposite behavior and its results, that to be a nurturer is the way to get love and appreciation from others and to feel validated as a good person.  This type of person may feel that the religious life may not provide them with the necessary intimacy to get the approbation for being a caregiver that they need.  So they may list 'lack of intimacy' in the con list.  However, since the 'need to be needed' as a way to garner love may be a defense mechanism for the caregiver type who wants to know that they are lovable, and one is hopefully looking to work through ego limitations in the spiritual life, then to be in an environment that does not feed this ego tendency in them may actually be a 'pro' rather than a 'con', spiritually and psychologically speaking.

[oremus1]

surely the pros and cons will depend on the person. for example, pros might include wearing a habit, not having to work in the world, easy access to mass and prayer, the apostolate, no need to worry about pension. cons might be obedience, no skiing holiday s with your mates, no husband, never really see your fam.

 

I think it depends on your call. I am a CV candidate, and many would say cons include loneliness and having to work in the world. whereas i'd say solitude is a pro as it is intimacy with God, and being in the world lets me participate in the new evangelisation more directly