Discerning An End

[Golden Years]

Golden Years.

Blessings and Peace to you this new year of 2014! 

 

Out of props....Francis Clare, thank you! 

 

And thank you all so very much!  What a wonderfully caring group of people you are!  And what a blessing this website is. 

 

2013 is a year I will never forget, that's for sure.  And it wasn't a waste, because in anticipating entering religious life I taught myself to get up very early (for me) and pray every morning, which is a habit that hopefully will stay with me for the rest of my life.  And I finally met my spiritual director, which may open other doors for me later on. 

 

I did try to enter the Secular Carmelites, three times over the past 20 years, but it never worked out.  Twice as an isolated member (there are none close to me) and once in another city, but those nuns turned out to be on the very liberal side of things, so that didn't work out either.  And I never really felt called to become a third order anything.  I always felt called to be cloistered. 

 

However my spiritual director is Benedictine, so may I possibly look at Benedictine oblature down the road.  Right now I am just sort of taking it day by day, and letting Him guide things. 

 

When I watched the Teresa of Avila miniseries, when St. Teresa was appointed Prioress over her former community, they were fighting her tooth and nail, and so she took the statue of Our Lady and placed it in the Prioress' chair holding the keys to the monastery.  And I thought wow that is really incredibly awwwsome. 

 

I know we are all supposed to see Mary as our mother, but I have had trouble thinking of her in this way, maybe because my relationship with my own mother was somewhat strained.  But seeing her as my Prioress feels just right.  Who better to teach us ladies how to live a life pleasing to Our Lord?  A holy life of hiddenness, humility, prayer, sacrifice and surrender to the will of God.

 

Anyway thanks again for your prayers and very kind words.  They mean much more than I can say. 

 

Wishing you all a very blessed New Year.

 

 

Golden Years

[Pia Jesu]

The blessing is you, Golden Years...and all the posters here.  PM gives us the wonderful forum, but the willingness to share one's thoughts and concerns--and allow fellow searchers-for-God to respond--is a true gift!  It reminds me of St. Therese of Lisieux' "legion of little souls" who desire nothing more than to do God's will in their everyday lives (see the Foreward of Everything is Grace:  The Life and Way of Therese of Lisieux by Joseph F. Schmidt, FSC).  And from the description of Ignatius' "Prior/Prioress" cat (and I know Maximillion has mentioned her felines!) to AnneLine and BrandelynMarie's reminder to be open to the Holy Spirit--the VS community has become a Life-Saver (no candy-pun intended)!  Thanks to all of you!

 

 

 

[AnneLine]

AND... I am also reminded that God is the ULTIMATE RECYCLER.... He wastes nothing.   Every atom, every experience, He reuses to make more beautiful things.  The problem with us is we wanna hold onto the junk in our basements, attics, living rooms, hearts.....

 

Prayers for all of us to surrender to His Loving touch more and more this year....

[TheresaThoma]

And all of those who have discerned that they are not called to religious life are such a gift to this phorum as well. With so many people coming and leaving it is a blessing to have those who hang around and help keep track of everyone!

[Belongs2Jesus]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been "lurking" in the shadows for quite a while now but feel called to respond to this post.  I'm not sure if I've been hit by 2x4s or have *tripped* over them in my discernment process, but I'm at a life-altering place right now and could define myself as you have, GY.  It's oh so hard to close a chapter of your life that you've lived and longed for; and it's just as difficult to see an end as a beginning. But, as AL has said and others have repeated, there are many of us here, and although we don't understand at this point what God has in mind and what the years of preparing have meant, there *has been* a purpose to it all.  So many of the posts in this thread resonated with me, and I'm realizing that maybe *this* is the "box" God intends for me right now.  I love St. Charles de Foucauld, AL; and I'm also looking to our great saints and lay people ~ Caryll Houselander, St. Benedict Joseph Labre, Henri Nouwen, and St. Frances of Rome ~ as models of people who either didn't fit into, or feel called to, religious life.  As Corrie Ten Boom states so eloquently in her book "The Hiding Place" when referring to her childhood memories, but seems to fit just as well in our situations: "Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experience of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do."  He *does* have work for us; and we know that He is guiding and carrying us, even ~ maybe most especially ~ in the blank pages that fall in between the chapters of our lives. Thank you, GY ~ and AL, TT, IoL, PJ, Brandelynmarie, BT, and Maximillion for your beautiful words of understanding and encouragement.  And, AL, I love your avatar!

[AnneLine]

Thank you, B2J, we're all in this Vocation Thing together -- and many of us share the same kinds of hopes, longings and needs.

 

Phatmass VS isn't just for those discerning into and out of a vocation... it is also for all those who support people in discernment... .and those who are at a crossroads in their discernment... and for those who have found their niche!

 

As far as my Avatar.... I've got more than a few 'liturgically correct' llamas.... and this one is for Epiphany.  You never know what I may drop in there next!!!!   Hmmmm... wonder what the Baptism of the Lord may Bring!

 

But since the avatar may be changed soon.... here it was for all to see:

 

 

To me the Epiphany has always seemed a most Dominican feast -- after all, those Wise Guys were searching for TRUTH! -- so it seemed nice to find a Nativity scene that included BOTH llamas and Dominican colors!!!!

Edited January 6, 2014 by AnneLine

[Aya Sophia]

Grace-filled insights in this thread.  Illumination and disillusion go hand in hand (disillusion being a GOOD thing - to be freed from illusion! To see clearly!).  Pain, a sense of loss and grief, are the normal first response to this dose of reality and, of course, protest!  This is not what I had in mind.  This is not as I would have planned for myself.  This is not according to my inclinations and desires (inclinations which I thought were purified and spiritual and therefore according to your will...holy desires which you yourself planted in me, etc.) Comes the time for laying aside these dreams - beautiful dreams and perhaps even holy dreams but dreams that have no power to become real because they are to fulfill our will and not God's.  Laying them aside in favor of reality (where alone God's will is to be found), we can have a hope for the great happiness God means for us, which comes to us only in doing his will.

[Belongs2Jesus]

Hello again everyone,

 

Well, today was my day to go from tripping on 2x4s to being hit by them; so I've re-read what you have all written here and am finding comfort in them - and in the fact that I am not alone. Yes, AS, seeing clearly is a good thing, even while “pain, a sense of loss and grief, are the normal first response” - dare I even say the second or third response (maybe it just takes me longer, and while yesterday I was more upbeat about my situation, today was a tough one). So in the midst of the pain and sadness I’m experiencing now, I know that all feelings pass and am trying to thank Jesus sincerely for what He's doing. This IS a new beginning, a new adventure, even though it doesn’t feel like one right now. AL, I’m clinging to your words that you “sense that the Holy Spirit is doing something... and that there are so many of us that He must have some big plans.” And, BT, I’m clinging to yours, too, that “there is a place for us 'outside the square' of the currently accepted more traditional roles.”  I greatly appreciate all of your prayers for me.  Please continue praying for me that, like Maximillion, I will be able to “follow the promptings of the Spirit, the Gospel and the Church, and 'blow where He wills'.” Thank you.

　

　

[BarbTherese]

Be assured of daily prayer.

  I truly admire your courage and the strength of your spirit and spirituality, your persevering Faith and trust, in the face of much suffering, grief, on the human level................." So in the midst of the pain and sadness I’m experiencing now, I know that all feelings pass and am trying to thank Jesus sincerely for what He's doing. This IS a new beginning, a new adventure, even though it doesn’t feel like one right now"..............spot on!

This is a journey for you and there will be up days when you will probably think it is all up for the rest of the journey......not so.......and then there will be (even in the next moment at times) down days when you think that you will suffer for the rest of your life........not so.  LIfe is a roller coaster ride - but not always as extreme as you are currently experiencing.   One day you will look back on the roller coaster you live today and know that it was only Jesus alone and His Grace alone that brought you through it all.  You will be the stronger for it with much to share in understanding and compassion with support and encouragement to others.  Your Faith will be a constant and unfailing light and support in all things.   One day you will know your vocation and call and be ever so thankful that you were wrong about it all initially.  This does not mean that you will not value and appreciate religious life all your life.   The 'key' to it all is persevering and trusting Faith, come what may, and no easy task and that is for sure.

 

I thought the cartoon was a very special touch reflecting not only the strength of your spirit, but the strength of your spirit and spirituality with humour.  St Teresa of Avila would love you to pieces I am convinced.  "Lord spare me your sour faced saints" (St Teresa of Avila).  Reflecting on your cartoon, I am reminded of that little anecdote where St Teresa fell off her donkey into a stream.  She said to The Lord "Well, if this is the way You are going to treat Your friends, don't complain if You have so few!"  St Teresa had a delightful sense of the funny and your cartoon reflects this.

 

"But seeing her... (Our Lady).... as my Prioress feels just right.  Who better to teach us ladies how to live a life pleasing to Our Lord?  A holy life of hiddenness, humility, prayer, sacrifice and surrender to the will of God."

 

Amen............and spot on again.

 

God continue to bless you richly as He does.

 

Barb :)...............I feel very deeply for you at this point in your journey.  I recall my Mum saying to me: "You will smile again" and me thinking "Mum, you just really do not understand".  I was wrong, she did indeed understand and I did smile again and in Peace and Joy............B2J, you will smile again and in Peace and in Joy.

[AnneLine]

We are praying for you, B2J -- reach out if you need us.

[Belongs2Jesus]

Thank you, BT, for your most loving and generous words. While I would love to live up to having “courage and the strength of spirit and spirituality, persevering Faith and trust, in the face of much suffering, grief, on the human level”, I’m afraid I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. But with God’s grace, everything is possible. I read/heard somewhere that Mercy is Love reaching down to help; and that’s very clearly what’s happening here ~ through the Sacraments and through the loving people around me (in which I include y’all).

 

How apt is your description of life as a roller coaster, though the extreme ups and downs are so difficult for me to deal with. Again, as you said, these extremes, too, will pass, which is so promising. Right now, the only type of ride I can handle is something slow, very slow - like a little red wagon. :hehe2:  Trying to find humor in the annoyances of daily life, and even in painful moments, is the only thing that keeps me (reasonably) sane. If I let myself get (or remain) too serious, I’ll go crazy. So, again, thank you for your charitable words - I do hope that you‘re right about St. Teresa of Avila! For now, I’m clinging to your statements “One day you will know your vocation and call and be ever so thankful that you were wrong about it all initially.” and “you will smile again and in Peace and in Joy.”

 

Thank you for your encouragement and compassion. Knowing that this is what the situation can teach me, if I remain open to Jesus and Mary, gives me hope. You - and everyone else here - remain in my prayers (AL, thank you for your support and prayers, too) and I thank you for your prayers.

 

[AnneLine]

I bet Baby Jesus will share His new red wagon with you!!!!

 

[BarbTherese]

Thank you, BT, for your most loving and generous words. While I would love to live up to having “courage and the strength of spirit and spirituality, persevering Faith and trust, in the face of much suffering, grief, on the human level”, I’m afraid I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. But with God’s grace, everything is possible. I read/heard somewhere that Mercy is Love reaching down to help; and that’s very clearly what’s happening here ~ through the Sacraments and through the loving people around me (in which I include y’all).

 

How apt is your description of life as a roller coaster, though the extreme ups and downs are so difficult for me to deal with. Again, as you said, these extremes, too, will pass, which is so promising. Right now, the only type of ride I can handle is something slow, very slow - like a little red wagon. :hehe2:  Trying to find humor in the annoyances of daily life, and even in painful moments, is the only thing that keeps me (reasonably) sane. If I let myself get (or remain) too serious, I’ll go crazy. So, again, thank you for your charitable words - I do hope that you‘re right about St. Teresa of Avila! For now, I’m clinging to your statements “One day you will know your vocation and call and be ever so thankful that you were wrong about it all initially.” and “you will smile again and in Peace and in Joy.”

 

Thank you for your encouragement and compassion. Knowing that this is what the situation can teach me, if I remain open to Jesus and Mary, gives me hope. You - and everyone else here - remain in my prayers (AL, thank you for your support and prayers, too) and I thank you for your prayers.

 

I think you probably underestimate yourself and your very real gifts. :)  But then who am I ?

 

On St Teresa - she wanted her convents to be joyful places and her Sisters people of Peace and Joy "seek after Peace and pursue it" (Psalm 33).  I always felt I could have a Carmelite vocation :cloud9: as in her original Constitution, St Teresa stated that there were to be no games at recreation, because The Lord would send vocations into the community to keep them amused. :hehe2:  Suffering there is in life and it can either take you down and overcome one - or it can open new doors including new ways of thinking and coping.

 

 Have you read the book "Between Heaven and Mirth" ?  It is a favourite of mine and a light read and in places a very funny read.  It is also a book to cause one to stop reading and want to reflect : http://www.americancatholic.org/samo/books.aspx?IssueID=32  Review excerpt: " Martin’s more didactic chapters on living a joyful life in the face of suffering, his look at 1 Thessalonians (“Rejoice always”) and the Marian Annunciation and Visitation stories are really informative and helpful."

He draws on anecdotes from the lives of the saints in places and from the Old and New Testaments.

 

Fr. Martin's book is available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Between-Heaven-Mirth-Laughter-Spiritual/dp/0062024256

 

Prayer

 

[Belongs2Jesus]

AL, THANK YOU for the WONDERFUL picture - I absolutely LOVE it!  This will be THE image for me over the next few days/weeks/months - whenever I need to smile!  :hehe2:

 

And BT, once again your words are so comforting and generous!  :console: I knew that St. Teresa didn't want games at Recreation, but I had never heard that quote about WHY.  How funny!  Yes, "Suffering there is in life and it can either take you down and overcome one - or it can open new doors including new ways of thinking and coping."  That's what I'm praying will happen through this current situation: that new doors, new horizons, will open. I think it was St. Francis de Sales who said that the last stronghold of self that dies is our own perceptions. How true that is!  So I pray that through these struggles, Jesus will shine His Light and Truth through my mind that I might see with HIS perspectives and handle things with HIS Love, Gentleness, and Humility.

 

I remember hearing of "Between Heaven and Mirth" and wanting to read it just because of the title, but I've not yet purchased it - money is tight.  I'll read the article you linked - maybe I can find a copy of the book at one of our local libraries, too...   So thank you for your suggestion.  It sounds like something I'll really enjoy.

 

Today was a better day, I'm convinced, because of everyone's prayers for me.  GOD BLESS YOU ALL - and know that I'm praying for all of YOU, as well.