Love For All People: How To Explain It?

[beatitude]

I have a close friend who is not a Christian and whose knowledge of Christianity is very poor. He's hostile to religion as a whole, but he's been quite intrigued by some of what I've shared about Catholicism, and he has enjoyed coming to Mass with me once or twice.

 

He does not understand the idea of unconditional love, of loving everyone, or of forgiveness. He thinks I'm being a walkover when I forgive, and he's adamant that some people are just fundamentally nasty and they aren't going to change.

 

He suffers from chronic depression, and recently he announced to me that it's obvious I only like him because I'm Christian and I 'have to love everyone', and he's sick and tired of being my charity case, and he doesn't want my pity friendship. I realised that this was the depression and the pain talking, plus his own terrible self-image, so I did my best to reassure him that I genuinely like him for himself and he's a good friend to have around. He then said, "But you like A." A is a friend of mine who is an ex-prisoner; he was convicted of assault a few times, he's unabashedly racist, and he sometimes struggles to keep on the straight and narrow. But A is really trying hard to turn his life around, and I can see that, and I respect him for it. As far as my friend is concerned, if I can like a violent person like A, then I can like just about anyone, and that makes my liking not worth having. In short, he'd feel more confident in my friendship and love if only I were more selective with it.

 

Does anyone here have any ideas on explaining (or better yet, showing) that Christian love is not some general blanket to throw over everyone, and that having love for all does not mean that you can't have a unique friendship with a person who is valuable to you for their own sake?

Edited December 28, 2013 by beatitude

[Luigi]

Paul defined love as "wanting what's best for the other person." I don't know which epistle it's in, though. Aquinas picked up on that definition and elaborated.

 

Loving a person is not the same as liking a person. I can want what's best for every individual on the face of the earth but not enjoy being in the company of most of them. I had a brother like that - toxic in every sense of the word, we couldn't get along, but I still wanted what was best for him. He didn't think so, but I did.  

 

So tell your friend you "love" everybody, but he's different - you actually "like" HIM.

[brandelynmarie]

He doesn't believe in unconditional love...or that it's possible to like somone even if there are parts about them that are “unlovable"...it sounds like he is going to keep questioning & testing your relationship's boundaries to see if it's real...just keep doing your best to keep on doing what you're doing... :) And, what are his thoughts on God? Is he familiar with 12 step programs? I find 12 steps, even just the spiritual one shows true ways to love & have healthy boundaries...

[BarbTherese]

People who suffer a mental illness are not at all easy people to deal with and often not fully responsible for what is said and done sadly - very often it is something far deeper than what appears that is doing the talking.  He probably is testing your relationship - just accept him and do what is necessary to continue the relationship.  I think explaining the vast difference between love and like is an excellent suggestion and yes, do tell him that you love AND LIKE him, although don't be surprised if it APPEARS not to work.  Having suffered (and still do) a mental illness myself, I know that sometimes people were spot on, but I was deeply angry and resentful sufficiently, not to want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right.  I just wanted to be angry and resentful and express it for any reason at all - hang the anger and resentment on to any vehicle whatsoever as long as I could express it.  And actually expressing negative emotions is far better and theraputic than bottling them up or denying them...............it is just very very hard and confusing on the other.  It is up to the therapist to sort out the real and actual reason for all the negativity.

Simply hanging in there with him and with kindness - and you will be doing far more good than you realize, I think.  Know too that in all likelihood he is not at all morally responsible for what he is saying.  Leave all that up to the Goodness of our Loving and Merciful Lord - far moreso than we can even wildly dream about .................. if that is such thoughts have crossed your mind.

And pray and I will be praying with you.

Edited December 29, 2013 by BarbaraTherese

[Mary+Immaculate<3]

You could share 1 Corinthians 4-13 with him :)

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

How long have you missioned this man, and i know missioned sounds cold but it is a mission of love. Have you seen any fruit bearing in his life, from your labor of love? And i'm unsure about unconditional love, god understands we have boundaries and need boundaries to continue to love fully. My limited understanding is that it is written all through the gospels these boundaries God allows us to have because we are human or perhaps says we need, to love like him, but not as him.

 

 

Jesus " The student can only hope to be like the master." words to that effect anyway.

Edited January 1, 2014 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

P.s. i may be wrong about the unconditional love but the gospels speak to me otherwise and say to me that i am correct, though it may be personal revelation of the gospel message and solely for my salvation and not communal. I don't know, pray about it. I guess that leads me to ask the question do you have boundaries, and perhaps God is speaking through this man to you. Pray about it, meditate on the word of God, examine your concience and talk about it with someone perhaps far more apt in the urrings of the spirit than i am.

 

God bless you.

 

Onward christian souls.

 

Jesus is LORD.