Discerning Where Doubts Come From

[EmilyAnn]

A friend of mine is discerning the religious life, she is in discernment with a specific community and has felt sure this is where she is called to. She is close to application, but confided in me that she is experiencing some doubts about being called to religious life. Knowing that I discerned away from religious life, she asked me how one can tell whether these doubts are just a temptation or an indication that she may not be called to religious life. I really haven't got the faintest idea so I was hoping some of you might be able something that could help her. 

 

Thanks in advance :)

[NotreDame]

Fr. Gallagher's book (and free podcasts) on Ignatius' approach to discernment of spirits would be extremely relevant to your friends questions... And a good spiritual religous who could advise on the subject:

 

http://www.discerninghearts.com/?page_id=1146

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

A friend of mine is discerning the religious life, she is in discernment with a specific community and has felt sure this is where she is called to. She is close to application, but confided in me that she is experiencing some doubts about being called to religious life. Knowing that I discerned away from religious life, she asked me how one can tell whether these doubts are just a temptation or an indication that she may not be called to religious life. I really haven't got the faintest idea so I was hoping some of you might be able something that could help her. 

 

Thanks in advance :)

 

Your friend should talk to someone like a spiritual director. Doubts may just be vague doubts which as a rule probably one should ignore as coming from the Evil One, but they may also be based questions of right intention, suitability, fear of commitment, lack of a true spirit of generosity, etc.

I had TONS of doubts about entering the monastery and my ability to live the life or even to WANT to live the life. This is normal. Lots of those doubts were based on pride--I thought that it was up to me to make it work rather than trusting that God would do wonderful things through me when I let him. Some doubts were because I hadn't fully died to myself and wasn't fully ready to let go. Other doubts were just the usual fear of something new.

 

Perhaps if I may, I would suggest that saying that one has "discerned away from religious life" isn't the best way to express it. To discern means to come to know or recognize something. To deliberate means to think about something carefully in order to make a decision. If one decides not to enter religious life or to enter religious life than a choice is made. It's really important in going forward in life to make decisions and choices. God gives us the grace but also the freedom whether or not to decide to embrace a way of life such as religious life. If we don't make choices we aren't acting fully as the persons God has created us to be. Making choices and decisions in the light of desiring GOd's will for us is true freedom.

 

I would really encourage your friend to talk to a priest or a vocation director and then to make a decision and act on it trusting that unless there are clear and obvious reasons why she should not apply to enter she should apply, etc. I will be praying for her!

From the Catechism: 1731 Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one’s own responsibility. By free will one shapes one’s own life. Human freedom is a force for growth and maturity in truth and goodness; it attains its perfection when directed toward God, our beatitude.

[nikita92]

Excellent advice and suggestions!! ;)

[EmilyAnn]

Thank you for your suggestions, I passed them on to my friend and she says thanks too. Unfortunately spiritual directors are almost non-existent in the UK, so I'm not sure if that will be possible for her. I'm sure I'll spot her trying to speak to our parish priest about it tomorrow - even if he can't do it he may be in a position to point her towards someone who can. We don't live in a very Catholic area (it's quite famous for being full of Baptists actually) so it might be tricky, a quick prayer would be very much appreciated!

 

Perhaps if I may, I would suggest that saying that one has "discerned away from religious life" isn't the best way to express it. To discern means to come to know or recognize something. To deliberate means to think about something carefully in order to make a decision. If one decides not to enter religious life or to enter religious life than a choice is made. It's really important in going forward in life to make decisions and choices. God gives us the grace but also the freedom whether or not to decide to embrace a way of life such as religious life. If we don't make choices we aren't acting fully as the persons God has created us to be. Making choices and decisions in the light of desiring GOd's will for us is true freedom.

 

I just wanted to clarify why I phrased it that way - I felt called to the religious life and was going to apply to a community when I came to realise that God was not calling me to the religious life, so it was a process of discernment and not just a choice I made. 

[NotreDame]

I get that good directors are hard to find even in very catholic places.  There's a good chance she could practice Ignatius' rules on her own.  I used a director to clarify my own conclusions, but in theory I arrived at them just by studying Fr. Gallaghers stuff.

[TheresaThoma]

If she can it might be helpful to talk to a Sister from a different community (the Vocation Director would be best) to gain some perspective. I am friends with a vocation director from  a community I am not discerning with and she has provided me with much needed perspective and wisdom in my own discernment.

[FFI Griswold]

Ave Maria!

 

One can phone, email, write, or even skype to receive spiritual direction from anywhere in the world these days. Such a serious decision should not be done without earnestly seeking counsel by submitting our will in spiritual direction. The doctors of the church and spiritual masters (St. Alphonsus, St. Teresa of Avila, etc.) warn against the countless errors that may seem so clear to us, but are revealed as the complete opposite by the voice of God in our spiritual directors. You can be accountable for your errors if you follow your own will, but even if your director is in error, you will not be responsible and obeying him will be most pleasing to God. You can find yourself saying, "Oh, I didn't see it that way," "Really? I've never heard that before," or "Oh my, what was I thinking?" many times, even regarding the most obvious or practical little things. God will give you many lights and graces through your spiritual director, and by consecrating yourself to Our Lady, She will lead you in the most perfect way possible. Ave Maria!

 

Mary, Mother of Vocations, pray for us!

 

In the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary,

 

fra John Paul

[Feankie]

Fra John Paul,

As a spiritual director myself, I cannot imagine doing it on-line, over the phone, via email, or on Skype.  In order to do my job well as a directress, I need to see my directees in person, watch their faces, see their body language, etc.  Little windows into the soul are often facial features and other body language.  Those, along with what a person is saying, are great indicators for me as to where they really are in their spiritual journey. As we all know on this Phorum and elsewhere, people often "say" things on the 'net and we take it the wrong way as we are not aware of the context of the comments, nor the state of mind the poster was in, etc. We often "read into" posts ideas/feelings, opinions that were not in the mind of thee poster. at all, but outgrowths of our own opinions.  I can see the possibility of that happening when the direction is not face-to-face.  My directees and I pray together, laugh together, and at times cry together.  My study where I see my directees is a safe place for them for discovery, etc.  Some of the things my directees have shared with me over the years would not be suitable to be placed on-line where the potential for others reading/listening to it would be possible.  

Edited December 9, 2013 by Francis Clare

[NotreDame]

The doctors of the church and spiritual masters (St. Alphonsus, St. Teresa of Avila, etc.) warn against the countless errors that may seem so clear to us, but are revealed as the complete opposite by the voice of God in our spiritual directors. You can be accountable for your errors if you follow your own will, but even if your director is in error, you will not be responsible and obeying him will be most pleasing to God.

 

The same doctors of the Church also point out the grave danger in having a poor spiritual director.  Garrigou Lagrange wrote the following:

 

St. Francis de Sales says on the subject of a director: "He must be a man of charity, learning, and prudence; if any one of these three qualities be wanting in him, there is danger." St. Teresa expresses the same opinion.

 

So obviously it's not so simple as calling someone your director and ceding your decisions to them, is it?

 

And reading "even if your director is in error, you will not be responsible (for obeying him)" literally, it is very easily proven false.  Obviously one is never absolved from the need to practice prudence and obey the moral law, so were this statement true it would be true only for a small subset of scenarios.

 

In general this blind obedience approach you find with some later-20th century groups is really not representative of the Church tradition on obedience.  It's a shame that some "orthodox, traditional" types have adopted what is essentially an unorthodox, non-traditional belief in near-absolute obedience.