Body Image Issues In Men

[Spem in alium]

 Jean-Claude Van Damme? Really? That's who you use as an example? There are tons of more relevant celebrities that you could have used. 

This is true.

 

I've definitely always dealt with body image issues. Surprisingly, height isn't one of them (Though it was once). All my life, people have constantly told me how really good-looking I am and talked in detail about my amazing features. I like that people have complimented me, but doing so in the magnitude that they have and still do has three possible consequences:

1. Gives you a really big head if you allow it to (Which it did for a while).

2. Make you set a bar of attractiveness for yourself. You need to never allow yourself to get lower than this bar, or, if you begin exercising more (Or period) and get more attractive features, you have set a new bar of attractiveness, and you can never go back to the other one. The only direction in attractiveness you can allow yourself to go is up.

3. Makes you focus on your exterior to the point where it makes you very insecure about yourself, making you think you have perhaps gained weight when you haven't, or that you haven't gained weight but still think you aren't skinny enough (Even though everyone says you're as skinny as a rail).

 

My new motto is to tell people "Thank you for the compliments. But please do me a favor and be more sparing with them, otherwise my perfect facial features will be ruined by my head growing into the size of Pluto."

 

Hah, love the motto. I can relate, though in my situation it's normally always been the opposite as I'm rarely complimented on my appearance.  

Height's never been an issue for me either, which may be surprising as I am 5". :)

[PhuturePriest]

This is true.


Hah, love the motto. I can relate, though in my situation it's normally always been the opposite as I'm rarely complimented on my appearance.

Height's never been an issue for me either, which may be surprising as I am 5". :)

Another consequence I forgot to mention is it makes you feel like your worth is dictated by your looks alone. I honestly feel worth more if I start exercising and get in better shape.

I think it's a shame people don't compliment you on your looks. I can tell you on this side of the lake being told how amazing you look constantly does not make you feel as amazing as you'd think. You end up insecure, which is only hidden by your big-headedness. However, everyone deserves to be complimented, and I can tell you I would rather be complimented on how much of a good person I am rather than my looks. Good looks may get you on the cover of Maxim Magazine, but holiness gets you to heaven.

[Spem in alium]

Another consequence I forgot to mention is it makes you feel like your worth is dictated by your looks alone. I honestly feel worth more if I start exercising and get in better shape.

I think it's a shame people don't compliment you on your looks. I can tell you on this side of the lake being told how amazing you look constantly does not make you feel as amazing as you'd think. You end up insecure, which is only hidden by your big-headedness. However, everyone deserves to be complimented, and I can tell you I would rather be complimented on how much of a good person I am rather than my looks. Good looks may get you on the cover of Maxim Magazine, but holiness gets you to heaven.

That seems to be a common consequence - I know quite a few people who seem to feel that way.

It's not so much of a problem for me, though it was once. I don't see myself as physically attractive, so usually I find I tend not to believe people when they compliment me on my appearance. In that regard I'm glad I don't receive such compliments so often. Instead, I try to work on bettering my character, as compliments regarding my personality, achievements or actions mean more to me and make a greater impression on me than remarks upon my looks. Several people I know seem to experience what you have described - they receive compliments on their appearance, but instead of being confident they are quite insecure. Everyone definitely deserves to be complimented, yes :)

[PhuturePriest]

That seems to be a common consequence - I know quite a few people who seem to feel that way.

It's not so much of a problem for me, though it was once. I don't see myself as physically attractive, so usually I find I tend not to believe people when they compliment me on my appearance. In that regard I'm glad I don't receive such compliments so often. Instead, I try to work on bettering my character, as compliments regarding my personality, achievements or actions mean more to me and make a greater impression on me than remarks upon my looks. Several people I know seem to experience what you have described - they receive compliments on their appearance, but instead of being confident they are quite insecure. Everyone definitely deserves to be complimented, yes :)

We seem to be in perfect agreement. I would love to be complimented on the things you mentioned instead of my looks. Being complimented on your looks only honestly feels belittling -- like that's all you are worth and capable of as a human being. It's almost as if people don't see potential in you to amount to much or have the potential to be a really good person.

[Era Might]

Era, I have never actually felt threatened in my life, only a fool would not assess a stranger to see if they may pose a threat. That's said, when you walk down a dark street do you watch your surroundings and size up a possible adversary ? By the way , what kind of women do you keep company with that you have to worry about another man entering? her attention. Here is some unsolicited advice, if the woman you are in company with causes you to question your confidence, then she is no better for you than you are for yourself.

 

ed

 

Feeling threatened means you are insecure. Of course, everyone feels insecure...it's not a woman thing.

 

A woman does not cause me to question my confidence, but that doesn't mean that men do not compare themselves with other men vis a vis their women. Just because you are confident doesn't mean nothing could ever happen to cause your wife to stray (or you to stray). You may think you are a god among men to your woman, but your woman sees your flaws more clearly than you do (and if she cares about you, she accepts them). And male influence happens in other ways...that's what marketing is all about, tapping into what people want. Why does Gillette make commercials with men feeling smooth and clean? Because men like to feel smooth and clean, and when they see another man doing it, they want to be smooth and clean too. It's not only metrosexuals who buy shaving cream.

 

It's remarkable that you have never felt threatened in your life. You are missing out on one of the great human experiences...that's when you really learn who you are.

Edited December 3, 2013 by Era Might

[CrossCuT]

Thanks for the post FP! I think you make a good point...the media is pressuring and dictating its ideal beauty to both sexes however the scales have always been tipped much more heavily on the side of women. Just because of the history of female equality etc, women have been carved out of a not so great past; they were considered property and therefore needed to look and act a certain way. If your property wasnt as good as everyone elses, you didnt want it!

Women have come a long way but society as a whole has not completely escaped this past. The media still has a heavy had in telling women how to act and what to look like.

The same goes for men however like I said, the pressure on the two is not the same.

 

Then entire fashion industry uses models that are a size 0-2 exclusivity. I recall watching a designer show where they had to design clothes for the "average" woman...who was a size 12-14 or so...one of the designers couldnt do it; they literally had no idea how to style an outfit to complement that body type. Its ridiculous. 

 

It is much more socially acceptable for a man to be both mildly overweight as well as thin. Thin guys are still considered sexy in a nerdy way whereas women are neither allowed to be flat-butt, flat-chested OR overweight. The somewhat recent example I have is the whole Abercrombie madness...where the CEO refused to sell large female sizes to prevent "uncool" people from shopping at his store. Why then didnt he do that for men? Why didnt he refuse to sell small sizes in mens clothing to balance the "uncool" thin boys? Its a silly double standard.

 

 

But I think you are right in many cases...men are JUST as susceptible to feeling pressured under this beauty ideal...its unfortunate that it doesnt receive as much attention however I believe that is due to the fact that the pressure on the two sexes isnt the same.

[PhuturePriest]

Thanks for the post FP! I think you make a good point...the media is pressuring and dictating its ideal beauty to both sexes however the scales have always been tipped much more heavily on the side of women. Just because of the history of female equality etc, women have been carved out of a not so great past; they were considered property and therefore needed to look and act a certain way. If your property wasnt as good as everyone elses, you didnt want it!

Women have come a long way but society as a whole has not completely escaped this past. The media still has a heavy had in telling women how to act and what to look like.

The same goes for men however like I said, the pressure on the two is not the same.

 

Then entire fashion industry uses models that are a size 0-2 exclusivity. I recall watching a designer show where they had to design clothes for the "average" woman...who was a size 12-14 or so...one of the designers couldnt do it; they literally had no idea how to style an outfit to complement that body type. Its ridiculous. 

 

It is much more socially acceptable for a man to be both mildly overweight as well as thin. Thin guys are still considered sexy in a nerdy way whereas women are neither allowed to be flat-butt, flat-chested OR overweight. The somewhat recent example I have is the whole Abercrombie madness...where the CEO refused to sell large female sizes to prevent "uncool" people from shopping at his store. Why then didnt he do that for men? Why didnt he refuse to sell small sizes in mens clothing to balance the "uncool" thin boys? Its a silly double standard.

 

 

But I think you are right in many cases...men are JUST as susceptible to feeling pressured under this beauty ideal...its unfortunate that it doesnt receive as much attention however I believe that is due to the fact that the pressure on the two sexes isnt the same.

 

This thread isn't really about the body image issues of women. I concede that women feel more pressure to be beautiful than guys do, but at the same time, the body image issues for men are never talked about, whereas it is talked about all the time with women, so I thought it might be interesting if we made a thread about it to discuss it.

[CrossCuT]

This thread isn't really about the body image issues of women. I concede that women feel more pressure to be beautiful than guys do, but at the same time, the body image issues for men are never talked about, whereas it is talked about all the time with women, so I thought it might be interesting if we made a thread about it to discuss it.

 

Youre right. I asked my bf about it just a moment ago, he said he def feels pressure to look a certain way, but it all depends on how much you let it bother you. 

 

In the end, be healthy and be happy. 

[Not The Philosopher]

My curly hair is the envy of elderly ladies everywhere.

[PhuturePriest]

My curly hair is the envy of elderly ladies everywhere.

 

My hourglass curves are the envy of teenaged girls everywhere.

 

Seriously, I have hourglass curves. My hips aren't big, my waste is just really small.

[Spem in alium]

We seem to be in perfect agreement. I would love to be complimented on the things you mentioned instead of my looks. Being complimented on your looks only honestly feels belittling -- like that's all you are worth and capable of as a human being. It's almost as if people don't see potential in you to amount to much or have the potential to be a really good person.

 

I think so! I think if a person was only complimented on one thing (say, one particular characteristic or physical attribute) it would certainly have the potential to make the person feel belittled. But one shouldn't let compliments define who they are or how valuable they are. They are just another person's expression of what they see in us at a particular moment, and sometimes they can be just empty words. A person is more than what other people say they are :) What should matter most of all is how we see ourselves and how God sees us. :) 

[Slappo]

To some extent pressure to look a certain way is good, but the extent is very little, and it ends at around the point of maintaining decency (no paint clothes in church for instance...).

[Guest]

FP post your pic (no homo)

[PhuturePriest]

FP post your pic (no homo)

 

I question how you can't find one of my nine million pictures on Phatmass, but here ya go:

 

 

 

 

 

[Jaime]

This post makes my butt look big