Concern For A Friend

[hotpink]

One of my friends I grew up with...she's like my big sister, I'll call Hanna, got engaged early last year to a guy who seems nice (they've been going out for 5 years.  "Henry" is a cradle catholic who seems to be pretty nice.  Huge traditional Catholics, his dad is one of 11,  his mom is one of 8 who seem pretty normal but she died 3 years ago from heart failure.  He has three brothers and an estranged sister.

 

Henry always told Hanna that the sister went crazy.  That she cut out the family, is vastly mentally ill and unstable.  I mean who leaves a dying mother?  It sounded logical to me and I told her that it happens in the best of families and that it's sad but America doesn't let you go rescue mentally ill people, they have to do it themselves.  He said the family tried.

 

Hanna has always been a bit concerned about that...she said something didn't feel right when he talked about her.  

 

This summer Hanna was talking to one of Henry's aunts at a family gathering.  Henry's estranged sister is apparently quite normal, and has been for the past 15 years that she's been estranged.  His aunt dropped the bombshell that she's estranged because she accused Henry's parents of abuse.  When Hanna asked Henry, he responded with the same line, his sister is a mentally ill liar who killed his mom by literally breaking her heart.  That his brothers and he are in agreement on his sister. That good Catholic families stick together.

 

Hanna dosn't believe Henry and has a lot of concerns especially once they have kids.  Henry is livid that she'd suggest not going to family activities based on the accusations of mentally ill liar sister.   That his 2 other brother's kids (5 of them) ages (2-11) are fine...so of course there's nothing wrong.

 

Hanna asked what I'd do.  I have no idea.  What would you do?  I don't' want to get in the middle, but I don't want Hanna's to get hurt.  Hanna is torn because she thinks that at 36 she is running out of time to find a good guy and have kids but feels like if the sister isn't a liar then Henry is lying and thats really a deal breaker.

 

 

[CrossCuT]

Hanna doesnt trust her fiance? 

[hotpink]

Hanna doesnt trust her fiance? 

 

They've had fights which I've stayed out of, but the aunt really put doubts in her mind apparently, and her fiancee refuses to even discuss the possibility his sister is anything but a mentally ill hopelessly cruel and evil person.

[Winchester]

Why does it matter that his parents are fat?

[Winchester]

If she literally broke her mother's heart, I would think the ME would have noticed it.

[CrossCuT]

They've had fights which I've stayed out of, but the aunt really put doubts in her mind apparently, and her fiancee refuses to even discuss the possibility his sister is anything but a mentally ill hopelessly cruel and evil person.

 

Hmm, well there is no reason he should be refusing to talk about it with her about it.

 

My dad came from a very large family and has a sister who disowned herself as well. However his sister was very violent and vindictive. 

The only difference is that my dads siblings are constantly reaching out to her; they always send her emails of family events etc but she never shows up.

 

Seems like there is a lot of resentment and blame on a situation that isnt the estranged sisters fault. To blame someone for killing their mother is a pretty serious thing. 3 years after their mothers death may not be long enough to allow that pain to go away. :(

[NotreDame]

Possible scenario... Dad sexually abuses daughter, daughter tells mom, mom freaks out, sister leaves, parents tell sons sister is just crazy... So neither the fiance nor his sister are lying.   Maybe time to talk to the sister. 

[Era Might]

"Hannah doesn't believe Henry"

 

That's all that needs to be said. If that's true, then she shouldn't be in a relationship with him, let alone a marriage. Trust is everything. I don't think this situation is about his sister or his family or anything else, it's about that.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Era Might

[PhuturePriest]

It seems fishy that no one is willing to discuss anything. I'm a very curious person, plus this is kind of important in the marriage, so I would investigate more to see what the story truly is.

[hotpink]

Hi all, the board must be so much more active in the evening.  I'm on before work on the west coast.  I'm going to try to answer everything using the handi dandy multi quote.  I appreciate all your help.  Follow up question...if I think that Hanna is making a mistake but she gets married anyway do I go to the wedding?

 

 

Why does it matter that his parents are fat?

 

They are but I don't think I mentioned that

 

If she literally broke her mother's heart, I would think the ME would have noticed it.

 

Well she had heart problems before "Henry's" sister left but apparently they made it worse.

 

Hmm, well there is no reason he should be refusing to talk about it with her about it.

 

My dad came from a very large family and has a sister who disowned herself as well. However his sister was very violent and vindictive. 

The only difference is that my dads siblings are constantly reaching out to her; they always send her emails of family events etc but she never shows up.

 

Seems like there is a lot of resentment and blame on a situation that isnt the estranged sisters fault. To blame someone for killing their mother is a pretty serious thing. 3 years after their mothers death may not be long enough to allow that pain to go away. :(

 

 

He hasn't talked to the sister in 15 years.  Neither have Henry's brothers.  They are in their 30's.   However, this all happened when they were very young....the youngest was barley a teenager.  I think it was that she left at 20, and the boys were 23, 17 (Henry), 15, and 13.  So add 15 to all that.  

 

Possible scenario... Dad sexually abuses daughter, daughter tells mom, mom freaks out, sister leaves, parents tell sons sister is just crazy... So neither the fiance nor his sister are lying.   Maybe time to talk to the sister. 

 

None of the brothers know where the sister lives and the oldest brother has a pretty good command of the younger ones, including Henry.  The aunt indicated something along those lines.

 

 

"Hannah doesn't believe Henry"

 

That's all that needs to be said. If that's true, then she shouldn't be in a relationship with him, let alone a marriage. Trust is everything. I don't think this situation is about his sister or his family or anything else, it's about that.

 

 

Its not in general, its just about this.  Maybe I'm over dramatizing.  She dosn't believe that the sister could be so bad and evil and that nothing could be done...things just don't add up.  Henry won't discuss it at all...which leaves her feeling that she should be worried about his father after all.  Again, the oldest brother seems to be leading the charge and keeping the younger ones (including Henry) in line.  When Hanna spoke to the youngest brother (who was only 12 or 13 when the sister left) he seemed very sad and said that he remembered a nice sister  but repeated almost robotically the line about her being mentally ill and evil.

 

It seems fishy that no one is willing to discuss anything. I'm a very curious person, plus this is kind of important in the marriage, so I would investigate more to see what the story truly is.

 

Yeah, except she tells me he's a brick wall....as with all his brothers...when discussing this topic.  She's only ever made headway with the aunt.