Relatives...

[southern california guy]

If nothing else they have totally lost my respect. I had no idea that they were such jealous dishonest people. For my uncle to waste over a year to steal a little over $2000 from me is downright petty. He is a sick old man and I am not talking about his Parkinson's.

The money isn't really the point. And whether we "deserve" it or not. In doing this they have shown a total lack of respect for us. It's like if somebody pick pockets me -- and I've only got $100 in the wallet-- I am going to be upset and feel violated. My uncles violated me and my family.

[AnneLine]

I get what you are saying, SoCalGuy.   You are also trying to honor your Uncles wishes that the right people get the money he wanted them to get.  
 

Prayerfully think about how much and why you want to keep pushing at this.  You may decide you need to keep doing it because of the justice issue - that is what CatherineM and Norseman are suggesting.  Whether this is financially possible, we can't determine... and if you are like me, sometimes I could care less if I make money, I just want the justice of the thing resolved.

 

Other times... it is not worth what the fight does inside your own heart.  There have been times that I knew I was in the right but CHOSE not to continue the fight, because I was getting too angry and to hurt.   This may be one of those times for you... or it may not be.

 

For certain, you have a reason to feel angry, violated and disrespected.  And to be really, really upset at the injustice of this thing.  But don't let them take your peace of soul, or you will let them take another piece of your real inheritance they are NOT entitled to steal.

 

You may find it worth your time to find a counselor or someone else who is impartial with whom you can talk this out.   Because you don't want it to fester.  You need to make the best choice you can make, and then move forward.   I will be praying for you, and you're welcome to PM me if it would help to talk a bit....

 

[Golden Years]

Forgive them, let go and move on.  It's a spiritual and emotional trap.  Pray for them and God will reward you.  Especially have Mass said for the repose of your Uncle's soul. 

[southern california guy]

I agree with you guys.  It is better to move on.  I can understand how family feuds get going... My idiot uncle who is probably only going to live a couple of more years spent almost a full year stealing little over $2000 from me.  No rational person would waste their time.  He is obviously "getting even" for something, and the best thing for me to do would be to move on.  In a couple of years he -- and even the other uncles -- are going to be dead, and I will still be moving on with my life.  

 

Maybe the best thing I can do is to keep that in mind and focus on the future and where I am going.  Because I have much more important things to concern myself with.  I don't have to waste my time fighting with crazy old men, even if they are my uncles.

[southern california guy]

Having worked as a legal secretary AND as a bereavement counselor, I have heard about so many situations like this.

I do think, in one sense, that CatherineM is right about restitution.... but sometimes it isn't worth what it would take out of you, SoCal guy.

 

I am praying in a very special way for you and for your whole family tonight, SoCalGuy,  and hold you and your family in a loving embrace!!!

 

Below are some ideas on 'how to forgive an enemy' that were prepared by my old friend Marla Cilley the FlyLady.  I like her housework tips... but I also like how she lives out her faith.  She admits that this is a little more personal and spiritual in nature, but I think it is VERY helpful.  She sends it out from time to time, and I and many of my friends have found it helpful.

 

 

================================

 

Dear Friends,

As most of you know I have been having a problem with praying for someone that is trying to hurt my husband. I asked for your prayers and guidance. You are all such wonderful and spiritual people and through your suggestions, I have found a way to pray for her. All is fine now!

Here are some Prayer tips that worked for you.

I. Set the atmosphere for prayer.
   A. Play spiritual music on the stereo
   B. Sing
   C. Find your quiet place and pray there

II. Make yourself right with God first.
    A. Confess your sins
    B. Confess why you are having a hard time praying
       1. He already knows, he want you to hear it.
       2. Be honest and spill your heart
    C. Pray for wisdom and insight
    D. Ask others to pray for you
    E. Ask someone to pray with you at first
III. It is your duty to pray for your enemy.
     A. Read a scripture to help
         1. Ephesians 3:14-21
         2. Proverbs 16:1-7.
         3. Proverbs 25:21 & 22.
         4. Matthew 6:14
         5. Romans 12:14
      B. Look at what Jesus did when he was being mistreated
         1. Matthew 26:36-75
         2. Mark 14:43-72
         3. Luke 22:47-71
         4. John 19
     C. You can do this
IV. Put this person in prospective
     A. See them as a little child
     B. See them as a child of God
     C. Remember they are only flesh and blood too
     D. Satan is after them as well
V. Start simply
    A. Asked God to Bless their heart
    B. Thank God for the Good that is in this person
    C. Do this even if you don't believe it.
    D. Ask God for blessings that you would ask for yourself
    E. Write down a simple prayer and read it
    F. Substitute their name in the blanks.
    G.
VI. Reasons to pray.
    A. It will do you more good than the person you are praying for
        1. You will release the anger
        2. It will help you sleep at night.
        3. You will not have bad feelings eating away at you.
        4. You will not be sinning.
    B. Your inability to pray
        1. Is a sin
        2. This means Satan is after you too.
        3. You are no better than the person that has wronged you
        4. But you are a good person and good people pray for enemies
        5. Unforgiveness (God gave me a picture once of unforgiveness. It is like a woman in full labor,
           in lots of pain ,that closes her legs and says," No! I am not going to give birth". She can rid
           herself of the pain but chooses not to. It is a choice for you to carry this burden.)
           {this is from a member}I loved it. We can all understand this
     C. You will be blessed
         1. Your burden will be lifted
         2. God can and will change their heart
         3. If not he will take your vengeance (coals of fire)
            a. Don't pray for this reason
            b. or you will not be blessed
VII. Example of simple prayers.
      A. Ask God to melt their heart of stone
      B. Bless her heart, Bless her heart
      C. Heavenly Father, you are all knowing and all wise. I am just a human and
          do not understand everything that happens. Please give me guidance to
          deal with your child,XXX. Help me to know what I should be doing.Father,
          give XXX the wisdom to do what is right. Help XXX to remember that we
          are all your children and that you want us to love one another and treat
          each others with love. Give XXX your loving guidance in all she does.
       D. Smile every time you think about this person(my DH told me that one)
       E. Every time you have a bad thought about them
           1. Ask for forgiveness
           2. Say a pray for them right then and there
           3. This will help you to realize, and control your thoughts
       F. Set a specific time to pray for them
           1. When you wash the dishes
           2. When you take a bath
           3. When you are driving
           4. When you watch the birds.
           5. When you do something you really enjoy doing

I hope these wonderful suggestions have helped you as much as they have helped me. I never knew when I started this list that I was going to be dealing with these kind of issues. I knew that I was spiritual, but never thought of myself as a person that would be able to share a testimony like this one. I have never done this before and you certainly do not have to read this if you do not want to. Some of you already know this.

 

=============================

 

Thank you, again, to Marla Cilley, the FlyLady, and please pray for her .....  and find lots of interesting things at http://www.flylady.net

 

Thank you AnneLine, I will do this  ;)

[CatherineM]

I did many wills, most of them for people who knew they were dying. A person's last wishes are sacred. We have no right to talk them out of it or subvert it after they are gone.

You don't fight for the money or property for yourself, you fight for it to fulfill someone's last wishes. You do it in place of someone who can no longer speak for themselves.

[southern california guy]

I did many wills, most of them for people who knew they were dying. A person's last wishes are sacred. We have no right to talk them out of it or subvert it after they are gone.

You don't fight for the money or property for yourself, you fight for it to fulfill someone's last wishes. You do it in place of someone who can no longer speak for themselves.

In the case of my Uncles this is a fight that has been going on a long time. The one Uncle had been told by my grandparents that if he took a job near their family farm -- that the farm would be his. He didn't. He took a job way up north in Cleavland. And the Uncle that died is the one who bought the farm from the grandparents. The uncle up in Cleavland insisted that the farm should have gone to him and bad mouthed his brother his entire life over it.

The other Uncle is a total sociopath. When my uncle was dying, he was too weak to even lift a glass and drink. The other Uncle was supposed to be helping. Instead he insisted that his brother was just going to have to learn how to drink by himself. Well he got super dehydrated and died...

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I agree with CatherineM on this.  If they are doing this to you, they may be doing this to other family members, so this is not something to just "let go", no matter what religious guilt trips are laid on you.  Despite what some may say, your soul will not be put into jepoardy simply for standing up for your rights in a legal way - in fact, if I were in your position, I'd be more worried about not standing up for anyone else that may be shafted. 

 

I would suggest contacting other family members who are beneficiaries of the "trust" to see what they are experiencing.  If you find out that you and everyone else are getting what they are supposed to and no "funny business" is going on, then all is well.  If not, then whereas it may not be worth the effort for you to fight this alone, if you work with others it may be worth the effort.  Just be sure to have all your facts and documentation straight. 

 

 

religious guilt trips? are you a free mason, sounds like something they have seeded amongst the faithfull? No one has suggested his soul is in jeopardy.

Edited November 14, 2013 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[blazeingstar]

You sound like my uncles.. I did send out emails but the relatives in Ohio ignored them. I think their feelings are that they will eventually get something if they just keep their mouths shut and wait it out. And they feel that if they helped my family kick out the uncles in charge than my family would just take it all.

Really the people that my dead Uncle left it to are the people entitled to the money. If we had enough money to fight it we could criminally prosecute them. The fact that we did not work for it does not make it theirs to keep. It's a bit like they are settling a score.

 

The intention is not for me, a random Internet stranger in her 30's to sound like your 60+ selfish uncle.

 

The intention is to help you let go and breathe and not make dream castles that will inevitably hurt you.  The thing about money is that the more ways you think of spending it, the more fanciful it becomes.

 

I had a paycheck that recently went to states unclaimed funds from a job I worked 7 years ago.  Now this check is likely not more than $50...but I earned it. My point was that while justice entitles you to the money because of your uncle's wishes, it is not earned, its a gift and someone is being greedy and messing that gift up.

 

Your house did not burn down, your child did not die, your work didn't accuse you of stealing becuase you left a pen in your pocket.  You probably had some incling that your uncles were greedy men, but not to which extent.  That seems to be the crux of the problem.  You are angry for so many reasons, but are focusing on the money and how much better you could spend it.  To me, your attitude sounds alot more like the people at McDonalds who "deserve" $15 an hour.  

 

I think as you have a new family, you need to redefine who you want in your life and how that is going to look.

 

The family drama is so insane.  I mean I couldn't imagine my grandparents saying to my mom and her other brother "you move away you can't get the farm"  What an provoking, cruel thing to say, especially to a young man who just may have needed some time away.  And probably didn't even get his cut as the protigal son did---no wonder he is bitter, I'd be a bit bitter too.  My parents have made it clear that we kids don't get an inheritance, but if they threatened me with no inheritance...especially one as emotionally important as a farm (which I'm sure the brother who moved away had emotional ties) I would be livid and bitter.  Take a job on (not near or with) the farm or be cut out?  Sorry, my sympathy is with that uncle, especially if he had a family of his own to care about.

 

About the dying uncle getting dehydrated...was there not medical services involved?  Elder abuse is a pretty severe accusation.

Edited November 14, 2013 by blazeingstar

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

I think you are entitled to the money by law but it is not a rite that you are entitled to by nature or heaven. Unfortunate that you didn't get the money because you need a bit of a financial boost but not the end of the world. As someone said you may perhaps have and i'm not saying you did build some kind of hopes from money that you didn't yet have. Fight it or leave it alone is up to you. There is no repentance you need to do, you have done nothing wrong just perhaps hoped for the wrong thing, i don't believe you where being greedy your intentions where good but perhaps misled on the matter of that you didn't actually have the money yet, but you must break the grip of this on you and not be saying but i could have done this with the money or i could have done that, this is a trick of the devil to chain you up and torture you mentally and emotionally you don't have the money and may never get it, concentrate on your tasks for each day ie: i think you said your studying so go back to that and when you get a job God will provide all your financial needs and perhaps some want's too. Whether or not you pursue this matter through legal avenues is up to you but don't worry about it brother even though your hurt, and particularily don't let the enemy hatch in you the seed of revenge. I like what you said about how you still wish to be involved with your cousins and there families, i think that is great and Christ like, but you will need to forgive your uncles which may take time and perhaps some praying for them even though you may or may not ever see them again, i find praying for people that hurt me heals me and opens up the mercy gates of forgiveness. Perhaps some or all that i have said may help, hopefully none deceive but this is all just my honest opinion and truely what i am saying is reminding myself of many things also. I hope this all works out for you in a manner becoming of faith, hope, love, wisdom, courage and patience. Don't beat yourself up over any of this either and don't beat anyone else up over this either, offer it all up to God if you can, as many times as is necessary asap. God here's the cries of the wounded, he is great in his mercy and compassion.

 

God iz LOVE!

 

Jesus iz LORD!

Edited November 14, 2013 by Tab'le De'Bah-Rye

[southern california guy]

The intention is not for me, a random Internet stranger in her 30's to sound like your 60+ selfish uncle.

The intention is to help you let go and breathe and not make dream castles that will inevitably hurt you. The thing about money is that the more ways you think of spending it, the more fanciful it becomes.

I had a paycheck that recently went to states unclaimed funds from a job I worked 7 years ago. Now this check is likely not more than $50...but I earned it. My point was that while justice entitles you to the money because of your uncle's wishes, it is not earned, its a gift and someone is being greedy and messing that gift up.

Your house did not burn down, your child did not die, your work didn't accuse you of stealing becuase you left a pen in your pocket. You probably had some incling that your uncles were greedy men, but not to which extent. That seems to be the crux of the problem. You are angry for so many reasons, but are focusing on the money and how much better you could spend it. To me, your attitude sounds alot more like the people at McDonalds who "deserve" $15 an hour.

I think as you have a new family, you need to redefine who you want in your life and how that is going to look.

The family drama is so insane. I mean I couldn't imagine my grandparents saying to my mom and her other brother "you move away you can't get the farm" What an provoking, cruel thing to say, especially to a young man who just may have needed some time away. And probably didn't even get his cut as the protigal son did---no wonder he is bitter, I'd be a bit bitter too. My parents have made it clear that we kids don't get an inheritance, but if they threatened me with no inheritance...especially one as emotionally important as a farm (which I'm sure the brother who moved away had emotional ties) I would be livid and bitter. Take a job on (not near or with) the farm or be cut out? Sorry, my sympathy is with that uncle, especially if he had a family of his own to care about.

About the dying uncle getting dehydrated...was there not medical services involved? Elder abuse is a pretty severe accusation.

He can be angry at his parents making the gift of the farm conditional on his taking a nearby job -- but he should not have demanded that it be given to him later.

The problem is that he does not respect wills or trusts. His parents did not owe him the farm. You can't go demanding that you get certain things from your parents.

[southern california guy]

I think that wills and trusts need to be administered by a third party.

[blazeingstar]

He can be angry at his parents making the gift of the farm conditional on his taking a nearby job -- but he should not have demanded that it be given to him later.

The problem is that he does not respect wills or trusts. His parents did not owe him the farm. You can't go demanding that you get certain things from your parents.

 

 

So he's angry and the money was left in his control by his brother.  His brother inevitably decided that he would be in control.  Perhaps its not fair, nor a neutral 3rd party but its what was decided at one point.

[southern california guy]

So he's angry and the money was left in his control by his brother. His brother inevitably decided that he would be in control. Perhaps its not fair, nor a neutral 3rd party but its what was decided at one point.

He wasn't left in charge of the money to pay it out any way he wanted to. He was left in charge to pay the money out as specified by the trust.

What he is doing instead is stealing money -- and playing family members against each over. It seems to be a bit of a power trip for him. A third party administrator would be more likely to pay the money out as specified by the will or trust.

After seeing this I am definitely setting mine up that way.

[blazeingstar]

He wasn't left in charge of the money to pay it out any way he wanted to. He was left in charge to pay the money out as specified by the trust.

What he is doing instead is stealing money -- and playing family members against each over. It seems to be a bit of a power trip for him. A third party administrator would be more likely to pay the money out as specified by the will or trust.

After seeing this I am definitely setting mine up that way.

 

good for you.  But I still think you are crying over spilt milk and need to let this go.  Its so far beyond you that you need to forget that that money ever was earmarked for you.  If a couple of thousands of dollars gives an old man his peace, then let him.  You are capable of earning your own money and do not have the wound of being rejected by your parents.