Stressed

[ChristinaTherese]

I asked for prayers in the Prayer Room already, but I just kind of wanted to talk anyway. I'm stressed. My grandma broke her knee a bit over a week ago (and had surgery the next day), isn't doing too well right now, and hasn't been very lucid in the nursing home lately. It hurt so badly to see her that way yesterday. I don't know how I would have been without Mass that morning. I don't want to tell my parents how much it hurt though, because then my mom might not be as open with me about what's going on, so as to spare me pain. I don't want that... it's just hard especially when I have college to deal with at the same time. The last time I saw her in a bed like that was after she had pancreatic cancer when I was a kid, in fifth or sixth grade. I wish I could cry on someone's shoulder right now.... But I can't right now. And I don't want to call my mom. Anyway, maybe this isn't a very coherent post. Sorry, I guess I'm not feeling that coherent right now. Just, please, pray for me. And all of us.

[AnneLine]

Our hearts and prayers are with you, Christina Therese. What you wrote is PERFECTLY coherent.

 

 It is not easy to see something like that, and I am glad you feel you can talk to us about it.   Most us know what it is like, and we're happy to be here for you.  PM if you need us, OK?

 

Will be praying with a friend in a few moments, and we will pray for all of you very specially.   :pray: :console:

[TheresaThoma]

:console: You have my prayers, and don't be afraid to reach out to somebody (and if you can't think of someone ask God to send someone to you, He will). 

[ChristinaTherese]

Thank you both. I have friends I wanted to talk to, but my brother is on the east coast and I didn't want to wake him up, my friends on campus probably wanted to go to bed, I just don't feel like I can look for comfort from my roommate (maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like we have so many differences, including that she's an atheist, that it would be hard to find comfort there like I could find elsewhere), my PA didn't answer the doorbell when I stopped by to ask how she's doing with her grandpa.... Yeah. I was feeling very alone last night. And since it's actually daytime now, I've been able to talk to friends in class and my stand partner (she's been having family issues lately too, although I don't know of what sort) and that's been good. Now I just need to lose myself in gladiators in some non-stressful way so that I can write a few pages for my professor. The final draft is supposed to be 7-8 pages but he said at least three is fine for the rough draft, so it shouldn't be too bad.... I just need to do it and not get frozen with stress again like I did last night. Anyway. Thank you both.

[cmaD2006]

praying hun and hang in there!  We've got your back with prayers.

[Spem in alium]

Praying for you all, CT. Hang in there.  :console: 

[ChristinaTherese]

Did I imply that everything is fine by ignoring the thread? It was. This thread should be entitled something to the effect of "The Crazy Drama of Christina's Family", though. Because my aunt and uncle were visiting my grandma, which is a wonderful thing. Then my aunt had a heart attack and died. Her body is being shipped back to Kansas. The funeral is sometime next week, I think. My parents will be flying there, and my mom may or may not be able to get to my concert next Friday. Oh my....

 

But my grandma is more cogent now. Which is particularly good now, probably, because it would be awful if she forgot this or was out of it and didn't even know it happened. But at the same time I wonder how this could affect her. Pray for her. Pray for my aunt. Pray for my uncle. Pray for my cousins.

 

As far as me, I haven't been terribly close to that part of the family, and I just got the news a few minutes ago, so I'm not feeling horribly stressed by it yet. We'll see, though. At least midterms are over.... Sigh.

 

And a bit of Narnia, specifically The Magician's Nephew, that came to mind as I was slowly calming down on Tuesday (Thanks for all of your prayers for me!):

 

Chapter 12: Strawberry's Adventure

 

Digory kept his mouth very tight shut. He had been growing more and more uncomfortable. He hoped that whatever happened, he woudn't blub or do anything ridiculous.

 

"Son of Adam," said Aslan. "Are you ready to undo the wrong that you have done to my sweet country of Narnia on the very day of its birth?"

 

"Well, I don't see what I can do," said Digory. "You see, the Queen ran away and--"

 

"I asked, are you ready," said the Lion.

 

"Yes," said Digory. He had had for a second some wild idea of saying "I'll try to help you if you'll promise to help about my Mother," but he realised in time that the Lion was not at all the sort of person one could try to make bargains with. But when he had said "Yes," he thought of his Mother, and he thought of the great hopes he had had, and how they were all dying away, and a lump came in his throat and tears in his eyes, and he blurted out:

 

"But please--won't you--can't you give me something that will cure Mother?" Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great front feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big, brigt tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother than he was himself.

 

"My son, my son," said Aslan. "I know. Grief is great. Ony you and I in this land know that yet. Let us be good to one another. But I have to think of hundreds of years in the life on Narnia. The Witch whom you have grought into this world will come back to Narnia again. But it need not be yet. It is my wish to plant in Narnia a tree that she will not dare to approach, and that tree will protect Narnia from her for many years. So this land shall have a long, bright morning before any clouds come over the sun. You must get me the seed from which that tree is to grow."

 

Yes, sir," said Digory. He didn't know how it was to be done but he felt quite sure now that he would be able to do it. The Lion drew a deep breath, stooped its head even lower and gave him a Lion's kiss. And at once Digory felt that new strength and courage had gone into him.

 

The bolded part is what came to mind as I prayed, really just the image of Aslan's face (notably pretty much exactly how I have imagined Jesus' face on the cross so many times, but that's another story to be ignored and not told at another time) looking full of love and with tears standing in His eyes. (Capital h because it's definitely an allegory of Jesus.)

 

ETA: And just a funny thing: I'm pretty sure that a friend called me Christina by accident the other day. And he doesn't know that my middle name is Christine or what my screen name is. I didn't even twitch, it just seemed natural. (And I couldn't tell what he said at first, until he corrected it to my first name.)

Edited November 10, 2013 by Christina Thérèse

[Anastasia13]

Hugs and prayers. Literature does a person good, huh? It does get better.

[AnneLine]

You are having a tough few weeks, Christina Therese!.  I'm glad you are reaching out, and we are here for you.  Can even arrange a call or Skype if needed, ok?  

 

I actually had a class in college called 'Visionary Child in Literature' - we read children's books and journaled about what reading them brought up for us.  

 

I love using literature as a way of working through grief.  Madeleine L'Engle's books especially have been very powerful for me.  A Ring of Endless Light was especially powerful for me when I was dealing with my mother's illness and facing my own grief.  Ironically, Wind in the Willows was also very powerful for me during that time -- something about 'Ratty' just talked to my heart.

 

Ask St. Therese and her parents, Bl. Louis and Bl. Zelie, to intercede for you and your family.  They went through a lot of what you are describing, and I know they will watch over you..... ask for more details if you are curious....

[TheresaThoma]

Prayers, it is hard to lose someone to a heart attack. 

[ChristinaTherese]

I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I remember spending time with her, so it isn't that big of a loss to me. But my uncle... and their kids (all adopted, all a lot of work, and all grown but some of them hang around the house still anyway) are surely having a hard time. And my dad and grandma. And basically the family sans me and my brother.

[ChristinaTherese]

You are having a tough few weeks, Christina Therese!.  I'm glad you are reaching out, and we are here for you.  Can even arrange a call or Skype if needed, ok?  

 

I actually had a class in college called 'Visionary Child in Literature' - we read children's books and journaled about what reading them brought up for us.  

 

I love using literature as a way of working through grief.  Madeleine L'Engle's books especially have been very powerful for me.  A Ring of Endless Light was especially powerful for me when I was dealing with my mother's illness and facing my own grief.  Ironically, Wind in the Willows was also very powerful for me during that time -- something about 'Ratty' just talked to my heart.

 

Ask St. Therese and her parents, Bl. Louis and Bl. Zelie, to intercede for you and your family.  They went through a lot of what you are describing, and I know they will watch over you..... ask for more details if you are curious....

I'll bite. More details, please.

[BG45]

Prayers for you and your family, poor kids and uncle :(

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

Praying :pray:

[ChristinaTherese]

Update: I would like to go to the funeral, but money is a bit of an issue. If I pinch pennies for a month or two I can afford a bit under half the cost of a plane ticket, but my parents/grandmother/brother(if I beg he might give something) will have to be able to pay the rest.... Please pray.