Telling People.

[Spem in alium]

If you're actively discerning religious life (or are just beginning), how do you tell people about your discernment? And who do you tell?

 

As a rule, I usually don't tell people unless they ask what I'm planning to do after uni. This past week two of my lecturers have found out (one by accident through a friend, the other because I told him). Yesterday, someone I'd only just met asked me what I'm planning to do with my degrees, and I found it was really hard to bring up my discernment with her - so I basically said I wasn't sure yet. It did feel weird saying that as I usually am open with people when they ask, though I suppose more so if they've earned my trust and if I can kind of guess their reaction.

 

Just wanted to see how others handle it! :)

 

[Kayte Postle]

When people ask me point blank if I'm discerning religious life, I tell them honestly that I am. As for people asking my post uni plans, I usually say I'm considering several things and that I'm not really sure what I am going to do. I've only ever told two people about my discernment without their asking me first. My own personal rule is that I keep it on the down low for now, mainly because I haven't directly told my family yet. I'm open about when I'm going on retreats, etc so I'm sure most people have connected the dots.

[Spem in alium]

I'm similar. I've not had anyone ask me outright if I'm discerning religious life, but when I told my grandparents they said something along the lines of "I thought so!". My usual response when people ask me about my plans is that I'm not sure, and I've told most of my close friends without them asking. Sometimes I will feel comfortable enough (especially in the case of my professor the other day) to be open about it when asked about the future. I'm a serious retreat junkie, but most people just think it's funny (and a bit strange) that I go on so many rather than "connect the dots". :)

[ToJesusMyHeart]

If they ask, I tell them the truth. But I don't go broadcasting it. 

 

When I'm asked, I usually say, "after graduation, I am hoping to enter a convent." 

 

Most recently, my academic advisor and I had "the talk" about career choices, etc. I told her, "Well, I've been avoiding this question, but I'm just going to be honest with you. I just finished my application to enter a convent." 

 

Her face was priceless. Then she asked some questions about it and I explained the process of formation to her. She was interested and kind, but dumbfounded. At the end she told me that she's really glad I told her the truth.

[VeniJesuAmorMi]

I talk about my discernment with my parents and if anyone else will ask, then yes I will say that I am and will ask them for their prayers. If others ask that I know would have a different opinion about this way of life or maybe they just think its plain strange (I've had these experiences at a place I worked a few years ago) I would still tell them even if I knew they would react that way because I would like them to know in whichever way that I love Jesus and I desire to give Him everything. Just maybe, by His grace, this would cause them to think of Him and maybe even help them to know and love Him. I once heard this quote (it may not be these exact words but like it) that we may be the only Jesus that someone might meet. This is very powerful and makes me remember how I should be and who I should be for others. What if we really were the only person that someone has met, or knows, that will be that example to help lead them to Jesus? So I guess when it comes to my discernment, if I see that bringing this up may help someone then I will.

 

If I have contacted a community or am going for a visit then I will ask my family, friends, and those I know at Church to please say a prayer for me. I am going to visit a Carmel in a week and I can say that to know I have so many people praying is very comforting and makes me very grateful. I am very thankful for those that I have met on my path who are examples of great faith and love Our Lord very much and if God has put them on my path then I certainly can trust that their prayers are helping me and leading me closer to Our Lord.

 

And of course, prayers for everyone discerning! :)

[PhuturePriest]

I guess I'm just an odd duck, but I'm a really open person, so I don't care who asks or knows. Why wouldn't you tell someone if they asked? To me, not telling someone you're discerning when they ask is like saying you're not in a relationship when you really are. What do you have to fear or hide in not telling them?

[domenica_therese]

Up until this semester it was basically just my close friends. Lately I've started being a bit more open, but I feel like that's kind of a necessary thing that needs to happen once you get accepted to a community. It's still weird to know who to tell and when not to say anything. On the one hand I don't want people to think I'm different/better than I really am because of this. On the other hand it has become such an integral part of who I am, that I don't feel like they know me if they don't know this part of me. And all my friends crack jokes about it all the time now so if someone was in the room while that was going on and they weren't in the loop they'd be a bit confused. It's funny though, because as worried as I was that people would change how they saw me when I told them, some friends who I told soon forgot all about it, and then when I made some comment later which subtly referenced it, like my grumblings about having to make a hiring portfolio to help me get a job after college ( :P ), the significance of it totally eluded them.

 

Last semester I had to submit an essay along with my student teaching application saying why I wanted to teach and how I saw my role in the profession of teaching, where I saw myself down the road, etc. I really couldn't answer it honestly without saying I saw teaching as vocational and down the road I saw myself as a teaching nun. So in that context I told my professors, but otherwise I don't know that I would -- not yet. Though I'm writing my thesis for Spanish on St. Dominic next semester, so I feel the Spanish department will eventually find out. I haven't told my cooperating teacher for student teaching yet though, and I don't know if I will or not. I think by the end of things I will, but I didn't want to tell her right off the bat. 

 

If people already know me I don't really have qualms telling them; I just don't necessarily want that to be people's first impression of me, and have their opinions of me formed based on that. Once I start wearing a habit though, that can't be helped. :P

 

It's a tricky thing though, because at the same time, I feel like one of the reasons I'm here on campus this semester and not already off at the motherhouse is precisely to be a witness to the fact that this really is something people do, and that I'm doing it with joy. 

[TheresaThoma]

I typically let people get to know me before I tell them I am discerning. Its been funny though I have had a couple of people tell me after I told them I was discerning that they knew from the first time they saw me that I was discerning (I hadn't talked to them at all or mentioned anything about religious life). It was kind of weird and sometimes I feel like I have a sticky note on my back saying that I am discerning...

[Spem in alium]

If they ask, I tell them the truth. But I don't go broadcasting it. 

 

When I'm asked, I usually say, "after graduation, I am hoping to enter a convent." 

 

Most recently, my academic advisor and I had "the talk" about career choices, etc. I told her, "Well, I've been avoiding this question, but I'm just going to be honest with you. I just finished my application to enter a convent." 

 

Her face was priceless. Then she asked some questions about it and I explained the process of formation to her. She was interested and kind, but dumbfounded. At the end she told me that she's really glad I told her the truth.

 

It sounds like you have a good advisor. The careers advisor at my university started talking with me about my career interests, and I decided to be honest and tell him I was discerning. Also quite a priceless reaction, and a few comments like, "People still do that?" Yep! :)

When my friend (who's Anglican, very opinionated and has a few issues with Catholicism) accidentally broke the news to one of my lecturers, my lecturer was apparently very surprised and said "She probably hates me" (she's quite a strong Protestant). My friend told me her response was, "I wouldn't worry - Spem puts up with me!" It was quite a funny thing to hear.

 

I guess I'm just an odd duck, but I'm a really open person, so I don't care who asks or knows. Why wouldn't you tell someone if they asked? To me, not telling someone you're discerning when they ask is like saying you're not in a relationship when you really are. What do you have to fear or hide in not telling them?

 

If someone asks, I usually do tell them - but only if they ask. There are some friends I've not told yet, mostly because I'm not sure how they'll handle it.

 

I talk about my discernment with my parents and if anyone else will ask, then yes I will say that I am and will ask them for their prayers. If others ask that I know would have a different opinion about this way of life or maybe they just think its plain strange (I've had these experiences at a place I worked a few years ago) I would still tell them even if I knew they would react that way because I would like them to know in whichever way that I love Jesus and I desire to give Him everything. Just maybe, by His grace, this would cause them to think of Him and maybe even help them to know and love Him. I once heard this quote (it may not be these exact words but like it) that we may be the only Jesus that someone might meet. This is very powerful and makes me remember how I should be and who I should be for others. What if we really were the only person that someone has met, or knows, that will be that example to help lead them to Jesus? So I guess when it comes to my discernment, if I see that bringing this up may help someone then I will.

 

If I have contacted a community or am going for a visit then I will ask my family, friends, and those I know at Church to please say a prayer for me. I am going to visit a Carmel in a week and I can say that to know I have so many people praying is very comforting and makes me very grateful. I am very thankful for those that I have met on my path who are examples of great faith and love Our Lord very much and if God has put them on my path then I certainly can trust that their prayers are helping me and leading me closer to Our Lord.

 

And of course, prayers for everyone discerning! :)

 

Prayers for you :) Thanks for sharing this.
 

Up until this semester it was basically just my close friends. Lately I've started being a bit more open, but I feel like that's kind of a necessary thing that needs to happen once you get accepted to a community. It's still weird to know who to tell and when not to say anything. On the one hand I don't want people to think I'm different/better than I really am because of this. On the other hand it has become such an integral part of who I am, that I don't feel like they know me if they don't know this part of me. And all my friends crack jokes about it all the time now so if someone was in the room while that was going on and they weren't in the loop they'd be a bit confused. It's funny though, because as worried as I was that people would change how they saw me when I told them, some friends who I told soon forgot all about it, and then when I made some comment later which subtly referenced it, like my grumblings about having to make a hiring portfolio to help me get a job after college ( :P ), the significance of it totally eluded them.

 

Last semester I had to submit an essay along with my student teaching application saying why I wanted to teach and how I saw my role in the profession of teaching, where I saw myself down the road, etc. I really couldn't answer it honestly without saying I saw teaching as vocational and down the road I saw myself as a teaching nun. So in that context I told my professors, but otherwise I don't know that I would -- not yet. Though I'm writing my thesis for Spanish on St. Dominic next semester, so I feel the Spanish department will eventually find out. I haven't told my cooperating teacher for student teaching yet though, and I don't know if I will or not. I think by the end of things I will, but I didn't want to tell her right off the bat. 

 

If people already know me I don't really have qualms telling them; I just don't necessarily want that to be people's first impression of me, and have their opinions of me formed based on that. Once I start wearing a habit though, that can't be helped. :P

 

It's a tricky thing though, because at the same time, I feel like one of the reasons I'm here on campus this semester and not already off at the motherhouse is precisely to be a witness to the fact that this really is something people do, and that I'm doing it with joy. 

I totally get what you mean about first impressions, which is why I've not told many acquaintances outright. My faith and discernment are big parts of me though, so sometimes I do feel that by not being open about them with people I'm closer to I'm denying them true knowledge of who I am. But trust is a huge thing for me, so I generally like to make sure I have confidence in a person before I open up to them.
My friends and siblings crack lots of jokes about it too. It's quite nice actually :)
 

I typically let people get to know me before I tell them I am discerning. Its been funny though I have had a couple of people tell me after I told them I was discerning that they knew from the first time they saw me that I was discerning (I hadn't talked to them at all or mentioned anything about religious life). It was kind of weird and sometimes I feel like I have a sticky note on my back saying that I am discerning...

Haha, wow! That's awesome, though I can understand how it would be weird too. 

[ChristinaTherese]

My close friends know. Especially the guys who had crushes on me, although they aren't really close friends. (Neither of them is around anymore, which I rather appreciate. And it was actually because her brother had a crush on me that one of my friends learned that I'm discerning. I had no choice but to tell him, after all.) Generally, I'll tell people if they ask straight out, but otherwise I'll just say "We'll see." if they ask what I want to do with my degree. I was talking in our Catholic cadre on campus a couple of weeks ago, and ended up just saying, "And that is the end of discussion of Christina and cloistered nuns." I really didn't want to go down that road with a bunch of people I don't really know. I have had an uncannily large number of people ask outright though, at times.

Edited November 3, 2013 by Christina Thérèse

[Lil'Nun]

My friends know. I work for a very big organization and very, very few people there know. I don't broadcast it, simply because I still feel my discernment is a conversation between God and myself. I don't want the views and expectations of other people clouding that. I will tell my employer once I am free to enter and have applied to a convent - which could well be a few years down the line.

Edited November 3, 2013 by Lil'Nun

[TheresaThoma]

I think this definitely comes up when one is at a "crossroads". Particularly finishing up a degree, EVERYONE wants to know what you will be doing with your degree and being in the sciences almost everyone thinks that you are headed to Grad school.  I have found a nice way to stave off those questions. I just tell them that I am taking a year off to do a year of service and figure things out. 

[Julie de Sales]

I would very much like to talk about it with friends and colleagues, but for the most part I'm afraid of their reaction: will they laugh at me, or tell everyone about it like a strange idea, etc. Neither do I discuss it with my family, but they certainly know something, I usually speak about religious life in general. But I also had a bad experience when one of my relatives said he doubted my vocation for a particular reason in front of my father. I never told him explicitly that I was discerning, but it was pretty obvious I was thinking about religious life. However, it hurt me and at that moment I wished nobody knew.

[Catherine Therese]

First time around, I was too open with this with everyone very early in the process. I feel, with the value of hindsight, that greater prudence and a real sense of 'modesty of soul' could have served me better in those days.

My zeal was very misplaced: I so much wanted it to be an opportunity for evangelisation that I brandished it almost like a banner, and in so doing attracted more attention to myself than to Christ. Mea culpa - aren't I lucky that He is so merciful?!

If the situation arises where the time comes to do this over, I hope that I'll approach it quite differently, that I won't forget the lessons of the mistakes of my past.

[PhuturePriest]

I'm greatly intrigued by the results of the poll so far. Why do so many think you should never tell anyone except close friends and family? And why would so many never tell an employer? I've never met a guy who is discerning that has that philosophy, so perhaps girls are more secretive about it, but still, it has my amateur psychologist mind wondering. I do understand wanting to be secretive about it because you put more attention on yourself than God before, but why so far as to conceal it completely?

Edited November 4, 2013 by FuturePriest387