Question To Parents

[beatitude]

When I read that, my thoughts flew to a girl with arthritis at my high school. She was several years younger than me, about eleven years old when I got to know her. The steroid medication she took for her arthritis made her look very bloated and fat. When my classmate found about her condition, she exclaimed, "I feel so bad for her! She's going to grow up and people are just going to look at her like she's fat and lazy!" Those words have stuck in my head.

 

I read that note and imagined Bethany being sent home with one from some officious neighbour who apparently feels it's her duty (not a paediatrician's or a school nurse's) to police the neighbourhood children's weight. And of course she would have opened and read it herself. What kid wouldn't, when presented with a note from a stranger while all the other kids got sweets? The other kids would probably be curious and demand to see it as well. It's pure humiliation all round.

 

Children can be overweight for many reasons. If there is a medical condition at work, whether physical or psychological, the parents are unlikely to be broadcasting it all round the neighbourhood for the benefit of Ms Healthfood Police. It's absolutely not her business. If it is poor parenting, it's not her business either. Doctors, school nurses, people actually known to the child who have the ability to help tactfully and effectively - it's their responsibility to deal with it, not the responsibility of a stranger who apparently doesn't seem to care if she humiliates young kids in front of all their friends, just so she can get in a snarky jab at their parents.

Edited October 30, 2013 by beatitude

[havok579257]

I dont think anyone is supporting children being berated about their weight.

The whole point of this thread is to get thoughts on when is it acceptable to talk to the parents about it? Im guessing your answer is never?

 

 

if a parent is causing emotional or physical harm to a child then its ok to step in.  other than that, no its never ok and here is why.  what I deem ok for my child other may deem as harmful to them and vis versa.  whats good for your child is subjective.  some parents believe no tv is good for a child and other think some tv is ok for children.  why should it be ok for one parent in this situation to chastise another parent for their parenting choices just because they believe they knows whats best even though its subjective. 

 

even obesity is subjective.  I am considered an obese man.  I am 6'1 and 250lbs.  so according to the medical world I am obese.  although things like bmi do not account for muscle mass.  even though I am in good shape and have a ton of muscle on my body and workout and lift heavy weights and bodybuild in the loosest sense compared to real bodybuilders, I am considered obese because for my height I do not weigh around 180lbs.  my situation is similar to bodybuilders or pro football players.  obesity does not account for muscle mass.  an athlete who has to be large for his sport(football offensive lineman) can be considered obese but is in great shape and is healthier than some who is thin and considered not obese but who doesn't workout or exercise at all.  so obesity is subjective and for a parent to comment on something that subjective is not right.   

[CrossCuT]

I'm not totally opposed to people chastising Other People's Children. That used to be an ordinary part of American life. Kids used to run wild all day with their shoes off, but it was fine because even if Mom and Dad weren't in sight other grown folk were and you could catch it from them as easily as from mom and dad.

 

but kids don't fast on Halloween.

Chastising a childs behavior or stepping in for those sorts of issues where you confront the child is a different topic although not completely unrelated.

My question was more about when, as in this example, a childs health is on the line. Typically you dont go to the child and yell at them for being fat because its not usually their fault. At what point is it acceptable to address the parents on this issue or other related issues?

 

if a parent is causing emotional or physical harm to a child then its ok to step in.  other than that, no its never ok and here is why.  what I deem ok for my child other may deem as harmful to them and vis versa.  whats good for your child is subjective.  some parents believe no tv is good for a child and other think some tv is ok for children.  why should it be ok for one parent in this situation to chastise another parent for their parenting choices just because they believe they knows whats best even though its subjective. 

 

even obesity is subjective.  I am considered an obese man.  I am 6'1 and 250lbs.  so according to the medical world I am obese.  although things like bmi do not account for muscle mass.  even though I am in good shape and have a ton of muscle on my body and workout and lift heavy weights and bodybuild in the loosest sense compared to real bodybuilders, I am considered obese because for my height I do not weigh around 180lbs.  my situation is similar to bodybuilders or pro football players.  obesity does not account for muscle mass.  an athlete who has to be large for his sport(football offensive lineman) can be considered obese but is in great shape and is healthier than some who is thin and considered not obese but who doesn't workout or exercise at all.  so obesity is subjective and for a parent to comment on something that subjective is not right.   

 

Well, how we view someone as obese might be subjective, but the health complications from an poor lifestyle are not subjective. Not all fat people are unhealthy just as not all thin people are healthy. But the undeniable fact is that being overweight usually means there is poor health at play and even if someone doesnt show signs of diabetes or heart disease now doesnt mean that its not in the works for them down the road.

We should encourage healthy lifestyles for everyone, not just overweight people.

 

But to get back on topic, you said its ok to step in if there is physical or emotional harm....wouldnt complications from obesity be physical harm?

Edited October 30, 2013 by CrossCuT

[Winchester]

You finally make a thread that actually belongs in RSH, and you put it here.

[CrossCuT]

You finally make a thread that actually belongs in RSH, and you put it here.

  :evil: Am I not fitting into your experiment? 

 

 

I didnt think this topic needed to be hid behind a password for access, its pretty PG.

[blazeingstar]

When I read that, my thoughts flew to a girl with arthritis at my high school. She was several years younger than me, about eleven years old when I got to know her. The steroid medication she took for her arthritis made her look very bloated and fat. When my classmate found about her condition, she exclaimed, "I feel so bad for her! She's going to grow up and people are just going to look at her like she's fat and lazy!" Those words have stuck in my head.

 

I read that note and imagined Bethany being sent home with one from some officious neighbour who apparently feels it's her duty (not a paediatrician's or a school nurse's) to police the neighbourhood children's weight. And of course she would have opened and read it herself. What kid wouldn't, when presented with a note from a stranger while all the other kids got sweets? The other kids would probably be curious and demand to see it as well. It's pure humiliation all round.

 

Children can be overweight for many reasons. If there is a medical condition at work, whether physical or psychological, the parents are unlikely to be broadcasting it all round the neighbourhood for the benefit of Ms Healthfood Police. It's absolutely not her business. If it is poor parenting, it's not her business either. Doctors, school nurses, people actually known to the child who have the ability to help tactfully and effectively - it's their responsibility to deal with it, not the responsibility of a stranger who apparently doesn't seem to care if she humiliates young kids in front of all their friends, just so she can get in a snarky jab at their parents.

 

Which is exactly why there should be a controlled, set up awareness when children face weight issues.  I have a very good friend who is obese due to a heart ailment and I don't think it's a strangers business to go handing out notes.

 

What I do think a concerned citizen should do is ADVOCATE!  Work with the schools and churches in the area to create a safe, fun Halloween event for children suffering with weight issues.

 

But I think we, as a society, do have a duty to overweight kids (and malnourished kids) to reach out to parents who are not aware or not capable of feeding their kids good food.  I don't eat fast food, not because I don't enjoy the treat every so often, but because my heart breaks to see a 3 generation family, all obese, all who can barley walk order 2-3 meals each and see the young children 4-7 years old unable to play on the play place because they don't have the breath to climb the stairs.  This is what the woman is speaking to.

 

I want to cry.  These adults are LITERALLY killing their children.  It hurts to see.  I avoid it by avoiding walmart and McDonalds.  But it's still out there.  In my area it's not as big, but if the problem was 3 or 4 times the size then what...?  And often the parents don't know how to feed themselves or their kids.  You look at their shopping carts, filled with processed food...and know they don't have an idea.  

 

The things that have made things better in many circles is nutrition classes and people who care and educate.  Notes are a disgusting and cowardly way to deal with it.

 

There is an obesity crisis in some places, there are children dying, loosing limbs and unable to join in on life.  They probably aren't going to be trick-or-treating becuase they can't.

[Lil Red]

I think what this lady did was horrible. The more I thought about it the more I wished I could go to her house and burn every note she hands out to kids. I cant even imagine how the child might feel to be rejected candy while all the other kids around him/her are happily running from house to house. The child wont understand and they will feel hurt and isolated from everyone else.

 

But my question is...obesity IS a big deal...so is it ok for someone to interject and make a comment to a parent about how they are raising their child? Obviously this woman's actions are an example of how NOT to do it..but are there situations when its ok? And if so how do you address it?

 

there are so many reasons that a kid might be overweight or chubby. and a perfect stranger never has the right to make a comment or a suggestion, especially about a CHILD'S weight. a friend or family member, sure. 

 

also: remember how chubby/overweight Jerry O'Connell was as a kid (he was in Stand by Me). And how he grew up into a tall and skinny hottie? Some kids are like that. 

[Lil Red]

I'm not totally opposed to people chastising Other People's Children. That used to be an ordinary part of American life. Kids used to run wild all day with their shoes off, but it was fine because even if Mom and Dad weren't in sight other grown folk were and you could catch it from them as easily as from mom and dad.

 

but kids don't fast on Halloween.

 

yes, but part of it was that everyone's parents knew everyone's kids. no one was really a "stranger". not too many communities have that now. 

[CrossCuT]

there are so many reasons that a kid might be overweight or chubby. and a perfect stranger never has the right to make a comment or a suggestion, especially about a CHILD'S weight. a friend or family member, sure. 

 

also: remember how chubby/overweight Jerry O'Connell was as a kid (he was in Stand by Me). And how he grew up into a tall and skinny hottie? Some kids are like that. 

 

Absolutely! Have you seen Harry Potter movies? The character Nevil (or the actor the played him) started out as a chubby kid and grew into a super hottie tottie.

 

But you are right that there are many factors that going into whether or not a child is chubby...which is why I posed the question. Is this something that warrants a comment from someone? Maybe not complete strangers, but close friends or other family members? If you see a parent who is neglecting the health of their child do you say something?

[CrossCuT]

Im also not hating on fat kids. Im deliciously plump too! My own grandpa even told me I was... "You could lose 15 pounds"

Thanks grandpa

 

I have 7 siblings and Im the only overweight one. :(

 

[Lil Red]

Absolutely! Have you seen Harry Potter movies? The character Nevil (or the actor the played him) started out as a chubby kid and grew into a super hottie tottie.

 

But you are right that there are many factors that going into whether or not a child is chubby...which is why I posed the question. Is this something that warrants a comment from someone? Maybe not complete strangers, but close friends or other family members? If you see a parent who is neglecting the health of their child do you say something?

 

honestly, i would only want to hear comments about my child's weight from my parents. my little girl is a bit chubby, but she has a good diet, and gets regular exercise. but if anyone other than my dad asked me about it, i'd feel shamed, embarrassed and upset. if she got a letter like this, i'd be more than upset or embarrassed. i'd be down right pissed off. 

 

and, doing this on Halloween? Seriously? This lady needs to take her Puritanical nonsense somewhere else. 

[blazeingstar]

Absolutely! Have you seen Harry Potter movies? The character Nevil (or the actor the played him) started out as a chubby kid and grew into a super hottie tottie.

 

But you are right that there are many factors that going into whether or not a child is chubby...which is why I posed the question. Is this something that warrants a comment from someone? Maybe not complete strangers, but close friends or other family members? If you see a parent who is neglecting the health of their child do you say something?

 

But chubby is different than morbidly obese.  "Nevill" was clearly able to walk and run around, to speak clearly (or with an adorable lisp) and function.  I would NEVER say anything to a parent of such a child.  The child who couldn't breathe or walk or play on the play place?  I may say something to the parent about the side affect "do you know little johnny is having trouble breathing/climbing the stairs"  or "I've seen you struggling to pay for XYZ food, did you know that food is more expensive than ABC food.  There's a cooking class over at Community Center and you can save thousands of dollars a year"

 

And a real "eat this, not that" guide.  THAT would be amazing

[Lil Red]

Im also not hating on fat kids. Im deliciously plump too! My own grandpa even told me I was... "You could lose 15 pounds"

Thanks grandpa

 

I have 7 siblings and Im the only overweight one. :(

 

honestly, in my totally uneducated opinion, a lot of our weight issues do come down to genetics. in my family of 9 kids - i'd say 5 take after my mom (a little more on the rounder side, especially in the middle), and 4 take after my dad (skinny and trouble putting on weight). 

[Lil Red]

I may say something to the parent about the side affect "do you know little johnny is having trouble breathing/climbing the stairs"  or "I've seen you struggling to pay for XYZ food, did you know that food is more expensive than ABC food.  There's a cooking class over at Community Center and you can save thousands of dollars a year"

 

if a perfect stranger said such things to me, i'd tell them to mind their own business, in not so polite terms. it comes off as seriously pretentious and not caring at all. 

[CrossCuT]

and, doing this on Halloween? Seriously? This lady needs to take her Puritanical nonsense somewhere else. 

I completely agree. I believe someone said that if she is so concerned about childrens health she shouldnt be handing out ANY candy and treat all the kids equally.