A Question For The Ladies

[AnneLine]

Interesting article about the Tuckers.... old article, but interesting....

 

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20095027,00.html

[PhuturePriest]

 

I don't think height is inconsequential. Every characteristic has some bearing on how we experience the world, and that shapes who we are, to varying degrees.

 

 

 

hmmmm good question. I don't think so, but not really for intelligence reasons. I would distinguish between intelligence and education. A highly intelligent woman is not the same as a highly educated woman, and once you introduce education into the equation, there is probably going to be a class gap. If a woman lives the life of a university professor, and I'm not in an equivalent profession (lawyer, doctor, etc.) then it's probably not going to be a good fit. There was a Cosby Show episode about this haha, Vanessa brought home a janitor as her fiance, and Cliff and Claire (doctor and lawyer, respectively) were not amused.

 

 

My spiritual director said that logically speaking, it makes sense to marry someone closer to your height. He said when couples come to him saying they want to get married, he's always astonished when he sees a tiny 5'3" girl marrying a gigantic 6'4" guy, because when they get older, tall people have more health risks than short people (Spine issues and heart issues), and so there will come a time when he might need help getting up and down, and she won't be able to help him because she's so small.

[Era Might]

My spiritual director said that logically speaking, it makes sense to marry someone closer to your height. He said when couples come to him saying they want to get married, he's always astonished when he sees a tiny 5'3" girl marrying a gigantic 6'4" guy, because when they get older, tall people have more health risks than short people (Spine issues and heart issues), and so there will come a time when he might need help getting up and down, and she won't be able to help him because she's so small.

 

I don't know about all that. When you like a person, you get over stuff. Of course everyone has physical preferences, but it's hard enough to find someone you connect with, when you find it you take it and run with it. But I think height is something to consider in trying to understand how a person experiences the world. It's kind of like introversion and extroversion...I don't think they're necessarily incompatible, but especially when you are first meeting someone, it can be a barrier to really developing any kind of interest. But if that interest develops in spite of the barrier, then IMO you take things as they go.

[CrossCuT]

I mean...in happy world, nothing matters at all...only LOVE.

 

However in reality, these things trip people up.

 

BUT...if you fall in love, youre doomed to accept any physical/metal/otherwise traits the other person has.

 

 

Ive always preferred dark haired guys but Im currently dating a blondie. 

[CrossCuT]

I don't know about all that. When you like a person, you get over stuff. Of course everyone has physical preferences, but it's hard enough to find someone you connect with, when you find it you take it and run with it. But I think height is something to consider in trying to understand how a person experiences the world. It's kind of like introversion and extroversion...I don't think they're necessarily incompatible, but especially when you are first meeting someone, it can be a barrier to really developing any kind of interest. But if that interest develops in spite of the barrier, then IMO you take things as they go.

 

Your words in sentence putting is better than mine.

[blazeingstar]

Height discrimination is discrimination, and it's a piggish thing to do. All discrimination is.

 

Seriously?  No, not all discrimination is piggish.

 

-I would never marry a man who is not Catholic.  

-I would never marry a man who came from a vastly different culture.  

-I would never marry a smoker, sober alcholic, recovering drug addict, porn lover or someone who spent all their free time on sports or video games.

-I would never marry a man who didn't want a family

-I would never marry a man who wouldn't eat things that are healthy

-I would never marry a man who didn't understand finances

-I would never marry a man without a work ethic

-I would never marry a man who was unkind to animals (my Fiancée doesn't like dogs but he is kind to them)

-I would never marry a man who liked boorish comedy (I'm dealing with that he still finds fart jokes funny)

 

Little things I did find attractive, lighter skin and light eyes, being taller and stronger these things attracted me.  A man singing/playing guitar and having red hair was also very attractive...but God did not deem that necessary, nor did I let my initial physical mojo outweigh who the person was.

 

 

In the big world view scheme of things personally, weither I knew it or not, I needed for me was a man who was taller and stronger than I was, a man who is very fit, a man who was more laid back,  a man who had a good relationship with is family, a man who was very smart, a man who wanted a stay at home wife to raise children....

 

....these are all things that I didn't enter the relationship with, but God has shown me the power and grace of.  I am so in love with this man and all the wonderful things that he provides to me with his love.

 

Of course I discriminate, I SHOULD discriminate.  If I wanted I'm sure I could of married "just anyone"  I could of married the really kind, very moral Christian Vietnamese shorter-than-me man who saved me from a snowbank...but I would not be as blessed as I am today.  I discriminated against him because he was not Catholic....and I've never regretted it.

[PhuturePriest]

Seriously?  No, not all discrimination is piggish.

 

-I would never marry a man who is not Catholic.  

-I would never marry a man who came from a vastly different culture.  

-I would never marry a smoker, sober alcholic, recovering drug addict, porn lover or someone who spent all their free time on sports or video games.

-I would never marry a man who didn't want a family

-I would never marry a man who wouldn't eat things that are healthy

-I would never marry a man who didn't understand finances

-I would never marry a man without a work ethic

-I would never marry a man who was unkind to animals (my Fiancée doesn't like dogs but he is kind to them)

-I would never marry a man who liked boorish comedy (I'm dealing with that he still finds fluffy air extraction jokes funny)

 

Little things I did find attractive, lighter skin and light eyes, being taller and stronger these things attracted me.  A man singing/playing guitar and having red hair was also very attractive...but God did not deem that necessary, nor did I let my initial physical mojo outweigh who the person was.

 

 

In the big world view scheme of things personally, weither I knew it or not, I needed for me was a man who was taller and stronger than I was, a man who is very fit, a man who was more laid back,  a man who had a good relationship with is family, a man who was very smart, a man who wanted a stay at home wife to raise children....

 

....these are all things that I didn't enter the relationship with, but God has shown me the power and grace of.  I am so in love with this man and all the wonderful things that he provides to me with his love.

 

Of course I discriminate, I SHOULD discriminate.  If I wanted I'm sure I could of married "just anyone"  I could of married the really kind, very moral Christian Vietnamese shorter-than-me man who saved me from a snowbank...but I would not be as blessed as I am today.  I discriminated against him because he was not Catholic....and I've never regretted it.

 

I misspoke. I was referring to bad discrimination, like against race, culture, etc. Women discriminate against short guys because there is this idea in our culture that shorter guys are weak and less manly.

[blazeingstar]

I misspoke. I was referring to bad discrimination, like against race, culture, etc. Women discriminate against short guys because there is this idea in our culture that shorter guys are weak and less manly.

 

I think you are making leaps.

 

Its not just "our culture" its every culture.  I think that woman desire bigger men because typically, in every culture in every society around the world (except for maybe the Amazonians) men do the protecting and are physically bigger.

 

It's just like how men like boobs.  They can't help but be attracted to boobs.  It's built into their brains.

Edited October 28, 2013 by blazeingstar

[Lilllabettt]

The poll reeks of insecurity.

Everyone has likes, dislikes, preferences, their own deal breakers etc. Confidence means accepting that not everyone is going to "like-like" them and  not getting indignant at the fact.

There is no moral value to the particular things that turn someone on or off.

E.g., Someone who is turned off by fat chicks is not morally inferior to someone who appreciates fat chicks.

Attraction is not love - attraction is not a choice.

Physical attraction is always "shallow" and yet with few exceptions it is integral to relationships between men and women.

Attempting to shame people because of what they are/are not attracted to?

Not real mature, rather unattractive.

 

 

Edited October 28, 2013 by Lilllabettt

[cmaD2006]

Well don't laugh (yell) at me for saying no, if I was dating I would not date someone shorter than me. But I have a very good reason why. I'M FIVE FEET TALL!!!!! :)

[PhuturePriest]

I think you are making leaps.

 

Its not just "our culture" its every culture.  I think that woman desire bigger men because typically, in every culture in every society around the world (except for maybe the Amazonians) men do the protecting and are physically bigger.

 

It's just like how men like boobs.  They can't help but be attracted to boobs.  It's built into their brains.

 

But listen to what you just said: "men do the protecting". You aren't outright saying it, but this makes it sound like short guys can't protect anyone. One of my old black belts is a Vietnam veteran and is only about 5'6". He openly got into fights with huge guys if they were being out of line, and he never lost. Stature has nothing to do with protection. 

 

Yes, boobs are nice. But here's the difference: I wouldn't not marry a girl because her boobs weren't huge, or even normal sized.

[blazeingstar]

I misspoke. I was referring to bad discrimination, like against race, culture, etc. Women discriminate against short guys because there is this idea in our culture that shorter guys are weak and less manly.

 

 

Its a moot point since I am engaged but I'd be extremely hesitant to date someone who was raised in the middle east, in africa, in asia or the baltic states.  I was very leary of the Mexican/hispanic culture because there is a HUGE machsmo problem in my area as thats the way they were raised. (Wife has babies, raises babies, goes to work, cooks all food, waits on husband hand and foot).

 

Because of my background I could never marry someone with a mental illness.  (Kudos to Catherine for being able to). I could also probably not marry someone with serious physical problems, either...I have a few of my own and it can be difficult.  Sometimes my fiancee needs to literally be the strong one...I couldn't of gone into a relationship without some of that.  Now that we are together, if something happened, we have the bond to carry us through. However, I wouldn't set myself up for that.

 

You said all discrimination is piggish.  What you seem to be saying now is "discrimination that could be used against me" 

 

I'm sure that the young Christian man felt very poor indeed that I discriminated agaist him for something he had no control over (his Christian faith, as opposed to Catholic faith)

[PhuturePriest]

The poll reeks of insecurity.

Everyone has likes, dislikes, preferences, their own deal breakers etc. Confidence means accepting that not everyone is going to "like-like" them and  not getting indignant at the fact.

There is no moral value to the particular things that turn someone on or off.

E.g., Someone who is turned off by fat chicks is not morally inferior to someone who appreciates fat chicks.

Attraction is not love - attraction is not a choice.

Physical attraction is always "shallow" and yet with few exceptions it is integral to relationships between men and women.

Attempting to shame people because of what they are/are not attracted to?

Not real mature, rather unattractive.

 

I never meant to come off that way, and I'm sorry for doing so. I'm just trying to figure this whole height thing out. I honestly love being 5'5" -- I'm just trying to figure out why being short is a turn-off.

My theory thus far: Attraction has nothing to do with reason, and I say that having weird attraction things myself (I don't care how beautiful a girl is, I suddenly find her unattractive if she cuts her hair really short).

[PhuturePriest]

Its a moot point since I am engaged but I'd be extremely hesitant to date someone who was raised in the middle east, in africa, in asia or the baltic states.  I was very leary of the Mexican/hispanic culture because there is a HUGE machsmo problem in my area as thats the way they were raised. (Wife has babies, raises babies, goes to work, cooks all food, waits on husband hand and foot).

 

Because of my background I could never marry someone with a mental illness.  (Kudos to Catherine for being able to). I could also probably not marry someone with serious physical problems, either...I have a few of my own and it can be difficult.  Sometimes my fiancee needs to literally be the strong one...I couldn't of gone into a relationship without some of that.  Now that we are together, if something happened, we have the bond to carry us through. However, I wouldn't set myself up for that.

 

You said all discrimination is piggish.  What you seem to be saying now is "discrimination that could be used against me" 

 

I'm sure that the young Christian man felt very poor indeed that I discriminated agaist him for something he had no control over (his Christian faith, as opposed to Catholic faith)

 

I accept your point. But there is a difference between "I wouldn't date a Middle Eastern man because I find they have machismo problems" and "I won't date a Middle Eastern man because they're scum". And I'm not saying that's how women treat short guys, I'm just saying there's a difference between what you were talking about and what I was talking about. It's more my fault for not being clear.

[AnneLine]

Well don't laugh (yell) at me for saying no, if I was dating I would not date someone shorter than me. But I have a very good reason why. I'M FIVE FEET TALL!!!!! :)

CMaria, you'd be writing off one of the premier Spanish Romantic poets.... St. John of the Cross!  (4'11")

 

But listen to what you just said: "men do the protecting". You aren't outright saying it, but this makes it sound like short guys can't protect anyone. One of my old black belts is a Vietnam veteran and is only about 5'6". He openly got into fights with huge guys if they were being out of line, and he never lost. Stature has nothing to do with protection. 

 

Yes, boobs are nice. But here's the difference: I wouldn't not marry a girl because her boobs weren't huge, or even normal sized.

 

If I were looking for boobies, I would want boobies that could dance....

 

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYmzdvMoUUA[/media]