My Life-changing Event

[Gabriela]

Thanks for your post, very useful (and everyone else). Just wanted to respond that just the opposite, I don't idealize family life...again, without going into details, that's what I am coming out of...that's one of the things that was pulled out from under my feet. I know exactly how difficult it is...it's even more difficult than single life, I think, because you can't change other people. When you're single, you can go wherever you want. It's quite remarkable when people can make marriage work...it's not easy, to say the least.

 

But that "comfortable life" of a nice job, a home, etc. is precisely what I think I am not suited for. I am a restless soul...family life comes naturally to me on one level, in the sense of having something to commit yourself to, but on a wider level, on the level of what motivates me, that "comfortable life" is not very suitable, because it requires a commitment to stability...and I'm not sure stability is what motivates me.

 

I love this song:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lMAfCIdDdA

 

No priesthood, eh? Ok. What about a missionary's life?

[Era Might]

 

I love this song:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lMAfCIdDdA

 

No priesthood, eh? Ok. What about a missionary's life?

 

Yeah, something along those lines, though "missionary" not so much in a formal sense. I would never make a good priest...I would find that life much like the life of a professor, a stifling life stuck in a role and bound to an institution. Family life also has the same drawbacks, though it has a more personal character so it can come more naturally.

 

I had a professor in college, a good man, who used his classes as little anarchic experiments in giving people the freedom to discover themselves. But he always felt burdened by the institution...he taught into his late 70s, so he was able to live with the stifling and find his niche within that environment. But until he died he was always looking for something more, a vocation he called it...it was remarkable to see a man so old still struggling to define his vocation (he had kids and everything). That's precisely what I will never be comfortable in...I could never be comfortable in that kind of environment....not just comfortable, but I could never endure it. I would have to break out in one way or another.

 

I think a missionary life is probably best suited to my character, because there is always the threat of being killed, and that's one way to transform the sense of being killed in everyday life. Suicide can be a substitute for martyrdom, and vice versa. The thing about the "comfortable life" is that you spend everything waiting to die, and some people (myself included) can't play that waiting game. There has to be higher stakes in life, a reason to give everything and hold back nothing. I'm not saying that can't be found in family life, but it's hard because family life has its own dynamics. As St. Paul said, the married man is worried about his wife, the unmarried man is worried about the Lord.

 

[Era Might]

But, the other side of that is the "comfortable life" gives you time to figure some things out. The radical life, as that of a missionary, requires a radical choice, a complete break, staking your life on something right now, staking your life itself. There is no "waiting game." So that makes it that much harder to choose that life...it takes more than courage, it takes conviction in what you are giving yourself over to...or, in another word, it takes faith. It's not easy to just give up a woman for the rest of your life...that's the best part of the comfortable life haha.

Edited October 21, 2013 by Era Might

[AccountDeleted]

 

 

 

 

I had a professor in college, a good man, who used his classes as little anarchic experiments in giving people the freedom to discover themselves. But he always felt burdened by the institution...he taught into his late 70s, so he was able to live with the stifling and find his niche within that environment. But until he died he was always looking for something more, a vocation he called it...it was remarkable to see a man so old still struggling to define his vocation (he had kids and everything). That's precisely what I will never be comfortable in...I could never be comfortable in that kind of environment....not just comfortable, but I could never endure it. I would have to break out in one way or another.

 

 

 

 

 

This is one of the age old quests - to find a 'vocation', something that gives meaning to one's life by using all of a person in service. There are lots of things 'to do' but it isn't easy to find something that actually defines a person's 'calling' and satisfies that deeper longing. Some people know early on what path their life should take - but they are usually the ones who are so gifted in one area that they feel compelled to do it - like artists or actors or musicians. The rest of us seem to stumble along trying one thing after another. And even if we do think we know what we are called to do, sometimes we might not know how to make it happen so that we can do it.

 

Augustine says that 'Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.' but even discovering that God is the source of our passion, doesn't mean that we can always find the way to respond to that.

 

I don't think there is an easy answer for your dilemma, Era. But it's our efforts that please God, not the results, so just keep putting one foot in front of the other and praying for guidance. Our prayers are with you.

[CatherineM]

Maybe you should join the military. Learn to defuse land mines and make that your life's work. There's also the chaplain's assistant. Since chaplains can't carry firearms, they have people who go with them to protect them. You'd be like an altar boy with a gun.

[Era Might]

Maybe you should join the military. Learn to defuse land mines and make that your life's work. There's also the chaplain's assistant. Since chaplains can't carry firearms, they have people who go with them to protect them. You'd be like an altar boy with a gun.

 

haha. Believe it or not, I know a chaplain's assistant. I'm not military material though. I can't stand to be in an office, I could never give my life over to the military. They wouldn't want me anyway (thankfully).

Edited October 21, 2013 by Era Might

[Era Might]

I'm reading a biography of the writer Anton Chekhov, just wanted to share a passage about his play "The Sea Gull," as it struck me very much relevant to this discussion of vocation:

 

In this play Chekhov goes farther than in his earlier dramas and here he gives us the essence of his thought, even if he does so in a less brutal fashion, more insidious and, as it were, cloaked in symbols. This time it is not enough for him to show that every life disintegrates--inexorably, and quite soon, often long before death--in an inner shipwreck. He compels us to understand why this is so, why it cannot end in defeat. It is because man lacks the stature of his dreams, because he is really drawn only to what is beyond his reach, because, constantly gulling himself about himself, he seeks a destiny that is not meant for him. All these failed lives, basically, have the same explanation: lack of will, the tendency to passivity--which increases with age--an inner fragility against which one can defend oneself only through resignation. The human soul--as Chekhov definitively conceives it--is, in the image of his own, a soul without the passion to live and hence without passions...[The play's characters] would be quite unable to explain why they fail in their aspirations. But in our presence they dream aloud, they rejoice, and they weep, and through their contradictions, their unfinished sentences, and even their silences we understand far better than we could through any explanation or ratiocination that their tragedy--the tragedy of man and the absurdity of his destiny--is duality, the wish to be other than what one is, and though never losing sight of them, premature resignation to the impossibility of realizing one's illusions.

[Anastasia13]

This looks relevant. I am going to read it myself-thank you Vocation Station.

 

Nine ways to open up God's will for you by Father Michael Scanlan, T.O.R.

 

[dUSt]

Ummm, duh... continue your Catholic rap career. It's so obvious.

[Era Might]

Ummm, duh... continue your Catholic rap career. It's so obvious.

 

Haha. Make my dream of a DJ 86 album happen.

[Era Might]

This looks relevant. I am going to read it myself-thank you Vocation Station.

 

Nine ways to open up God's will for you by Father Michael Scanlan, T.O.R.

 

Thanks, I like what he says about how a vocation is something that has to be confirmed over a long period of living it or seeking it:

 

Discerners need patience. Ultimately, neither you nor the rules are in charge. Courtships can be lengthy. Religious vocations can take a long time to unfold. There can be false starts. The process of making a life commitment is easily described, but it's messy and imperfect in reality. We are dealing with sinners, not angels. The man and woman at the altar are two imperfect people exchanging vows of love and faithfulness. Every religious community and parish is populated by people marred by sin. We shouldn't look for the perfect spouse or the perfect community. Even if we found the perfect partner, the marriage wouldn't be perfect after we joined it.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

On the whole coward thing, i've started praying daily that God may remove all fear from me except the fear of God and it is working. Perhaps praying that daily would help you too. Also i kiss a crucifix daily and look at it and pray that the lord give me courage to face death in whatever way it comes. Fear though perhaps not a sin can lead us into the false relief of sin like drinking to much,also it is very tough of you to admit your fear,that is great. I posted a thread in open mic that has this guy Nick Vuljicic with no arms and no legs, he is a non denominational preacher, the sermon and testimony was very helpful to me on the whole fear factor, his other stuff wasn't great for me but the song and this particular sermon was. And i'm a bit of a wild horse at the moment too, running to where i know not, keep the faith with as much charity/love as you can muster bro and hope will return.

 

Jesus iz Lord.

 

 

P.s. This song has helped me many times in the last 4 years of suffering from fear. Perhaps it will help you too. :) And i don't endorse all of this artists music just this song i haven't studied all his music.

 

 

http://youtu.be/QpdWDSX8tlY

 

 

Edited October 22, 2013 by Tab'le Du'Bah-Rye

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

Also your a someone just ask Jesus, don't matter what the world thinks or has or doesn't have, you matter to Jesus whether your the greatest or the least in the kingdom, God loves you and that is what makes all of us great, Gods love.

[Era Might]

So I've gotten over my shock, I've moved on from what happened, accepted things, and learned a new lesson. I've really not just "gotten over" things but have come to a new understanding of myself, and why things fell apart, and what I should have done differently. So, on that front, all is good, and I would have never learned that lesson unless I went through what I just went through.

 

Apart from that, the issue of vocation is still front and center. My problem now is not the past, but the future. It's the great unresolved problem in my life, and I still see no way to solve it, so I've decided I'm not going to do anything but read. I'm going to read and read and read and read until I know everything there is to know about everything I want to know about, mainly history and literature, and I'm going to do this until some road opens up before me. I don't care how long I have to do this. I will go on for years if I have to. At the very least I know I can turn it into a career teaching...it will at least give me a wealth of knowledge. I'm not going to pursue anything else, except to get my personal life in order (eating healthy, exercising, etc.). I'm not going to try to achieve anything, I'm not going to try and change the world, I'm not going to try and solve the great questions of life. I'm just going to read and read and read, and work wherever I can find a job, and just let life take its course. Reading is really the only thing in my life that I can do for its own sake...it's probably the one thing I enjoy for itself, that I don't feel like it's a burden and a useless task. If nothing comes of this, I'm ready to go to my grave having achieved nothing except to have read many books...but I suspect some road will open up eventually.

Edited November 3, 2013 by Era Might

[mortify ii]

Not sure if this will help you Era, and I'm far from being an individual to offer advice, but as I read your post this book came to mind:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-There-Are-ROUGH/dp/1401307787