Single Life - Vocation Vs. Transitory State

[Catherine Therese]

Hi everyone. 

Recently I've come across material that claims that single life is not a vocation, that its a preparatory state for a total gift of self to either priesthood, marriage or religious/consecrated life. This view is being promoted by various well-known speakers who give talks on chastity etc. to teenagers and young adults.

 

Then I've come across the view that single life is, in and of itself, when lived intentionally, a vocation that is as valid as marriage or religious life. I even attended an event recently where, among other things, there was a guest speaker talking about the vocation of single life. 

 

I'm interested to know what people think on this? 

 

I have to admit I'm rather confused about what to think on this one. 

God bless you!

 

[Maggyie]

Personally I don't think the "single life" AS "the single life" is a vocation. There's no well-developed theology about such a thing, it's never been part of the Church's understanding of vocations.

 

Often times it's treated as a "vocation" of elimination - "I am not called to get married or belong to a religious community or be a hermit or consecrated virgin or xyz, therefore, I must be called to the single life." To me this is not an authentic understanding of what a vocation is.

 

That being said, everyone has a vocation and I believe that God has a particular need for people who are unattached in the conventional sense. This may be through belonging to a 3rd order... being hidden in the world as a holocaust of prayer...  some special ministry. Just as a widow is not suddenly 'vocationless,' a single person is not vocationless, either. God calls throughout life to everyone.

 

But again I think this is different from saying, "I am particularly called to remain single for all my days, but not in the context of consecrated life of some type or priesthood."

 

Think about a person who believed themselves somehow called to single life, who met someone and fell in love. The church would never object to them marrying, nor would anything besides private vows need to be dispensed before such a union could take place (assuming they are marrying a baptized Catholic and so forth). Depending on the nature of the private promises, some would not need to be dispensed at all.

 

I suppose the person could simply explain that they were mistaken about their call, and then when the right person came around they realized their error? Or perhaps that God has changed His call as he sometimes does.

 

It's a complex thing, but bottom line no single person should feel that God has forgotten them or that they are adrift. Every day that we wake up breathing, God has allowed it for a specific reason that he wants us to accomplish.

[Aya Sophia]

Random thoughts, purely personal, re: the single life as vocation   

 

God´s will (signified or permissive) for a person expresses itself in the material reality of a person´s life.  A person may have had their focus on marriage or the priesthood, on religious life or some other form of consecrated life but never enter fully and permanently into any of these states of life because ¨reality¨ (i.e. God´s will, God´s Providence) dictates otherwise for them.  

 

Because their focus has been on these other states of life and they may never have thought actively to choose the single life, it may seem as though, once they are in the single life, that they have fallen into it, that they find themselves in it by default.

 

However it is that they come to be in the single life (whether by default or by having expressly chosen it) it seems to me God´s will is nonetheless manifesting itself.  He has, at the very least, permitted the person to ënd up¨ in this state and, in many cases, His has not only permitted but ordained it.

 

Once one becomes aware of being in this state and one lets go of focus/foci on entering into some other state; once one acknowledges one´s place in the single life and accepts it (assuming it had not been an actual choice to begin with) then begins all the work a person must do to live out this life specifically as a response to the call of God (which is what the heart longs for).  If a person does not work continually to keep to the purpose of their single life then, by natural tendency, it will devolve into a life ¨like any other¨ (sorry if this idea or this phrasing is offensive - no offense meant).  A person living the single life as vocation doesn´t have the ecclesial support inherent in public consecration or the practical, material support of life in community.  Because their vocation is hierarchically solitary (not allied to a community or a diocese) it requires a particular kind of discipline and strength and grace without which they simply can´t live such a life.  Presumably, as with any vocation, God gives the necessary grace to a person called to it.

 

[thepiaheart]

I think the answer to this question depends on how you frame and/or define vocation. It seems as if the Church has always understood vocation as something inherently relational and consecrated, a gift from God that then places an individual within a setting, within a relationship, in which they will grow in holiness, be that in an expression of marital conjugal love, on one hand, or consecrated virginal/celibate life, on the other. It doesn't seem possible to -- and I don't think we want to -- fit "single life" within this framework, as it's impossible to codify and to acknowledge it in the same way the married and religious vocations can be (are) codified & acknowledged, be it by sacrament or public or private vows.

 

However, and I agree to an extent with some of the posters above, I do think single life has become a sort of vocation by nature of the culture, the time period, and the work of the Lord's providence -- and so I think the question at the heart of this conversation, a question that hasn't been answered, is how a person can come to claim their "single vocation," or whether a person should ever claim it.

 

Just some thoughts. It's a question I continue to consider.

[BarbTherese]

The Church thinking is that the single life can indeed be a vocation.  She mentions the single dedicated life to God in a Document on The Consecrated Life (see below) and under the subheading "Thanksgiving for the Consecrated Life".  The Church terms such a dedicated life as "a special consecration" (see below).I have other references from Church documents also (including pre V2), but no time to research and post them just now - but I will return and do so.

In Church documents, "single" is never used to date being a colloquial term.  The Church most often uses "the celibate state" which of course a dedicated single life is.

 

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_25031996_vita-consecrata_en.html

 

 

POST-SYNODAL
APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION
VITA CONSECRATA
OF THE HOLY FATHER
JOHN PAUL II
TO THE BISHOPS AND CLERGY
RELIGIOUS ORDERS AND CONGREGATIONS
SOCIETIES OF APOSTOLIC LIFE
SECULAR INSTITUTES
AND ALL THE FAITHFUL
ON THE CONSECRATED LIFE AND ITS MISSION
IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD

 

Thanksgiving for the consecrated life

2. Because the role of consecrated life in the Church is so important, I decided to convene a Synod in order to examine in depth its significance and its future prospects, especially in view of the approaching new millennium. It was my wish that the Synodal Assembly should include, together with the Bishops, a considerable number of consecrated men and women, in order that they too might contribute to the common reflection.

We are all aware of the treasure which the gift of the consecrated life in the variety of its charisms and institutions represents for the ecclesial community. Together let us thank God for the Religious Orders and Institutes devoted to contemplation or the works of the apostolate, for Societies of Apostolic Life, for Secular Institutes and for other groups of consecrated persons, as well as for all those individuals who, in their inmost hearts, dedicate themselves to God by a special consecration.The Synod was a tangible sign of the universal extension of the consecrated life, present in the local Churches throughout the world.

 

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Random thoughts, purely personal, re: the single life as vocation   

 

God´s will (signified or permissive) for a person expresses itself in the material reality of a person´s life.  A person may have had their focus on marriage or the priesthood, on religious life or some other form of consecrated life but never enter fully and permanently into any of these states of life because ¨reality¨ (i.e. God´s will, God´s Providence) dictates otherwise for them.  

 

Because their focus has been on these other states of life and they may never have thought actively to choose the single life, it may seem as though, once they are in the single life, that they have fallen into it, that they find themselves in it by default.

 

However it is that they come to be in the single life (whether by default or by having expressly chosen it) it seems to me God´s will is nonetheless manifesting itself.  He has, at the very least, permitted the person to ënd up¨ in this state and, in many cases, His has not only permitted but ordained it.

 

Once one becomes aware of being in this state and one lets go of focus/foci on entering into some other state; once one acknowledges one´s place in the single life and accepts it (assuming it had not been an actual choice to begin with) then begins all the work a person must do to live out this life specifically as a response to the call of God (which is what the heart longs for).  If a person does not work continually to keep to the purpose of their single life then, by natural tendency, it will devolve into a life ¨like any other¨ (sorry if this idea or this phrasing is offensive - no offense meant).  A person living the single life as vocation doesn´t have the ecclesial support inherent in public consecration or the practical, material support of life in community.  Because their vocation is hierarchically solitary (not allied to a community or a diocese) it requires a particular kind of discipline and strength and grace without which they simply can´t live such a life.  Presumably, as with any vocation, God gives the necessary grace to a person called to it.

 

Well stated.

[AccountDeleted]

This is another one of those threads that has been discussed many times on phatmass. But since it is of interest to others, it's probably good that it come up every now and again.

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/127640-about-being-single/#.UlyYTiW4bDc

 

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/topic/120356-consecrated-single-life/#.UlyYbSW4bDc

 

From what I read, this 'vocation' is an emerging one within the Church, simply because of the way our society has developed over time. Women in particular are no longer expected to choose mainly from marriage or religious life, but can also choose to be single. If the Church has not recognized this form of life formally in the past, it is probably because voluntary single life is a relatively new state for women.

 

I am currently reading a novel called The Nun, in which the young woman wants to get married but her family doesn't have enough dowry for a marriage but they do have enough for a religious dowry so she is forced to enter a convent. There was no option for her to choose single life. Today a woman has choices.

 

The Church is becoming more supportive of men and women who are choosing single life as a vocation, but it hasn't really been formalized yet as a consecrated state except for CVs or CHs. That may change, but even now, the Church refers quite positively in documentation to a person who chooses to remain single and celibate for the Kingdom.

[Sponsa-Christi]

Just a few observations on my part...

 

I think one reason why this question can get so confusing is because sometimes writers and speakers aren't always totally clear about how they're using their terms. One example of this is the word "vocation." For instance, we can speak of vocation as "what God is actually calling me to do right now," or we can see vocation as "the state of life to which I permanently bind myself." 

 

I think the single life can certainly be a vocation in the former sense. I think God in His loving providence does in actual fact will for some people to remain single for any number of reasons---e.g., to care for needy family members, to be free to take on some kind of special work, because that person has some need for human or spiritual growth that can best be accomplished while they are still single, because God has something else in mind for that person down the road, etc.

 

But on the other hand, to me it doesn't seem to make much sense to speak of the single life as a vocation in the latter sense. That is, I don't think we can speak of someone as having a special call from God to commit themselves to stay permanently uncommitted! And here, I'm recalling the line in Gaudium et Spes 24 where it says: "Man...cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself."

 

For this reason (among other reasons), I personally have a hard time with referring to non-communal forms of consecrated life, like consecrated virgins and hermits, as "the single life." Consecrated virgins and hermits make life-long commitments which, if they're living out their vocations fully, allow them to "give themselves away." And I think in most cases the same thing can be said even of those who remain single lay people but make private vows. 

[AccountDeleted]

Just a few observations on my part...

 

I think one reason why this question can get so confusing is because sometimes writers and speakers aren't always totally clear about how they're using their terms. One example of this is the word "vocation." For instance, we can speak of vocation as "what God is actually calling me to do right now," or we can see vocation as "the state of life to which I permanently bind myself." 

 

I think the single life can certainly be a vocation in the former sense. I think God in His loving providence does in actual fact will for some people to remain single for any number of reasons---e.g., to care for needy family members, to be free to take on some kind of special work, because that person has some need for human or spiritual growth that can best be accomplished while they are still single, because God has something else in mind for that person down the road, etc.

 

But on the other hand, to me it doesn't seem to make much sense to speak of the single life as a vocation in the latter sense. That is, I don't think we can speak of someone as having a special call from God to commit themselves to stay permanently uncommitted! And here, I'm recalling the line in Gaudium et Spes 24 where it says: "Man...cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself."

 

For this reason (among other reasons), I personally have a hard time with referring to non-communal forms of consecrated life, like consecrated virgins and hermits, as "the single life." Consecrated virgins and hermits make life-long commitments which, if they're living out their vocations fully, allow them to "give themselves away." And I think in most cases the same thing can be said even of those who remain single lay people but make private vows. 

 

 

Your statement that '... it doesn't seem to make much sense to speak of the single life as a vocation in the latter sense.' seems to contradict your later statement that 'And I think in most cases the same thing can be said even of those who remain single lay people but make private vows.'

 

I am assuming of course that when one speaks of a 'vocation' to single life, they are also talking about making a commitment to God and/or the Church in doing so. To simply want to remain single for selfish reasons as indicated in your statement that '...I don't think we can speak of someone as having a special call from God to commit themselves to stay permanently uncommitted.' doesn't seem to be what we are talking about when we use the word 'vocation' to single life, so it is good to clear up this point.

 

If there are people who want to be single just so that they don't have to make any commitments and can live their lives as they please - well, even the Church doesn't support that as a vocation. It's good that we understand the motivation behind the desire to be single and to ask if it really is a 'calling' from God or just a way to avoid self-giving.

[BarbTherese]

The single life as vocation ("the celibate state" in the laity most often in Church language) has always been a potential vocation in The Church and this is underscored by our theology for one.  Pre V2 very sadly and wrongly only the priesthood and religious life were considered vocations per se in our cultural consciousness.  Marriage and the various forms of consecrated life came later and nowadays are quite well recognize most often.  The celibate state in the laity or the single state in life as an accepted and chosen commitment or dedication, "special (private) consecration" in the language of Vita Consecrata ("The Consecrated Life") as previously quoted, can still struggle in the general Catholic cultural consciousness to be generally accepted as a potential vocation in life; be this as it may it remains as always a potential call and vocation from God.

 

 

 

Encyclical : "Sacra Virginitas" (On Consecrated Life"
Pope Pius XII (Note - pre Vatican II)

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/pi...initas_en.html

 

6. And while this perfect chastity is the subject of one of the three vows which constitute the religious state,[9] and is also required by the Latin Church of clerics in major orders[10] and demanded from members of Secular Institutes,[11] it also flourishes among many who are lay people in the full sense: men and women who are not constituted in a public state of perfection and yet by private promise or vow completely abstain from marriage and sexual pleasures, in order to serve their neighbor more freely and to be united with God more easily and more closely.
7. To all of these beloved sons and daughters who in any way have consecrated their bodies and souls to God, We address Ourselves, and exhort them earnestly to strengthen their holy resolution and be faithful to it.

 

 

 

The above highlighted quotation does underscore the terms under which the single state in life as a vocation can be considered a vocation and call in life and from God.  He will inspire and gift the desire to serve one's neighbour more freely and to unite oneself to God more easily and closely.  Undoubtedly, the single life as vocation does ask different (or special) Graces in order to live celibately and spiritually productively in the world without support of a community and all the supports that do come with community life.  It can also be a cross of the single celibate life as vocation that there is no public formal recognition of The Church for this vocation to this date.

 

Note:  Community life can also have its trial and crosses.

 

At the moment, it seems in The Church that there is much focus on marriage as a vocation in life.  I tend to think personally that this is prompted in one sense by the dire lack of vocations to our priesthood especially but also to religious life - and all forms of public and private special consecrations - and in the main generally speaking sound and holy vocations in the future will probably flow out of good Catholic marriages generally speaking but not only from these of necessity.

 

I do think personally that for those who have the necessary qualifications for the priesthood and/or religious life - and these gifted by God in all cases -  there is an obligation to at least seriously discern if God could be calling one to the priesthood and/or religious life since He has gifted one with the necessary qualities.

 

Generally speaking, very generally, there are three signs of vocation:

 

1 - Attraction to the life

2 - Ability and right motivation to live the life

3 - Acceptance into the life

Edited October 15, 2013 by BarbaraTherese

[Sponsa-Christi]

 

I am assuming of course that when one speaks of a 'vocation' to single life, they are also talking about making a commitment to God and/or the Church in doing so. To simply want to remain single for selfish reasons as indicated in your statement that '...I don't think we can speak of someone as having a special call from God to commit themselves to stay permanently uncommitted.' doesn't seem to be what we are talking about when we use the word 'vocation' to single life, so it is good to clear up this point.

 

If there are people who want to be single just so that they don't have to make any commitments and can live their lives as they please - well, even the Church doesn't support that as a vocation. It's good that we understand the motivation behind the desire to be single and to ask if it really is a 'calling' from God or just a way to avoid self-giving.

 

Okay, sorry---I had thought the question at hand was whether or not the un-vowed, un-committed single life was a vocation.

 

I actually have seen quite a bit of catechetical and vocation-awareness-type literature that promoted the un-committed lay single life as a choice of a state in life comparable to that of marriage, consecrated life, or priesthood, so in some ways I think this is point that still needs to be better understood or clarified.

 

Also in the Church, there are people who have chosen to remain un-vowed singles for good reasons, and I think it's important that the Church provide for these people's spiritual needs in a pastoral way---not necessarily by saying the uncommitted single life is a true vocation if it isn't one, but by finding ways to acknowledge that single people are called to sainthood and that God still has a beautiful plan for their lives, even if it might never involve entering into any other state in life. 

 

And in the interest of full disclosure (and not trying to pick on anyone else here, and while valuing the perspective of others who might see things differently...) I guess calling consecrated virginity and the eremitical life "the single life" is sort of a pet peeve of mine. Yes, it's true that CVs often live alone (and that hermits do so by definition), but to me this is only one very small piece of what these vocations are about. If you make this the main focus, you miss the big picture!  Also, I feel like it might tend to undermine the seriousness of CVs' and hermits' commitments to call them "single."

 

But, once again, these are just my own feelings on the matter---so just take them for what they're worth! 

 

 

[BarbTherese]

Would the best way to approach things is by defining what "vocation" actually means?

[BarbTherese]

I personally do not think of those in a publically consecrated form of life as being in the single state.  They are consecrated men and women in The Church.  I think of the single state as being a celibate person in the laity living in and for The Church in/and the world.  For those who have a vocation to the single state, I think of as having discerned that the single state is God's Will for them as their way of journeying to holiness and embrace the single celibate state as such - as serving God and His Church and neighbour in specific ways and committing themselves to it privately.  Ideally to my mind this will be discerned and undertaken with spiritual direction and on an ongoing basis as I don't think that the single celibate state as vocation is common, rather perhaps unusual even perhaps rare as a discerned, accepted and chosen private commitment made for life.  The single celibate state in the laity however is a vocation that does remain open to a further call from God to some other state in life.  Such a person may receive a further call, or they may not.

 

Our baptism is our vocation and call to holiness - a further call is what path to take in that journey to holiness.

The Real Presence Association - Modern Catholic Dictionary http://www.therealpresence.org/index.html

 

VOCATION. A call from God to a distinctive state of life, in which the person can reach holiness. The Second Vatican Council made it plain that there is a “Universal call [vocatio] to holiness in the Church” (Lumen Gentium, 39). (Etym. Latin vocatio, a calling, summoning; from vocare, to call.)

 

 

The laity is a distinctive state in life in The Church.

 

[BarbTherese]

Real Presence Association - Fr. John A Hardon SJ

http://www.therealpresence.org/archives/Religious_Life/Religious_Life_033.htm

 

 

 

But as the Church developed, there appeared three types of Christian perfection which have not only survived to the present day but will continue until the end of time. In general, they are, first, the strictly monastic. It may be heremetical, but that is rare; there are very few hermits in the Roman Catholic Church. The monastic form has many variants. The cloistered communities would qualify under that general rubric. Second, apostolic communities, where they engage in some kind of apostolic work which carries their efforts, even if not the persons, outside of their own community life. And third, secular institutes.

 

 

There is a fourth category contemplated by the Holy See in anticipation of the new Code of Canon Law, so that something may be done for the thousands of women who seem not to want religious life yet seem to want to live especially dedicated lives in the Church. The secular institutes are a recent development of the Catholic Church. If there would be a fourth category, it would be some form of what we now call “secular institutes,” but the implications still have to be worked out.

 

The above article also defines "vocation" per se in detail.

[TheresaThoma]

I think the biggest factor in determining whether the single life is a vocation is if there is a deliberate choice to remain single and a commitment to purposefully live in the single celibate state. I don't think that it can be just a "default" vocation, like "well I know I'm not called to religious life and the right man hasn't come along so I guess I'm just meant to be single." However if one discerns remaining single and feels that is how you can grow in holiness and serve God the best and makes an active commitment to living in that way (perhaps through private vows) then yes it is very much a vocation. 

I think a decent analogy (forgive me if this is wrong) is the transitional versus permanent diaconate. For some men the diaconate is transitory a period before they become priests where others that is their permanent vocation. For most people the single/celibate state is a transitional state and for others it will be a permanent state. However just like the permanent diaconate must be actively chosen, so to must single life as a vocation be chosen.

As with all things to do with the spiritual life the intent of the person is the most important part.