Hilarious Communion Experiences

[Gabriela]

I hope it's ok that I post this in VS. It's not directly vocation-related, but I didn't want to post in the Open Mic and have it descend into an argument.

 

I was at Mass today and this quite elderly priest was celebrating. I've only seen him once before. On that occasion, he seemed ok. This time, he was... wacky. I kept swinging back and forth in my head between, "Maybe he's starting to go senile... no, I think he's all there; he's just wacky... no, he's going senile... well, maybe that's just his personality... he's definitely senile..."

 

Now, this is a parish where everyone moves a host from one bowl into another as they walk to the pew, so that they always consecrate exactly the right amount of hosts and never have to save any. But someone always forgets to move a host from one bowl to the other, so usually they add a few just in case, and it typically works out. Only this time, the priest added three extra, and there weren't many people there, so there were three left over. I was the last person to receive Communion, and I always receive on the tongue, so when I'm wearing a coat, I put my hands in my pockets so it's clear I don't want to receive in the hand.

 

Today, as I arrived face to face with the priest, he looked me square in the eyes, then he slowly looked down the length of my arm and at my pockets, then slowly his eyes fell to the dish with the Hosts. Then he looked straight back into my eyes and said, "Well, you only receive on the tongue, so I guess I can't give you four of these, can I?"

 

I almost burst out laughing, and for just a moment I thought, "Maybe I should take my hands out of my pockets to help him out..." But then he raised one Host and I opened my mouth and that was that.

 

Is that as funny in narrative form as it was in person? Cuz I almost fell over laughing when I got back to the pew!

 

Do you have any humorous/awkward/weird Communion stories? This is my first "anomaly"!

[ToJesusMyHeart]

I have a few that made me cry, but not any funny ones, unfortunately. 

 

Really good story though! :) 

[TheresaThoma]

I've had some awkward ones but nothing quite that funny.

[arfink]

I got one.

 

I was serving mass when I was a boy, probably 13 or 14. Our priest that day was a very young and gaunt fellow who was much too thin for the alb he was dressed in. The sleeves were huge on him, and it was clear he had basically just bunched them up under his arms and worn it anyway. I mean, the sleeve was this voluminous bag under his hand.

 

As he finished the consecration, he moved his hand across the altar to turn a page from the book, only to scoop several hosts up his sleeve. I immediately noticed and, not knowing any better, put out my hand to father's arm. He looked at me like he was about ready to kill me, until I pulled a small handful of hosts from inside of his sleeve.

[CatherineM]

My first time holding the cup, I saw a girl fumble the host and it hit the floor, and she walked away. I immediately jumped down off the step and grabbed it. I turned around and Fr. Paul was standing behind me white faced. He told me later that he'd seen me go down out of the corner of his eye and was afraid I'd fallen down and spilled the chalice. He made me rat out which kid dropped it after mass.

[nikita92]

I was on my usual twice yearly retreat where we have a smallish chapel. The priest that was celebrating I have never seen before. (He was pretty elderly as well) usually I receive the host on my tongue, but I was kinda following the other ladies that time and decided to receive in my hand. When it was my turn I stepped up and held out my hand and he quickly dug in and ended up placing THREE hosts in my hand! I realized it immediately and he just looked at me (kinda like Oops!!!)and I was really caught off guard too! I didn't know what to do!! He certainly was not going to take them from me in that instant.. So I put one in my mouth as I walked back to the pew (chairs) I put the extra in my pocket. I actually came on a Phatmass (ask a scholar or whatever it was) and inquired as to what to do with my extra hosts? I did what was told.. But boy! I will never forget that experiance!!!

[maximillion]

In the 60's when my friend came to Mass in her 'flower power' long flowing dress, the priest asked her at communion if she were Catholic.

I don't think it helped that she burst out laughing....then there was a very embarrassing sort of whispered conflab between him and her, and in the end he administered the Host.

Unfortunately she found the whole thing funny and came back to her seat giggling - I think that priest was convinced she was on something, but it was just joy in the Lord.

[BG45]

None as a Catholic, but as a Baptist, I once stood behind a young kid who took a piece of bread and then loudly proclaimed, "MY JESUS IS STALE".  His mother hurried him on to the grape juice.

[dUSt]

I dropped the host at my first communion, and it rolled under the kneeler I was on. The priest had already assumed I ate it, so he was looking at the kid behind me. When he realized I wasn't moving he looked at me like I should move. I said, "I dropped it." He gave me another one.

 

After communion was over, I saw him move the kneeler out of the way, pick up the host I dropped and eat it. At the time, I thought that was extremely strange he did that--I didn't really understand the significance at the time.

 

Anyway, yeah. Me, the creator of phatmass, dropped my first communion.

[AnneLine]

We had a wonderful young and very fervent Polish priest at one point who lived in our parish.  He was in the United States primarily to learn English, and he also served  the members of the Polish-speaking Community in our city.   There weren't enough of them to form an entire parish, so he boarded at our parish and provided them with Mass and sacraments on Sundays and as needed.  And he helped out with Sunday masses in our parish.  We knew he was reading his sermon straight from the sermon-help books, and usually we could ALMOST understand what he said, for his accent was VERY strong.  I'm not sure what part of Poland he was from, but I gather it must have been somewhere near the mountains....

 

Those of us who were Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion received a surprise the first time we went up to receive the chalice from Father.  I want to stress this was a VERY holy priest who was truly trying to focus on the Lord, and who would not have done something to mar the moment in a million years.  He was also drop-dead gorgeous, tall with dark hair and piercing eyes, and a most engaging smile.  (Yes, this really is relevant).  And the nicest guy in the world!

 

So imagine what it was like to approach him, have him hold up the Precious Blood, and hear him say, most reverently:

 

 

 

 

 

The Blooooood of Chriiiiiiist   

 

 

 

(sounding EXACTLY like every Count Dracula imitation you have ever heard.)

 

 

The worst part was, after the first week... we knew what to expect.    And that the entire congregation was watching, having no idea what was being said or that the EMHCs were truly struggling.... not to just lose it....

 

 

[Apotheoun]

None as a Catholic, but as a Baptist, I once stood behind a young kid who took a piece of bread and then loudly proclaimed, "MY JESUS IS STALE".  His mother hurried him on to the grape juice.

In the Methodist Church the communion elements would be passed around on a giant plate with little holes around the edge for thimble sized communion cups. When the plate was passed to my brother he drank a bunch of the grape juice (at least more than 10 little cups). My mom tried to stop him, but he did not listen to her whispering pleas not to drink any more. He got in big trouble after the service ended.

 

The minister actually had to bring out more grape juice (and even little cups, since Methodists at that time did not share cups), because there was not enough to go around.

Edited October 8, 2013 by Apotheoun

[AnneLine]

A year or so back I was in the Communion line and I noticed a host on the ground.  I don't know if it had been dropped by the priest or EMHC, or how long He had been there, but it was obvious that no one had seen it.   As I came forward, I decided to do the obvious thing - kneel down and pick up the host... after all, I am installed as an EMHC.   Should work just perfectly!

 

 So just as I arrived at the front of the line, I knelt down and, bending forward, reached out to pick up the host.  My fingernail must have just caught the edge, or Jesus was in a playful mood... because He flipped like a tiddlywink about a foot FURTHER away from me, and now directly under the EMHC.   I reached further, and found myself fully prostrate, arm outstretched, in what could only be described as a pretty good laywoman's imitation of the Dominican venia posture.... and this was in the main aisle of the Dominican church!   I was able to reach Him and picked Him up and consumed Him. 

 

There was just one problem.   I'm in my mid-50's, and I couldn't get up from my knees.  The slippery marble floor was doing me in!   There was nothing to grab other than the EMHC to use for leverage, and I was afraid I might cause more Hosts to slip if I tried that. 

 

Finally someone in the front row realized what was going on and came to help me up.   Marble floors are NOT meant to be knelt on if you are as old and stiff as an AnneLine!

 

After Mass I talked with the EMHC, and she said she had thought I was doing some kind of really over-the-top adoration posture, and had no idea what was going on until someone explained it to her after Mass.

 

It was a privilege to do that for Our Lord, but I hope I don't have to do it again!

Edited October 8, 2013 by AnneLine

[OnlySunshine]

I remember, this past year, when one of the Sisters in my parish was helping out as an EMHC at the First Holy Communion Mass (held separately, in my parish, from other Sunday Masses).  One of the young boys took the chalice from her and proceeded to take a large gulp which meant there was none left for the other communicants!  The Sister looked so confused because she had not served for very long so she asked Father what to do and he said to go up and ask one of the other EMHCs to come down to finish serving.  The Sister ended up with another chalice (one of the EMHCs surrendered their chalice to her) and all was well.  I just remember the kid's face because he realized from the Sister's expression that he had done something wrong.  :hehe2:

[Gabriela]

I was on my usual twice yearly retreat where we have a smallish chapel. The priest that was celebrating I have never seen before. (He was pretty elderly as well) usually I receive the host on my tongue, but I was kinda following the other ladies that time and decided to receive in my hand. When it was my turn I stepped up and held out my hand and he quickly dug in and ended up placing THREE hosts in my hand! I realized it immediately and he just looked at me (kinda like Oops!!!)and I was really caught off guard too! I didn't know what to do!! He certainly was not going to take them from me in that instant.. So I put one in my mouth as I walked back to the pew (chairs) I put the extra in my pocket. I actually came on a Phatmass (ask a scholar or whatever it was) and inquired as to what to do with my extra hosts? I did what was told.. But boy! I will never forget that experiance!!!

 

Yup. I remember that question! :-)

[TheresaThoma]

I've had a couple of times when an EMHC didn't realize that I wished to recieve on the tongue. The following moments were akin to when you are walking directly towards another person and you both step to the same side and then to the other side.

I've also had the host fall once and it really freaked me out, I felt so bad (I had been Catholic for just under a year at that point).