Fears

[ToJesusMyHeart]

What are your fears when considering a religious vocation? 

 

What is holding you back from really embracing a calling? 

 

What are you clinging to that is stopping you from diving into real, active discernment (visiting communities, etc)?

[Gabriela]

I'm in active discernment, and there's not much I fear, except for two things:

 

1) Leaving my father, who is a hermit with no one he speaks to or is close with besides me.

 

2) It won't work out and I'll be back in the world in [insert whatever period of time]. That doesn't stop me from looking for my house, but it does scare the croutons out of me. If I go, I want it to be forever. Leaving would be too hard, I think. I'm not sure I could handle it.

 

I know a lot of people are afraid of giving up lots of stuff. I kinda' already live a very "detached" life. I don't have many friends, I'm not close with any family members but my father, I hate buying things and having to take care of stuff I buy, I haven't had a tv in ages and my internet is a fraction of the size of other people's. I've never been on social media. I don't have a car or a cell phone. I prefer to wear the same thing every day. I can't wait for someone else to just send me food so I don't have to cook or worry about what to eat. I don't like leaving home, even for socializing. If I could have Mass in my living room, I'd be in Heaven. I haven't been attracted to a man or "men" in years. I don't want children. I never wanted a "career".

 

What's to give up? It's almost too easy...

 

So, my case is "a little" different from most already, I think!

 

I will miss Thai food, though. Mmmmmm...... Thai food! ;-)

 

What are YOU afraid of, TJMH? Are you getting cold feet with the SoLs? Do you need prayer?

Edited October 6, 2013 by curiousing

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Oh, I just asked for curiosity's sake, and to pray for each other. At this point I'm not having cold feet, but I don't even know the decision yet. :)

Edited October 6, 2013 by ToJesusMyHeart

[Spem in alium]

Also actively discerning, but...

 

1. Mostly, that things won't work out. Though I'm becoming increasingly convinced that I am being called to religious life, there's a part of me that still seems to hold me back a bit and freak out that I'll make the wrong choice. I do believe that God will guide me to the right choice, but sometimes it does become a real fear. I know that if I enter religious life and then discern I'm not called to that kind of life, it would really distress me to the point that I'm not sure I would cope.

2. My student loan. I know that if I didn't have such a big one, I would probably be exploring my calling a lot more.
I suppose areas of my faith, too. I was feeling very close to God and very enriched for a while, but I've been really slack lately and have been really feeling it. Once I grow in that area, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do more.

 

Thanks for these questions, by the way. I don't really talk about these things much, and they have actually made me think lots :)

 

Edited October 6, 2013 by Spem in alium

[maximillion]

Great question. And one I think that needs to be asked. Admitting to and recognising that these fears exist gives one a possibility of dealing with them.

 

As to coming out of the convent and from one who did so after 14 years.......yes, that is hard. Is it any harder than discerning out after a couple of months or years? I doubt it.

As to being able to cope if it does not work out in X or Y community, then I think He does give the strength and the grace. The important thing is to manage to maintain closeness and trust in Him, which I didn't for a while, with certain consequences, one being that I never imagined I was then called to another community. Hence I have always wondered.......

 

Discernment, as has been said elsewhere, is a long process. It continues after entry and even after Vows. There will always, every day, be a need for the ongoing 'fiat'.

 

Fears are understandable, but no more or less belonging to the discernment to the RL than to any other calling. Trust in Him, make frequent acts of surrender, and know that all of you discerning are constantly in the prayer of many.

[Aya Sophia]

2. My student loan. I know that if I didn't have such a big one, I would probably be exploring my calling a lot more.
I suppose areas of my faith, too. I was feeling very close to God and very enriched for a while, but I've been really slack lately and have been really feeling it. Once I grow in that area, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do more.

 

There are certain kinds of obstacles to religious vocation that, by their nature, are canonically insurmountable (and hence good indicators of God's will for a person). Student debt is not among them.

 

Student loan debt is not even an obstacle to discerning a religious vocation. It may be an obstacle once you have applied and been accepted by a diocese or community as your entrance will probably be contingent upon resolution your student loan debt. It's at this point that such organizations as the www.labouresociety.org come into the picture (another was mentioned recently in VS - don't remember the name  I know someone in the current class with Laboure, hence my knowledge of them - their program is apparently very effective and well managed).

 

So, although SLD may be a weight you're dragging along after you through vocational discernment it should NOT prevent or put a stop to this discernment.  (Only the HS speaking in a person's heart can do this, if such is His will.)

 

-   -   - 

 

My only fear (as much a sadness as a fear) is not being there for my brothers when they are old, in difficulties and lacking support from family.  I have come to have something of a maternal care for them. If they suffer, I suffer. Being in RL, I won't be there in a practical, material way to support them in times of trouble. (This is not an obstacle for me, only something I'm aware of as part of the choice I am making.)

[TheresaThoma]

I would have to say the only thing that truly scares me (ok I'll be honest, terrifies me) is telling my mother. She has not taken kindly to the possibility of me having a vocation and she has point blank told me she would consider it like a death in the family.  

I'm hoping that some time and physical separation (I'm living at home to finish up my studies) might help this situation. Right now I am waiting until I move out to fully and actively discern.

[Gabriela]

There are certain kinds of obstacles to religious vocation that, by their nature, are canonically insurmountable (and hence good indicators of God's will for a person). Student debt is not among them.

 

Student loan debt is not even an obstacle to discerning a religious vocation. It may be an obstacle once you have applied and been accepted by a diocese or community as your entrance will probably be contingent upon resolution your student loan debt. It's at this point that such organizations as the www.labouresociety.org come into the picture (another was mentioned recently in VS - don't remember the name  I know someone in the current class with Laboure, hence my knowledge of them - their program is apparently very effective and well managed).

 

So, although SLD may be a weight you're dragging along after you through vocational discernment it should NOT prevent or put a stop to this discernment.  (Only the HS speaking in a person's heart can do this, if such is His will.)

 

I was actually just discussing this with a fellow discerner today. Debt is truly not an impediment. A pain in the butt, yes, but thanks to the generosity and kindness of our fellow Catholics, it can be managed!

 

I would have to say the only thing that truly scares me (ok I'll be honest, terrifies me) is telling my mother. She has not taken kindly to the possibility of me having a vocation and she has point blank told me she would consider it like a death in the family.  

I'm hoping that some time and physical separation (I'm living at home to finish up my studies) might help this situation. Right now I am waiting until I move out to fully and actively discern.

 

I'm really sorry to hear this, TT. For what it's worth, I interviewed several sisters whose families had similar reactions. They were disowned upon entry. However, in almost all cases, over the years, the families came to accept their vocations and even rejoiced at having "gained ## other daughters". I'm not saying that will be your mother's reaction, but it's something to recognize is one possible outcome (eventually) and to hope and pray for!

[ChristinaTherese]

Being stopped by: I've only been Catholic for 6 months.... Half of me says I should wait. The other half of me thinks that under the circumstances that might not be a good idea. And all of me think I need a spiritual director badly.

 

Fear: Not seeing my grandmother ever again and her dying without understanding. She's Protestant and old and not able to travel anymore. So I'd have to enter really close by if I were to ever see her again if I entered (and remained in) a cloistered community. And she's already hurt badly by the knowledge that my brother and I are Catholic.... I doubt that she'd understand. And she can't understand me (or very many people, but I'm particularly bad) on the phone, so the one and only method of communication available would be letters.

Debt. I'm in college, and presumably accumulating it. My brother has said that if he can he would be glad to help pay it off if I need help, and there are other avenues of getting help as well, but it's still a little scary.

Particular difficulty living the life.

If I kept typing I could probably come up with more.... But they're not the biggest things in the world, and except for the first one I listed I think my list is basically fear of the unknown. My grandmother and parents (but they're at least able to travel, so it isn't as scary) are the only reasonable fears I can think of.

[TheresaThoma]

 

I'm really sorry to hear this, TT. For what it's worth, I interviewed several sisters whose families had similar reactions. They were disowned upon entry. However, in almost all cases, over the years, the families came to accept their vocations and even rejoiced at having "gained ## other daughters". I'm not saying that will be your mother's reaction, but it's something to recognize is one possible outcome (eventually) and to hope and pray for!

It seems to be a pretty common reaction, I was talking with a very wise priest and he told me that I would be more hurt if she had no reaction at all. Even though the fights are hard and painful I at least know that she cares for me. It would be more painful if she had no reaction because that would mean that she had stopped caring.

It doesn't make it any easier in the moment but I really do hope that she might come around eventually.

[TheLordsSouljah]

Also actively discerning, but...

 

1. Mostly, that things won't work out. Though I'm becoming increasingly convinced that I am being called to religious life, there's a part of me that still seems to hold me back a bit and freak out that I'll make the wrong choice. I do believe that God will guide me to the right choice, but sometimes it does become a real fear. I know that if I enter religious life and then discern I'm not called to that kind of life, it would really distress me to the point that I'm not sure I would cope.

2. My student loan. I know that if I didn't have such a big one, I would probably be exploring my calling a lot more.
I suppose areas of my faith, too. I was feeling very close to God and very enriched for a while, but I've been really slack lately and have been really feeling it. Once I grow in that area, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do more.

 

Thanks for these questions, by the way. I don't really talk about these things much, and they have actually made me think lots :)

Aren't you on HECs or FEEhelp or something? Being Australia, if you never earn the minimum, you'll never have to pay it back...

[Spem in alium]

Aren't you on HECs or FEEhelp or something? Being Australia, if you never earn the minimum, you'll never have to pay it back...

 

Yep, FEE-Help :) The Sisters I'm discerning with do paid work, and I saw yesterday that the stipend they receive for full-time work is a little over the FEE-Help threshold. Sister said she's going to check with a Canon lawyer. I'm looking for a job because I'm assuming I'll need to pay it off before I enter. Hoping I get some definitive answers!

[TheLordsSouljah]

Yep, FEE-Help :) The Sisters I'm discerning with do paid work, and I saw yesterday that the stipend they receive for full-time work is a little over the FEE-Help threshold. Sister said she's going to check with a Canon lawyer. I'm looking for a job because I'm assuming I'll need to pay it off before I enter. Hoping I get some definitive answers!

Oh, okay, fair enough! :) That's a pretty big stipend! I thought it was only a tiny percentage of what you earned over the threshold...hmmm. I'll have to look into that one! :) I do hope it works out for you! 

[AccountDeleted]

Yep, FEE-Help :) The Sisters I'm discerning with do paid work, and I saw yesterday that the stipend they receive for full-time work is a little over the FEE-Help threshold. Sister said she's going to check with a Canon lawyer. I'm looking for a job because I'm assuming I'll need to pay it off before I enter. Hoping I get some definitive answers!

 

 

I am not really sure why anyone would need a canon lawyer for this issue as it doesn't really concern canon law but Australian Taxation law.

 

This page offers advice about repayment of FEE loans...  http://studyassist.gov.au/sites/studyassist/payingbackmyloan/loan-repayment/pages/loan-repayment

 

Loan repayments are made through one's income tax and payable to the ATO so any questions about loan repayments should be made to them directly - not to a canon lawyer. There is information at the above link about remitting the debt (cancelling it) or what to do if one cannot pay it back. Being a member of a religious community it probably not going to make one exempt, unless the annual salary is over the threshold.

 

So if your income with the community is over the threshold of $51,309 annually, then the ATO will calculate what you owe each year and include it in your tax assessment. Since that isn't a bad salary, the community could probably simply let you continue to make the repayments at tax time from this income.

 

If you are entering an American based community (in Australia), they may not understand Australian taxation law, and it would certainly make a difference if you were living in the US as well, so perhaps a tax lawyer might be the one to consult? 

 

Best wishes.

[Spem in alium]

Oh, okay, fair enough! :) That's a pretty big stipend! I thought it was only a tiny percentage of what you earned over the threshold...hmmm. I'll have to look into that one! :) I do hope it works out for you! 

 

Thanks :) It's actually below the threshold - my bad!
 

I am not really sure why anyone would need a canon lawyer for this issue as it doesn't really concern canon law but Australian Taxation law.

 

This page offers advice about repayment of FEE loans...  http://studyassist.gov.au/sites/studyassist/payingbackmyloan/loan-repayment/pages/loan-repayment

 

Loan repayments are made through one's income tax and payable to the ATO so any questions about loan repayments should be made to them directly - not to a canon lawyer. There is information at the above link about remitting the debt (cancelling it) or what to do if one cannot pay it back. Being a member of a religious community it probably not going to make one exempt, unless the annual salary is over the threshold.

 

So if your income with the community is over the threshold of $51,309 annually, then the ATO will calculate what you owe each year and include it in your tax assessment. Since that isn't a bad salary, the community could probably simply let you continue to make the repayments at tax time from this income.

 

If you are entering an American based community (in Australia), they may not understand Australian taxation law, and it would certainly make a difference if you were living in the US as well, so perhaps a tax lawyer might be the one to consult? 

 

Best wishes.

Thanks so much nunsense. You know, I'd never seen that site before and have just realised that the stipend (which Sister told me is tax-free) I would earn as a religious is actually below the repayment threshold - I thought it was above! This changes things. Maybe I should email the site to Sister. I'm not sure why she was going to speak to a canon lawyer particularly, but she's definitely trying to help out with things.

The congregation has its head in Rome, and I don't think the Sisters really get our system. I had to explain to them (probably not well) how it works.