Being Consecrated To God

[God's Beloved]

This is a thought coming to mind again and again. I tried to start a thread last week but couldn't find the words to express myself. Maybe it's a bit too personal and deep ?!

 

An important aspect of being Consecrated to God [ in my vocation as a Consecrated virgin ]  is being completely focused on God, living every moment of life in such a way that our Trinitarian God possesses me. I do not possess the Truth but the Truth possesses me.

 

Very often there is a thirst in my soul to remain completely consecrated to God , to think of Him, to love Him , to serve Him, to pray to Him, to let Him love me , to see Him in others ,serve Him in others , especially the last the least and the lost....as a mother , experience His presence in the beauty of Nature........

 

However in the day to day life lived 'in the world' while being 'not of this world but an eschatological image of the life in the world to come ' .....there is a paradox experienced in the heart .It is not a conflict - because I know  I Belong to God alone and completely to Him and forever . He comes first .Every other relationship on earth starts from Him.

 

While there is this beautiful desire to be with God and in God -every moment in prayer and action.......I know I do not and cannot  live in a convent or monastery. Do not have the privilege of living in the Presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I do not have the privilege of living in His presence in a community of Christians [ wherever two or three are gathered........] .

 

How do I quench my thirst for God  every moment ?  What if  I will have to spend my future in a place where there are no Christians, no Mass, no sacraments [which is a real possibility ] ?

 

Theoretically I know Jesus is within me in my heart.....but my sense of sinfulness always makes me doubt.....

 

How will I live every moment completely consecrated to God , mystically espoused to Jesus  and dedicated to the service of the Church  in such a situation ? Maybe your insights will help me to accept this cross in my life [if it comes] and still be happy. It seems it will be the life of a widow of Christ rather than an eschatological image of the church as a  Bride of Christ. I cannot understand the mystery in this paradox. :unsure: