Spiritual Direction - Should You Pay For It?

[AccountDeleted]

Ok, I don't know if this goes in Debate Table but we might have some differing opinions so here it is.

 

For the past six years I have had spiritual direction in one country or another. Usually I have had a priest do this, sometimes one recommended by the diocese, sometimes my parish priest, sometimes a priest from a spirituality center and even once, a nun. In the convent, it wasn't always as easy to find an SD (strange thing that) but sometimes our confessor would be enough to help deal with spiritual issues.

 

I have never paid for SD, but I have given a donation when I could, more or less depending on my financial status at the time.

 

When I got back to Melbourne in 2009 I was looking for a SD and came across a Catholic spirituality center that advertised SDs. I contacted them and it turned out they charged $50 per one hour session. I couldn't afford it so checked around until I found another SD at a church who didn't charge, but I would give him a donation.

 

In 2012 I lived in a rural area of Australia where we only had one priest for four towns. This guy was not a trained SD but since there wasn't anyone else for hundreds of kilometres, he agreed to act in this role for me. He was a great listener and helped me to discern a few things at the time. He wouldn't let me give him money, so I would put an extra donation into the collection plate.

 

Now, once again, I have returned to Melbourne from overseas and am looking for an SD so I contacted the church where I had been for this in 2009. This time they tell me that they now charge $50 per session as well, which I cannot afford, being unemployed.

 

I have contacted my local parish, which is run by a religious community of priests - they have 4 or 5 priests in their residence. I have phoned the parish office to ask about SD but was told they don't do it. I would understand this if it were one priest trying to do more than he can do, but between 4 or 5 of them, shouldn't one of them be able to do it? Or has SD become a specialization in the Church that only qualified SDs can do now at a high cost?

 

So my question is, should there be a charge for spiritual direction or not? If yes, should it be a donation or a set amount? And how much is too much? It's just a bit of a shock to me since I have always had a spiritual director in the past. And now I have some issues that I really need to discuss but can't afford to get the help I need. I love the Church so much, but sometimes even I wonder if she is meeting the needs of her children. It isn't a simple issue about my prayer life or love for God, and it's not psychological stuff that a therapist could help with - it's discernment issues that I need work out before I make another decision.

 

I could probably find another religious sister here who would accept a donation, but I tried this before in Melbourne and the sister was into so many really liberal things that we just couldn't see eye to eye on a lot of topics. I tried with her for two months, but in the end, we both knew that our theological differences were just too great to make SD possible. There are very few really traditional religious sisters around here.

 

I will have to solve my own problem of course, and with God's help I will but I just wondered what everyone else thought about charging for SD and making the cost so high that only people with really good jobs can afford it?  So yea or nay to charging for SD and why? Help me to understand this please.

Edited September 25, 2013 by nunsense

[Maggyie]

$50.00 for a session? that's a bit steep. I'm of two minds, really spiritual advice should be free, but on the other hand I am sure there are people who take advantage and try to use the SDs for free psychotherapy or just as someone to bother... so the $50.00 is probably a way of reserving the SD's time for would-be "clients" who are more serious about it.

 

 

[AccountDeleted]

$50.00 for a session? that's a bit steep. I'm of two minds, really spiritual advice should be free, but on the other hand I am sure there are people who take advantage and try to use the SDs for free psychotherapy or just as someone to bother... so the $50.00 is probably a way of reserving the SD's time for would-be "clients" who are more serious about it.

 

 

I can understand that priests who only do spiritual direction (like in a spirituality center) probably need it as a source of income and that there are those who might take advantage of their availability but perhaps they could meet with someone once for a small donation as sort of a 'triage' or assessment of their needs. If they need a different kind of help (therapy etc) then they could be directed elsewhere. I mean, even if they charge $50 per session, they shouldn't be seeing people as therapists anyway as they are not trained for this.

 

I don't know how they manage in Singapore, but the Ignatian Spirituality Centre there is attached to a parish church. The priests celebrate Mass, Reconciliation etc but some of them also provide spiritual direction at the center- and they don't charge for it but will accept donations. I had a great Jesuit SD there.

 

The other thing is that just as monasteries and convents don't usually charge a discerner a fee when they come to visit (although they will accept donations), perhaps SDs could have a discount rate for those discerning religious life?? Just some ideas.

Edited September 25, 2013 by nunsense

[Apteka]

Let the Spirit be your guide

[AccountDeleted]

Let the Spirit be your guide

 

 

That's always a good idea. Sometimes He doesn't always answer right away. I guess I just get frustrated and impatient when I should just try to trust more.

 

On my walk to the store today I had the urge to contact a church in Melbourne city that I have been to on many occasions for Mass, Confession, Adoration and Vespers, so I just sent them an email asking about spiritual direction. Let's see if that bears any fruit. :)

[BarbTherese]

Ok, I don't know if this goes in Debate Table but we might have some differing opinions so here it is.

 

For the past six years I have had spiritual direction in one country or another. Usually I have had a priest do this, sometimes one recommended by the diocese, sometimes my parish priest, sometimes a priest from a spirituality center and even once, a nun. In the convent, it wasn't always as easy to find an SD (strange thing that) but sometimes our confessor would be enough to help deal with spiritual issues.

 

I have never paid for SD, but I have given a donation when I could, more or less depending on my financial status at the time.

 

When I got back to Melbourne in 2009 I was looking for a SD and came across a Catholic spirituality center that advertised SDs. I contacted them and it turned out they charged $50 per one hour session. I couldn't afford it so checked around until I found another SD at a church who didn't charge, but I would give him a donation.

 

In 2012 I lived in a rural area of Australia where we only had one priest for four towns. This guy was not a trained SD but since there wasn't anyone else for hundreds of kilometres, he agreed to act in this role for me. He was a great listener and helped me to discern a few things at the time. He wouldn't let me give him money, so I would put an extra donation into the collection plate.

 

Now, once again, I have returned to Melbourne from overseas and am looking for an SD so I contacted the church where I had been for this in 2009. This time they tell me that they now charge $50 per session as well, which I cannot afford, being unemployed.

 

I have contacted my local parish, which is run by a religious community of priests - they have 4 or 5 priests in their residence. I have phoned the parish office to ask about SD but was told they don't do it. I would understand this if it were one priest trying to do more than he can do, but between 4 or 5 of them, shouldn't one of them be able to do it? Or has SD become a specialization in the Church that only qualified SDs can do now at a high cost?

 

So my question is, should there be a charge for spiritual direction or not? If yes, should it be a donation or a set amount? And how much is too much? It's just a bit of a shock to me since I have always had a spiritual director in the past. And now I have some issues that I really need to discuss but can't afford to get the help I need. I love the Church so much, but sometimes even I wonder if she is meeting the needs of her children. It isn't a simple issue about my prayer life or love for God, and it's not psychological stuff that a therapist could help with - it's discernment issues that I need work out before I make another decision.

 

I could probably find another religious sister here who would accept a donation, but I tried this before in Melbourne and the sister was into so many really liberal things that we just couldn't see eye to eye on a lot of topics. I tried with her for two months, but in the end, we both knew that our theological differences were just too great to make SD possible. There are very few really traditional religious sisters around here.

 

I will have to solve my own problem of course, and with God's help I will but I just wondered what everyone else thought about charging for SD and making the cost so high that only people with really good jobs can afford it?  So yea or nay to charging for SD and why? Help me to understand this please.

 

I am in South Australia.  I rang a religious order who were based in a suburb where I sometimes had attended Mass.  I was impressed at the way they celebrated Mass. At first I was told that they did not do spiritual direction.  A short conversation transpired and Father told me he would transfer me to their superior.  A short conversation with the superior and he agreed to undertake spiritual direction.  He was overwhelmed (and it was obvious) when I told him how much I would like to donate each appointment.  I almost said to him "Get on board, Father!" since the only other religious order of priests I knew of that undertook spiritual direction wanted $50 'donation' per appointment.  Of course, the 'donation' (fee)would be waved if one could not afford it.  I donate $30 per appointment and this is what I can fit into my budget and it goes into the same column as my charity donations and what I give to The Church in the two weekly Mass collections and any special collections.

 

I have seen Father now a few times and I think things will go well.  Although I like to have quite a few  appointments (6 sessions roughly) before I actually decide for myself if things are progressing happily.  Father has the same option.  I outlined this to him on our first appointment.  If things are going well, it sort of just clicks happily into place without much reflection at all.......to date anyway.

 

Personally, I don't think that a set fee ('donation') should be stated for spiritual direction.  I don't like what has become habitual in The Church at all re charging for spiritual direction.  And it is a fee or charge dressed up as 'donation'.

 

I always 'contract' with a spiritual director.  In other words a certain number of sessions roughly so the director and I can then assess if we can work together.   This gives one's director the freedom to decide if one is "serious about it" and other positive and/or negative factors and to base his or her decision on that.  Such an option of freedom should be agreed upon I think right at the beginning and to apply all the way through.

[BarbTherese]

I'm pretty sure it was St Teresa of Avila who said that if one cannot find a good director, one can confidently abandon oneself into God's Hands.  This is said in many different ways in the various writings of the saints.  The whole theology of Divine Providence is set out in Jean Pierre De Caussade's Abandonment to Divine Providence.....online: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment

 

I went 20 years without being able to find a spiritual director of any kind.  It was like walking in an unfriendly and unknown dark jungle in a fearsome storm................then one day one looks back and the dark wood seems to be all in the past and one has come through it all intact - battle scars and bumps and bruises..........but intact.

[Apteka]

The Spiritual Guide

By Michael Molinos

 

Here is one available translation online: http://hermetic.com/crowley/aa/The%20Spiritual%20Guide%20by%20Miguel%20de%20Molinos.pdf

Edited September 25, 2013 by Apteka

[AccountDeleted]

I am in South Australia.  I rang a religious order who were based in a suburb where I sometimes had attended Mass.  I was impressed at the way they celebrated Mass. At first I was told that they did not do spiritual direction.  A short conversation transpired and Father told me he would transfer me to their superior.  A short conversation with the superior and he agreed to undertake spiritual direction.  He was overwhelmed (and it was obvious) when I told him how much I would like to donate each appointment.  I almost said to him "Get on board, Father!" since the only other religious order of priests I knew of that undertook spiritual direction wanted $50 'donation' per appointment.  Of course, the 'donation' (fee)would be waved if one could not afford it.  I donate $30 per appointment and this is what I can fit into my budget and it goes into the same column as my charity donations and what I give to The Church in the two weekly Mass collections and any special collections.

 

I have seen Father now a few times and I think things will go well.  Although I like to have quite a few  appointments (6 sessions roughly) before I actually decide for myself if things are progressing happily.  Father has the same option.  I outlined this to him on our first appointment.  If things are going well, it sort of just clicks happily into place without much reflection at all.......to date anyway.

 

Personally, I don't think that a set fee ('donation') should be stated for spiritual direction.  I don't like what has become habitual in The Church at all re charging for spiritual direction.  And it is a fee or charge dressed up as 'donation'.

 

I always 'contract' with a spiritual director.  In other words a certain number of sessions roughly so the director and I can then assess if we can work together.   This gives one's director the freedom to decide if one is "serious about it" and other positive and/or negative factors and to base his or her decision on that.  Such an option of freedom should be agreed upon I think right at the beginning and to apply all the way through.

 

Thanks for the input Barb. I have contacted a church in Melbourne and offered them a donation (not $50) and am waiting to hear back from them if they do it and if they will accept what I can afford right now. If I were working it wouldn't be a problem, but I need food for the body as well as for the soul!:)

 

I have not usually made a contract with an SD but I do like to take some time to see if we are a good fit.Since I started discerning religious life, I have usually known that SD was for a limited time until I entered. The problem for me is that I often end up in another city or even country so can't usually go back to the one I had before! :)

 

 

 

 

I'm pretty sure it was St Teresa of Avila who said that if one cannot find a good director, one can confidently abandon oneself into God's Hands.  This is said in many different ways in the various writings of the saints.  The whole theology of Divine Providence is set out in Jean Pierre De Caussade's Abandonment to Divine Providence.....online: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment

 

I went 20 years without being able to find a spiritual director of any kind.  It was like walking in an unfriendly and unknown dark jungle in a fearsome storm................then one day one looks back and the dark wood seems to be all in the past and one has come through it all intact - battle scars and bumps and bruises..........but intact.

 

It is only since I started discerning religious life that I actually felt the need for a SD. I don't have problems with my spiritual life at the moment but with discernment specifically. There have been times in the convent though when Jesus has had to be my SD :)

 

 

The Spiritual Guide

By Michael Molinos

 

Here is one available translation online: http://hermetic.com/crowley/aa/The%20Spiritual%20Guide%20by%20Miguel%20de%20Molinos.pdf

 

 

Thanks for that Apteka - it certainly looks worth a read. It wouldn't replace a human SD though because I have some personal concerns relating to myself and religious life that I need to discern, and it is better for me to have someone who can help me work out a few things. I appreciate the thought though and will read through it as I have time - it is quite long! :)

[blazeingstar]

Like with other things, I think cost is sometimes used to scare people with the wrong intentions off.

 

Our parish lists a high fee of $150-$300 for a year of CCD lessons, with the stipulation that scholarships are available.  Those parents who don't care and are only dropping thier kids off are forced to, and those who really want the lessons and can't afford it are given them for free or next to nothing.

[AccountDeleted]

Like with other things, I think cost is sometimes used to scare people with the wrong intentions off.

 

Our parish lists a high fee of $150-$300 for a year of CCD lessons, with the stipulation that scholarships are available.  Those parents who don't care and are only dropping thier kids off are forced to, and those who really want the lessons and can't afford it are given them for free or next to nothing.

 

 

Well, how is someone supposed to know this? When I contact a spirituality center and they tell me the cost is $50 but don't offer other options, what am I supposed to think?

[blazeingstar]

Well, how is someone supposed to know this? When I contact a spirituality center and they tell me the cost is $50 but don't offer other options, what am I supposed to think?

 

I would say you're supposed to ask.  "Are there any other options?"

 

But honestly, I'd stay away from anyplace that declares it self a "spirituality center" that is not a well established monistary.  Sounds ripe for heresey to me.

[AccountDeleted]

I would say you're supposed to ask.  "Are there any other options?"

 

But honestly, I'd stay away from anyplace that declares it self a "spirituality center" that is not a well established monistary.  Sounds ripe for heresey to me.

 

 

Well, they are approved by the diocese, but I have noticed that they are usually a bit more liberal than I feel comfortable with. Australia doesn't have a lot of well established monasteries in the city areas.

[blazeingstar]

Well, they are approved by the diocese, but I have noticed that they are usually a bit more liberal than I feel comfortable with. Australia doesn't have a lot of well established monasteries in the city areas.

 

Perhaps this is a red flag and bothersome to you for reasons other than the money.  I don't think that the money, in this case, is unreasonable or even unexpected.  However, I do think that something is jumping out at you as "rotton in denmark" so to speak.  Is there a diocesan priest that you can go to?

[AccountDeleted]

Perhaps this is a red flag and bothersome to you for reasons other than the money.  I don't think that the money, in this case, is unreasonable or even unexpected.  However, I do think that something is jumping out at you as "rotton in denmark" so to speak.  Is there a diocesan priest that you can go to?

 

 

Well, the money is unexpected to me because I have never had to pay so much before, and unreasonable (to me) because I am unemployed and unable to pay that much. It seems to me that spiritual help should be available even to those who have very little money.

 

If I had the money, I would at least give one of these centers a try but that isn't even an option.

 

But, I have made other efforts to find someone I can afford, and am just waiting now to see how that pans out.

Edited September 25, 2013 by nunsense