Hypothetical Involving Nfp, Abstinence, Children?

[havok579257]

So I was talking to someone about this idea and I wanted to see what everyone's thoughts are.  So here it goes:

 

A married couple has lets say 3 children and the wife does not want to be pregnant right now.  She has just been pregnant of breastfeeding for the past 4 years straight and wants a break(think the Duggers where she was either pregnant or breastfeeding for I think 18 years straight).  She is open to having more children but just wants a break.  She wants to be able to sleep through the night without being uncomfortable or being woken by a crying infant for at least a little while.  Now they have no reasons for not be pregnant other than what is listed above.  There are no grave reasons which would disqualify NFP since I am under the understanding the church teaches NFP is fine as long as there is a grave reason.  Which in this case there is not.  So obviously it would be wrong to use NFP with a contraceptive attitude.  So then it comes down to abstinence all together.  For this argument let's say both husband and wife are willing to do this to give the wife a break.  Now so let's say they abstain from having sex because of the reasons listed above.  So my question is, would this also being abusing procreation.  Since they are abstaining from sex for the sole purpose to not get pregnant during this time and not for a grave reason?  Isn't this just having a contraceptive attitude also?  Since your choosing not to have sex without  a grave reason so as to avoid pregnancy? 

 

So anyone got any thoughts on this?  I was talking to someone about NFP and got me thinking about this and doesn't it abuse procreation since your choosing to not have sex to avoid pregnancy and aren't you having a contraceptive attitude.  I would love to hear what people on here think.

[Aloysius]

The latin term is "iustae causae" in Humanae Vitae, which means it should be for a "just cause" or a well grounded reason, not a "grave" reason though it is sometimes unfortunately translated that way I think.  That reason would be totally acceptable.  If one is unsure about their motivations and their reasons, they should talk it over with their priest to discern whether they have a well grounded reason, but Humanae Vitae says one can use NFP to space children for any just cause, and I think that's a totally justified reason.

 

 "In deciding whether or not to have a child, [spouses] must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child. Therefore, when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. However, there remains the duty of carrying it out with criteria and methods that respect the total truth of the marital act in its unitive and procreative dimension, as wisely regulated by nature itself in its biological rhythms. One can comply with them and use them to advantage, but they cannot be 'violated' by artificial interference." -John Paul II

[havok579257]

ok so sounds like I have been misunderstanding NFP.  So then what would be considered a just cause.  I am not looking for all example but just a few  so I can understand what would be a just cause(preferrablly the less severe cases since I know all about mental and physical health of mother or financial reasons).

[EmilyAnn]

If you go to the Raising Small Humans board there is a topic entitled "grave reasons for avoiding pregnancy" near the top where there was a discussion about just causes for avoiding if you want to check it out, I think it would answer your questions well. 

[Basilisa Marie]

I think what's also important to your example is that the wife just wants a break - she's not putting off pregnancy forever, the couple sounds like they'd re-evaluate in the future. And you don't say anything about their attitude if they happened to get pregnant anyway - if they would still welcome a child as a gift from God, albeit unexpected, they're still using NFP with the right attitude.  One of the main purposes of NFP is to allow couples to be aware of their fertility so that they can work with God to plan the size of their family and spacing of children.   I understand a "contraceptive mindset" to be more along the lines of wanting to be absolutely certain that there is no way one could get pregnant right now, that one is actually interested in separating the procreative aspect of sex from the unitive.  But yeah, check out that thread in the Raising Small Humans forum, that might help you get a better idea of what "counts" as a justified reason. And although it's certainly possible to talk about different kinds of reasons in broad strokes, every couple's particular situation is different, and what counts as a justified reason for one couple might not be one for another. 

[dUSt]

This hypothetical lost all credibility when you said the husband would be willing to abstain.

[arfink]

That's not cynical at all...

[MissyP89]

A super worn-out mama is certainly a good reason to abstain. Emotional and psychological health is crucial for parenting, so if one or both parents is overwhelmed with their current family, it's definitely OK to use NFP.

[Cherie]

The latin term is "iustae causae" in Humanae Vitae, which means it should be for a "just cause" or a well grounded reason, not a "grave" reason though it is sometimes unfortunately translated that way I think.  That reason would be totally acceptable.  If one is unsure about their motivations and their reasons, they should talk it over with their priest to discern whether they have a well grounded reason, but Humanae Vitae says one can use NFP to space children for any just cause, and I think that's a totally justified reason.

 

 "In deciding whether or not to have a child, [spouses] must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child. Therefore, when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. However, there remains the duty of carrying it out with criteria and methods that respect the total truth of the marital act in its unitive and procreative dimension, as wisely regulated by nature itself in its biological rhythms. One can comply with them and use them to advantage, but they cannot be 'violated' by artificial interference." -John Paul II

 

Agree completely.

 

The reason(s) you list is/are a TOTALLY, 100% "licit" use of Natural Family Planning to avoid pregnancy for a time.

 

Unfortunately, some people have pushed the 'GRAVE REASONS ONLY FOR NFP!!!!' idea beyond the actual teaching of the Church. As Aloysius pointed out, the actual translation is more "well-grounded reasons" (this is a great article explaining that: http://www.hprweb.com/2008/03/humanae-vitae-grave-motives-to-use-a-good-translation/ ) and even if you want to use "grave reasons," that doesn't mean "life or death reasons," which is, unfortunately, the meaning that has been spread quite far throughout some Catholic circles.

 

It's hard to list exact reasons that a couple "can" use NFP, because every couple is different. We all have different emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual makeups. What would constitute a "good reason" for my husband and I might not be a "good reason" for another couple, or vice versa. That's why prayer and discernment is necessary. The quote by Pope John Paul II by Aloysius is great; the thing we want to avoid is selfishness in our use of NFP. If we think, "hey, you know what, I think we should avoid pregnancy for a couple years because I'm stressed and exhausted," or, "because I want to make sure I'm healthy enough for another pregnancy," or, "I want to get a handle on homeschooling before I add a baby to the mix," or, "our finances are kind of tight right now," etc ... those can all be perfectly valid reasons. The thing we want to avoid is selfishness, so we ask God to purify our hearts and our intentions, and that if our reasons aren't in line with His will, that He open our hearts to recognize that.