Dear Parents With Young Children In Church

[zabbazooey]

I don't go to any church, but I think it's odd you expect a family-centered organization to expect families to juggle their already busy schedules taking turns going to different Masses just because you find the noise inconveniences you. Yeah, the shrill sound of a baby screaming or a toddler talking ad nauseum gets on my nerves, but like almost anywhere, it's usually a public place and I put up with it. 

 

Like dUSt's family, if you find going to separate services works for your family, then great. But don't expect them to do that.

[the171]

You want to know the first sign of a healthy parish? Lots of screaming kids. Jesus loves kids. He loves the screaming ones, the quiet ones, the ones who ask lots of questions, and those who might "bother" people around them. Those are tracks on the soundtrack of the Church. My family did what you prescribed, C. Guess what! They thought it was too much of a hassle and decided to just stop going to mass. Leaving your kids behind so you can see Jesus is NOT what the Church wants. The Church wants broods of children! It doesn't matter if they are crying or not. Their being in mass WILL affect them. You don't stand in the midst of the sun without getting even a little tan. In the same way, they are touched by the Son each time they enter the sanctuary. Bring the kids the mass as much as possible. I know a couple that brings their young family to daily mass. People get used to it. If they don't? Well, they changed masses. Because they have been doing this since they were born (literally. These kids are amazing) they are more well-behaved than most that have passed the age of reason. So curiosing, I politely ask you to shut up and s.uck it up. The Church doesn't revolve around you.

[Gabriela]

when people who have not had the experience of raising children presume to know what is best for their child. 

 

This is what it comes down to, right? Does giving birth magically place you beyond reproach? All I hear in your post is that it's really hard to be a parent (newsflash: it's hard to be anything these days) and you think whenever someone says that a parent is being inconsiderate to others during Mass by letting their child make a lot of noise, that someone is "being judgmental". But I don't think we'd disagree that the Mass is supposed to be different from the other places we go in daily life. And I doubt we'd disagree that, if a child starts screaming at the top of its lungs, a parent should remove the child from Mass until they've calmed down. So what is the problem, exactly? Just that when someone says "children who make noise at Mass shouldn't go/should be removed", parents feel "judged" because their job is really hard and they don't want to be told they're wrong about anything—especially when it comes to their children. Yes, parenting gives you a different perspective, but it can also warp your sense of fairness. I think nothing can make one so irrational as the love one has for one's own child. And it most ways, that's a really good thing. But in this thing, it is not.

 

Obviously this topic is a hairtrigger one, and I think everyone needs to calm down and recognize that I'M NOT THE POPE AND THE OPINION THAT I EXPRESS AS SOME RANDOM PERSON ON THE INTERNET IS NOT GOING TO BECOME CHURCH DOGMA TOMORROW. So everybody just chill out. I doubt we'd disagree half so much if we knew the degree of noise that each of us is willing to tolerate before reaching the "unacceptable" level.

[ToJesusMyHeart]

"People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them, and when the disciples saw this, they rebuked them.

 

Jesus, however, called the children to himself and said, “Let the children come to me and do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

[the171]

GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAHHHHH

[blazeingstar]

I think several posters...including curosing, luigi, miss scriptiure and the171 are getting way too emotional about this.

 

Parents need to understand that to many people children's noise is not conclusive to prayer, in fact it may be impossible for them to pray.  They need to learn to work as a team (like I said most misbehaving children seem to have only the mother caring for them) and do what is best to teach their children.

 

The whole "don't you get we're being judged all the time" is just crap.  Seriously, don't try to pull that line.  I'm constantly being judged and I'm a engaged person.  I get judged for not living together, I get judged for making time for Mass each week, I get judged for letting my dog stay outside all by herself all day, I get judged by the professors I work with as too uneducated for the university workforce because I only have my bachelors, I get judged by the poorer ethnic janitors because I'm "white and privileged" when after speaking with them they had MANY more educational and social opportunists than I did.  I get judged in OF masses because I am reverent, I get judged in TLM because I wear pants.  I do not consider any place sacred....so long as as there are people.  I get judged for helping my friend with 5 children because "she should have to live with her own consequences",  I get judged for not going to pro-life rallies, and I get judged for helping my friend who's a single mom.  Just because one is a parent, dosn't magically make all the judgments go away.

 

For those without kids who just want quiet.  Seriously?  We live in America where there are a number of Masses offered.  It is not a hardship to go to a different Mass.  You do deserve to be able to pray in peace, but there are plenty of ways to do it.  So what if you have to go to an 4pm Saturday mass or an 8am Sunday Mass?  You can plan your life around your needs, just as familes plan THEIR lives around THEIR needs.  As a person without children you have WAY more flexibility....use it.

[PhuturePriest]

I'm so glad you've shared your considered opinion with us. 

 

Personally, I'll stick with the teachings of Holy Mother the Church, which say that children need not attend Mass until they have some clue in this world what it might be about. 

 

The Holy Mother Church also says we only need to go to confession and receive the Eucharist once a year. That obviously means we should only go once a year, right?

[Brother Adam]

I was worried for a minute there that posters at phatmass wouldn't have any opinions on this. Thankfully I was wrong, because I needed to hear what I am supposed to do or not do with my children at Mass. Luckily there is no consensus on what I am supposed to do, so me and my children will be able to bilocate in the cry room, nave, front pew, back pew, and middle pew all at the same time so as to keep everyone happy. I'll make sure that they scream and rush the altar like Mel Gibson in Braveheart at least once each Mass so you can hear and see them, and at the same time ensure that they have the right quiet toys and snacks so you never hear or see them. I'll keep them home until the age of reason every other Thursday to make those posters happy, but bring them to every Holy Day to keep those posters happy. They will be messy and unkept to prove we are "real parents" and at the same time they were will perfectly dressed eerily quiet angels with pitch perfect singing voices.

 

 

Orrr.... we can let parents be parents. Allow them to prayerfully discern and make decisions, for better or worse, as the primary educators of their children in the faith.

[Nihil Obstat]

The Holy Mother Church also says we only need to go to confession and receive the Eucharist once a year. That obviously means we should only go once a year, right?

Careful. You only need to receive once a year, but you have to attend every Sunday and Holy Day.

[PhuturePriest]

Careful. You only need to receive once a year, but you have to attend every Sunday and Holy Day.

 

I meant "go" as in "go to communion and confession", not "go to Mass".

[ImageTrinity]

 

The whole "don't you get we're being judged all the time" is just croutons.  Seriously, don't try to pull that line.  I'm constantly being judged and I'm a engaged person.  I get judged for not living together, I get judged for making time for Mass each week, I get judged for letting my dog stay outside all by herself all day, I get judged by the professors I work with as too uneducated for the university workforce because I only have my bachelors, I get judged by the poorer ethnic janitors because I'm "white and privileged" when after speaking with them they had MANY more educational and social opportunists than I did.  I get judged in OF masses because I am reverent, I get judged in Traditional Latin Mass because I wear pantaloons.  I do not consider any place sacred....so long as as there are people.  I get judged for helping my friend with 5 children because "she should have to live with her own consequences",  I get judged for not going to pro-life rallies, and I get judged for helping my friend who's a single mom.  Just because one is a parent, dosn't magically make all the judgments go away.

 

When was the last time a perfect stranger came up and started asking personal questions about your sex life? Made snide comments about the life you've chosen? Accused you of ruining the environment with your irresponsible reproduction? This happens to Catholic parents on a daily basis. It's not that we're judged so much as our society is openly hostile to children (and God help you if you have more than two). Is it too much to ask that families find a safe haven at Mass?

[Nihil Obstat]

I meant "go" as in "go to communion and confession", not "go to Mass".

I just usually assume you are borderline mentally incompetent. 

[Nihil Obstat]

We should all chill though. :P I think Curiousing's opinion is misguided, but she is not Literally Hitlerâ„¢ for expressing it here. Lol.

Edited September 20, 2013 by Nihil Obstat

[havok579257]

This is what it comes down to, right? Does giving birth magically place you beyond reproach? All I hear in your post is that it's really hard to be a parent (newsflash: it's hard to be anything these days) and you think whenever someone says that a parent is being inconsiderate to others during Mass by letting their child make a lot of noise, that someone is "being judgmental". But I don't think we'd disagree that the Mass is supposed to be different from the other places we go in daily life. And I doubt we'd disagree that, if a child starts screaming at the top of its lungs, a parent should remove the child from Mass until they've calmed down. So what is the problem, exactly? Just that when someone says "children who make noise at Mass shouldn't go/should be removed", parents feel "judged" because their job is really hard and they don't want to be told they're wrong about anything—especially when it comes to their children. Yes, parenting gives you a different perspective, but it can also warp your sense of fairness. I think nothing can make one so irrational as the love one has for one's own child. And it most ways, that's a really good thing. But in this thing, it is not.

 

Obviously this topic is a hairtrigger one, and I think everyone needs to calm down and recognize that I'M NOT THE POPE AND THE OPINION THAT I EXPRESS AS SOME RANDOM PERSON ON THE INTERNET IS NOT GOING TO BECOME CHURCH DOGMA TOMORROW. So everybody just chill out. I doubt we'd disagree half so much if we knew the degree of noise that each of us is willing to tolerate before reaching the "unacceptable" level.

 

I am glad you are so judgemental and prideful.  Yes, that is what you are being.  You think your attendance at mass is more important than someone elses.  This is just a horrible mindest to have.  You think yourself better than others and more important than others.  I am sure this is what Jesus wants from you.  For you to think your attendance at mass is more important than others and to think yourself better than others.  Good job.

[blazeingstar]

When was the last time a perfect stranger came up and started asking personal questions about your sex life? Made snide comments about the life you've chosen? Accused you of ruining the environment with your irresponsible reproduction? This happens to Catholic parents on a daily basis. It's not that we're judged so much as our society is openly hostile to children (and God help you if you have more than two). Is it too much to ask that families find a safe haven at Mass?

 

Are you actually serious? Because you are pretty much quoting my office, except they say that I'm not "really" engaged and not living together rather than ruining the environment.  They laugh after inquiring about my sex life and I won't answer and they realize I don't have one.

 

Society is hostile to ALL persons who are Catholic and don't follow the mainstream, and often traditionalists are openly hostile to those of us who are not following their rules.  Like when I went to Mass in dress pantaloons and when I tried to join in with parish activities and was *gasp* a single 27yo woman. (I mean seriously, why hadn't I landed a man).

 

Sorry, having children dosn't give you some kind of special corner on the suffering of being judged.

Edited September 20, 2013 by blazeingstar