Dear Parents With Young Children In Church

[hotpink]

Not every town and city is blessed with a monastery. I have also found that earlier Masses are quieter. Not everyone is able to get to them. I have resorted to going to Mass six days a week, fulfilling my Sunday obligation on Saturday. But that means the only day I don't go to Mass is the Sabbath day. How messed up is that?

 

Seriously, you are making yourself sound like the judgmental Catholic everyone really can't stand.  You can't just skip the Sunday obligation without a valid reason, and unless your irritation is actually a mental illness, and you're working with a priest then from my understanding you don't have one.  Saturday morning mass dosn't fulfill Sunday obligation at all.  You are asking for your own special little world when parents are trying to raise up thier kids to be functional adults.

 

Kids are part of Mass.  I can agree with you on the Adoration for the most part, but I think you're being a bit over the top.

Edited September 20, 2013 by hotpink

[Lil Red]

I think you need cry rooms in every parish. I'd much rather go back to the days when people didn't bring children to Mass until they had enough self-control and understanding of "reverence" to behave appropriately at Mass. I'm glad people are having lots of kids—I think it's good for everyone—but I don't see why every single family needs to bring all their kids every Sunday. There are multiple Masses in most parishes. Dad can go to one with whichever kids can control themselves and mom can stay home with the rest. Then mom can go the next while dad stays home with the ones who can't control themselves.

I'm not anti-child. I just think it's possible to be so "family focused" that you prioritize children above all other things—the Mass included. Children should not learn that Mass is a place to play. They should learn that it's a place to pray. If they aren't old enough to do that, or to even try, leave them at home.

As for single parents or the family that just occasionally needs/wants to go to Mass all together—fine by me. But I go to a parish that is more like a nursery with a Mass playing on the radio in the background, and it's both unacceptable and thoroughly inconsiderate.

Please stop talking.

[Lil Red]

I have seen more and more people bringing children to Adoration. Is outrage.

Please. Stop.

[Gabriela]

Seriously, you are making yourself sound like the judgmental Catholic everyone really can't stand.  You can't just skip the Sunday obligation without a valid reason, and unless your irritation is actually a mental illness, and you're working with a priest then from my understanding you don't have one.  Saturday morning mass dosn't fulfill Sunday obligation at all.  You are asking for your own special little world when parents are trying to raise up thier kids to be functional adults.

 

Kids are part of Mass.  I can agree with you on the Adoration for the most part, but I think you're being a bit over the top.

 

Unfortunately I saw what you originally wrote before editing and reported it before seeing your changes. I am not skipping the Sunday obligation. I go to the Saturday Mass after 4 pm.

 

We should be careful about accusing others of judgmentalism. It usually ends in hypocrisy.

 

Kids are a part of Mass. Screaming is not. If kids can't keep quiet and respect the prayerful atmosphere and the amesomeness of what is happening on the altar, they should be left at home until they can. There are some circumstances when leaving them at home is not possible (single parents and the occasional thing for two-parent families), but most of the time it's possible and people just don't want to. That's inconsiderate.

 

I think the arguments for bringing children to Mass no matter what stem from a societal taboo on "criticizing children". I'm not criticizing the children. The children are behaving normally. They don't understand what's going on. They don't even understand what "reverence" and "respect" mean yet. They don't have self-control, and we can't expect them to. It's parents' responsibility to be considerate of others around them—including other parents (and non-parents) who want a quiet prayer time, and have a right to expect that at Mass.

 

EDIT: Don't forget, as well, that we have a duty to develop not just children's faith and reverence, but also that of adults.

Edited September 20, 2013 by curiousing

[PhuturePriest]

Right. That's the usual argument that's supposed to make people who want the Mass to be a silent and reverent place to worship Jesus feel guilty for wanting people to be reverent in the presence of God. Children can play anywhere, and I can listen to them scream anywhere. The Mass is not anywhere. It's supposed to be different, separate, an "oasis" from the world.

 

"Don't let those obnoxiously loud things near me." is something Jesus said. Oh wait...

[PhuturePriest]

Unfortunately I saw what you originally wrote before editing and reported it before seeing your changes. I am not skipping the Sunday obligation. I go to the Saturday Mass after 4 pm.

 

We should be careful about accusing others of judgmentalism. It usually ends in hypocrisy.

 

Kids are a part of Mass. Screaming is not. If kids can't keep quiet and respect the prayerful atmosphere and the amesomeness of what is happening on the altar, they should be left at home until they can. There are some circumstances when leaving them at home is not possible (single parents and the occasional thing for two-parent families), but most of the time it's possible and people just don't want to. That's inconsiderate.

 

I think the arguments for bringing children to Mass no matter what stem from a societal taboo on "criticizing children". I'm not criticizing the children. The children are behaving normally. They don't understand what's going on. They don't even understand what "reverence" and "respect" mean yet. They don't have self-control, and we can't expect them to. It's parents' responsibility to be considerate of others around them—including other parents (and non-parents) who want a quiet prayer time, and have a right to expect that at Mass.

 

EDIT: Don't forget, as well, that we have a duty to develop not just children's faith and reverence, but also that of adults.

 

In what public activity that involves over 250+ people does anybody expect perfect quiet? There will be noises, sneezes, coughs, loud breathing, and yes, even children making some noise. You mentioned Saint Therese of Lisiuex. I find that ironic because her entire spirituality was built off the quote in the Gospel "Let the children come to me." We all have our cross to bear. If you have to bear the cross of not being able to focus well in Mass because kids make noise, then that is your cross. I personally cannot stand my mother's voice when I pray the Rosary with her. That doesn't mean I stop doing it as much as I can with her.

[Nihil Obstat]

I think families should strive as much as possible to attend Mass all together, and they should get into this habit as soon as possible. Leaving kids at home until the age of reason... No, it is better that they come from birth. I think there is something seriously wrong if parents of young kids do not feel welcome at the church of all places. My goodness.

[AugustineA]

A parish I attended back home had a long room running along the back of the church with pews and big glass windows, just in case one of the little ones had a screaming fit lol. I thought it was pretty nifty.

[PhuturePriest]

I think families should strive as much as possible to attend Mass all together, and they should get into this habit as soon as possible. Leaving kids at home until the age of reason... No, it is better that they come from birth. I think there is something seriously wrong if parents of young kids do not feel welcome at the church of all places. My goodness.

#Truth

[Luigi]

I think families should strive as much as possible to attend Mass all together, and they should get into this habit as soon as possible. Leaving kids at home until the age of reason... No, it is better that they come from birth. I think there is something seriously wrong if parents of young kids do not feel welcome at the church of all places. My goodness.

 

I'm so glad you've shared your considered opinion with us. 

 

Personally, I'll stick with the teachings of Holy Mother the Church, which say that children need not attend Mass until they have some clue in this world what it might be about. 

[Nihil Obstat]

I'm so glad you've shared your considered opinion with us. 

 

Personally, I'll stick with the teachings of Holy Mother the Church, which say that children need not attend Mass until they have some clue in this world what it might be about. 

It is permissible for a child below the age of reason not to attend Mass. That is not to say that it is not very praiseworthy for the family to attend as a whole.

For God's sake, we need to strengthen the family as much as possible as it is, to guard against divorce and faithlessness. The way to do that is not by treating kids like inconvenient smelly noisemakers.

 

If families with young children do not feel welcome at church because their kids are not silent, then we have profoundly failed as a church that stands with life and the family. 

[havok579257]

these comments by curiousing and luigi are just horrible.  Absolutely horrible.  Your being able to listen to mass in quiet is more important than teaching children how important coming to mass is.  What next, get rid of the old people with oxygen because that makes to much noise?  How about the guy with the seeing eye dog because dogs can make noise?  How about anyone who is sick and coughs?  How about anyone who has allergies?  Honestly what your advocating is what Jesus railed against the Pharisees about.  Its not a good thing to have similar mindsets to them.

[MissScripture]

I don't think families that are truly devoted to the Church will give up going on account of any hardship. You have to remember that there are many people at Mass today who are not used to being around screaming kids all the time. It drives them insane. Many of us grew up in families with very few children. Some of us have serious difficulties focusing on anything when there's lots of noise. I am fortunate that I can attend daily Mass, but for the person who is only able to go on Sunday, their only experience of Mass is noisy and unprayerful. I'm much more worried that THAT person will be driven away than the people who are obviously not contracepting or who care enough to want to bring their children to Mass. But bringing children to Mass shouldn't be done out of convenience. It should be done to teach the children to love and respect the Mass.

 

Remember that the world is a noisy, and only increasingly noisy, place these days. Where are people supposed to go to hear God? Even parents need a quiet place to go and pray, to reflect, to listen for His voice. If they can't do that at Mass, and there are a bunch of kids at home, where can they go?

 

I have seen more and more people bringing children to Adoration. Is outrage.

You clearly have no idea what it is like to be judged for bringing your kids anywhere, much less to Mass, a place that is supposed to support Catholic families. It's hard enough dealing with snide remarks and dirty looks from people in the grocery store when your kid starts having a meltdown because you won't let him play with the carton of eggs (or the crazy rude remarks for merely existing, if you have more than 2 children). When you simply want to go to Mass as a family and get the same from people who are supposed to be Christian and your parish family? Um, yeah, that could easily drive a person and their family away. That noise in this world that you speak of? Yeah, a lot of it is directed at parents, criticizing them because their kids aren't perfectly behaved at all times, and criticizing them because they have too many, and telling them that everything they do in trying to raise their children is wrong. The last thing parents need is people at Church telling them more of that garbage and that their children aren't welcome. I'm not saying parents should let their kids run wild, but telling families that they shouldn't bring their kids to church has no place in Christian charity. It is up to the PARENTS to decide if it is appropriate to bring their young children to Mass, not you. You're not the one charged with raising them in the Faith. Those children also have just as much right to be there as you, since they, too, are members of the Body of Christ.  

 

That's the sound of someone who has clearly never experienced ADD, an anxiety disorder, Asperger's, or any other sort of issue that makes it impossible to focus when someone is pretending to be a monkey in the pew in front of you.

 

If you read St. Therese's autobiography, it makes clear that it was not customary in that time to take small children to Mass. There was a reason.

For someone who is demanding others be sensitive to your needs, you seem to lack sensitivity to the needs of parents and families. 

 

And because something was done a certain way 100 years ago, that automatically makes it a better way to do things than how things are done now? 

 

 

Right. That's the usual argument that's supposed to make people who want the Mass to be a silent and reverent place to worship Jesus feel guilty for wanting people to be reverent in the presence of God. Children can play anywhere, and I can listen to them scream anywhere. The Mass is not anywhere. It's supposed to be different, separate, an "oasis" from the world.

Mass is never silent, or did you miss all the talking that the priest does, and singing, and that whole "sign of peace" thing? It is meant to be a communal worship. I'm saddened that you feel it is acceptable to exclude certain members. 

From the Catechism:
2182 Participation in the communal celebration of the Sunday Eucharist is a testimony of belonging and of being faithful to Christ and to his Church. The faithful give witness by this to their communion in faith and charity. Together they testify to God's holiness and their hope of salvation. They strengthen one another under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

 

Unfortunately I saw what you originally wrote before editing and reported it before seeing your changes. I am not skipping the Sunday obligation. I go to the Saturday Mass after 4 pm.

 

We should be careful about accusing others of judgmentalism. It usually ends in hypocrisy.

 

Kids are a part of Mass. Screaming is not. If kids can't keep quiet and respect the prayerful atmosphere and the amesomeness of what is happening on the altar, they should be left at home until they can. There are some circumstances when leaving them at home is not possible (single parents and the occasional thing for two-parent families), but most of the time it's possible and people just don't want to. That's inconsiderate.

 

I think the arguments for bringing children to Mass no matter what stem from a societal taboo on "criticizing children". I'm not criticizing the children. The children are behaving normally. They don't understand what's going on. They don't even understand what "reverence" and "respect" mean yet. They don't have self-control, and we can't expect them to. It's parents' responsibility to be considerate of others around them—including other parents (and non-parents) who want a quiet prayer time, and have a right to expect that at Mass.

 

EDIT: Don't forget, as well, that we have a duty to develop not just children's faith and reverence, but also that of adults.

I don't think anyone believes you're criticizing the children. It is clear you're criticizing the parents for their lack of judgement (as perceived by you) in bringing a fellow member of the Body of Christ to Mass. And trust me, there is no social taboo on criticizing children. But yes, people do tend to get a little annoyed when people who have not had the experience of raising children presume to know what is best for their child. 

 

I'm so glad you've shared your considered opinion with us. 

 

Personally, I'll stick with the teachings of Holy Mother the Church, which say that children need not attend Mass until they have some clue in this world what it might be about. 

There is a vast difference between saying that attendance is not required and saying that they should not attend, because they have the right to be there as much as anyone else who was baptized. 

[ImageTrinity]

 

They don't understand what's going on. They don't even understand what "reverence" and "respect" mean yet. They don't have self-control, and we can't expect them to. It's parents' responsibility to be considerate of others around them—including other parents (and non-parents) who want a quiet prayer time, and have a right to expect that at Mass.

 

EDIT: Don't forget, as well, that we have a duty to develop not just children's faith and reverence, but also that of adults.

 

I think most parents will tell you, children don't morph from noise makers to silent statues over night. How are my kids supposed to learn reverence without participation in the Mass? Yes, my toddler is squirmy and has to be taken out of Mass usually several times a Sunday, but he's also learned to make the sign of the Cross, fold his hands and points out Jesus on the altar at the Consecration. He's only two, so it will be awhile before he sits quietly through Mass, but he is learning. Children understand more, WAY more, than you give them credit for. Heck, my kids understand better than I do the mysteries of the Church.

 

I actually don't feel particularly responsible for other people's ability to be reverent. As you pointed out, adults have self-control and understand reverence and respect. You and I can worship quietly regardless of external circumstances. Mass isn't about what we GET, it's about what we are GIVEN...the precious Body and Blood of our Lord.

[ImageTrinity]

By the way, St. Therese's father took all his girls to visit the Blessed Sacrament when they were young.