Dear Parents With Young Children In Church

[ToJesusMyHeart]

Beautiful article in HuffPost...as shocking as that sounds!

 

Written by a Lutheran but applicable to all. 

 

"You are doing something really, really important. I know it's not easy. I see you with your arms overflowing, and I know you came to church already tired. Parenting is tiring. Really tiring.

I watch you bounce and sway trying to keep the baby quiet, juggling the infant car seat and the diaper bag as you find a seat. I see you wince as your child cries. I see you anxiously pull things out of your bag of tricks to try to quiet them.

And I see you with your toddler and your preschooler. I watch you cringe when your little girl asks an innocent question in a voice that might not be an inside voice let alone a church whisper. I hear the exasperation in your voice as you beg your child to just sit, to be quiet as you feel everyone's eyes on you. Not everyone is looking, but I know it feels that way.

I know you're wondering, is this worth it? Why do I bother? I know you often leave church more exhausted than fulfilled. But what you are doing is so important."

 

 

Full article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-bruesehoff/parents-kids-church_b_3909085.html

[blazeingstar]

This is good, but I also think there needs to be an open letter to FATHERS in church.  I can't tell you how many times I see a frazzled mother with 2-4 small children and the father is ignoring his brood or just giving dirty looks while mom tries to tie down the kids.  This is unacceptable.  I am often disturbed when I see a family come in and it's the mom (or heaven forbid the older siblings) responsibility to care for the kids.

[add]

A (Especially a newborn) baby crying during mass is sweet music to my ears, you don't need them "crying rooms" , in my opinion
Everyone's welcome

[Gabriela]

I think you need cry rooms in every parish. I'd much rather go back to the days when people didn't bring children to Mass until they had enough self-control and understanding of "reverence" to behave appropriately at Mass. I'm glad people are having lots of kids—I think it's good for everyone—but I don't see why every single family needs to bring all their kids every Sunday. There are multiple Masses in most parishes. Dad can go to one with whichever kids can control themselves and mom can stay home with the rest. Then mom can go the next while dad stays home with the ones who can't control themselves.

 

I'm not anti-child. I just think it's possible to be so "family focused" that you prioritize children above all other things—the Mass included. Children should not learn that Mass is a place to play. They should learn that it's a place to pray. If they aren't old enough to do that, or to even try, leave them at home.

 

As for single parents or the family that just occasionally needs/wants to go to Mass all together—fine by me. But I go to a parish that is more like a nursery with a Mass playing on the radio in the background, and it's both unacceptable and thoroughly inconsiderate.

[dUSt]

Me and my wife will often attend two separate masses with each of the older kids. Attending mass with the youngest two means one of us will be outside for the majority of time.

[Lilllabettt]

I don't mind noisy kids at mass or even misbehaving kids. Kids make noise and misbehave. Mostly I feel badly for the parents. As a teacher I was terribly embarassed whenever my lovelies put on a show ... its worse for the parents I imagine.Probably they feel judged ... so many people don't realize that sometimes there is nothing you can do.

But I guess that's one thing you sign up for once you start having kids. It may be several years before you hear a homily from start to finish.

I personally would rather they come with the brood and "ruin it" for the rest of us rather than try to go to 2, and give up going altogether because of the hardship.

[PhuturePriest]

I'm going to stay quiet on a topic I have opinions about that are not based upon experience.

 

You're welcome.

[Gabriela]

I don't think families that are truly devoted to the Church will give up going on account of any hardship. You have to remember that there are many people at Mass today who are not used to being around screaming kids all the time. It drives them insane. Many of us grew up in families with very few children. Some of us have serious difficulties focusing on anything when there's lots of noise. I am fortunate that I can attend daily Mass, but for the person who is only able to go on Sunday, their only experience of Mass is noisy and unprayerful. I'm much more worried that THAT person will be driven away than the people who are obviously not contracepting or who care enough to want to bring their children to Mass. But bringing children to Mass shouldn't be done out of convenience. It should be done to teach the children to love and respect the Mass.

 

Remember that the world is a noisy, and only increasingly noisy, place these days. Where are people supposed to go to hear God? Even parents need a quiet place to go and pray, to reflect, to listen for His voice. If they can't do that at Mass, and there are a bunch of kids at home, where can they go?

 

I have seen more and more people bringing children to Adoration. Is outrage.

Edited September 20, 2013 by curiousing

[PhuturePriest]

I don't think families that are truly devoted to the Church will give up going on account of any hardship. You have to remember that there are many people at Mass today who are not used to being around screaming kids all the time. It drives them insane. Many of us grew up in families with very few children. Some of us have serious difficulties focusing on anything when there's lots of noise. I am fortunate that I can attend daily Mass, but for the person who is only able to go on Sunday, their only experience of Mass is noisy and unprayerful. I'm much more worried that THAT person will be driven away than the people who are obviously not contracepting or who care enough to want to bring their children to Mass. But bringing children to Mass shouldn't be done out of convenience. It should be done to teach the children to love and respect the Mass.

 

I don't see why these people can't just suck it up. I remember a Priest once said "For those of you who have been complaining about kids crying and making noise in Mass, suck it up. That is the sound of Catholicism."

[PhuturePriest]

 

I have seen more and more people bringing children to Adoration. Is outrage.

 

Bringing children to see Jesus. What an outrage.

[Gabriela]

I don't see why these people can't just smell of elderberries it up. I remember a Priest once said "For those of you who have been complaining about kids crying and making noise in Mass, smell of elderberries it up. That is the sound of Catholicism."

 

That's the sound of someone who has clearly never experienced ADD, an anxiety disorder, Asperger's, or any other sort of issue that makes it impossible to focus when someone is pretending to be a monkey in the pew in front of you.

 

If you read St. Therese's autobiography, it makes clear that it was not customary in that time to take small children to Mass. There was a reason.

[Lilllabettt]

well, how about going to the early mass. in my experience there's a lot fewer kids the closer you get to the crack of dawn. Monasteries also often offer public Mass on Sundays. Usually quiet.

 

Lay people are in the world, and the world has kids in it.

[Gabriela]

Bringing children to see Jesus. What an outrage.

 

Right. That's the usual argument that's supposed to make people who want the Mass to be a silent and reverent place to worship Jesus feel guilty for wanting people to be reverent in the presence of God. Children can play anywhere, and I can listen to them scream anywhere. The Mass is not anywhere. It's supposed to be different, separate, an "oasis" from the world.

[Gabriela]

well, how about going to the early mass. in my experience there's a lot fewer kids the closer you get to the crack of dawn. Monasteries also often offer public Mass on Sundays. Usually quiet.

 

Lay people are in the world, and the world has kids in it.

 

Not every town and city is blessed with a monastery. I have also found that earlier Masses are quieter. Not everyone is able to get to them. I have resorted to going to Mass six days a week, fulfilling my Sunday obligation on Saturday. But that means the only day I don't go to Mass is the Sabbath day. How messed up is that?

Edited September 20, 2013 by curiousing

[hotpink]

Bringing children to see Jesus. What an outrage.

 

 

Unless the church has stipulated that the hour or two are for families, it really is aggravating and unfair to everyone to bring little children who are misbehaving to a perpetual adoration chapel or to an first friday sort of event.  If people are going to bring kids, then they should commit to their own hour/time.  It's not fair to those who want that quiet time with Jesus to be interrupted.