savvy Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 How do you deal with being misunderstood in the convent? It's been less than two months into my candidacy and I am already experiencing this. edited by moderator: by request of original poster -- cmariadiaz I could not sleep at night thinking about these things. My spiritual director, family, friends are back home, so I have nobody to pour out my hear to except to God and the internet :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Savvy - get off this forum immediately if you value your vocation! This is not because phatmass is bad or because the advice you get won't be good --- but because you need to be working on your relationship with your superior and your sisters right now - and coming to us or anyone else is only going to hinder the development of that relationship. It is a bit like going to your family to complain about your spouse when you have only been married a couple of months. It doesn't help and it can hurt. I am not saying that there may not be problems with your superior or even certain things that are going on in the convent that are not right, but I can assure you that the problems can only be resolved between those parties concerned and not by dragging in third parties, no matter how well intentioned they (we) are. It is much too early in your formation to be taking this outside the convent walls. Please go to your superior and ask if you can speak with her privately about what is upsetting you. Your superior and Novice Mistress (if there is a separate one) are who you should be getting your help from right now. If that is impossible then talk to your Confessor or another priest who will promise confidentiality. I know you feel lonely and misunderstood but this is part of the whole process, believe me. Turn to God, turn to your superior, pray a lot. We are all praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikita92 Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 When I went on my come and see, from my perspective, I felt the novice mistress was always looking at the other candidate (while she was explaining something or answering MY questions) and not directly to me. When I brought this up to the superior, I had been really distract over it.. and needless to say.. It did not go over well at all!! I feel for you Savvy! I'm sure you will get much better/helpful advice from others on here, but here is my .02 worth. Tell Mother S how you feel.. And that you did not mean any disrespect to her. Im sure she will be understanding. Also, I would say stay away from topics that are of a political nature and such. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToJesusMyHeart Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Praying to Our Mother for you, Savvy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freedomreigns Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Savvy - get off this forum immediately if you value your vocation! This is not because phatmass is bad or because the advice you get won't be good --- but because you need to be working on your relationship with your superior and your sisters right now - and coming to us or anyone else is only going to hinder the development of that relationship. It is a bit like going to your family to complain about your spouse when you have only been married a couple of months. It doesn't help and it can hurt. I am not saying that there may not be problems with your superior or even certain things that are going on in the convent that are not right, but I can assure you that the problems can only be resolved between those parties concerned and not by dragging in third parties, no matter how well intentioned they (we) are. It is much too early in your formation to be taking this outside the convent walls. Please go to your superior and ask if you can speak with her privately about what is upsetting you. Your superior and Novice Mistress (if there is a separate one) are who you should be getting your help from right now. If that is impossible then talk to your Confessor or another priest who will promise confidentiality. I know you feel lonely and misunderstood but this is part of the whole process, believe me. Turn to God, turn to your superior, pray a lot. We are all praying for you. THIS!!!! Peace and prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikita92 Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 S-While familiar waters may give you a sense of comfort to vent and get advice, Nunsense's advice is bang on!! This is not where you need to seek counsel! Your superior is the first place you need to start.;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Praying for you, Savvy, but you need to follow what nunsense suggested. It's hard, but that is the right answer. God will help you. :heart: :pray: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brandelynmarie Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Peace be with you & many many prayers.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juchu Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 totally what nunense said. and besides i would ask a mod to delete your post and lock this thread, bease i remember you sharing your community with us and i would not want such internas on the internet. as nunsense said it is part of the beginning to feel like in a "desert" where there is nobody except god. it is not always easv in the desert.... what helped me personally in such situation is to tae the reaction of the sister concerned and first accept it and apologise. even ifyou feel that you are "right" and you feel that the other sisters response was not adequate, there certainly might be some truth in it. accept the commet as such, apologise and come back later in a quiet moment back on it with your novice mistress if it still bothers you after a few days. for the second, also apologisetell that it is not your intention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juchu Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 rry i am not on a computer and all of a suden i was not able to change or editmy post. so in short i just wanted to say that in such situations [ maybe for others who read it] for me the way to go is to assume your part, apologise and use for this how the communities handles such things. for us i would simply say in chapter for he second point: i am sorry to have hurt another sister the other day by insisting on my point of view or something like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximillion Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 To add my 10 cents worth. This won't be the last time you find you are misunderstood by your Sisters........ I agree with the others. I know it is hard when it seems one is being falsely accused, or the issue is one of genuine misunderstanding, but a spirit of total humility will help out here, IMO. Apologise, gently and without justifying your actions, say you had no intention of causing pain, and thank your MS for pointing out your error. (Take a big hold on His Heart as you do this, it will help you through and to be genuine about it). Then pour your heart out to Him and thank Him for the lesson in humility. Offer up any pain you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilllabettt Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) Honestly though, if the community saw this here, what would they say? I think savvy could get in trouble. I think it might be the kind thing to get delete it, before any damage is done. Maybe the custom of the community is different --- but I know as a new Sister I would never have dreamed of posting about the community on the internet. Although the situation that is described is quite strange itself. Really the whole thing is bizarre. Edited September 18, 2013 by Lilllabettt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AccountDeleted Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Honestly though, if the community saw this here, what would they say? I think savvy could get in trouble. I think it might be the kind thing to get delete it, before any damage is done. Maybe the custom of the community is different --- but I know as a new Sister I would never have dreamed of posting about the community on the internet. Although the situation that is described is quite strange itself. Really the whole thing is bizarre. At this point you might be right - but I don't want to get my head bit off!:) Perhaps she might be better off with private messaging?? Just an idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Certain posts from this thread have been hidden from view per request of the original posters. A reminder -- if you think someone is attacking you personally PM the person privately instead of putting it publically on the board. It can easily become a flame war if you go back and forth. Sometimes it is a simple misunderstanding, or a "translation issue" (i.e. the written word can come off in a different way than the spoken word. If you are uncomfortable PMing the person and want a mod to intervene then just press the report button, and we can intervene to help resolve the issue at hand (especially in VS). We try to be objective (as much as humanly possible) and we can provide our opinion as to if it really was a personal attack or, if uncertain, we're aware so that we can keep an eye out on the situation. And if it was an attack we can act accordingly. The goal is to keep VS a welcoming place for those who are discerning, for those who are currently priests or religious, for those who are in formation, and for those who need a bit of support on their transition out of a community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 re: deleting/locking threads If you think a thread should be deleted or locked please use the report button and say it in the report. The report is read by all mods. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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