TheresaThoma Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Can I code the decision tree and make it all pretty? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisAlone Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 KP - This is a great topic. I just filled out the initial paperwork for a "come and see" at a community that I never would have considered before, but that God seems to have brought to the forefront very quickly. Thanks all of you for the great ideas, comments, and links to previous threads. I usually just read posts without commenting, but as it seems that things on the discernment front are moving forward, I'll probably make the "bold move" and comment on a few. :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristinaTherese Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 (edited) Can I code the decision tree and make it all pretty? That could be fun! :hehe2: You sound like my brother.... (Who just graduated with a BS in EE and is now working at Lockheed Martin.) Edited September 16, 2013 by Christina Thérèse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayte Postle Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 (edited) TT- go for it! Code away! Thought of a few more: How highly do you value academia? (how much schooling/study do you do)? Does your community embrace any particular penances? (during lent/advent?) How does your community embrace poverty? How did you adjust to the schedule in the convent vs the world? How are candidates provided for? (this community has a candidacy and a postulancy) Is there a dowry? Edited September 17, 2013 by Kayte Postle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyAnn Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 TT- go for it! Code away! Thought of a few more: How highly do you value academia? (how much schooling/study do you do)? Does your community embrace any particular penances? (during lent/advent?) How does your community embrace poverty? How did you adjust to the schedule in the convent vs the world? How are candidates provided for? (this community has a candidacy and a postulancy) Is there a dowry? If you haven't got a question about it already, you could include how they understand their other vows in the poverty question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmaD2006 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 I think ... once you have a list of question, pick the important ones to ask first and ask those. You should know from the come and see if the community is a possibility. If it is -- then you can always continue asking as you discern, as part of the back-and-forth dialogue between you and the community. That would be a good way to do it (instead of 20 questions). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 It is always a good idea to have a couple questions in reserve. They can be a great conversation starter, whether in an email or in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayte Postle Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 I think ... once you have a list of question, pick the important ones to ask first and ask those. You should know from the come and see if the community is a possibility. If it is -- then you can always continue asking as you discern, as part of the back-and-forth dialogue between you and the community. That would be a good way to do it (instead of 20 questions). That's a very good point cm! This is my first visit, and I certainly don't want to seem like I'm grilling the sisters for information. Pairing down my list to the important questions is something I will do. (and save the rest should I discern with them further) It is always a good idea to have a couple questions in reserve. They can be a great conversation starter, whether in an email or in person. #1 reason I started my list. I didn't want to get asked if I had any questions and draw a blank, when of course I know I have questions I want answered! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneLine Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 It is a good reminder, CMaria. And it is also why I suggested you NOT put your giant list on a roll of toilet paper and unfurl it in Mother's presence! BUT doing some lists ahead of time and selecting a few you want to be SURE you ask makes some sense.... I've been super busy this week (and I still am!) but maybe if you give us the top questions you think you want to ask (or some of them, as others may be too personal) we can help you figure out if you need to hone them a bit more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayte Postle Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 Here is the entire list that I have so far. (Some of the questions suggested in the thread were ones I was able to answer from the information on their wbesite.). The ones in red are the ones I would like the most to ask during my come and see. Do you have home visits?/ How often? How do you provide for yourselves? How are those in formation (not in vows) provided for? How are candidates provided for? -How do they fit into community life? -Are they required to find outside employment? How often do you have contact with your family? Charisms of your community? How do you live out the mission/spirit of the foundress? How did you adjust to the schedule in the convent vs the world? How is one assigned an apostolate? -Do you have a say in where you are placed? -Additional schooling? How highly do you value academia? (how much schooling/study do you do)? Does your community embrace any particular penances? (during lent/advent?) How does your community embrace poverty? (chastity?, obedience?) How does community handle people leaving during formation (whether the choice is by the individual or the community). -What is the drop-out rate compared to those who stay? Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community? What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to you? Have your constitutions changed? If so, how and why? How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged? Do you have any input into your name? Feel free to suggest ones I should/should not ask, or add other questions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spem in alium Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 (edited) This thread is seriously brilliant. :winner: Questions are great. If I have questions, I will usually write them beforehand and take a book to record answers. I've also learnt lots through reading and being more involved with the orders. Here is the entire list that I have so far. (Some of the questions suggested in the thread were ones I was able to answer from the information on their wbesite.). The ones in red are the ones I would like the most to ask during my come and see. Do you have home visits?/ How often? How do you provide for yourselves? How are those in formation (not in vows) provided for? How are candidates provided for? -How do they fit into community life? -Are they required to find outside employment? How often do you have contact with your family? Charisms of your community? How do you live out the mission/spirit of the foundress? How did you adjust to the schedule in the convent vs the world? How is one assigned an apostolate? -Do you have a say in where you are placed? -Additional schooling? How highly do you value academia? (how much schooling/study do you do)? Does your community embrace any particular penances? (during lent/advent?) How does your community embrace poverty? (chastity?, obedience?) How does community handle people leaving during formation (whether the choice is by the individual or the community). -What is the drop-out rate compared to those who stay? Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community? What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to you? Have your constitutions changed? If so, how and why? How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged? Do you have any input into your name? Feel free to suggest ones I should/should not ask, or add other questions! You have great questions. One I also like to ask is why or why they don't wear the habit. I've had some amesome answers to that one. Edited September 18, 2013 by Spem in alium Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya Sophia Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 First time around, looking at various communities, I had a list of questions and, as part of the decision making process, recorded all answers for each community in three columns, positive, negative and neutral (yes, I also have a hyper-organized sock drawer). Then, the Holy Spirit spoke in my heart and that was that. Practical methods including detailed inquiry are good, helpful and perhaps even advisable but HS may cut across all this, speaking within you and completely terminating the usefulness of any inquiries. Happens - just sayin'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kayte Postle Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 First time around, looking at various communities, I had a list of questions and, as part of the decision making process, recorded all answers for each community in three columns, positive, negative and neutral (yes, I also have a hyper-organized sock drawer). Then, the Holy Spirit spoke in my heart and that was that. Practical methods including detailed inquiry are good, helpful and perhaps even advisable but HS may cut across all this, speaking within you and completely terminating the usefulness of any inquiries. Happens - just sayin'.... Thank you for pointing that out Aya! "Man plans, and God laughs". The community I'm visiting is already one of those communities that I'm going to visit out of obedience to the Holy Spirit. They are a spirituality I'd pretty much written off, but suddenly found myself connecting with. They also have all of my "must-haves" in a community, but almost none of my "it'd be nice". It's a nice reminder to remember our vocation is to follow God's will not our own. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa immaculata Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 Here is the entire list that I have so far. (Some of the questions suggested in the thread were ones I was able to answer from the information on their wbesite.). The ones in red are the ones I would like the most to ask during my come and see. Do you have home visits?/ How often? How do you provide for yourselves? How are those in formation (not in vows) provided for? How are candidates provided for? -How do they fit into community life? -Are they required to find outside employment? How often do you have contact with your family? Charisms of your community? How do you live out the mission/spirit of the foundress? How did you adjust to the schedule in the convent vs the world? How is one assigned an apostolate? -Do you have a say in where you are placed? -Additional schooling? How highly do you value academia? (how much schooling/study do you do)? Does your community embrace any particular penances? (during lent/advent?) How does your community embrace poverty? (chastity?, obedience?) How does community handle people leaving during formation (whether the choice is by the individual or the community). -What is the drop-out rate compared to those who stay? Do they have the means and willingness to "care for you" in the event of a serious disease, illness or accident before you make solemn vows? If something unfortunate were to occur in your life (God forbid...cancer, an accident, etc.) would they ask you to leave the community? Would they help you get settled outside of the community? What spiritual or religious practices/devotions are particular to you? Have your constitutions changed? If so, how and why? How is intellectual growth stimulated and encouraged? Creative growth and/or expression stimulated and encouraged? Do you have any input into your name? Feel free to suggest ones I should/should not ask, or add other questions! Oops ! I do have a lot of questions to ask even if I asked some of them ! I wonder what happens when you are ill (cancer or other pathology) before your final vows (I think particularly of cloistered communities but I think that the problem is the same for the apostolic sisters). it frightens me to imagine to be asked to leave for that reason ... anyway, very useful thread :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheresaThoma Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Definitely write the answers down. What helped me is after I talked on the phone with Sister I would take some time and write down what we had talked about, the questions I had asked and any other information she had given. It was nice to look back on later. I would also note down if she mentioned an event that was coming up, that way I would remember to ask about it later! It was a good way for me to process through the conversation. Often on visits you can get so busy it becomes difficult to keep track of everything you are learning about the community so having a little notebook to jot things down in is helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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