Telling Family You're Switching Parishes

[Kateri89]

I stopped regularly attending my parents' parish when I was about 15 and then spent quite a few years attending different parishes until I finally picked one and settled down. I didn't like the church I grew up going to because it had a very liberal feeling to it (which is vague but I can't quite put my finger on it). In any case, my parents were somewhat annoyed at first but they got over it. I know it's not easy to have confrontations with your family but your spiritual well being is more important than their close-mindedness. It's not like you're leaving the faith; you want to find a church that will strengthen it. Pray and ask God to help them be understanding.

[AccountDeleted]

You are worrying about their feelings, which is wonderful, but give them the opportunity to think about yours as well - tell them how you feel. And maybe in the beginning you could compromise by attending some Masses with them and others at the new parish? Over time, you could eventually attend only the one you want. It shouldn't be ALL about their feelings. You love them obviously and don't want to hurt them, but if they love you, then they won't want to hurt you either. Pray about it and ask God to help you find a solution.

[Seven77]

You're old enough to make your own decisions. As long as you can get there on your own, there's nothing stopping you from attending mass somewhere else.  Does your family just go to your parish for mass, or also for programming? Because if they also go to programming, you could say that you'll still come with them to that.  It might be a way to help smooth things over.  Otherwise, just tell them. 

 

You took the words right out of mouth...again!

 

--

 

 

My physical disability made it difficult for me to go to another parish and leave the one in my neighborhood, the one we are already established in. Thankfully though, I have a nurse who can drive me and my mom to the parish that we prefer.

 

However, I don't want to burn my bridge to the other parish because I've been told that the parish I that I prefer (and have membership in) will not make emergency visits to me because I already have priests nearby--I've never heard such a thing. Anyway, I feel like I have a connection to both parishes so I think I'm good.

[dUSt]

At the very least, write the priest a letter when you leave charitably explaining why you did so. Send a copy to the bishop too. Then put it out of your mind, you did your part.

 

I say this because people sometimes leave this community (phatmass) with no explanation whatsoever. I for one truly appreciate feedback, even from the people who completely disagree with the way things are run. It gives me an opportunity to improve. The first time someone tells me, "you are doing so and so wrong", I may dismiss it as a difference of opinion, sure, but if different people keep telling me the same thing, I take a hard look at it and can be influenced.

 

The problem is, people leave with no explanation. That gives me no opportunity to improve, and change never happens.

[AnneLine]

dUSt, that's a very beautiful insight.  Thank you.  

 

Pray about it, tinytherese... do what you need for your own self & your relationship with God; maybe you and Jesus write a letter to the priest if you aren't feeling like you want to talk with him.  Praying for you to make the better choices.... just do them one at a time and pray over them....

[tinytherese]

I think its troubling that your response to talking to the priest is that it wouldn't be pretty because of your temper.  That seems like the wrong thing to do.  If your family is doing something wrong is your first response to lose your temper? Yes. If someone at school or work does something wrong is your first response to lose your temper? 

 

My temper has become a serious problem in my life, especially throughout the past year or so. My anger goes from 0 to 60 very quickly. My hands become fists, I yell, shake like a volcano that's about to urrpt, am quick to accuse, become defensive, yell, scream, curse, name call, and rational thought goes out the window.

 

I don't become violent, but I'm still frightening. My temper is one of the issues that I need to work on in therapy.

 

People don't like Liturgy Cops just like people don't like being told they are wrong or they have sinned but it is something that needs to be done.  No human likes to be told they are in the wrong.  Although I don't think that should stop use from telling people when they are wrong. 

 

If people don't take you seriously, what good would it do to point out what they're doing wrong?

 

[tinytherese]

I never said she couldn't attend whatever mass she wanted or that she had to tell her family.  I simply stated something we all know to be true.  That if she does this and says nothing her family will pester her for an answer and until she gives them one it will causes issues between them.  We all know how families are. 

 

Bishops can not be everywhere all the time and unless the bishops know of abuses how can they fix these problems.  Also I would say it is our responsibility as members of the catholic church to help fix any problems the church has.  I don't think its right to just say, well I am not a bishop so I won't do anything to help the church fix problems it has.  I think we all have a responsibility to the church and her priests.

 

I already know from experience how my family would react to my reasons for leaving. It would honestly be better if they didn't know why. My reasons would upset them and I'd lash out at them with my temper, break down into tears, and I'd feel more frustrated and my depression would be aggravated.

 

If I'm uncomfortable sharing something with them, then they should respect my privacy. To do otherwise is rude. I'll enforce this boundary if I have to by reminding them that I'm uncomfortable talking about it, changing the subject, or leaving the room. I need to show them that I mean business and protect myself from getting even more hurt.

 

I've been told that yes we should point out to priests and even the bishop when liturgical abuse is happening, but that bishops tend to have an "out of sight out of mind" mentality or they throw up their hands and say "What can you do?"

 

I'm already at a really rough spot in my life and am more vulnerable then I was in the past. I need to find healing. You can't expect a football player who has gotten seriously injured to play in the Superbowl.

[Winchester]

"Hey parental units, this parish blows boll weevils. I hate it, and I'm moving to a different parish."

 

 

Done.

[4588686]

tehehe

[dUSt]

You could always tell them you are allergic to the smell of non-incense.

[cmaD2006]

You could always tell them you are allergic to the smell of non-incense.

 

Yeah -- the incense would mask a smell that you are allergic to, and so to avoid said smell you have to go to a parish that uses a lot of incense.

[Lilllabettt]

tell them you have a friend who goes to that parish and you want to be at Mass there together.  No doubt they will press you, demand to know who the friend is, etc. At first, say: "none of your business!" Be insistent. This is important, that they get that you really don't want to tell them. After you are poked several times admit "its some guy. now leave me alone!!!!" They will go: oooooooooooooooooooooo. No doubt you will be teased mercilessly, but they will think they understand why you are not willing to talk about going to a different parish.

 

(btw, this does not require you  to lie. The guy is named Jesus -- but leave that part out.)

 

 

[4588686]

tell them you have a friend who goes to that parish and you want to be at Mass there together.  No doubt they will press you, demand to know who the friend is, etc. At first, say: "none of your business!" Be insistent. This is important, that they get that you really don't want to tell them. After you are poked several times admit "its some guy. now leave me alone!!!!" They will go: oooooooooooooooooooooo. No doubt you will be teased mercilessly, but they will think they understand why you are not willing to talk about going to a different parish.

 

(btw, this does not require you  to lie. The guy is named Jesus -- but leave that part out.)

 

 

Lillabettt plays chess while the world plays checkers.  

[Winchester]

I play Twister.

[Nihil Obstat]

I play Twister.

Bull. I know you play roulette, of the Russian variety.