The Purification Of Motivation

[God's Beloved]

God has a vocation for each and everyone. Some are called to Consecrated life.

For some the Call comes suddenly as an irresistible and personal experience that he or she cannot doubt.

For others it happens slowly , progressively throughout the person's life and  has its ups and downs ---but gets stronger, deeper ....leading to concrete steps to embrace consecrated life.

There are those for whom life is going on smoothly in tranquility . They sit down and choose which state of life is the best for their goals in life.

 

God's motives when He calls a person to consecrated life  are almost always mixed with the human, selfish , self-centered motivations of the person who is called. It  can be a long journey through purification of these motivations  till the time the person is able to make a definitive commitment for life .

That's why  a preparatory formation as well as ongoing formation becomes necessary throughout the life  of a consecrated person.

 

What are the Red, Green and Orange signals in the vocational journey of purification of motives , to make God and His Plan / Will  THE driving force of a life [ desiring to be / feeling called to be ] consecrated to Him and for Service .........is something I'll be happy to explore  with you on this thread.

 

I also think it is not only the candidate's or consecrated person's motivations  that need constant review and purification , but also the motivations of vocation promotors , formators and authorities that need constant review and purification since vocation promotion involves  human lives that are precious to God.

 

Were there any threads in the past on this specific topic ?

[Gabriela]

That's a hard question to answer, because it's not clear to me what you're asking.

[AccountDeleted]

I think it's an interesting topic but I am not sure that one can always see the Green, Yellow, Red signals on the journey in advance - for me it is sometimes a hindsight thing. Certainly my motivation has changed over the years and (hopefully)  been purified. I need to think more about it before I can really respond coherently since it is late at night here and I am tired.  :)

[God's Beloved]

That's a hard question to answer, because it's not clear to me what you're asking.

 

Human lives are precious. In some parts of the world  unrefined motivations  of Vocation promoters [VP] and Candidates  -lead to  increase in numbers  with decrease in quality . This affects the witness given by the Church in society. We are all aware of what is happening  around the world..............

 

Some examples :

 

1. VP tend to look for candidates of a particular personality type . Hence there is sameness in a community.

2. VP tend to think and discern according to mentality of their own generation. Knowing the psychology, needs of other / new generations would be helpful.

3. An experienced VP spoke at a  national seminar as follows :

 

"The reasons why we recruit young people. If it is mostly to get some work done (e.g., to maintain our existing works), we have no right coax young people to give up two of the best things of life, namely, spousal love and parenthood, to achieve that goal. Celibacy makes sense only if it is a free response, which supposes adequate discernment and helps like spiritual direction, to a God-experience. In other words, do I find, before God, that this would be a better way for me to become Christ-like? A simple question would be: In which setting will I be more loving and likely to be happier? God wants our happiness. Jesus showed us a way of love. Love is an absolute; celibacy is not. May we not coax, pressurize or brainwash young people into joining our group for the sake of the institutions we want to maintain."

 

"The story of celibacy certainly contains heroic lives lived out with moving generosity and palpable joy. It also contains joyless lives of careerism and self-centred search for power and comfort. We need to do more—much more—to choose and train and support real celibates, not simply work-oriented or self-centred bachelors and spinsters."

[brandelynmarie]

I would say peace within would be a signal of being aligned with the Will of God. :) Having that peace even in the midst of difficultities & obstacles ...His peace.

[God's Beloved]

Cult Induction Processes
Many cults seem to induce trance using disguised, non-direct methods. The pre-hypnotic strategies available to, and often utilized by, destructive cults include singling out someone and giving him/her a great deal of positive, special attention which then increases compliance to authority, and the use of group pressure and/or the demand that one "take center stage" and perform something in front of others (who are expecting a specific kind of performance). This tactic, called "love-bombing," is almost universally employed by cults. Isolating a recruit in new and unfamiliar surroundings increases hypnotic susceptibility, as has been experimentally confirmed in a study by Dr. Arreed Barabasz (1994). Continuous lectures, singing and chanting are employed by most cults, and serve to alter awareness. The use of abstract and ambiguous language, and logic that is difficult to follow or is even meaningless, can also be used to focus attention and cause dissociation (Bandler & Grinder, 1975). Information overload can occur when subjects are presented with more new data than they can process at given time, or when subjects a re asked to divide their attention between two or more sources of information input or two or more channels of sensory input; this tactic is almost identical to the distraction or confusion induction methods in hypnosis (Arons, 1981).

 

 

 

 

taken from http://www.carolgiambalvo.com/unethical-hypnosis-in-destructive-cults.html

 

 

Recently I've been trying to understand the techniques used by some VP . They seem rather similar to what is underlined above. This is a very important RED FLAG  for any discerner........ and need for Purification of Motivation by  VP

[AccountDeleted]

GB -- When I read the first post of this thread, I thought this was about motivation of the discerner, but you seem more interested in motivation of the community via the VD. This is a difficult one to address, because they are not the ones reading here (I would imagine).

 

What you describe definitely happens, not only with VDs but also with Prioresses and others involved in vocations for their community. I have experienced it myself, not only during the initial contact phase but also during the live-in visit period, when those in charge go out of their way to be accommodating to the discerner. It is only after one actually enters that the real conditioning (formation) starts. By this time, the discerner has an investment in the outcome, which they didn't have during initial contact or live-in, because by now they have 'burned their bridges' in the world to some degree: said goodbye to all their friends and family, sold things or given them away, and probably entered with every expectation of never leaving. Even though they haven't actually committed themselves yet, they have not only taken some pretty definitive steps to get there, they have also invested themselves emotionally in the outcome.

 

After the initial 'love bombing' (although a more subtle term should probably be found for what happens in religious communities as love-bombing is a very active process in cult brainwashing), the discerner has become 'hooked' and wants to please  - but not just please God, which was the main motivation in the first place, but to please the superior/s (Prioress/Novice Mistress etc) and the community. At this point the superior/s can then start to shape and form the discerner. A really good (healthy) Novice Mistress will walk along side the discerner and let the Holy Spirit do the formation - protecting the precious uniqueness of the individual while teaching them the ways of the community. A Novice Mistress who has her own agenda (vanity, power, prestige, control, or even just what she went through herself)  will try to remake the discerner into her own image, either unconsciously or because she believes honestly that this is what should happen. In this situation the Holy Spirit is choked off and the damage to the individual can be long-lasting. The discerner goes along with it in order to please and because she wants to fit into the 'group-think' mentality so she 'belongs'.

 

Sometimes a Visitation (inspection by outsiders appointed to check up on the health and well-being of the community- could be the Vicar for Religious or other person/people) can help those in charge to see the danger signs and to make changes to correct cult-like tendencies, but sometimes those in charge have their own agendas and don't want to make changes - or can't see that they are necessary because they are caught in their own conditioning. That is when you get statements like, "In my day ... " followed by why changes shouldn't be made because things have always been done a certain way and should always be done that way, even if those things are no longer common sense, or life-affirming.

 

One Visitation I went through gave us a questionnaire before they came for the visit that asked each of us what was 'life-giving' in the community and what was "life-denying" and asked what we would like to see stay the same and what we felt needed changing. Then we each had a 30 minute interview with a panel of 3 Visitators to discuss either our answers or anything else we wanted to talk about. It was wonderful. But after the report came out, those in charge ignored it - saying that it didn't represent what the sisters really felt. Change comes slowly to those places where those in charge don't want it to change.

 

So how does one know when those in charge are 'love-bombing' them or when they are just being charitable and open? How does one know if a community is more like a cult than a family? Is it possible to know these things before entering? Hard to say. It helps if a person knows their own motivations and desires, but sometimes even that doesn't help - when we want something really badly, we tend to gloss over the 'Danger, Will Robinson' negative signs and romanticize the positive ones. Sometimes we can only learn from experience but if we remember that we are human (just like everyone else in a community), then if things do go south, we can recover our balance and get back on track again. The longer one is in a cult-like mentality however, the harder it is to recover emotionally from the effects after leaving.

 

Some really positive signs from a community are when they offer to help you discern your vocation - not just your vocation with them. They will want you to find God's will, even if that doesn't mean you enter their community. When you make a visit - ask the tough questions, the ones that worry you - don't leave them locked up inside. How they answer the tough stuff is a good indication of how honest they are in living the gospel life. And if you go on a live-in visit, remember that even if you are keeping the timetable and working with the nuns, you are not yet 'being formed' which is when the conditioning starts. Conditioning is not a bad word - everyone gets conditioned to some degree when they get involved in something intensive - the army, nursing, sports -- conditioning means discipline and rules and getting into shape. And that's what 'formation' is supposed to do - get one into shape. But it isn't supposed to tear down one's ego to the point that they can't think for themselves or know the difference between rules and common sense. That's why there were war crimes trials after WW2 - just obeying orders isn't an excuse for every action.

 

As for looking at it from the VD side - yes they are under a lot of pressure to get vocations, so they look for whatever works. They are probably thinking that for every 10 who enter, maybe only 1 or 2 will stay, so they want numbers - and plan to do the sorting afterwards. This doesn't happen so much in cloistered communities where they get 1 or 2 at a time but there is still the same pressure because not many stay these days. So they worry about getting them in first. Well, I think that some communities (if not all) need to take a look at WHY discerners don't stay - sure some aren't meant for community life, but if a community hasn't had anyone stay in the past 5-10 years (and there are several in that situation), then they need to wonder if there isn't something a little wonky with their 'formation' and not always with the one being formed. Anyway, that's my opinion. Convents are closing or merging all over the place - and some of them just don't want to see the signs - even after the Visitation Report tells them what they need to do.

 

So, after all that gloomy stuff, let me say that I am encouraged and inspired by the new communities, especially in the US but also some other places, where vocations are thriving and the communities seem healthy and very life-giving. The Father General of the Carmelites was at a conference this year in the UK where he said that too much focus has been placed on the exterior and not enough on the foundation of Carmelite life - the personal friendship with Jesus, shared with one's sisters in community. I couldn't have agreed with him more. So I think what makes the thriving communities (both old and new) thrive is that they must have based their foundation on love of God first, followed by love of each other as sisters. What is of God will thrive and what isn't will die out.

 

 

[God's Beloved]

Nunsense , I must say you can think and type really fast!  That's a fairly balanced picture you have presented from perspective of Vocation Promotor [ VP]  , the Community and the  Candidate .

 

I won't respond  to specific statements but allow the Holy Spirit to let me share whatever comes to my mind. This issue is very close to my heart as I notice in hindsight how in my own life  some people have tried to fish me into their net. Recently I've been going through emotional manipulation by someone who wants to found some social project and needs permanently committed staff or vocations to serve as cheap labour . Being a psychologist I can see through the game  and  I think that person is trying to hypnotize me through suggestions made from the pulpit . The sequence of events is exactly what I have underlined in my previous post. This raised a red flag for me . My identity and mission is very clear as a CV and people think they can manipulate me into becoming cheap labour by projecting me as a co-foundress. Anyone here has been through this ?  I can't describe all that  I have to go through as a CV because nobody understands the vocation.

 

Readers please pray for me ! Any suggestions how to protect myself from being hypnotized will be welcome . I'm sure Jesus is with me  and He has given the gift of common sense and reasoning to detect the danger signals.

[Antigonos]

GB -- When I read the first post of this thread, I thought this was about motivation of the discerner, but you seem more interested in motivation of the community via the VD. This is a difficult one to address, because they are not the ones reading here (I would imagine).

 

What you describe definitely happens, not only with VDs but also with Prioresses and others involved in vocations for their community. I have experienced it myself, not only during the initial contact phase but also during the live-in visit period, when those in charge go out of their way to be accommodating to the discerner. It is only after one actually enters that the real conditioning (formation) starts. By this time, the discerner has an investment in the outcome, which they didn't have during initial contact or live-in, because by now they have 'burned their bridges' in the world to some degree: said goodbye to all their friends and family, sold things or given them away, and probably entered with every expectation of never leaving. Even though they haven't actually committed themselves yet, they have not only taken some pretty definitive steps to get there, they have also invested themselves emotionally in the outcome.

 

 

Do you think this is more of a problem now, when it seems that each "entry" is comprised of one or at most several postulants rather than, [as in The Nun's Story] prior to V2, it seemed that large groups of women entered together and therefore there was less possibility of favoring a single person?  Is there also a greater need, by the community, to keep postulants or aspirants from "dropping out" since there seems to be fewer vocations these days and many communities are badly in need of younger members?

[AccountDeleted]

Nunsense , I must say you can think and type really fast!  That's a fairly balanced picture you have presented from perspective of Vocation Promotor [ VP]  , the Community and the  Candidate .

 

I won't respond  to specific statements but allow the Holy Spirit to let me share whatever comes to my mind. This issue is very close to my heart as I notice in hindsight how in my own life  some people have tried to fish me into their net. Recently I've been going through emotional manipulation by someone who wants to found some social project and needs permanently committed staff or vocations to serve as cheap labour . Being a psychologist I can see through the game  and  I think that person is trying to hypnotize me through suggestions made from the pulpit . The sequence of events is exactly what I have underlined in my previous post. This raised a red flag for me . My identity and mission is very clear as a CV and people think they can manipulate me into becoming cheap labour by projecting me as a co-foundress. Anyone here has been through this ?  I can't describe all that  I have to go through as a CV because nobody understands the vocation.

 

Readers please pray for me ! Any suggestions how to protect myself from being hypnotized will be welcome . I'm sure Jesus is with me  and He has given the gift of common sense and reasoning to detect the danger signals.

 

 

GB - only you know what your vocation is as a CV because as you said, not that many people really understand the vocation. I am sure that before you made your vows you prayed and thought about how God wanted you to express your vocation in the world and for the Church. The important thing is to stay true to what you believe that to be and not what others are trying to convince you should happen. If anyone is trying very hard to get you to make some kind of decision - then ask them to please wait while you discuss it with your husband. Honestly, only He and you know if this is something that you should do or not.  There is no reason not to consider it, but there is every reason not to leap into a decision before the Spirit lets you know it is right for you. Tell the person who is 'love-bombing' you or pressuring you or whatever that if God is asking this of you, He will let you know this, but it might take some time to pray about. Remind this other person that she who acts in haste, repents in leisure. God isn't in a hurry so if there is an urgency attached to the project, then perhaps you should take a step back until things slow down again. the devil doesn't like to give us time to think - that's why he also like a lot of noise!

 

So, just go slow, and see what unfolds. Pray, pray, pray.

 

By the way, I have had something similar happen to me - someone else had a dream but wanted me to fulfill it for them. Believe me, it doesn't work.

[Maire]

Thankfully, I've never experienced anything like what's been described. There was one priest who encouraged me to explore (and eventually try) religious life, but he didn't try to push me into it. If anything, I was the one who was too hasty, as I see now in hindsight.

As far as the "formation" period goes, one of the most encouraging things that I've read is about the merit of obedience, and of mortification of one's own will; not just in St. Teresa's writings, but in many others' as well. What about the idea that the will of the superior is, to the one in formation or to any "subject," the will of God? That way, it's not so much a "blind obedience," but obedience undertaken for the love of God. Am I being too idealistic? :/

Edited for punctuation.

Edited September 13, 2013 by Maire

[God's Beloved]

This article is so true ! But I would apply it to celibate consecrated life in general [ including CV] Sometimes vocations begin with Pure motivations but end up otherwise.........

 

 

 

http://www.religiousindia.org/columns/shocking-i-am-becoming-worse

 

Her expectation was, of course, that joining the convent would provide her with helps to become better and more mature. That is when she made this shocking discovery. In her very first year in the convent, she found, to her deep disappointment: “I am becoming worse!” The type of jealousies and in-fighting she found in the community shocked her. She came to this conclusion: If I am not careful, I will end up worse than I was at home.

This is a true story. I have come across similar variations of it in the lives of other religious, too. One was provincial of her congregation. She confided: “I was a better person under my mother’s guidance than I have been after joining religious life.”

The sad realization of a third religious regarded a key area of life—love. I was taking a session on love. A sister in her forty’s, who was listening intently, started looking disturbed. I asked her after the session: “You looked disturbed. Did something I say upset you?” “Yes, it did,” she replied. “What?” “You were talking about what love is, how we grow in love, etc. Well, I was a very loving young woman when I joined the convent. I am not that now. I was asking myself what happened to me. I come from a very loving family. My brothers and sisters, too, have noticed the change in me. They ask me: ‘What happened to you? You were not like this.’ What do I tell them? What they have noticed is true. I am not the loving woman I was before I became a religious.”

Edited September 13, 2013 by God's Beloved

[AccountDeleted]

Do you think this is more of a problem now, when it seems that each "entry" is comprised of one or at most several postulants rather than, [as in The Nun's Story] prior to V2, it seemed that large groups of women entered together and therefore there was less possibility of favoring a single person?  Is there also a greater need, by the community, to keep postulants or aspirants from "dropping out" since there seems to be fewer vocations these days and many communities are badly in need of younger members?

 

Antigonos - We are dealing with apples and oranges here. Society is different, the Church is different and education is different (being taught by nuns has died out). It used to be that girls in Catholic school would hear about vocations in school from their nun teachers, and at home from their parents who were encouraged to give up a son or daughter to the Church. Families were large and parents were proud to do this. Now families are smaller, there are few nuns teaching young girls that it is good to be a nun, and society tells them that do to do would mean wasting their lives.

 

Pre Vat 2 the love-bombing happened at home and at school, with religious life being held up as some perfect ideal by everyone. Even my sister-in-law considered becoming a nun when she was in high school, only because it was something that all the girls thought about in Catholic school. Now she shudders at the very thought of my becoming a nun - says she could never do it.

 

The point is that no one should feel pushed or pulled or compelled into religious life by anyone for any reason. The only motivation to enter a convent should be a love of God and a sincere desire to do His will by answering a calling from Him. Discerners should be helped to discern - to find out if they really are being called to religious life by God. There should be no other agendas in play - by parents or teachers or vocation promoters or Prioresses or Novice Mistresses or anyone. Not everyone is cut out for living in a religious community, no matter how much they love God or how holy they are. They might be missing their true vocation if they aren't given time and space to work this out for themselves. All help and support should be given to the discerner, but no pressure, either positive or negative. It is a time for the discerner to listen for the voice of God.

 

 

Thankfully, I've never experienced anything like what's been described. There was one priest who encouraged me to explore (and eventually try) religious life, but he didn't try to push me into it. If anything, I was the one who was too hasty, as I see now in hindsight.

As far as the "formation" period goes, one of the most encouraging things that I've read is about the merit of obedience, and of mortification of one's own will; not just in St. Teresa's writings, but in many others' as well. What about the idea that the will of the superior is, to the one in formation or to any "subject," the will of God? That way, it's not so much a "blind obedience," but obedience undertaken for the love of God. Am I being too idealistic? :/

Edited for punctuation.

 

Maire - I don't think anyone here is talking about obedience as being a problem in formation. Obedience is required in any disciplined profession, and that is why there are rules for soldiers, doctors, nurses, teachers, etc. But the vow of obedience is different than mindless and robotic conditioning, which resulted in the deaths of so many members of the Jonestown cult and in war crimes of the Third Reich. A person should never have to give up the right to think for themselves - after all, that is what forms our consciences and makes us human beings instead of animals. Before a person enters a convent, they are asked to use discernment and common sense -- why should this be given up after one enters? There are degrees of obedience - and a hierarchy as well, depending upon age and station in life. We owe obedience first to God and our well-formed conscience.  But we also owe obedience to our parents when we are young, obedience to those in authority over us in the world and the Church, and if we enter religious life, then we make a vow of obedience to our superiors.

 

But we are not bound to obey our superiors in anything that is against the law, Church teaching or would cause us to sin. To determine that, we need to still have some control over our own ideas and opinions - so blind obedience would be wrong.

 

As for your statement that the 'will of the superior' is the 'will of God' - here is what St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross has to say about obedience. She never gave up the ability to think and to decide for herself when it was 'permitted, indeed commanded to dispense oneself from a rule or custom'. It is the will of God that a superior be in charge- but not every utterance from her mouth is indeed 'the will of God' because only Jesus was perfect in following God's will.

 

 

This article is so true ! But I would apply it to celibate consecrated life in general [ including CV] Sometimes vocations begin with Pure motivations but end up otherwise.........

 

 

 

http://www.religiousindia.org/columns/shocking-i-am-becoming-worse

 

Her expectation was, of course, that joining the convent would provide her with helps to become better and more mature. That is when she made this shocking discovery. In her very first year in the convent, she found, to her deep disappointment: “I am becoming worse!” The type of jealousies and in-fighting she found in the community shocked her. She came to this conclusion: If I am not careful, I will end up worse than I was at home.

This is a true story. I have come across similar variations of it in the lives of other religious, too. One was provincial of her congregation. She confided: “I was a better person under my mother’s guidance than I have been after joining religious life.”

The sad realization of a third religious regarded a key area of life—love. I was taking a session on love. A sister in her forty’s, who was listening intently, started looking disturbed. I asked her after the session: “You looked disturbed. Did something I say upset you?” “Yes, it did,” she replied. “What?” “You were talking about what love is, how we grow in love, etc. Well, I was a very loving young woman when I joined the convent. I am not that now. I was asking myself what happened to me. I come from a very loving family. My brothers and sisters, too, have noticed the change in me. They ask me: ‘What happened to you? You were not like this.’ What do I tell them? What they have noticed is true. I am not the loving woman I was before I became a religious.”

 

 

GB - this is true in many cases of course, but not in all. I have known many loving and holy women as well as the opposite. I think it can be harder to be oneself in a religious community just because of the pressures of trying to conform. And it can be easier to get lost in the group-think, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying for those who are called to the life. After all, if it is God's call, it CAN be done, with His help.

[Maire]

Hmmm, I guess I must have missed what you were talking about, then, Nunsense. Naturally, I didn't mean obedience in cases of sin; I guess I should have said that. As for mindless and robotic conditioning...such a thought never entered my mind, and I'm honestly having trouble understanding how it would come up in religious life. I have relatives who think that ANY sacrifice of one's own will in religious life (such as not being able to plan one's own schedule, not having a say in what's for meals, not having much personal free time, not having private conversations during recreation) is some sort of cult-like obedience, so I might be coming at the issue from the other extreme. >shrug<

I really liked that quote from St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross: I think that it expresses the best motivations for monastic obedience very well. I've only read her autobiography so far, but after reading quotes from her other writings I'm starting to want to read more of them! :)

[AccountDeleted]

Hmmm, I guess I must have missed what you were talking about, then, Nunsense. Naturally, I didn't mean obedience in cases of sin; I guess I should have said that. As for mindless and robotic conditioning...such a thought never entered my mind, and I'm honestly having trouble understanding how it would come up in religious life. I have relatives who think that ANY sacrifice of one's own will in religious life (such as not being able to plan one's own schedule, not having a say in what's for meals, not having much personal free time, not having private conversations during recreation) is some sort of cult-like obedience, so I might be coming at the issue from the other extreme. >shrug<

I really liked that quote from St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross: I think that it expresses the best motivations for monastic obedience very well. I've only read her autobiography so far, but after reading quotes from her other writings I'm starting to want to read more of them! :)

 

 

 

St TB is a fantastic writer but can sometimes be heavy going - it helps if the translator is good! My favorite work of hers is The Science of the Cross, about St John of the Cross' writings. Well worth the read, even if only done a little at a time and then reflected upon.

 

As for the obedience thing - don't worry about it. I have noticed in a couple of threads right now we are starting to focus too much on the negative aspects of consecrated and religious life and then it becomes a little lopsided. In the convent, like the world, there are things that shouldn't happen, but they do. We can either focus on the negative or the positive in any situation. I think it is important to know the bad so we can avoid it and pray for it, but if that is the main focus, then we miss out on the grace, the love, the joy of religious and consecrated life. It doesn't matter if one lives in the world or in the convent, there will be good things and bad things because we human have a fallen nature.

 

So unless the bad pushes itself into your face and you have to deal with it, just be grateful that it isn't on your radar! :) Like a child playing in the park who doesn't know that there are bad things to fear - we can trust in God to take care of us, in good or bad.