Studies Find Yelling At Children As Harmful As Hitting Them

[PhuturePriest]

Well 13 years or marriage is a lot.  I mean that's almost the max anyone could ever be married. 

 

Self control at all times with children?  Yeah, well keep planning on that and we will se how that works for you.  The mind set is similar to the people who have no children but have no problem giving parenting advice directly or indirectly to the mother in the supermarket with 5 children who are all having a bad day.  Although years later they realize just how wrong they were.

 

Why does yelling have to be your first response? Yelling accomplishes nothing but escalating the situation. Try to deescalate a situation by having a screaming fit and tell me how it works out. I'm not saying I have parental experience, and I'm not saying it's not incredibly difficult sometimes to not yell. But what I am saying is that yelling at your children is wrong, and that it IS possible to never yell at them (The same goes for your spouse).

 

These studies find that yelling at your children has just as much effect as hitting them. If everyone was hitting their children, would you be saying "You try NOT hitting them?" No, because you have the self-control to not hit them. Well, just the same, you can have the self-control not to yell at them, which has the same psychological effects.

Edited September 6, 2013 by FuturePriest387

[havok579257]

I think that we shouldn't assume that just because something might be hard to do, that everyone would automatically fail at it... or that it's equally hard for everyone. Some people struggle more with certain things than others. Maybe someone has to struggle a lot to not yell at others (in which case if they do succeed, that shows a lot of growth) - and others maybe aren't as likely to yell. I'm just replying to the comments about how FP isn't being realistic. I think we shouldn't just assume that we would fail...totally different topic, but it's like how some adults expect that teens would not be able to stay virgins. I sometimes wonder if that's why some teens give up: no one expects that they even COULD succeed in this. We can, with grace... regarding the comments here - it seems people are saying that it's easy to stay these things when one isn't a parent... maybe that is true, but I still think that we can have hope to overcome temper issues etc (if they yelling is done out of anger), though not by our strength.

 

 

Well show me one person who thinks raising children is easy after having children of their own and then we can talk?

[havok579257]

I think that we shouldn't assume that just because something might be hard to do, that everyone would automatically fail at it... or that it's equally hard for everyone. Some people struggle more with certain things than others. Maybe someone has to struggle a lot to not yell at others (in which case if they do succeed, that shows a lot of growth) - and others maybe aren't as likely to yell. I'm just replying to the comments about how FP isn't being realistic. I think we shouldn't just assume that we would fail...totally different topic, but it's like how some adults expect that teens would not be able to stay virgins. I sometimes wonder if that's why some teens give up: no one expects that they even COULD succeed in this. We can, with grace... regarding the comments here - it seems people are saying that it's easy to stay these things when one isn't a parent... maybe that is true, but I still think that we can have hope to overcome temper issues etc (if they yelling is done out of anger), though not by our strength.

 

 

Well show me one person who thinks raising children is easy after having children of their own and then we can talk?

[havok579257]

Why does yelling have to be your first response? Yelling accomplishes nothing but escalating the situation. Try to deescalate a situation by having a screaming fit and tell me how it works out. I'm not saying I have parental experience, and I'm not saying it's not incredibly difficult sometimes to not yell. But what I am saying is that yelling at your children is wrong, and that it IS possible to never yell at them (The same goes for your spouse).

 

These studies find that yelling at your children has just as much effect as hitting them. If everyone was hitting their children, would you be saying "You try NOT hitting them?" No, because you have the self-control to not hit them. Well, just the same, you can have the self-control not to yell at them, which has the same psychological effects.

 

 

So I said yelling has to be your first response?  Really, I said that?  Hmm, me thinks not. 

 

Glad the guy who has no children is giving out parenting advice.  The guy who has absolutely no experience in dealing with children of his own but feels experienced enough to give out advice.  Your similar to the person in the supermarket who has no problem talking about how much better of a parent you would be then the woman over there. 

 

Its easy to play backseat driver in our society.  Its a lot harder to not judge others until you have actually walked in their shoes.

 

Honestly, trying to give out advice on something you know nothing about comes off as pretentious. 

[PhuturePriest]

Well show me one person who thinks raising children is easy after having children of their own and then we can talk?

 

When did she say raising children was easy? It's sometimes *easier* for some, but that doesn't imply it's easy. Lebron James might find it *easier* than me to slam dunk, but that doesn't mean it's easy for him. It still takes work and effort to do it. Some people are just naturally very organized with parenting and have got everything under control. Ever seen 19 Kids and Counting? Most organized family on the entire planet. It's never unruly and they never lose their tempers. They have in fact said they always do their best not to, because doing so will "harm the relationships with their children".

[PhuturePriest]

So I said yelling has to be your first response?  Really, I said that?  Hmm, me thinks not. 

 

Glad the guy who has no children is giving out parenting advice.  The guy who has absolutely no experience in dealing with children of his own but feels experienced enough to give out advice.  Your similar to the person in the supermarket who has no problem talking about how much better of a parent you would be then the woman over there. 

 

Its easy to play backseat driver in our society.  Its a lot harder to not judge others until you have actually walked in their shoes.

 

Honestly, trying to give out advice on something you know nothing about comes off as pretentious. 

 

Underline where I gave advice. Nowhere on this thread to I give advice. I said a statement supported by research: yelling at your children is wrong. Nowhere do I say "This is what you should do if you get angry", or even "If I were a parent, this is what I would do". I said that I don't find it right and that I've promised myself to do my best not to do it, but nowhere have I actually given advice.

[havok579257]

When did she say raising children was easy? It's sometimes *easier* for some, but that doesn't imply it's easy. Lebron James might find it *easier* than me to slam dunk, but that doesn't mean it's easy for him. It still takes work and effort to do it. Some people are just naturally very organized with parenting and have got everything under control. Ever seen 19 Kids and Counting? Most organized family on the entire planet. It's never unruly and they never lose their tempers. They have in fact said they always do their best not to, because doing so will "harm the relationships with their children".

 

 

no parent has everything under control.  No human being has everything under control.  So false statements.

[havok579257]

Underline where I gave advice. Nowhere on this thread to I give advice. I said a statement supported by research: yelling at your children is wrong. Nowhere do I say "This is what you should do if you get angry", or even "If I were a parent, this is what I would do". I said that I don't find it right and that I've promised myself to do my best not to do it, but nowhere have I actually given advice.

 

 

Yelling accomplishes nothing but escalating the situation. Try to deescalate a situation by having a screaming fit and tell me how it works out. I'm not saying I have parental experience, and I'm not saying it's not incredibly difficult sometimes to not yell. But what I am saying is that yelling at your children is wrong, and that it IS possible to never yell at them (The same goes for your spouse).

 

 

this is what you said.  trying to give advice about things.

 

 

also you don know that they have studies to prove and disprove everything?  I take all studies with a grain of salt.  One study will say whole eggs are horrible for you, another will say they are good.  Another study will say diet soda promotes obesity but another that just came out said its not so bad for you.  Another study said fish oil is good for you(a healthy fat) and then another comes out saying its bad because it hardens your arteries.  I imagine you know this.

 

and no I do not believe the study that says yelling at kids is the same as hitting them.  hitting your kids is way worse than yelling at them.

Edited September 6, 2013 by havok579257

[PhuturePriest]

Yelling accomplishes nothing but escalating the situation. Try to deescalate a situation by having a screaming fit and tell me how it works out. I'm not saying I have parental experience, and I'm not saying it's not incredibly difficult sometimes to not yell. But what I am saying is that yelling at your children is wrong, and that it IS possible to never yell at them (The same goes for your spouse).

 

 

this is what you said.  trying to give advice about things.

 

 

also you don know that they have studies to prove and disprove everything?  I take all studies with a grain of salt.  One study will say whole eggs are horrible for you, another will say they are good.  Another study will say diet soda promotes obesity but another that just came out said its not so bad for you.  Another study said fish oil is good for you(a healthy fat) and then another comes out saying its bad because it hardens your arteries.  I imagine you know this.

 

and no I do not believe the study that says yelling at kids is the same as hitting them.  hitting your kids is way worse than yelling at them.

 

I state an opinion in your quoted part. I didn't say "You shouldn't yell at your children, because it only escalates the situation, you simpleton." I said yelling escalates a situation. It's a simple fact. There is a difference between a statement and giving advice.

 

Obviously you and I have had different experiences with parents yelling at you.

[havok579257]

I state an opinion in your quoted part. I didn't say "You shouldn't yell at your children, because it only escalates the situation, you simpleton." I said yelling escalates a situation. It's a simple fact. There is a difference between a statement and giving advice.

 

Obviously you and I have had different experiences with parents yelling at you.

 

 

and obviously you can not have a conversation without resorting to name calling.  So yelling bad but name calling ok? 

 

Being hit, not spanked but actually hit is worse than being yelled at.  Just imagine for a moment, your parent yelling at you over something you did wrong.  No imagine same scenario but instead of yelling they are hitting you in the corner.  Its not that hard to see which is worse. 

[Luigi]

Did they also research the effects of children yelling at - or even in the same house as - parents? 

[havok579257]

I state an opinion in your quoted part. I didn't say "You shouldn't yell at your children, because it only escalates the situation, you simpleton.

 

 

 

So this thread is not even 2 full pages long are your unable to stay in enough control to not resort to name calling.  You say you will never yell at your children yet can't have a debate without resorting to acting childish and name calling.  Yep, no troubles here.

[GeorgiiMichael]

FP, do you realize how annoying and condescending everything you've posted sounds? By making a judgement like "yelling at your kids is wrong" you imply sin and come across as judgmental. You found one study saying that yelling can be as bad as hitting, and you decry both as evil and sinful. Sure, you might not have said that exactly, but that's how it sounds.

 

I'm going to tell you something right now, I will not hesitate from yelling at or spanking my children if the situation seems to require such a thing. Will it be an everyday occurrence? No. Do I hope it never happens? Yes. Can I guarantee such a thing? Absolutely not. And I will not take such things to confession, because I do not believe such things are sinful. There is no teaching from the Church indicating that these thing are sinful, and no secular study will convince me that they are. 

 

Parenting fads are ridiculous, and I'll not be swayed by "studies" in pseudoscience. 

[arfink]

I know the effects of our 4 year old yelling I mean shrieking at the top of her voice like an angered Nazhgul.

 

 

Sometimes a raised voice is necessary in order for her, or anyone else, to actually hear anything at all. Besides her shrieking, that is.

[PhuturePriest]

FP, do you realize how annoying and condescending everything you've posted sounds? By making a judgement like "yelling at your kids is wrong" you imply sin and come across as judgmental. You found one study saying that yelling can be as bad as hitting, and you decry both as evil and sinful. Sure, you might not have said that exactly, but that's how it sounds.

I'm going to tell you something right now, I will not hesitate from yelling at or spanking my children if the situation seems to require such a thing. Will it be an everyday occurrence? No. Do I hope it never happens? Yes. Can I guarantee such a thing? Absolutely not. And I will not take such things to confession, because I do not believe such things are sinful. There is no teaching from the Church indicating that these thing are sinful, and no secular study will convince me that they are.

Parenting fads are ridiculous, and I'll not be swayed by "studies" in pseudoscience.

I'm sorry if my posts are coming off that way. I'm sure you know I certainly don't mean them to, and I'll work on making myself clearer and more concise.