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Studies Find Yelling At Children As Harmful As Hitting Them


PhuturePriest

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PhuturePriest

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323623304579055302147114522.html?KEYWORDS=study+says+yelling+is+as+hurtful+as+hitting

 

I am very inclined to agree. If my parents yell at me, I'm not inspired to do better next time or never do that thing again, I just feel bad about myself and wish the yelling would stop. I can get the same message (And actually RECEIVE it) without them having to yell at me. Yelling is not a disciplinary thing. Some might say "But the military is all about discipline, and they yell at their recruits!". This is true. However, those people should note that when officers in the military yell, they are not yelling for disciplinary reasons, they are yelling to get them to handle stressful situations better (Because being yelled at is incredibly stressful). It has nothing (At least in theory) to do with discipline, from what I understand.

 

One of the things I've always promised myself is that if I'm ever a parent, I will never yell at my wife or my children at all costs, and that I will always do my best to calm down and explain myself calmly. Thankfully, I don't ever yell and I'm not an angry person, but I still do occasionally get angry, and it will be something to remember if I ever am angered.

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PhuturePriest

Also depends on what you're yelling.

 

Really, the only appropriate thing to yell is "Hey! Watch out for that bus!" Even if you're not calling your child names, if you are yelling at your child, I don't find that right.

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Really, the only appropriate thing to yell is "Hey! Watch out for that bus!" Even if you're not calling your child names, if you are yelling at your child, I don't find that right.

 

 

well since you have no children of your own, your perception is skewed on things.  You can never understand what you will do as a parent until you are a parent.  Its all well an fine to say I will never yell at my wife and children when you don't have any.  Its a completely different story when you actually have kids of your own and a wife.  So say you will never yell at your children or your wife now when you don't have them.  Its all good.  Although I would bet you a lifetimes salary that you will yell at both in your lifetime.

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It takes an imperfect mother to raise a child well. You see, children need to learn about life through real experiences. They need to learn to deal with disappointments and frustrations. They need to overcome their greed and their wish to be the center of the universe. They need to learn to respect the needs and limitations of other people, including their mothers. And they need to learn to do things for themselves.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201205/in-search-the-good-enough-mother

 

 

the theory of the good enough mother -- the consequences of which can be summed up as "stop worrying and raise your kids" -- can be applied to fathers, too.

Edited by Lilllabettt
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PhuturePriest

well since you have no children of your own, your perception is skewed on things.  You can never understand what you will do as a parent until you are a parent.  Its all well an fine to say I will never yell at my wife and children when you don't have any.  Its a completely different story when you actually have kids of your own and a wife.  So say you will never yell at your children or your wife now when you don't have them.  Its all good.  Although I would bet you a lifetimes salary that you will yell at both in your lifetime.

 

I'm not saying it won't be hard not to. I'm not saying I don't understand (Logically, not through experience) that it's sometimes difficult not to. But that doesn't mean you can't exercise self-control. That doesn't mean you HAVE to yell at your wife and kids. There are some married people who have never yelled at each other before, did you know that? When I was at the Catholic Conference a year ago, a former NFL player was a speaker and said he had been married for thirteen years and he had never yelled at his wife, and she had never yelled at him. It's possible. Don't tell me it's not, because it has been done before and is being done by people today.

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I guess Mary was awful then, eh?

 

You think Our Lady never made a mistake raising Jesus ? Really? She was human you know. Not every mistake a parent makes with their kids is a sin.
 

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I guess Mary was awful then, eh?

 

I have come to the conclusion that in any argument about human mothers, if someone says "But what about Mary?" it's basically tantamount to the famous internet fallacy reductio ad Hitlerum.

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I'm not saying it won't be hard not to. I'm not saying I don't understand (Logically, not through experience) that it's sometimes difficult not to. But that doesn't mean you can't exercise self-control. That doesn't mean you HAVE to yell at your wife and kids. There are some married people who have never yelled at each other before, did you know that? When I was at the Catholic Conference a year ago, a former NFL player was a speaker and said he had been married for thirteen years and he had never yelled at his wife, and she had never yelled at him. It's possible. Don't tell me it's not, because it has been done before and is being done by people today.

 

 

Well 13 years or marriage is a lot.  I mean that's almost the max anyone could ever be married. 

 

Self control at all times with children?  Yeah, well keep planning on that and we will se how that works for you.  The mind set is similar to the people who have no children but have no problem giving parenting advice directly or indirectly to the mother in the supermarket with 5 children who are all having a bad day.  Although years later they realize just how wrong they were.

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MarysLittleFlower

I think that we shouldn't assume that just because something might be hard to do, that everyone would automatically fail at it... or that it's equally hard for everyone. Some people struggle more with certain things than others. Maybe someone has to struggle a lot to not yell at others (in which case if they do succeed, that shows a lot of growth) - and others maybe aren't as likely to yell. I'm just replying to the comments about how FP isn't being realistic. I think we shouldn't just assume that we would fail...totally different topic, but it's like how some adults expect that teens would not be able to stay virgins. I sometimes wonder if that's why some teens give up: no one expects that they even COULD succeed in this. We can, with grace... regarding the comments here - it seems people are saying that it's easy to stay these things when one isn't a parent... maybe that is true, but I still think that we can have hope to overcome temper issues etc (if they yelling is done out of anger), though not by our strength.

Edited by MarysLittleFlower
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Whenever I was hit or got yelled at, all it did was give me a Rocky Balboa mentality.. made me think I was the good guy instantly.  just thought i'd share

Edited by Tony
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PhuturePriest

I miss this. The memories of causing havoc with threads are flashing before my eyes right now. Oh, the memories... :sad:

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