A Thought For When You Want To Visit A Community

[Sr Mary Catharine OP]

I thought I would share this with all of you. In case anyone is wondering this isn't directed to anyone in particular but just some thoughts of some experiences as vocation directress that I've had over the years.

This is in regards to contacting a religious community from the perspective of the community.

In today's day when it is so easy to make contact with a community I suspect that many people just don't realize these things. So, I thought you might find it helpful.

 

1. When you contact a community by snail mail, email or telephone and the vocation directress responds it would be helpful if you would respond back, even if just a simple, "thank you, Sister for the information you have given me. I will read it and pray about it. Pray for me!" Or something like that.  My responses are always personal, never cut and paste because I try to be open to the Holy Spirit at that moment. More times than not I never hear anything again and I don't even know if the person received my email. It's OK if what you received doesn't attract you but just let her know you received it!
    
2. If you set up a time for a visit, PLEASE show up! Or if you have to cancel, let the community know in a timely manner. And if you set up a new visit don't keep canceling. For one, it shows that probably you aren't serious about discerning your vocation with that community.  For another, the sister who is the vocation director probably has 2 or 3 other responsibilities and she has gone to great lengths to switch schedules to make it possible to visit with you.
    
3. When you contact a community realize that today probably many vocation directors are going to do a little research on you. So, think of what you have on your Facebook page, blog, etc. Prospective employers do this as well.
    
4. If you ask to come for a weekend retreat (or a few days, etc.) especially to a cloister (as I said I'm saying this from my perspective) think it through as to what that weekend will mean. If you are visiting a cloister there will be a lot of time of solitude, silence and prayer. First you NEED that to listen to the Holy Spirit. The monastic community really wants you with them to discern your vocation but they know it's not about THEM it's about GOD. It's HIS invitation. If you tell a vocation director after the 1st 24 hours that you've never prayed so much in all your life and went for a walk to talk to friends on your cellphone well, she probably will come to the conclusion that either you don't have a vocation to cloistered life or you aren't ready to be open to discerning it.
    
5. Don't be afraid to share with the vocation directress. She really does want to help you find where God wants you even if it isn't her community or even religious life.  If you leave out important aspects of your self, stuff that may be hard to share, etc. you're giving her an incomplete picture. So, if there is guy in wings that you are attracted to, tell her. If you deal with mental health issues, tell her. If you really just don't like her monastery and charism, tell her...nicely! :unsure:  And if there are things YOU really want to talk about, do so! Don't wait for her to give you the opening.

I hope you don't mind my sharing all this but I thought you might find it helpful as you discern your vocation.

God bless you!
Sr. Mary Catharine, OP

[Anselm]

I remember a novice master telling me that he receives a surprising number of emails from enquirers essentially saying 'God told me to join your community, so you've got to let me join' - without even visiting!

[maximillion]

Thank you Sister, I am no longer discerning but I know what you mean - I was for a while zelatrix (office based) and some of the mail we received was extraordinary. The above example is mild compared with some.

 

However, most people are intelligent and respectful, but it does help to know what the other side of the coin is like too......

[Gabriela]

Thank you, sister, for posting the "etiquette" of contacting a community. I think most of this should be obvious, but I see in my students a lot of what you mentioned, so I suspect that the new generations don't know this stuff.

[AveMariaPurissima]

Thank you, Sister, for your advice.  These are very helpful counsels to keep in mind. :)

[OnlySunshine]

I must admit that I am guilty of not returning a VD's email but it was because I was upset, at the time, with what she said.  I wish she had asked for clarification because she thought that I was unstable and I thought it was better that I not respond for fear that I would respond in a negative way at that time.  Better to say nothing at all than something uncharitable.   But, I definitely understand what you mean and I am careful to respect religious' time and respond in a timely fashion.  Good post!  :)

[TheresaThoma]

Really great advice Sister!
Something I would add is after the initial contact maintain contact. Especially if you can't visit soon or often. A quick note about what you are up to goes a long way.

[Benedictus]

I remember a novice master telling me that he receives a surprising number of emails from enquirers essentially saying 'God told me to join your community, so you've got to let me join' - without even visiting!

  :hehe2: I can imagine the job of being a novice director is a tough one, needing lots of patience and sensitivity. 

[Feankie]

Thank you, Sister, for posting those helpful comments to those who are discerning.  Possible, when going through the process fear, doubt, vacillation between Orders, and downright inertia set in.  Sometimes common courtesy goes right out the window when stress sets in.  These are good reminders for anyone in any state in life when interacting with others.

[abrideofChrist]

I remember a novice master telling me that he receives a surprising number of emails from enquirers essentially saying 'God told me to join your community, so you've got to let me join' - without even visiting!

 

This is not surprising. Our culture supports an attitude of entitlement.

 

The flip side, of course, is situations like mine, where I was approached by sisters and told that they had prayed and "knew" I had a vocation to their community.

[Anselm]

They approached you, before you had made any contact, and said that? That's even more odd!