Living With Non Catholics

[Basilisa Marie]

Thanks for the replies.. I understand I can't control what people are doing. However, am I sinning by accepting living in such a household? I just don't know what to think on this...

 

also, what if this happens in opposition to a rule by the landlord? should I then say something? because then they're not following the conditions of their lease or rent.

 

Like I said above, you aren't sinning by living with them.  :)  

Most landlords have rules about guests, and they're broken a LOT.   It seems to me that those rules are usually there to cover the landlord's end of things, just in case something happens, they have a way to pin the blame on the tenants.  It's less about following rules for moral living and more about destruction of property, noise, squatters, etc.  

 

So no, I wouldn't tell on my roommates if they were breaking a rule about having "special friends" come over.  If that special friend stuck his foot through the wall, I would certainly tell someone. 

[arfink]

Thanks for the replies.. I understand I can't control what people are doing. However, am I sinning by accepting living in such a household? I just don't know what to think on this...

 

No.

 

also, what if this happens in opposition to a rule by the landlord? should I then say something? because then they're not following the conditions of their lease or rent.

 

Well, if it violates the landlord's rules, sure.

[Lil Red]

Thanks for the replies.. I understand I can't control what people are doing. However, am I sinning by accepting living in such a household? I just don't know what to think on this...

 

also, what if this happens in opposition to a rule by the landlord? should I then say something? because then they're not following the conditions of their lease or rent.

 

no to the first.

 

and i'd need an example of a rule they would break? 

[CatholicsAreKewl]

Jesus wasn't a snitch.

[penguin31]

A couple of years ago I actually had a similar concern, and voiced it to my Priest.  His response echoes those already given.  Ultimately all a person can be responsible for is their own actions, and that as long as your presence in that environment isn't leading you to engage in sinful acts, then there's nothing to worry about in that particular situation.

Ultimately your roommates are grown adult humans who have to make their own choices. You can serve as a fantastic example of the best of Christianity, but at the end of the day engaging in sex is a choice *they* make, not you.   You aren't their parent, nor should you be.  And if they're paying their rent separately to the landlord, then it's between those two parties and only those two if that person is breaking any conduct rules. (Exceptions for property damage and federal and state law, of course.)

Speaking from my own experience, every roommate I've ever had who found out I was religious toned it down or at least conducted themselves a bit more respectably the second they found out.  Most people don't actually set about their lives actively seeking to make others uncomfortable.

Edited August 7, 2013 by penguin31

[Lilllabettt]

Are you moving to an urban area?

 

I share rent with 2 devout Muslim girls.  When I interviewed for the place they explained that they did not want any alcohol in the house or any male non-relatives to visit. Not to eat dinner, or watch a movie. Never.  I happen not to drink, but the no boys thing can be an inconvenience. But those were the rules and I agreed to them. Well worth it to me to have a home that is clean, quiet and full of people focused on serving God. Another  time I rented a dirt cheap apartment and my roommate randomly turned out to be a Consecrated Virgin. These were in two, very big and diverse cities. There was a strong counter culture of religiously observant people. Smaller towns are less likely to have that diversity.

 

I have also lived with people who are not committed to God.  I lived very happily with an atheist vegan lesbian secular Jew who wore dreadlocks and smoked hashish. The key was we respected each other as human beings.  She didn't throw anything in my face (she didn't make out w/her girlfriend in front me, for example) and I didn't walk around quoting the Catechism sections on homosexuality at her.

 

 

 

 

 

[MarysLittleFlower]

Sorry but if you tell them you don't want unmarried people having sex in the same house as you, it'll come off like this: 

 

"Take your sinful sexual activities somewhere else  :nono: "

 

It'll be better for you to live with non-catholics, to be honest. Scary but good. Do it. 

 

If mentioning the sin aspect would be ignored, a person can also say that it makes them uncomfortable to have random unknown guys in the house at night, I don't know. The issue is, and the reason I'd prefer living with Catholics, is because for me this goes beyond just being "uncomfortable" in the way that it would be uncomfortable if someone didn't clean the kitchen after themselves.

Like I said above, you aren't sinning by living with them.   :)  

Most landlords have rules about guests, and they're broken a LOT.   It seems to me that those rules are usually there to cover the landlord's end of things, just in case something happens, they have a way to pin the blame on the tenants.  It's less about following rules for moral living and more about destruction of property, noise, squatters, etc.  

 

So no, I wouldn't tell on my roommates if they were breaking a rule about having "special friends" come over.  If that special friend stuck his foot through the wall, I would certainly tell someone. 

 

I didn't mean telling the landlord, just if that would be a way to speak to the housemate personally :) I agree it's usually for safety - my old landlord  also said that people could feel uncomfortable with strangers in the house. I agree it's not always for moral reasons.

no to the first.

 

and i'd need an example of a rule they would break? 

 like having guests over night - not just guests (like a sister) but a boyfriend

 

Jesus wasn't a snitch.

again, I didn't mean telling the landlord, but if that would be a possibility to speak to the housemate themselves.

[Lil Red]

A couple of years ago I actually had a similar concern, and voiced it to my Priest.  His response echoes those already given.  Ultimately all a person can be responsible for is their own actions, and that as long as your presence in that environment isn't leading you to engage in sinful acts, then there's nothing to worry about in that particular situation.

Ultimately your roommates are grown adult humans who have to make their own choices. You can serve as a fantastic example of the best of Christianity, but at the end of the day engaging in sex is a choice *they* make, not you.   You aren't their parent, nor should you be.  And if they're paying their rent separately to the landlord, then it's between those two parties and only those two if that person is breaking any conduct rules. (Exceptions for property damage and federal and state law, of course.)

Speaking from my own experience, every roommate I've ever had who found out I was religious toned it down or at least conducted themselves a bit more respectably the second they found out.  Most people don't actually set about their lives actively seeking to make others uncomfortable.

 

:like: great post. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

A couple of years ago I actually had a similar concern, and voiced it to my Priest.  His response echoes those already given.  Ultimately all a person can be responsible for is their own actions, and that as long as your presence in that environment isn't leading you to engage in sinful acts, then there's nothing to worry about in that particular situation.

Ultimately your roommates are grown adult humans who have to make their own choices. You can serve as a fantastic example of the best of Christianity, but at the end of the day engaging in sex is a choice *they* make, not you.   You aren't their parent, nor should you be.  And if they're paying their rent separately to the landlord, then it's between those two parties and only those two if that person is breaking any conduct rules. (Exceptions for property damage and federal and state law, of course.)

Speaking from my own experience, every roommate I've ever had who found out I was religious toned it down or at least conducted themselves a bit more respectably the second they found out.  Most people don't actually set about their lives actively seeking to make others uncomfortable.

 

I'm glad you asked the priest :) I want to ask my priest too but I might not have a choice where I'm living. I think if this were to happen, I'd just feel very uncomfortable, just generally bad that something sinful like this is going on in my house.

 

I know the housemates wouldn't do this on purpose to make me uncomfortable - if this were to happen, that is. I guess many people see it as "normal". But there's something really uncomfortable, even spiritually painful, about being in your room at night trying to sleep, and knowing for sure that something sinful is happening in the next room.

Are you moving to an urban area?

 

I share rent with 2 devout Muslim girls.  When I interviewed for the place they explained that they did not want any alcohol in the house or any male non-relatives to visit. Not to eat dinner, or watch a movie. Never.  I happen not to drink, but the no boys thing can be an inconvenience. But those were the rules and I agreed to them. Well worth it to me to have a home that is clean, quiet and full of people focused on serving God. Another  time I rented a dirt cheap apartment and my roommate randomly turned out to be a Consecrated Virgin. These were in two, very big and diverse cities. There was a strong counter culture of religiously observant people. Smaller towns are less likely to have that diversity.

 

I have also lived with people who are not committed to God.  I lived very happily with an atheist vegan lesbian secular Jew who wore dreadlocks and smoked hashish. The key was we respected each other as human beings.  She didn't throw anything in my face (she didn't make out w/her girlfriend in front me, for example) and I didn't walk around quoting the Catechism sections on homosexuality at her.

 

Interesting experiences :) especially about the Consecrated Virgin, that's pretty cool.

 

Yes, I'm going to be living in an urban area. There are lots of students in the area though.

 

I know people who are not Catholic and who really disagree with my beliefs, and I try to be a good example to them. It's not this that bothers me, just the idea of something happening in the house.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Thanks for the replies! :)

[Lil Red]

I'm glad you asked the priest :) I want to ask my priest too but I might not have a choice where I'm living. I think if this were to happen, I'd just feel very uncomfortable, just generally bad that something sinful like this is going on in my house.

 

I know the housemates wouldn't do this on purpose to make me uncomfortable - if this were to happen, that is. I guess many people see it as "normal". But there's something really uncomfortable, even spiritually painful, about being in your room at night trying to sleep, and knowing for sure that something sinful is happening in the next room.

 

Interesting experiences :) especially about the Consecrated Virgin, that's pretty cool.

 

Yes, I'm going to be living in an urban area. There are lots of students in the area though.

 

I know people who are not Catholic and who really disagree with my beliefs, and I try to be a good example to them. It's not this that bothers me, just the idea of something happening in the house.

 

I'd be paranoid living with you, and I'm Catholic. I'd be worried that you're judging everything I do or say. I reiterate, either live alone or live with Catholics who think exactly as you do about everything. otherwise, I foresee a lot of problems for you and them. 

[MarysLittleFlower]

hmm who said about judging? I just said I wouldn't be comfortable with fornication being committed in the next room in my house. I know many Catholics who also wouldn't feel comfortable.

[Lil Red]

hmm who said about judging? I just said I wouldn't be comfortable with fornication being committed in the next room in my house. I know many Catholics who also wouldn't feel comfortable.

I don't just mean fornication. I mean, I'd be uncomfortable that you'd be juding every word I said or every action. I mean, what if they curse? Or skip Mass? People aren't going to want to live with the morality police.

[MarysLittleFlower]

Let me ask you a question Lil Red, did I mention skipping Mass? or anything else? I only talked about fornication in this thread. So I am really unsure, where you are getting this from, since I didn't even mention it.

 

If someone was doing something sinful like - let's use your example of skipping Mass, - I don't think it would be charitable for me to just "not care", I'd care but I'd just pray for them, maybe get to know them better, if they're open, I can tell them simply what I love about the Mass. If they were doing something that *includes me* being part of it, like if they always took God's Name in vain, I would like to let them know that this makes me uncomfortable. I actually haven't done this yet with people I know, but I think that's because I was too much of a coward. If I have a friend who isn't living chastely, I'd just pray for her and try to be a good example, to lead her closer to God. If she's ever open to it, I'd talk to her about God, but I'd ask Him to prepare her and pray first. However if this is happening within my house - I think that's kind of different. Firstly there's a random guy in the house at night, - it's really awkward especially seeing him around in the hallway, etc. There's a reason, after all, why I'd choose to live with other females. Secondly, it might not all be so 'private', to put it gently. Thirdly, don't know if you would believe me but this sort of thing can affect the spiritual reality within the house, potentially. I think we should be sensitive to sin. It doesn't mean lecturing people loudly. I actually don't lecture my non Catholic friends. Often I'm actually too passive and afraid. But I wouldn't like it if something like this happened in my house, that's why I'd prefer living with people who aren't bringing guys over at night, even if we disagree on stuff. Ideally, I'd prefer living with practicing Catholics, but I don't know if that's possible.

[franciscanheart]

I'm glad you asked the priest :) I want to ask my priest too but I might not have a choice where I'm living. I think if this were to happen, I'd just feel very uncomfortable, just generally bad that something sinful like this is going on in my house.
 
I know the housemates wouldn't do this on purpose to make me uncomfortable - if this were to happen, that is. I guess many people see it as "normal". But there's something really uncomfortable, even spiritually painful, about being in your room at night trying to sleep, and knowing for sure that something sinful is happening in the next room.

You're making a lot of assumptions before you've even found a place. Chilllllllll. :like: