MarysLittleFlower Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Hi everyone, I'm wondering about something...I'm going to have to rent a room in a house in the coming months, for my job. I'd love to live with other Catholics. However, this might not be possible as I'm not sure if I'll find a house. It's probable that I'd have to live with non Catholics - I'm looking for a house with only girls though. My concern is what if I'll end up living with people who don't share my morals. Would it be a sin for me to live there? The reason I'm concerned is not just because they wouldn't share my morals, but because certain immoral things might happen in the house. If for example, there are guys who are staying over night... would it be good for me to later speak privately to the housemate and let her know that this is not something I'm comfortable with? what would you do in that situation? It makes me very uncomfortable. I'd greatly appreciate any prayers that I would find a good house, preferably with other Catholics :) thanks so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Well its something you need to talk to them BEFORE moving in. If youre going to live with someone these things are pretty normal to discuss because all those living in the house have needs that should be met. If those people arent willing to consider your feelings then you know right away its not a place you want to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 It's OK to tell your roommates you really don't want them having sex in the next room. Really, it's OK. But make sure you check that before you move in and things like rent and leases start getting involved or you may well be stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 (edited) Well its something you need to talk to them BEFORE moving in. If youre going to live with someone these things are pretty normal to discuss because all those living in the house have needs that should be met. If those people arent willing to consider your feelings then you know right away its not a place you want to stay. I think that's a good point, but I'm not sure if it could be done... I'm arranging this through the landlord directly, and I won't have a way to contact the rest of the housemates until I've already moved in. The landlords often have rules about no one else occupying the room, but rules can get broken, potentially. It's OK to tell your roommates you really don't want them having sex in the next room. Really, it's OK. But make sure you check that before you move in and things like rent and leases start getting involved or you may well be stuck. yea... it might be very awkward afterwards if I tell them, but I might need to. I just hope that I can find a house where this doesn't happen and people share similar morals. Edited August 7, 2013 by MarysLittleFlower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arfink Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Oh, and it bears mentioning but, if your rommates are doing this kind of thing, you're not morally beholden to prevent them. You're not sinning if they sin under the same roof, because let's face it, even if they were Catholics, you can't make their choices for them. College students do dumb stuff all the time, even the Catholic ones. So don't worry about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Yep. You arent taking up residence to be their mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicsAreKewl Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 It's OK to tell your roommates you really don't want them having sex in the next room. Really, it's OK. But make sure you check that before you move in and things like rent and leases start getting involved or you may well be stuck. Wait, you mean if everyone has their own bedroom? Would it matter if her roommate was married to the person she was having sex with in the other room? How would she go about telling them she doesn't want them having sex? That's not a good idea. Better route: make it awkward and tell them you can hear them if they get too loud. Do it if their noises are a distraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyP89 Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 You have the right to feel comfortable. But at the same time, everyone in your house has the right to live their life. I think if that includes intimacy, as long as they're being respectful and as quiet as possible, it's not really your place to say they can't do it. I mean no offense here, honest. I lived with people drastically different from me in college, and while I disagreed with their choices, I couldn't be the morality police with them. It doesn't foster healthy relationships with your housemates and if anything breeds disrespect. The best thing to do is be as tactful as possible. Consider how you might feel if someone said they didn't want to hear Christian music or that your girls' Bible study group made them uncomfortable. It takes time to learn when to respect someone else's choices and when to say it's too much. Good luck to you. No matter what happens, it's only temporary! As tough as my experiences were at times, it ended up encouraging me to lean more on God. Good came out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Wait, you mean if everyone has their own bedroom? Would it matter if her roommate was married to the person she was having sex with in the other room? How would she go about telling them she doesn't want them having sex? That's not a good idea. Better route: make it awkward and tell them you can hear them if they get too loud. Do it if their noises are a distraction. CatholicsAreKewl has a good point. if your roommates pay for their own fair share of rent & utilities, you have no right to demand their behavior conform to certain rules. i think you'd be better off either living on your own, or living with one other person who is exactly like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Red Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 You have the right to feel comfortable. But at the same time, everyone in your house has the right to live their life. I think if that includes intimacy, as long as they're being respectful and as quiet as possible, it's not really your place to say they can't do it. I mean no offense here, honest. I lived with people drastically different from me in college, and while I disagreed with their choices, I couldn't be the morality police with them. It doesn't foster healthy relationships with your housemates and if anything breeds disrespect. The best thing to do is be as tactful as possible. Consider how you might feel if someone said they didn't want to hear Christian music or that your girls' Bible study group made them uncomfortable. It takes time to learn when to respect someone else's choices and when to say it's too much. Good luck to you. No matter what happens, it's only temporary! As tough as my experiences were at times, it ended up encouraging me to lean more on God. Good came out of it. yeah, I agree with Missy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Wait, you mean if everyone has their own bedroom? Would it matter if her roommate was married to the person she was having sex with in the other room? How would she go about telling them she doesn't want them having sex? That's not a good idea. Better route: make it awkward and tell them you can hear them if they get too loud. Do it if their noises are a distraction. I'm referring to those who are unmarried Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrossCuT Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 I'm referring to those who are unmarried Even then, what lilred and missy said still hold true. And like I said earlier, its best to figure out who youre rooming with before you move in and if you cant (as may be the case) you cant really tell them what they can and cant do as rent paying individuals themselves. Obviously common decency things aside like noise and cleanliness etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basilisa Marie Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Yeah, I concur with the rest of this thread. You aren't sinning by living with them, you don't have an obligation to tell them why they're doing what they're doing is a sin - they don't care. What you CAN do is preach the gospel without using words. :) Just by being someone they know who is a strong Catholic but a nice and fun person too can really do a lot in the way of shifting others' perceptions of church and religious people. But who knows, it might be a non-issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarysLittleFlower Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Thanks for the replies.. I understand I can't control what people are doing. However, am I sinning by accepting living in such a household? I just don't know what to think on this... also, what if this happens in opposition to a rule by the landlord? should I then say something? because then they're not following the conditions of their lease or rent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicsAreKewl Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 (edited) I'm referring to those who are unmarried Sorry but if you tell them you don't want unmarried people having sex in the same house as you, it'll come off like this: "Take your sinful sexual activities somewhere else :nono: " It'll be better for you to live with non-catholics, to be honest. Scary but good. Do it. Edited August 7, 2013 by CatholicsAreKewl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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