Social Question

[PhuturePriest]

I always make sure to make and keep eye contact with people. Whether I'm speaking with them, listening to them speak, whatever, I always make eye contact. I've noticed, however, that when I make eye contact, most people look down or away within a few seconds. Older people do not tend to do this, but younger people definitely do. Why is this? Is eye contact offensive to younger people, or are they just not used to it because making eye contact isn't taught anymore?

[MithLuin]

Maintaining eye contact is intense.  A 'staring contest' quickly turns into a battle of the wills and you usually *can't* keep looking someone in the eye any more.  If you are listening intently and maintaining eye contact, the other person will occasionally look back, but will not return the favor.  That's..just how it works.  

[PhuturePriest]

Maintaining eye contact is intense.  A 'staring contest' quickly turns into a battle of the wills and you usually *can't* keep looking someone in the eye any more.  If you are listening intently and maintaining eye contact, the other person will occasionally look back, but will not return the favor.  That's..just how it works.  

 

I've never had this problem. When I do staring contests, my only battle is trying not to blink. Maintaining eye contact is quite easy for me. Eyes are the windows to the soul, as they say.

[Spem in alium]

Continued eye contact can be intense -  perhaps it has something to do with self-esteem or avoidance. I value eye contact quite significantly - I find that when I meet new people, they often won't look directly at me when they speak with me or will focus on someone else present rather than me. I think it's probably because of my physical condition, which can make people uncomfortable. It can be pretty frustrating.

It used to be hard for me to show eye contact, especially when I was out in public, so I would prefer to look more at the ground rather than at people when I walked. When I speak to people I try and maintain eye contact and appropriate body language (which is also really, really important). Same with when I'm listening. It's a good gesture of openness and respect that a lot of people don't seem to practice nowadays. Good on you for doing so!

[morostheos]

Most people in conversation maintain eye contact for a few seconds at a time, but often. Any longer than 5 seconds at once generally feels intense. If the conversation is intense or you know the person well that may be appropriate, but for most situations people will look away because it feels like a staring contest.

 

 

[CrossCuT]

Maybe in your quest to maintain eye contact you subconsciously have a very intense, "staring" look on your face which makes people nervous.

[ContemporaryCaflicCrusader]

You should start every convo with nunchucks to the face.  

[CrossCuT]

You should start every convo with nunchucks to the face.  

Concur

[CatholicsAreKewl]

I always make sure to make and keep eye contact with people. Whether I'm speaking with them, listening to them speak, whatever, I always make eye contact. I've noticed, however, that when I make eye contact, most people look down or away within a few seconds. Older people do not tend to do this, but younger people definitely do. Why is this? Is eye contact offensive to younger people, or are they just not used to it because making eye contact isn't taught anymore?

 

5 seconds. But you don't have to be formulaic about it. I heard someone with mild autism talk about it. He had to learn a lot of social cues himself. This was one of them. 5 seconds.

[Not The Philosopher]

A co-worker once told me that he sometimes found me difficult to talk to because of my piercing glare.

[PhuturePriest]

I don't typically stare at people in the eyes or anything. I just sometimes test it out to see how it goes and how people subconsciously (Or maybe even consciously) behave when I hold eye contact.

[GeorgiiMichael]

Don't be such a creeper, Miles.

[Lilllabettt]

Something I learned from a sales guy was not to look at people directly in the eye.

Look at the space between the eyebrows. 

It makes them feel like you are being honest without creeping them out.

[PhuturePriest]

Okay, then next question: How do people figure out what someone else's eye color is without having to stare and look creepy? I never know what anyone's eye color is because figuring it out takes having to stare at them in the eye creepily, and I can never figure out how other people do it.

[CatholicsAreKewl]

Okay, then next question: How do people figure out what someone else's eye color is without having to stare and look creepy? I never know what anyone's eye color is because figuring it out takes having to stare at them in the eye creepily, and I can never figure out how other people do it.

 

Ask them.