Finding Other Catholic Virgins?

[Era Might]

One thing I've learned in the "virgin seeks fellow virgin" discussions is that many active Catholics have had checkered pasts, so they come to the discussion with a "bias", and that one needs to filter that out when looking at the answers.  That, and the fact that I get the impression that many Catholics just have accepted the modern-day promiscuity as the norm.

 

I won't speak for anyone else, but I take the Gospel as my norm.

 

Early in the morning he came again to the temple; all the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such. What do you say about her?" This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." And once more he bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the eldest, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus looked up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and do not sin again." Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

[Winchester]

You're annoying, but we haven't banned you.... :hehe2:

You virgins and your smilies.

[Sister Marie]

Of course I don't think people who engage in sodomy are virgins.  That is also a form of sex, which counts as loosing one's virginity.  I am aware that some people actually do that because they have a bizarre concept of virginity, but rest assured that I'm crossing those people off my list as well.

 

Regarding rape, I don't understand why some of you are twisting my words to say that rape never happens in certain areas, or that it's the girls fault.  I didn't put words in your mouth, so please don't put words in mine.  Regarding sexual assault, I never said that rape constitutes 1% of sexual assaults.  I just said it does not constitute 100% of sexual assaults.  The main point I'm trying to make is that most girls loose their physical virginity because they willfully chose to sin, not because someone forced them to have sex.  Some of you are ignoring this fact and are trying to derail the conversation and attack me by twisting my view and making me seem like a terrible person for not overlooking a girl's virginity.

 

In some way, shape, or form, a lot of posts on her are all harping on one question, either directly or indirectly: "Why don't you just give up and settle for a non-virgin who is a practicing Catholic now.  Let me give a detailed answer, so there's no doubt where I stand on the issue.  The simple answer is NO, I will not get with a non-virgin woman, even if she is practicing Catholicism at this point in time, for these reasons:

 

1.  If a girl has been sleeping around in high school and college, and then goes back to the church, it raises questions about her motives.  Is she really repenting out of a genuine desire to follow ALL of God's rules from that point on?  Or is she doing that just because she wants to get a church wedding and sees Catholicism as a convenient backdrop for justifying a LEGALLY/FINANCIALLY (not spiritually) obsolete institution (marriage) to a man in a country where the divorce laws are set up against the man?

 

2.  It's an issue of respect.  I realize that people sin and make mistakes, but virginity is something that strikes very close to home between a man and woman.  I'm not going to lie that I would feel insulted and disrespected if a girl I dated gave herself out to someone else like that.  Everyone is different and some of you don't care, but this is how I am.

 

3.  That's what it will take me to feel like the relationship is truly special.  In our world, there is plenty of cheating, no end in sight to the abortion holocaust, and an insane divorce rate.  The dating world is a mine field, with no shortage of things that can go horribly wrong.  I want someone who could have at least waited a couple of years from the time of pubuerty, until marriage, because it shows that they were able to hold out and not just be dirty like everyone else.  I want a sign that my future relationship with a woman is going to be SPECIAL, and not like everyone else.  I don't want it to be the same old story of two non-virgins sleeping around in their youth, getting married (while still not taking god seriously), and then getting divorced after a couple of years and a few kids.  I don't want that to be me.  I want to see a sign that you are different from the rest and held out where others failed.  If a girl was able to turn down offers for casual sex for over a decade WITHOUT slipping up, then that's a very powerful sign that a girl is crossing heaven and earth to let her future spouse know that he is loved and that he is the only man worthy of such a special and powerful gift.  It's a strong sign that her desire to make the marriage work is so bright, that it can truly last a lifetime.

 

4.  This reason is overlapping with reasons 3.  I'm just not willing to put that much effort into a relationship if I already have strong doubts from the beginning that it's not going to work.  Marriage is one of the most difficult exercises in spirituality a person can do.  I don't want to be disgraced 1/2 way through life because my wife who had been looser early on decided to bail on me for whatever reason.  I am not willing to take a higher risk for being crushed as a human being.  I would be taking a higher risk with a non-virgin than a virgin.  I would rather go through life solo than settle for someone like that.

 

I am truly saying this with the least amount of sarcasm possible, because I mean it seriously - good luck finding any woman who is willing to be with you with your current attitude (not about virginity but the attitude of entitlement and superiority you so clearly communicated in this post).  You are entitled to have a preference to marry a virgin but the comments above are really unsettling.  Look at the words you use to describe a relationship with someone who has lost their virginity before marriage; "settling, questions about her motives, insulted, disrespected, dirty like everyone else, let her future spouse know that he is loved and that he is the only man worthy of such a special and powerful gift, disgraced, crushed as a human being, settle for someone like that..."  Everything you wrote above is about YOU and what you want.  No relationship works when it is only about one person and what they want.  You didn't write much at all about your desire to truly love someone with the love of Christ for his Church (which did involve Jesus suffering a horrible death out of love for his sinful people, probably some non-virgins included there), to build a life with her and help her get to heaven, to love her without counting the cost of that love...  

 

This post reflects much more about your character than it does about the desire to marry a virgin.  The issue that I see with it has nothing to do with the desire to marry a virgin and everything to do with personal immaturity and a complete misunderstanding of the gift of life and our human nature.  I suggest that before you "see what you can get" at a youth group or online dating site that you see a therapist and try to deal with whatever is the root of this self-absorbed attitude.  It will be more of a problem for your future marriage than a non-virgin will be.  

 

I'm not twisting your words either.  I'm sure you didn't mean to come across the way you have but I have a feeling that these words really express how you truly think and feel so its worth the time to examine them and see if there is any truth to what I and others have pointed out based on your posts.  Only you can work on you... you can't change your future spouse or anyone else but you can change yourself.  I hope you can grow in love and holiness.  Prayers, SM   

[Norseman82]

I won't speak for anyone else, but I take the Gospel as my norm.

 

Two reasons why your gospel quote is off-topic: 

 

1)  Polskieserce is not calling for execution of non-virgins. 

2)  Jesus did not marry the woman (except in Dan Brown novels).

[Winchester]

You're overlooking the advantages of skipping straight into the majors. It's like getting a pro to coach you. Much more efficient.

[Era Might]

Two reasons why your gospel quote is off-topic: 

 

1)  Polskieserce is not calling for execution of non-virgins. 

2)  Jesus did not marry the woman (except in Dan Brown novels).

 

The Gospel is never off-topic. Read the story for a few weeks, over and over and over again.

[Winchester]

I like how He's so completely unimpressed with them. He starts doodling in the dirt (which is probably highly symbolic, but I just like the "This is what you bring me? Whatever" attitude displayed). 

 

Yep. People sin. Get high and mighty about it. Meanwhile, you're keeping the Kleenex industry in the black.

[Era Might]

I like how He's so completely unimpressed with them. He starts doodling in the dirt (which is probably highly symbolic, but I just like the "This is what you bring me? Whatever" attitude displayed). 

 

Yep. People sin. Get high and mighty about it. Meanwhile, you're keeping the Kleenex industry in the black.

 

hehe. Yeah, love the writing in the dirt. Only better moment I like is when he calls Herod a "fox." "Tell that fox..."

[Winchester]

Jesus the coolly dismissive.

 

God is sarcastic. I have hope.

Edited July 20, 2013 by Winchester

[HisChildForever]

One thing I've learned in the "virgin seeks fellow virgin" discussions is that many active Catholics have had checkered pasts, so they come to the discussion with a "bias", and that one needs to filter that out when looking at the answers.  That, and the fact that I get the impression that many Catholics just have accepted the modern-day promiscuity as the norm.

 

Or maybe us "many Catholics" just aren't obsessed with virginity, nor put it on a pedestal. 

 

I really, really take issue with the OP lumping all non-virgin women into the "easy" category, and his bizarre assumptions that these women are devious tramps that want to take advantage of the "system" (his #1 rambling points).

[Norseman82]

This post reflects much more about your character than it does about the desire to marry a virgin.  The issue that I see with it has nothing to do with the desire to marry a virgin and everything to do with personal immaturity and a complete misunderstanding of the gift of life and our human nature.  I suggest that before you "see what you can get" at a youth group or online dating site that you see a therapist and try to deal with whatever is the root of this self-absorbed attitude.  It will be more of a problem for your future marriage than a non-virgin will be.  

 

 

I find this post to be very rude.  If there is anyone who needs therapy, it is you, because with this rudeness and crankiness at age 25 I fear for anyone whom you will minister to. 

 

"Back in the day" virginity was a higher priority than it is today.  Notice also that back then we did not have the high rates of promiscuity and cohabitation as we do today (or at least it was not as open or socially accepted).  Correlation?  I think so in the sense that we have lowered our standards on sexual morality.  It's sadder that this lowering of standards has crept into the religious as well; however, it was estimated that the majority of clergy subscribed to the Arian heresy in the 300s, so I guess nothing should surprise me.

Edited July 20, 2013 by Norseman82

[havok579257]

Two reasons why your gospel quote is off-topic: 

 

1)  Polskieserce is not calling for execution of non-virgins. 

2)  Jesus did not marry the woman (except in Dan Brown novels).

 

the point being is if Jesus is willing to forgive anyone of their sins and does not hold it against them then why should a mere human be more than willing to hold past sins against the person.  Jesus didn't say only if your a virgin will I forgive your sins.  He said anyone, anyone ask for forgiveness and I will forgive you of your sins.  The OP seems to not follow this teaching when it comes to sex.

[Norseman82]

The Gospel is never off-topic. Read the story for a few weeks, over and over and over again.

 

In this case your use of it is. 

[Norseman82]

the point being is if Jesus is willing to forgive anyone of their sins and does not hold it against them then why should a mere human be more than willing to hold past sins against the person.  Jesus didn't say only if your a virgin will I forgive your sins.  He said anyone, anyone ask for forgiveness and I will forgive you of your sins.  The OP seems to not follow this teaching when it comes to sex.

 

The point is that Jesus forgave the woman, but He didn't marry her.  Forgiving a person does not equal a requirement to marry that person.  Two different things.

Edited July 20, 2013 by Norseman82

[havok579257]

I find this post to be very rude.  If there is anyone who needs therapy, it is you, because with this rudeness and crankiness at age 25 I fear for anyone whom you will minister to. 

 

"Back in the day" virginity was a higher priority than it is today.  Notice also that back then we did not have the high rates of promiscuity and cohabitation as we do today.  Correlation?  I think so in the sense that we have lowered our standards on sexual morality.  It's sadder that this lowering of standards has crept into the religious as well; however, it was estimated that the majority of clergy subscribed to the Arian heresy in the 300s, so I guess nothing should surprise me.

 

 

Kind of funny that you attack someone for being rude but then do the same exact thing.  Guess its different when it comes from you.

 

Everything you mentioned does not matter one iota about the point that was,  That EVERYBODY sins and if they seek forgiveness deserve it.  Just because their sin was sexual does not mean they don't deserve forgiveness or don't truly seek forgiveness.  The OP implies that if one sins sexually and then seeks forgiveness its doubtful its sincere but more out of self serving reasons.  Should I even mention to absurdity of those statements.