Winchester Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 The widow is probably the only case in which I would consider a non-virgin. But in the age range I'm looking at (18-21), you aren't going to see many of them. I would be questioning why she was married that young if I somehow did come across one. Mary was 14. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoosieranna Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 MODEST VIRGINIANS I DEMAND MODEST VIRGINIANS SELAH HUNGRY :lolroll: Since the OP cherry picks what to answer, I'll do the same. A psalm by the sons of Korah: Tummy calls to tummy, I demand food. Selah hungry. Selah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 What is so appalling about making demands? Everyone has things that they DEMAND of their future spouses. Women demand more of men than men do of women. So what is so appalling about it? Virginity is not the only thing I demand. I DEMAND that my future spouse is white. I DEMAND that my future spouse does not support abortion. I DEMAND that my future spouse is at least 5'4". I DEMAND that my future spouse has a compatible personality. I DEMAND that my future spouse knows how to drive a car. I DEMAND that my future spouse is not mentally ill.[/quote] Okay, that's it. The cray cray has officially been let out of the bag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norseman82 Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 both have the exact same views on this strange topic, There's a very simple explanation for that: there's more of us than you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Marriage itself may not be a tit for tat, but everything else leading up to it is. That's part of the reason why you see more secular guys who are just downright refusing to get married. Why? Because they aren't making decisions according to what God wants. They are making decisions regarding what is in their best financial and legal interests. When they get married, they are signing a legal contract which entitles a woman to half of his stuff and gives the woman a wealth of legal entitlement. What does he get in return? Probably the only thing he gets is the relief of not getting a "marry me or I leave ultimatum". Other than that, nothing. The only guarantee he has is that if he gets sick of her and wants to leave, then the divorce will cost a lot of money. I'm also officially under the impression that you resent women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 There's a very simple explanation for that: there's more of us than you think. And I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you're all single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoosieranna Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Marriage isn't about "demands." Remember that whole "love is patient, love is kind" bit? Marriage is a rite where two become one, if my understanding of the sacrament is correct. You don't demand in that situation. You give. Grow up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organwerke Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Precisely my point. How would I know a person is truly repentant or not? And even if there was a 100% way I could know (which there isn't), that doesn't change the fact that I just don't want a non-virgin PERIOD PERIOD PERIOD. A person can't control their race, unlike their virginity (or lack of it). However, that doesn't change the fact that I only want someone from my own race. Some people seek partners of a certain nationality because that's what makes them passionate. For others, a certain subculture will do it. For me, it's virginity. I'm not willing to give it my all and give it everything I have if a girl isn't a virgin. There would be no point in marrying a non-virgin for me, because I would not be anywhere near as passionate about making the relationship work than I would be if she was a virgin and we had sex for the first time EVER with each other. Everyone has a list of ABSOLUTE NON-NEGOTIABLE MUST HAVES, and mine happens to include virginity. It is not a preference. Preference is too weak to describe my desire for it. Polskieserce, I think that when dating you should keep in mind that as you have your preferences and your musts for your future spouse, the person you'll eventually date too will have hers. When asking a girl if she is a virgin or not you should also clearly tell her which are your ideas on the subject, as you did here, for honesty. It wouldn't be enough to think inside yourself: "ok, she is a virgin, so I can go on". I fear in fact that even if you meet a virgin girl she probably wouldn't like to know how you would have considered her if she wouldn't be physically intact. Girls usually don't like to be taken into consideration firstly and foremost for their virginity, unless they are girls that, like you, would never consider to marry a guy who is not virgin, even if raped (and that, knowing your conditions, would be probably the only girls who could find interest in dating you). Also, I think it is quite unlikely that someone here will be able to tell you where and how you could find virgin girls in your real life, I guess that you can realize this. So if your main purpose starting this thread on Debate Table was this and not to start a discussion on the subject, I don't think you'll find a satisfactoty answer to your question. Finally I think this thread has given you many important perspectives, especially from women. Surely you can completely disagree with them but I don't think that feeling annoyed by this will help you to find the ideal wife for you. Since you are looking for a catholic girl to marry and all the catholic women that have replied to this thread until now have told you they would never consider a man with your attitude, I do not find many encouraging signals for you so far. After all no girl that you may date is obliged to marry you and to be comfortable with your ideas so if you are really really interested in having a good marriage maybe to listen to other opinions could help you, anyway good luck in your research and let us know when and if you'll find your ideal mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisChildForever Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 Since you are looking for a catholic girl to marry and all the catholic women that have replied to this thread until now have told you they would never consider a man with your attitude, I do not find many encouraging signals for you so far. Ya think??? LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) I would avoid a woman who was raped, partially because of the virginity issue but also due to all of the psychological problems that you see in that population. I don't think you're strong enough to handle marriage, kid. The first reason you cite means you're not tuned into the decision, but into a flap of skin. That's screwy. Your second reason indicates to me that you're simply not tough enough to handle marriage, right now. Dang. I forgot to address your whinging about hearing opinions after putting your business on the internet. Don't put your business on the internets if you don't want people to offer their opinions. You should count yourself lucky that you got some honest reactions. Maybe it will get you out of whatever bubble you're living in. Learning how you sound to others will be instrumental in dealing with your spouse. Edited July 22, 2013 by Winchester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoosieranna Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 There's a very simple explanation for that: there's more of us than you think. That is a terrifying thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winchester Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 There's a very simple explanation for that: there's more of us than you think. And y'all aren't reproducing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleWaySoul Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 3. That's what it will take me to feel like the relationship is truly special. In our world, there is plenty of cheating, no end in sight to the abortion holocaust, and an insane divorce rate. The dating world is a mine field, with no shortage of things that can go horribly wrong. I want someone who could have at least waited a couple of years from the time of pubuerty, until marriage, because it shows that they were able to hold out and not just be dirty like everyone else. I want a sign that my future relationship with a woman is going to be SPECIAL, and not like everyone else. I don't want it to be the same old story of two non-virgins sleeping around in their youth, getting married (while still not taking god seriously), and then getting divorced after a couple of years and a few kids. I don't want that to be me. I want to see a sign that you are different from the rest and held out where others failed. If a girl was able to turn down offers for casual sex for over a decade WITHOUT slipping up, then that's a very powerful sign that a girl is crossing heaven and earth to let her future spouse know that he is loved and that he is the only man worthy of such a special and powerful gift. It's a strong sign that her desire to make the marriage work is so bright, that it can truly last a lifetime. 4. This reason is overlapping with reasons 3. I'm just not willing to put that much effort into a relationship if I already have strong doubts from the beginning that it's not going to work. Marriage is one of the most difficult exercises in spirituality a person can do. I don't want to be disgraced 1/2 way through life because my wife who had been looser early on decided to bail on me for whatever reason. I am not willing to take a higher risk for being crushed as a human being. I would be taking a higher risk with a non-virgin than a virgin. I would rather go through life solo than settle for someone like that. Do you realize how insulting this could be to a non-virgin who may have converted wholeheartedly? St. Augustine was a bit of a playboy pre-conversion, I'm told. Would that make him any less suitable to marry post-conversion (if, say, God had called him to married life)? Would that make him any less holy? You said: "If a girl was able to turn down offers for casual sex for over a decade WITHOUT slipping up, then that's a very powerful sign that a girl is crossing heaven and earth to let her future spouse know that he is loved and that he is the only man worthy of such a special and powerful gift." This and your other posts have lead me to believe that you've never met a convert. Do you realize how much God can do with sinners of the most horrendous nature? St. Paul killed tons of early Christians, for crying out loud. Does that make his faith less sincere? A truly converted non-virgin WOULD be willing to cross heaven and earth to let her future spouse know that he is loved. The problem is, she hasn't had as much time to do that as those who have remained virgins their whole lives. Her conversion is almost like a new birth. She is learning to be Catholic much later than, say, a cradle-Catholic had the chance to. Can you fault her for that? Even if she wholeheartedly regrets her past choice(s)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleWaySoul Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 To be honest, saving sex for marriage is a kink. If this pmer wants a virgin, it's not that big of a deal. While I don't think anyone recommends this being his first priority, whatever. His life. #yolo I agree with this. I do not, however, agree with some of his reasons for wanting this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleWaySoul Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 I am truly saying this with the least amount of sarcasm possible, because I mean it seriously - good luck finding any woman who is willing to be with you with your current attitude (not about virginity but the attitude of entitlement and superiority you so clearly communicated in this post). You are entitled to have a preference to marry a virgin but the comments above are really unsettling. Look at the words you use to describe a relationship with someone who has lost their virginity before marriage; "settling, questions about her motives, insulted, disrespected, dirty like everyone else, let her future spouse know that he is loved and that he is the only man worthy of such a special and powerful gift, disgraced, crushed as a human being, settle for someone like that..." Everything you wrote above is about YOU and what you want. No relationship works when it is only about one person and what they want. You didn't write much at all about your desire to truly love someone with the love of Christ for his Church (which did involve Jesus suffering a horrible death out of love for his sinful people, probably some non-virgins included there), to build a life with her and help her get to heaven, to love her without counting the cost of that love... This post reflects much more about your character than it does about the desire to marry a virgin. The issue that I see with it has nothing to do with the desire to marry a virgin and everything to do with personal immaturity and a complete misunderstanding of the gift of life and our human nature. I suggest that before you "see what you can get" at a youth group or online dating site that you see a therapist and try to deal with whatever is the root of this self-absorbed attitude. It will be more of a problem for your future marriage than a non-virgin will be. I'm not twisting your words either. I'm sure you didn't mean to come across the way you have but I have a feeling that these words really express how you truly think and feel so its worth the time to examine them and see if there is any truth to what I and others have pointed out based on your posts. Only you can work on you... you can't change your future spouse or anyone else but you can change yourself. I hope you can grow in love and holiness. Prayers, SM :love: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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