Freaking Out About Housing

[PhuturePriest]

 

It really is nothing to worry about. My sister's first year, she had a roommate she didn't particularly like. Fortunately, they barely talked, so it was like she didn't even have a roommate. The next year, she got a room with her friends and all was well. Just relax -- what's the worst that could possibly happen?

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp9BSmxgUxs

[jazzytakara]

When I first started school I lived in resistance for my first year. It was a small room that I shared with another girl on a co-ed floor (I'd pick a same-sex floor if I were to live in residence again...). My roommate and I got along in some regards, we may have been friends had we not lived together first though. I think its best to lay out rules first, get to know what each other are comfortable with and uncomfortable with. And if something happens that you aren't comfortable with make sure you talk to with your roommate about it. For instance, my roommate and I had a fairly good understanding of not waking each other outside of normal class hours, so no late night visitors partying in the room and quiet if the other is sleeping in. However, my roommate ended up dating a guy and he began staying the night. I wasn't comfortable with it (especially when I woke up one day thinking the person under the blankets was my roommate when I began changing into my clothes and was disturbed to find it was her boyfriend who woke up at the wrong time). The first night he stayed I wasn't aware of it, so I kinda hid in the common room for hours, eventually I went to back to my room. I told my roommate that in the future we should both tell each other if we are having overnight guests be it friends, boyfriends, etc. That way we know to get ready for bed/for the day in the washroom, hide personal artifacts, and study in a quieter area. That worked out fine, because we were both mature about it and respectful of the fact that we were both paying to stay there. Also since the world is fairly liberal when it comes to 'intimacy', maybe discuss a safe word to write on your door (if your dorm door has a message board on it), or a word that can be texted, so as to avoid walking in on your roommate and their significant other(s)...  Although we got along alright, I didn't mind when she began spending her nights at her boyfriends (he had an apartment style residence, so I didn't blame her there). She was gone so often it was a surprise when she was there. 

Overall not every roommate situation will be bad, some become good friends for life, some fight, others tolerate each other and never speak again post moving out. Just remember to set ground rules, respect boundaries, and try not worry too much. Residence wasn't that bad, it had its ups and its downs, but it is a decent experience to have.

[OnlySunshine]

I feel more confident that I will have a better roommate (if I get one) because I'll be in the junior/senior residence halls.  At least then, I know, for the most part that the people are there because they want to be and are less likely to be party animals or flunkies.  When I signed the contract, I put a check mark next to "would not tolerate a smoker" because I have asthma and I hope I don't get anyone who drinks like a fish.  I certainly hope that I don't get someone who was like my sister's roommate her freshman year.  The girl was in a sorority and came back drunk (when she was underage) and was really loud.  My sister's salvation was that the girl broke her leg and, since her bed was a loft, she had to move to a disability accessible room and my sister had the room to herself for most of the year.  After that, she moved to a Christian Campus Fellowship house and lived there for the remaining 3 years.  :)

[CatholicsAreKewl]

Roommate advice (this always works for me): Try going on a dating site posing as a member of the opposite sex. Search around until you find about two or three that happen to be in the same situation you're in. Chat them up until you get to know them well enough to pop the question. 

 

Edit: it might be a good idea to tell her that you're not actually a guy before its time to sign the lease. 

Edited July 12, 2013 by CatholicsAreKewl

[OnlySunshine]

Roommate advice (this always works for me): Try going on a dating site posing as a member of the opposite sex. Search around until you find about two or three that happen to be in the same situation you're in. Chat them up until you get to know them well enough to pop the question. 

 

Edit: it might be a good idea to tell her that you're not actually a guy before its time to sign the lease. 

 

You're weird...  :|

Edited July 12, 2013 by MaterMisericordiae

[Basilisa Marie]

I did a lot of roommate mediation as an RA in college.  The biggest problem I noticed was passive-aggressive, non-communication.  If you have a problem, talk about it right away in a charitable way, so it doesn't fester and turn into something gross.  Talk about who does what chores and when right away, and right it down and date it.  Talk about when it's okay to have friends over, when it's not, when music and tv are okay, what's okay to share, what's not okay to share, etc.  It takes a lot of confrontation, especially at the beginning, but I promise it's worth it. 

[Amppax]

I did a lot of roommate mediation as an RA in college. The biggest problem I noticed was passive-aggressive, non-communication. If you have a problem, talk about it right away in a charitable way, so it doesn't fester and turn into something gross. Talk about who does what chores and when right away, and right it down and date it. Talk about when it's okay to have friends over, when it's not, when music and tv are okay, what's okay to share, what's not okay to share, etc. It takes a lot of confrontation, especially at the beginning, but I promise it's worth it.

Being an RA is great, isn't it?

[Lilllabettt]

Housing is something everyone worries about! But don't chicken out -- it WILL be fine, as long as you keep pushing forward.  I have had good and bad roommates, and I was never best friends with any of them. But it was fine!

 

Honestly - I did not see my roommates that often. It was good for me as an introvert to be pushed outwards. I ate, exercised, socialized somewhere else. Most schools have a 24 hour library. Mine came with lots of little soundproof rooms with tables and comfy chairs that I could reserve for a couple hours at a time.  My room was a study-free zone. It was important for my stress levels not to "take my work home with me." Of course sometimes that meant I was at the library until midnight.  But when I came home I was done.  The only thing you NEED your room for is for quiet, restful sleep. And remember if you can't get that, there are people at your school who have an entire job devoted to helping you get that.

 

Keep on going!

[homeschoolmom]

This is ridiculous!  I was all excited about moving on-campus and living on my own until I found out that I may not get the room I want.  Now I keep thinking of ways to get out of it.  :(

Is there a way to select a roommate even from among people you don't know? The college my dd is considering allows students to post a profile of themselves and look at profiles of other potential roommates.

 

My experience was best when I roomed with a friend of a friend-- someone who had the same values and habits, but who wasn't my BFF. We ended up being very good friends and were in each others weddings. On the other hand rooming with a friend simply because she was a friend was a disaster-- we really didn't have the same living habits.

[CatholicsAreKewl]

You're weird...  :|

 

That's not the proper response to good advice.

[OnlySunshine]

Housing is something everyone worries about! But don't chicken out -- it WILL be fine, as long as you keep pushing forward.  I have had good and bad roommates, and I was never best friends with any of them. But it was fine!

 

Honestly - I did not see my roommates that often. It was good for me as an introvert to be pushed outwards. I ate, exercised, socialized somewhere else. Most schools have a 24 hour library. Mine came with lots of little soundproof rooms with tables and comfy chairs that I could reserve for a couple hours at a time.  My room was a study-free zone. It was important for my stress levels not to "take my work home with me." Of course sometimes that meant I was at the library until midnight.  But when I came home I was done.  The only thing you NEED your room for is for quiet, restful sleep. And remember if you can't get that, there are people at your school who have an entire job devoted to helping you get that.

 

Keep on going!

 

Thanks!  :)

 

Is there a way to select a roommate even from among people you don't know? The college my dd is considering allows students to post a profile of themselves and look at profiles of other potential roommates.

 

My experience was best when I roomed with a friend of a friend-- someone who had the same values and habits, but who wasn't my BFF. We ended up being very good friends and were in each others weddings. On the other hand rooming with a friend simply because she was a friend was a disaster-- we really didn't have the same living habits.

 

The housing office told me to submit a "Housing Assignment Change Request" form on the website so they would know what was my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd preference.  I put the private rooms as being the first choice and, if I couldn't get in there, I would accept the 1-bedroom apartment style suite for 2 people.  They do have places on there where you can select roommates so, if I need to during the year, I can probably request a switch but I don't know anyone and I don't have anything like your daughter's college.  :)

[OnlySunshine]

The good thing is that I'm listening to my mom and not wimping out just because I might not get the room assignment of my choice.  I am saying some prayers, however, that it works out well.  :)

[Eowyn]

The good thing is that I'm listening to my mom and not wimping out just because I might not get the room assignment of my choice.  I am saying some prayers, however, that it works out well.  :)

 

 

It's been a really long time since I had a roommate.  I didn't start living in the dorms till my sophmore year and had roommates that year and the next.  It went pretty well for the most part and I am an anxiety prone, ADD introvert.

 

I don't know if there is a patron saint of roommates, but maybe pray that God finds you just the right one.

[BG45]

If it helps MM, my mother still visits her college roommate every year from 40 years ago and they're BFFs.  So if you get one, it's not the end of the world. :)

 

In 3 years, I only had 1 roommate I truly despised...but that's because he brought his girlfriend to live with us and she was big into Ecstasy.  All 3 of my years in the dorms were pretty decent overall roommate wise and was in suites.  So best of luck, hope you get the private room, but if not, hope you get a good roomie!

[OnlySunshine]

It looks like I might not be moving into a dorm after all.  My mom is adamant that she would rather I live at home if I have to take out student loans in order to afford the rent for a dorm.  I am really irritated because I really wish she would have said this yesterday before I paid the $300.  It's going to cost $300 again in order to void the contract which I don't have.  I don't know what to do.  I already requested a cancellation but I don't know if they'll allow it since I can't pay the $300 right now.  I am asking, though, if they can take it out of my financial aid because I authorized miscellaneous charges.  Ugh!  Say some prayers, please.  I also have to cancel my student loans which shouldn't be too difficult because I just completed the entrance counseling.  I haven't signed the Master Promissory Note yet, thank God!