I'm Having A Panic Attack

[Lil Red]

Ativan is a crazy powerful drug. I thought they only gave it out in crisis situations. Like imminent suicide, that kind of thing. 

 

anyway. Chick is antipharma unless its life or death.

 

p.s. maggie I think I have your kabuki brush, and you have my car keys.

 

thanks for the input Lilllabettt :) 

[MissScripture]

Ativan is a crazy powerful drug. I thought they only gave it out in crisis situations. Like imminent suicide, that kind of thing.

anyway. Chick is antipharma unless its life or death.

p.s. maggie I think I have your kabuki brush, and you have my car keys.

I was on it for a couple months in high school while they tried to determine why I was dizzy constantly. It knocked me on my butt. They had me on the lowest dosage and my mom was cutting the pills in half (as directed by my doctor) and I still barely had enough energy to get through a day. I didn't manage a full day of school for over a month. My mom (a nurse) told me they gave it to really drunk people in the ER, as well. So, it can apparently be used for a number of reasons. But it is definitely not something I would ever recommend for someone who needs to be conscious enough to function.

[Maggyie]

Thanks all for the help. Last night I just read the first reply before turning the computer off, so took the advice and went outside. It was drizzling and it was so nice to feel the rain on my face. 

 

My triggers are around baby-having and baby-making (I am such a boring person now, everything revolves around kids or the lack thereof).

 

My husband and I have gone to a couple meetings of a well-known adoption nonprofit and they are actually pretty negative about adoption. It was founded by an adoptee who found her experience traumatizing. PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) are welcome but as the founder said "we have to bring adoptive parents into the conversation only because they have all the power." I do not feel powerful needless to say. This is a very mainstream, popular local organization but the unspoken subtext is very negative, basically adoption should be abolished as much as possible and especially infant adoption or international adoption. Big emphasis on "family presevation" ie the biological family. Maybe I am just hyper-aware, because everyone else has only good things to say about these people. But it's there, I swear it's there.

 

We got their newsletter in the mail yesterday and there was a whole section on parenting the "wounded adopted child." And then my husband brought home the Steve Jobs biography from the library last night, and I happened to pick it up and read the parts about how Steve Jobs dealt with abandonment issues his whole life as a result of his adoption. Interestingly he very much loved his adoptive parents and said they were 1000% his parents, but apparently the trauma from being adopted contributed to him being somewhat of a jerk as an adult.

 

Part of it is that I agree, family preservation is important and I am sure adopted children can have issues. But I don't want to ruin a child's life or have them feel like I selfishly built my family on the rubble of someone else's. Or feel like I have a second-best family. These thoughts plus some other triggers made last night a very bad night and it bled through today. It's all internal stress, so I can't get away from it unless my fertility issues are magically fixed. I wish there was some magical doctor out there who could help me from that angle, but there's no one. It's beyond frustrating, I cry to my husband please help me! But there's no way for him to help me, no magic wand. I wish the desire to be a mother would leave me.

 

The one environmental thing I can do is just turn off everyone who has a negative opinion about family building through adoption. removing myself from that would cool me way down. But then I worry maybe I'm not listening to something I should be before we make this decision.

 

I have only taken a benzo once, and it was Xanax and 1 pill was prescribed when I hadn't slept for 4 days straight due to raging anxiety. It definitely put me down for the count. I'm not sure how it would work if I was actually conscious, but I'm not really interested to find out.

[Chestertonian]

Thanks all for the help. Last night I just read the first reply before turning the computer off, so took the advice and went outside. It was drizzling and it was so nice to feel the rain on my face. 

 

My triggers are around baby-having and baby-making (I am such a boring person now, everything revolves around kids or the lack thereof).

 

My husband and I have gone to a couple meetings of a well-known adoption nonprofit and they are actually pretty negative about adoption. It was founded by an adoptee who found her experience traumatizing. PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) are welcome but as the founder said "we have to bring adoptive parents into the conversation only because they have all the power." I do not feel powerful needless to say. This is a very mainstream, popular local organization but the unspoken subtext is very negative, basically adoption should be abolished as much as possible and especially infant adoption or international adoption. Big emphasis on "family presevation" ie the biological family. Maybe I am just hyper-aware, because everyone else has only good things to say about these people. But it's there, I swear it's there.

 

We got their newsletter in the mail yesterday and there was a whole section on parenting the "wounded adopted child." And then my husband brought home the Steve Jobs biography from the library last night, and I happened to pick it up and read the parts about how Steve Jobs dealt with abandonment issues his whole life as a result of his adoption. Interestingly he very much loved his adoptive parents and said they were 1000% his parents, but apparently the trauma from being adopted contributed to him being somewhat of a jerk as an adult.

 

Part of it is that I agree, family preservation is important and I am sure adopted children can have issues. But I don't want to ruin a child's life or have them feel like I selfishly built my family on the rubble of someone else's. Or feel like I have a second-best family. These thoughts plus some other triggers made last night a very bad night and it bled through today. It's all internal stress, so I can't get away from it unless my fertility issues are magically fixed. I wish there was some magical doctor out there who could help me from that angle, but there's no one. It's beyond frustrating, I cry to my husband please help me! But there's no way for him to help me, no magic wand. I wish the desire to be a mother would leave me.

 

The one environmental thing I can do is just turn off everyone who has a negative opinion about family building through adoption. removing myself from that would cool me way down. But then I worry maybe I'm not listening to something I should be before we make this decision.

 

I have only taken a benzo once, and it was Xanax and 1 pill was prescribed when I hadn't slept for 4 days straight due to raging anxiety. It definitely put me down for the count. I'm not sure how it would work if I was actually conscious, but I'm not really interested to find out.

 

My aunt and uncle adopted a boy and a girl from Korea when they were only six months old. The girl was found in a garbage can and the boy had big ears so his parents didn't want him. Both are aware of the fact that they were rejected by their biological parents, and neither really seem to care. They're both in their thirties now and couldn't be closer to their adopted parents. They're happy, healthy and successful adults thanks in large part to the love and care they received from their parents.

 

There's way too much emphasis placed on blood in our culture. You love your child because he/she is your child, not because they happen to be related to you biologically.

 

 

[Archaeology cat]

My sister's husband was also adopted from Korea. He did visit the orphanage he was in to see if they had info on his biological mother while he was stationed in Korea (they didn't), but he's super close to his parents and is a very happy person.

I wish adoption weren't so hard (and expensive!). Two friends are in the process of adopting right now.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

 Remind yourself that panic attacks are temporary.

 

 

 Someone else suggested this in a previous posters similar question, in another similar thread. Being mindful that it is temporary. I remember now, the previous thread i think was about bad thoughts, and to remind ourselves in thought or word that the bad thought is only temporary and will pass in time. Perhaps it works for anxiety also?

 

And it's so hard to do anything once that anxiety escalates to panic/hysteria, even to think positively,hysteria is such a negative vibe,very powerful. If you can't muster the energy for many thoughts than focus on one, repeat the name of JESUS or perhaps if you can manage Jesus i trust in you.  That's what i try and do when anxiety is running rampart in my heart and mind, which is often.

 

Hope that helps.

JESUS iz LORD.

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

And if your at home you can say it out loud. :)

[Tab'le De'Bah-Rye]

And if your at home you can say it out loud.  :) perhaps i should say 'pray it out loud.' I guess The simple recognition of the power in Jesus' name alone is also a prayer.

 

P.s. this is double posted because for some reason i can't edit my posts anymore.

[Seven77]

Tab's advice works for me...repeat the names of Jesus and Mary. Praying the Rosary or the Jesus Prayer are great ways of doing that.

[OnlySunshine]

p.s. maggie I think I have your kabuki brush, and you have my car keys.

 

I don't even want to know how that happened...  :blink:

[OnlySunshine]

i think it's great that you added in your personal experience with something. i didn't think you really needed to add in the second paragraph (not to mention you didn't even give a link where you got that information?).  most people are perfectly capable of GTS if they need more information on something. since Maggie is already in CBT, I'm guessing her doctor has mentioned Ativan to her. Hell, I've even heard of Ativan from commercials, and I'm not in therapy. 

 

I found the paragraph online.  I wasn't sure if I should post it.  Ativan has been a lifesaver for me in times when environmental changes were not working.  I only take .5 mg.  My ARNP prescribed 1mg but I don't take that unless absolutely necessary (in times when sleep is desperately needed).  I can function on .5 mg.  :)